Chapter 16
16
“ T his is what I need you to pay attention to. I’m going to take over. I’m making all the decisions regarding your care. But the ultimate choice is always yours. If you don’t want that, shake your head now.”
She... she didn’t want to make any decisions, though. Tears slid down her cheeks.
“I get it, baby. I really do.” He brushed her tears away. “Just one more small decision, then, I’ll take them all away. You trust me to take care of you, to take over?”
She shook her head and his face grew pensive. “Fair enough.”
Then she nodded.
His lips quirked. “Right. I might need a few words from you, lass.”
“I . . . trust . . . you. But . . . don’t want . . . to . . . hurt.”
“I’m not going to hurt you. If at any time you need this to stop, if you need me to pull back, then you say Red. Can you do that?”
She guessed. She shrugged with a nod.
Colm didn’t look too happy at that though. What had she done?
“Or you tap. Tap my hand twice. Like this.” He grabbed her hand and tapped it twice on top of his. “Got it?”
She nodded. That wasn’t really complicated.
If she needed him to stop, she either said Red or tapped his hand. But she wasn’t quite sure why he’d want to help her.
“Why?” she whispered.
He cupped the side of her face. “Let’s not worry about that right now. You’re not worrying about anything tonight. I’m going to help you because I want to. And you’re going to let me because it’s what is best for you.”
She wanted to roll her eyes at him, but that would require energy she just didn’t have.
“First things first; we need to get you out of there.” He reached for her, but she flinched back instinctively, stifling a gasp of pain.
“That hurt you,” he murmured. “Your back?”
“S-sorry.” Sofia hadn’t meant to flinch away from him. Unfortunately, at this point in her life, it was just a trauma response. For the past few months, the bulk of physical attention she’d received was Oleg hurting her for one reason or another.
She didn’t believe for a second that Colm would hurt her physically, but that didn’t mean she could control her instincts.
And not only that, but there was also the fact that she was currently naked. Although her legs were curled up to her chest, covering her.
This can’t be the first time that he sees me naked!
She also didn’t want him to see the bruises that Oleg had given her.
Yeah, she sort of had a towel around her, but it didn’t fully cover her.
“Why are you apologizing, lass?” he murmured. “Unless you’re apologizing for hiding things from me. But that’s gonna take more than an ‘I’m sorry’ for you to apologize.”
“What?”
She hadn’t understood anything of what he’d just said. He wanted an apology for hiding things? What things?
He didn’t even know about the bigger lies, so what was he talking about?
And how more could she apologize than by saying sorry?
Did he want a gift basket? Muffins?
Hmm. This conversation was weird, but at least it had distracted her and pushed away the lingering panic that had been on the edges of her mind.
“But that’s also a worry for another day. However, I will say this: you’re not to hide your pain from me. I know this will be difficult for you because I’ve been watching you. I’ve seen the way you close down. You don’t share anything deep with anyone. You keep things superficial. I don’t know if that’s just who you are or it’s what you’ve been taught to do. But, with me, you don’t do it. Understand me? If you’re in pain, I want to know it. If you’re lonely, scared, worried, hungry. I need to know.”
She couldn’t do that.
Did he understand what he was asking her to do?
“Okay, baby, I’m gonna need you to breathe. That’s the most important thing. I get it. This is scary, and perhaps you’re worried I won’t really take care of you. That I won’t keep you safe. So, just for tonight. For the next few hours... just let me get you through that. No big secrets. Nothing too deep. Just a man who wants to look after a woman because she needs him. Because she needs some care and attention and to not have to think or worry for a while. Can you do that?”
A few hours?
She wasn’t sure. But she guessed she could try, so she nodded. Besides, a part of her wanted to experience it and know what it felt like to be cared for this way and by Colm.
“Precious girl. You’re being so brave, so good.” He whispered words of praise to her that she was certain she didn’t deserve.
But she lapped them up like she’d been starved of them her entire life.
She’d been loved. She was loved.
However, the men in her life weren’t so open with their words of affection. And often, she’d worried their love was contingent on her behavior.
Plus, this was different.
Because her feelings toward Colm were vastly different.
“I was going to pick you up, but I’m worried about hurting your back more.”
“I think it will be all right,” she whispered.
He eyed her worriedly but nodded.
God, his care was everything her poor, overwhelmed senses needed.
“I’m naked, though.”
“Hmm. I hadn’t noticed.”
What? Seriously!
Then he winked at her. The rat!
But to her surprise, she found herself smiling in response.
“Was your back sore before you got in the shower?” he asked.
“Yes, but usually a shower helps. It seized up while I was sitting and I couldn’t get back up.”
His gaze narrowed, and she could sense he wasn’t happy with her. She started to hunch in on herself.
“Right. Next time your back is hurting you, tell me. What you will not do is go off by yourself and shower. What did you plan to do? Stay in the shower all night?”
“Crawl.”
He started muttering quietly. She didn’t try to figure out what he was saying. She figured it was probably wildly unflattering.
Very slowly and more gently than she’d thought would be possible from a man of his size, he lifted her out of the shower.
The towel slipped to the floor and she gasped.
