22. SOFIA
22
SOFIA
W hen the guys came back from the bar, Ben looked like he’d blown off a little steam, but he was uptight, and he wore his expressionless mask. He was cold and distant toward me.
My stomach twisted. What had they said? What had happened?
Was it something I’d done?
“Are you okay?” I asked softly when he sat down.
“Fine,” he said. “Thanks. More wine?”
I nodded. The bottle was nearly empty—it was really good wine and Amy drank a lot more than I did.
Ben ordered another bottle without hesitating.
This was the kind of life I wasn’t sure I would ever get used to. The luxury, the money, the ease with which everyone snapped their fingers and they got what they wanted.
But I wasn’t fooled by all that money. It didn’t take away the real problems; it just dressed them up so that they looked a little better or disguised them altogether.
Everyone had problems. Everyone had pain in their past, and everyone needed help sometimes.
I just wished that Ben would talk to me, that he would tell me what was going on. If he was upset with something I’d done.
But that would be stupid. I wasn’t supposed to care about what he thought. It didn’t matter—he was my boss, and we’d only pretended to be married so that the Blackwood factory and rejuvenating Harborview project could get underway.
Before coming here, Ben had asked if we would still keep pretending, since we were in Savannah and the rich circles were small. If someone saw us and reported back to Richie, the gossip had to be that we were madly in love.
I was just struggling to draw the line between pretending and really feeling that way.
You’re being silly. It’s just a game. Remember who the real player is.
After all, Ben and I had met as one-night stands. That was who he really was. Everything he’d shown me during this business trip had been for the sake of getting the project.
But that couldn’t be true, could it? That couldn’t be possible, to keep up the act for so long, especially when we were together… last night had been incredible and it had felt real between us. It had felt like we were a real couple, and even though Ben hadn’t told me he was in love with me, he’d shown me in so many ways.
The way he was acting now, though—
Before I could finish my thought, he took my hand and squeezed it, then slid his hand onto my leg. He shifted a little closer to me, and when he dropped a kiss on my shoulder, despite it being through a patent leather jacket, it made me feel warm, and his touch sparked electricity between us.
“I need to go to the ladies’ room,” Amy announced. “Sofia, do you want to come with me?”
I hesitated. I wasn’t very comfortable around new people, but Amy was so open and warm, wearing her feelings in her expression, and I liked her. Besides, saying no would make it seem like I had something against her, so I nodded and stood.
“I’ll be right back,” I said.
Ben caught my hand and tugged me back. When I leaned down, he planted a kiss on my lips and smiled at me.
Heat rushed through my body, and I turned to follow Amy to the restroom.
When we washed our hands at the sinks, Amy glanced at me in the mirror. I checked my hair and makeup. My hair was in a braid down my back with strands in my face, and my wooden earrings complemented my brown jacket and boots.
“I love your jeans,” Amy said.
“Oh, thanks,” I said and looked down at my dark blue skinny jeans.
“Where did you get them?”
I blushed. “A thrift store.”
“Yeah?” Amy asked with a frown. “Why would someone want to get rid of something that great?”
“I wondered the same thing,” I said with a relieved sigh when there was no judgement. “But they have a good home now.”
Amy giggled. “Very kind of you.”
“We have to help where we can,” I joked.
Amy laughed, and she turned to face me, leaning her hip against the marble sink, arms crossed over her chest. She wore light blue jeans, heels, and a flowing white strappy top that made her look elegant and eclectic.
“Speaking of helping, I heard you got the project.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said and smiled. “Ben is ecstatic. It will look really good for him when he reports back, and it will help so many people, I can’t help but feel pleased.”
“Even if you based it on a lie?”
My stomach twisted, and I swallowed, feeling guilty.
“It wasn’t my idea,” I said defensively. “And throwing Ben under the bus wasn’t going to help anyone.”
“I’m not trying to scold you,” Amy said. “I would have done the same thing, honestly.”
I blinked. “Really?”
“Yeah. I think it’s pretty cool of you to not drop him in the shit for it. He has a way of putting his foot in his mouth when he’s under pressure. He looks like he’s cool and collected but underneath that suit of his he’s squirming.”
