Chapter 19
SEPTEMBER 27 – SATURDAY 9:03 AM
R en
“Okay…enough already, let’s go,” Nash yelled from his car.
With an exaggerated sigh, Myles stopped kissing me.
Blake, Theo, and Liam were heading to Ethan and Ella’s house for the weekend while Myles was checking Lip out of school to spend some time with him. Myles was still avoiding their father and might’ve had an ulterior motive. He wanted to go alone to see if there was a way to prevent Lip from being allowed to leave with Owen.
Everyone was busy, which was great, but it also meant that it left me awkwardly alone with Nash. When I first thought of getting Nash tickets to the dinner I had assumed that someone, if not all the guys, would volunteer to come along, but I was wrong. At the sound of his window going up, I got a glance at his mischievous eyes before the dark glass concealed my view.
“Was this a good idea,” I asked Myles under my breath.
“Nah, it’s definitely not. But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s the most thoughtful gift he’s ever received, and ya kinda have ta go. Besides, you’d hate yerself for not going. He’s just being a melter ‘cause he’s nervous, but don’t expect him to admit that.”
A piece of my hair whipped across my face, the wind a steady force the last few days.
“And I do trust him to keep ya safe.”
My safety wasn’t exactly what worried me.
Nash had so easily thwarted my defenses on the bench the other day. The whole interlude was still front and center in my mind, but I nodded to reassure Myles that I was good. My imagination was another story.
We had no buffer, no schoolwork, or anything else to distract us from being alone together. Nothing but the open road for a five-hour drive and a fancy dinner—where I was essentially his plus one, which was normally reserved for a partner of the intimate variety. To end the night was an equally awkward hotel room stay. He had proclaimed that the room had two beds, but I really didn’t trust Nash, to be honest. And to finish the weekend, another long drive home.
“Try to have fun. Yer doing a really sweet thing,” Myles said, kissing my forehead. “Even if he doesn’t deserve it.”
Myles picked up my overnight bag and the wrapped painting, then placed them gently in the tiny trunk before closing it tight.
Lizzy and her mum had done me a solid. Once my house was no longer crawling with police, they’d gathered my personal belongings and anything they thought might have sentimental value and shipped it to Ella. Among the items was the last of my mother’s original works that no one had ever seen. I was using one of the five pieces for Nash. If he ever truly understood my sacrifice and appreciated it…well, it was hard to know much of anything when he came to Nash.
“I’ll see ya when you get back, Snowflake.”
“Give Lip a hug for me,” I said.
“Not a chance. I don’t need him lovin’ ya any more than he already does,” he teased, giving me a wink.
Myles turned to follow the path to the parking lot, and I…well, my attention was on the shiny black sports car. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I got in beside Nash.
He shot me a glare and snapped.
“You’re late. We agreed to be on the road by 8:45, and it’s now 9:15.”
I placed my hand on his. He stared at it and then at me, blinking like I’d completely stunned him with the light touch.
“Do you want me to stay here, and you can go alone?”
“No.”
“Then let’s not start the trip fighting. We will still get there with hours to spare.” As soon as he nodded, I removed my hand. “Good, I didn’t want to have to kill you and dump your body at the side of the road if you continued to be an asshole.”
Nash smirked.
“You could try, Princess,” he said, but he smiled and pulled away from the curb.
“How did you get permission to get me off the property,” I asked as Nash slowed for the gate and gave a two-finger salute before it slid open.
“It’s me, I could get you off anytime.”
He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, and I knew for certain that this was a terrible idea. It had been two minutes, and my body was already on fire. What the hell was a whole night going to look like?
“Are we still talking about the property?”
“Take it however you want. It’ll always be true.”
“Uh-huh.”
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. Most people would think that it was a defensive maneuver, and they would be right, just about the wrong thing.
“Wait a second. Does that mean I never had to wear a costume or get in the trunk of Blake’s car if I was going with you?” He shrugged and smirked. “Son of a….”
It was tempting to tell him to let me out, and I’d walk back.
“How was I supposed to know you’d act all crazy to get off the property? Besides, even if I had told you, we both know you never would’ve asked for my help.”
There’d never been a truer statement.
Nash turned on his car’s sound system, and I laid my head back, letting myself get lost in the music. He had a much broader range of songs in his playlist than I would’ve thought.
Unable to help myself, I cracked my eyes open just enough to stare at his hands on the steering wheel. They were freshly tattooed, the ink still a rich black that stood out against his skin. The one on his right knuckles read MINE, and I quickly pressed my lids closed again as my imagination heard him growling that in my ear.
This was such a stupid idea. He’d been chipping away at me for over a year, and spending so much time together over the summer hadn’t helped. Knowing that I should keep the door slammed closed in his face and being able to do it were very different concepts.
“What are you thinking about,” Nash asked.
My eyes opened as my brain raced for anything that wasn’t him.
“Mr. Sharpe.”
Nash’s head snapped in my direction, his face going from casual to murderous in zero point two seconds flat.