Colm froze. “Sore, baby?”
“Naked,” she whispered.
“I told you not to worry about that. I don’t want you worrying about anything right now.”
“That seems impossible.” Everything started to crowd into her head, weighing her down like a dark cloud.
“Shh. It will be. Only if you can just trust me for a few hours.”
“I... I trust you not to harm me. Physically.”
He winced. “I’ll try not to harm you in any way if I can, Mo leannan .” He laid her carefully on the bed on her back. “This position all right for you?”
“Uh.”
The throbbing in her back was becoming more insistent. She covered her breasts with one arm and the bruise over her ribs and stomach with the other.
“That’s a no.” He frowned at her. “You’re lucky you’re not mine.”
Lucky she wasn’t his?
For some reason, those words stung.
Probably because you’d love to be his.
“Because if you were mine, you’d be in a load of trouble for lying to me.”
“Lying to you? I didn’t lie!”
Well, unless keeping things from him was a type of lying. But it wasn’t like she owed him anything, right?
She hadn’t promised him the truth.
“What’s better? Sitting up? Lying on your side?”
“Sitting but leaning back slightly.”
“All right. Just hold on a moment.” He rearranged some pillows against the headboard and then carefully drew her so she was sitting against them.
Sofia let out a sigh of relief as the pain in her back went down a few notches.
“Thanks,” she whispered as he laid a blanket over her.
“You’re welcome, baby,” he murmured.
“You shouldn’t call me that.” She wished the words back as soon as she said that.
Because she really didn’t want him to stop.
“That’s tough because I’m in charge tonight, so I get to choose what I call you.”
“Aren’t you always in charge?”
“Of you?” he murmured as he laid another blanket over her, putting his fingers over the pulse in her wrist. “I should be. You certainly need someone telling you what to do.”
Her jaw dropped in disbelief. “I do not.”
“Need I remind you that I just found you stuck on the floor of the shower, unable to move, without your phone or any way to get help?” he growled at her.
“That was an unfortunate occurrence that doesn’t happen regularly.”
“I’ll also remind you that you were kidnapped tonight.”
A shudder ran through her.
As if she could forget. Although, for a moment, she’d pushed the memory to the back of her mind.
“That . . . that isn’t something you can forget.”
“That won’t happen again, Mo leannan ,” he whispered. “I won’t allow it.”
Right. But it wasn’t like he could do anything to stop it, could he? Because after tonight, they’d go back to being... acquaintances? Friends?
Friendly acquaintances?
Could she stand it? Was this smart? After experiencing his care and attention, could she go back to... nothing?
Her pulse raced as her breathing grew faster.
“Right, you’re freaking out again. You need to take a slow breath in for me. That’s it. In. Now, hold. Out. Good girl. That’s it. Let’s get you settled. What helps? Heat?”
She nodded.
“Good. I’ll go find a heating pad. I think Miller has one for her periods.”
Kind of weird he knew that, but all right...
“Medication?”
“I don’t have any with me. My handbag...”
“Right. I’ll send for the doctor.”
“No!” she cried.
He frowned. “You don’t get to tell me no.”
What?
“Not tonight. Not while I’m caring for you. It’s your safeword or you do as you’re told.”
“How did I not know you were so arrogant and pushy?”
“You knew,” he countered. “You even like my arrogance and pushiness.”
“Uh, I think not.”
“I think so,” he countered. “They’re among my best qualities. Along with my good looks, smarts, and charismatic personality. Now, you’re to stay right where you are while I get the heating pad and call the doctor.”
“No doctor. Please,” she begged. “I just need some painkillers. And some sleep.”
Even though she was kind of scared to sleep.
“All right, we’ll do this,” he said after a long moment. “You’ll take the painkillers I give you and we’ll see if you feel better. If the pain level is still high, I’ll call the doctor and you won’t argue. Oh, and you will also tell me the truth about your pain levels.” He gave her a firm look.
Sofia sighed but nodded.
It was the best deal she was going to get.
“Stay.”
She sent him a weak salute.
“Brat,” he grumbled as he left the room.
How had this happened? Why had he come back into her room? She needed to ask him that when he returned.
Sofia let out a small groan as she went over the last thirty minutes.
He’d seen her panicking.
In pain.
Heck, he’d seen her naked!
A great job she’d done keeping all of her pain and worries to herself. Of presenting a strong front.
It was so hard to act tough with Colm, though, when all her body wanted her to do was curl up in his lap and give him everything.
All the fear and the pain and the anger.
That’s what he’d offered her tonight and she’d taken it.
Greedy.
It was going to hurt her more in the long run, though. It tasted so sweet and she’d always had a sweet tooth.
Maybe she should put some clothes on. Her back felt better and Miller had left some on the end of the bed for her.
Perhaps she could reach them without having to move far. With a small whimper, she slid over.
Come on, a bit farther . . .
Sofia closed her eyes against the pain that rippled through her back.
This was dumb. Shit.
Could she move back?
But she was so close to grabbing them.
Then the blankets slipped away, freeing one breast, so she definitely had to do something.
Forward or back?
And that was the moment the door opened and Colm stepped back in.
Of. Fucking. Course.