“Yeah, I realized that,” I said, nodding. Amy knew Ben really well, but for some reason, the fact that she knew that more vulnerable, soft side about him made me jealous. She was really close to Ben.
“Can I ask you something personal?” I blurted out.
Amy raised her eyebrows but nodded. “Go ahead. I’m an open book. Ask anyone I’ve offended.”
I laughed, but my smile faded again.
“You’ve known Ben a long time, right?”
“Yeah,” Amy said. “The joking part of me would tell you too long but that’s cliché by now. Besides, it’s not too long. Ben is the kind of guy you want to know forever.”
I nodded. “Why aren’t you dating him, then?”
When I looked up at Amy, her face was riddled with surprise. “Does knowing someone for a long time mean dating is the next step?”
“Well, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I mean, you’re really good together. You’re comfortable around him, you know his other side—the one he doesn’t show the world—and he seems to be really open with you. I just thought…”
“Ben is like a brother to me and Luke,” Amy said. “Besides, he’s not my type. Too broody, you know?”
“He is broody,” I admitted.
Amy smiled. “But he seems like your type.”
I shook my head immediately. “He’s really not. I mean, it’s all just a game. We’re pretending. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Right…” Amy narrowed her eyes at me. “It doesn’t look like you’re pretending.”
“We’re just pretending really well,” I defended. “But when this is over, it will be over between us, too. Besides, I might be leaving, anyway.” Shit, I shouldn’t have said that. “I mean… it’s not set in stone. It’s just… don’t tell anyone I said that.”
Amy narrowed her eyes at me. “Does Ben know you’re leaving?”
I shook my head. “And he doesn’t need to. I mean, if it even happens. It’s a business decision and he’s not directly my boss. It goes through HR, and I guess it will just be the kind of thing that we take through the motions when the time comes…” I felt like I was digging myself a hole, deeper and deeper, when I should just have kept my mouth shut.
I worried my lower lip. “Will you tell him?”
Amy tilted her head at me and looked at me down her nose a little, as if she was sizing me up.
“No, it’s not my secret to tell. But you should tell him. He deserves to know.”
“Like I said, nothing is set in stone. If there’s something to know, I’ll tell him.”
Amy watched me again until I felt the urge to squirm. I looked away, fixing my hair in the mirror even though it didn’t need fixing, getting away from Amy’s icy eyes that seemed to pierce me.
“You know, Ben isn’t such a bad guy to love. I know he can be a handful, and his past really catches up with him sometimes.”
“He told me,” I said softly and glanced at her in the mirror.
Amy gasped. “He told you?”
I frowned. “Is that a bad thing?” I turned to face her again, feeling like I wasn’t in the direct line of fire anymore.
“Ben doesn’t tell anyone . The only reason we know about it is because he got really drunk one night in college and spilled it all, but that was it. He never, ever talks about it to anyone other than us. If he told you, that means something.”
I shook my head. “I was talking about my past and I guess it just fit in with the topic. It’s not a big deal.”
Amy put her hand on my arm. “Everything with Ben is a big deal. If it’s not, he’ll kick you out of his bed come daylight and that will be the end. You’ll know there’s nothing there.”
Ben had asked me to stay last night. I’d woken up next to him this morning.
He hadn’t told me to leave; he hadn’t ended things right after sex like he had the first time.
Everything was different with him now.
But that didn’t mean anything, right?
I couldn’t.
Because after all was said and done, we weren’t together. Besides, if I was going to leave the company soon, which was something I deserved , then it would be a moot point, anyway.
I shook my head. I was getting confused, Amy’s words tugging at my heart when I was set on arguing this with my head.
“We should get back,” she said to my relief, not pushing the topic when I didn’t have the words to argue. “If we stay away too long, they’ll know we’re gossiping about Ben.” Amy pulled a cheeky tongue at me before she left the restroom, and I followed her.
My stomach twisted in knots and my heart fluttered and I didn’t know what to think or feel.
When I sat down, Ben kissed me again and he put his hand back on my thigh as if that was exactly where it belonged. The heat of his touch branded me through my jeans, and no matter how much I argued with myself, telling myself that this didn’t mean anything, I put my hand on his and shifted a little closer so that our sides pressed against each other.
Damn it, I was in really deep, wasn’t I?