“Not like that, gross.”
“Then what do you mean?”
Sighing, I sat up straighter.
“I’m in his AP psychology class, and last year, he asked me to be his TA. At the time, I was flattered and excited. But I have no idea what I am doing or what he wants from me. I thought he’d at least have instructions or a plan for me to follow.”
Nash tilted his head and stared at me. I pointed at the road, and his lip twitched before he looked forward again.
“He hasn’t told you anything?”
“Nope. He threw me in the deep end.”
Nash smiled, and I pointed at him.
“Don’t even go there. It was a poor choice of words in current company, but you know what I mean.”
“Has he hit on you?”
My jaw dropped.
“No…why? Do you think he only asked me to get in my pants? I have a lot to offer in a TA position. I’m tied with Theo in the whole school.” My hackles were up now.
“Relax, Princess. I didn’t mean that you weren’t qualified. But just because you have what it takes doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other reasons for asking you. Two things can be true at the same time.”
“Fine, but he hasn’t hit on me.”
“Okay, what has he done?”
“Nothing, that’s the point. He leaves me alone with students needing extra help, but there is no guidance. On day two, he left quizzes on his desk without a word. I didn’t touch them because I would never peek at someone else’s work, and the next class, he practically yelled at me for not grading them. How was I supposed to know that he wanted me to do that? It feels like he is setting me up to fail. I just can’t figure out why.”
“There is another option.”
I stared at his face and realized, despite his dickish behavior, that I valued Nash’s opinion. That was a terrifying thought.
“Maybe he’s doing it to see how quickly you’ll figure it out on your own.”
“Why? Where is the benefit in that when I’m not doing what he needs?”
“Because the outside world is more like the deep end of the pool with sharks than it is the shallow end with a flutter board. If you can think ahead, plan as if anticipating his needs, then you’ll be much further along than if he just handed you a list to check off,” Nash said, and then shrugged. “It’s what I’d do.”
“Shit…I’ve been failing a test I didn’t know I was taking.” I smacked my forehead. “Of course, why didn’t I see that? It’s so obvious. Sink or swim, it’s the oldest lesson there is. Thanks, Nash.”
Smiling and feeling so much lighter, I squeezed his arm.
Nash looked at my hand and then into my eyes.
“Unless you want me to pull you over here to sit on my lap, remove your hand.”
For a moment, I wanted to see if he’d actually do it. Instead, I dropped my hand to my lap as an awkward tension filled the car. Trying desperately to distract myself, I studied the cars in the sideview mirror.
“Nash?”
“Yeah?”
“I think we’re being followed.” I spun in my seat to look out the small back window and watched the two black SUVs. Icy fear trickled down my back like a cold rain shower, making me shiver.
“We are,” Nash said.
Why was he so calm?
“And you’re not worried?”
“No,” he said, smirking at me. “Stop panicking, Princess. Do you really think I’d take you off the property without protection? That’s our escort.”
“Escort? Since when do you have guards in black SUVs?”
He shrugged. “I’m making more enemies and allies daily. It was time. Besides, like I said, I wasn’t taking you anywhere without an added layer of protection. I’m cocky, not stupid.”
“A little heads up would’ve been nice. You just gave me a heart attack,” I grumbled, and yet I felt a lot safer. Damn, Nash was always jumbling every emotion into a confusing mess.
“I could’ve warned you, but then I wouldn’t have gotten to see that adorable panicked look.”
“You’re such a jerk.”
“Guilty as charged.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“You don’t have to ask if you can ask me questions, Princess. I think we’re way beyond that bullshit.”
“It’s called being polite.”
“Fine, don’t be polite with me,” he said.
I licked my lips, and a thrill traveled through my veins. If anyone at school did what he just told me to, they would end up with their face shoved in a locker or far worse.
“What do you want to know, Princess?”
“Has your father said anything about my dad?”
A deep and gnawing pain just wouldn’t let up whenever I thought about him. Neal Davies, the man who raised and loved me until life got too hard. There was still a chance that he was my biological father, and I’d refused to talk to him. I had every right to protect myself from what he was putting me through at the time, but it had never crossed my mind that it might be our last conversation.
Nash ran his hand through his hair, and I sat up a little straighter.
“You know something, don’t you?”
“Lawrence hasn’t said anything, but….” He looked at me and shook his head. “I wouldn’t hold out too much hope that he ever comes home to you.”
I covered my mouth and bit back the sharp sting of tears.
“Please, Nash. If you know more, just tell me.”
“All I know is that the last time I saw him, and it was just a glimpse, he and Lawrence were talking, and he was in rough shape. He hadn’t shaved in days, his hair was greasy, his shirt was dirty, and he was acting wild. I haven’t seen him since.”
“So, your father was the last person to see him?”
Nash’s eyes were as hard as I’d ever seen them when he looked at me.
“No.”
“But you don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“Bullshit. You were going to ask to speak to my father, and the answer was, is, and forever will be, no.”
“Nash….” My hands balled into fists.
“No.”
“But….”
He growled and smacked the top of his steering wheel before locking eyes with me. The rage there was equal to him smacking me, and I pressed myself as far away as I could get.
“This is exactly why I didn’t tell you. What are you going to do?”
My mouth moved, but nothing passed through my constricted throat.
“I’ll tell you what you’d do. You’d want to meet with my father. Then you’d beg him to tell you what he knows exactly like you just did with me. But instead of just getting information you don’t like, he would only tell you under conditions. What conditions? You might ask. Well, Princess, I’ll tell you,” Nash snarled, his hands squeezing the wheel so tight that his knuckles had turned bright white.
“He would find a way to use your newfound family name against you. Anything from blackmail, forcing you into marriage or getting you pregnant, to turning you into his sadist toy, you name it, he’ll do it.”
I’d never seen Nash this worked up, his body was shaking with the rage that was stifling in the car.
“And while you sell your soul to save a man that Lawrence may or may not know his whereabouts, he will lead you on and slowly break you down until there is nothing left of the person you are now. There is no negotiating with terrorists. Believe me, my father is a hostile enemy looking for a way to destroy us all, but you… with you, he would take extra pleasure in crushing. So, No. Never. Don’t ask me again, and if you ever try to meet him on your own…just don’t. Do you think that’s the life your mother wanted for you? Or the exact life she was trying to hide you from? That she died protecting you from?”
The tears ran freely as he watched me, his words cutting deeper than any blade.
His eyes softened, and he sighed, turning away. I took a shaky breath, and like a pin had touched the balloon of tension, it burst. Nash suddenly reached out and grabbed my hand. I tried to tug it away, but he held it tight until I stopped fighting him.
“I didn’t tell you that to hurt you. But you don’t seem to understand who you’re dealing with. My father is something born from hell, and he will not stop until he’s sucked the last bit of life out of you, and as much as you think I don’t care….”
He locked eyes with me, and my heart tripped in my chest.
“I don’t want that to happen to you. I’ll kill him first. You can’t meet with him. You need to stay as far away from him as possible.”
I nodded, the fat tears clouding my vision, but I held back the sob that clogged my throat. Biological father or not. Dead or not. None of that mattered if Lawrence had him or knew where he was. I’d never see him again. That was what Nash was telling me. Even begging for his life wouldn’t work because you couldn’t beg for mercy from a man who had none.
My soul ached as I silently grieved the loss of my dad, the second parent in a year. As angry as I was, I truly didn’t think he knew who he was getting into bed with until it was too late. By then, the snake was already swallowing him whole.
“I’m sorry, Princess,” Nash said, squeezing my hand.
Even though I was stuffing the emotions deep down inside to process later, it was as if Nash had tossed me into the water again. This time, he saw me struggling but wasn’t going to save me. No one could. I couldn’t speak, or I would lose the bit of composure I had maintained. Instead, I nodded and looked away, keeping my eyes trained on the world as it passed by.
“Have you thought about what you want for your birthday,” Dad asked as he helped me with the final details of my sandcastle.
My drawbridge was giving me trouble. “That’s not how birthday gifts work,” I said, looking up at my dad. The sun was really bright at the beach, and I held my hand up to be able to see him.
He chuckled. “Who says that’s not how they’re supposed to work?”
“It just is.”
“Really? Is this the Ren Davies’ birthday rules,” he said, adding the last turret to the castle top.
“No,” I said, wiping my hands off and watching the sand fall and disappear as it joined the rest of the beach. “Everyone knows the rules. You don’t ask the person. You have to think of something special.”
He smiled. “I must have missed the memo.”
“What’s a memo,” I asked, wiggling my toes in the warm sand and loving the feel of it under my feet.
We didn’t come to the beach much because it was so far to drive, but Mum had someone buying art from her here, and they decided to make it a family adventure. Unfortunately, Dad and I hadn’t seen Mum much since we arrived. She’d been so busy. Everyone was always busy and never not busy at the same time. It wasn’t fair.
“A memo is a letter from a higher power that tells you what is required for, say, your job or, in this case, your birthday.” I giggled as he tickled my foot.
“Daddy?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we do this for my birthday, but have Mommy here and not working,” I asked, doodling designs into the sand.
“But it will be cold for your birthday,” he said, and I shrugged.
“I just want us to be together.” I looked up at him. “Please, Daddy.”
Standing up quickly, he grabbed me. I squealed, laughing as he tossed me over his shoulder. “That’s all you want? No ice cream?”
“Okay, ice cream, too,” I said, kicking and screeching as the cold water touched my skin.
Dad laughed, and I knew that it wouldn’t happen, it never did, but it didn’t stop me from wishing for it anyway.
“Princess?”
I jerked awake and gasped. Blinking, I realized I was crying and quickly wiped away the tears before looking at Nash. We weren’t moving.
“We’re here,” he said softly. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just wishing for a time machine.”
His lip curled up. “Don’t we all.”