Chapter 48
OCTOBER 16 – THURSDAY 11:44 PM
R en
No amount of hot water could rid me of the cold feeling in the pit of my stomach. Christov’s face as he glared at me had been full of malice. As if I was the one to cause all the problems in his life, and he was silently promising pain. It oozed off him and stuck to me like grime. There was no washing away the image of him—or the thought of all the things he had done to my mum.
Tears trickled down my cheeks and mingled with the stream. So many revelations tonight and all of them hurt for different reasons. Not only was Christov still alive, but Dimitri had been the one to help my mum and me run away, and all this time, he’d been keeping the secret.
Will I ever be free from all the lies?
“Are you okay in here?”
I glanced over my shoulder to the partially open door at the sound of Liam’s voice.
“Just five more minutes.”
“Okay, take your time.”
He closed the door, and I slumped against the wall. Tonight was supposed to be a big step toward the three of us being together. Liam had gotten us this massive suite—that was bigger than a house—and I couldn’t even get out of the shower because my head was a mess.
I didn’t want to be an Ivankov, and I didn’t care what was on any paperwork. That man wasn’t my father.
With that belief firmly in my head, I shut off the water and grabbed my towel. I dried myself and then wrapped my hair up before slipping on a pair of cute sleep clothes. I hadn’t packed for anything sexy, and honestly, it didn’t matter now.
Brushing my teeth, I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to find the parts of myself that resembled Christov. He was a monster…so what did that make me? Was this how Myles and Nash felt all the time? Knowing that someone so evil had helped create you. I couldn’t help wondering, what if I ended up like that? Had he always been this way, or did someone turn him into what I saw?
After spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing, I took a couple of pain meds for my impending headache and left the bathroom. I wandered across the bedroom, not really paying attention to anything other than the continuous loop of vitriol from Christov. I suddenly hated how I analyzed every word from every angle.
Making my way out into the sitting area, I finally looked up. Tears filled my eyes as I gazed at the Kings. They stopped talking, and my heart swelled. Myles rushed me like a linebacker and picked me up, holding me tight. The towel fell from my hair, but I didn’t care.
“I’m so sorry, Snowflake. God, I’m so sorry,” he said, and I buried my head into the side of his neck as a fresh wave of tears silently fell.
Weakness wasn’t going to get me anywhere, but I needed one night to process and let myself feel it all. Myles slowly lowered me to the floor and wiped the tears away. No one said anything, and I took a deep breath before facing the rest of the guys. Even with them all here, this place could’ve easily hosted a party. Blake and Nash sat in two of the four leather chairs while Liam and Theo were on the couch.
It was Theo who broke the silence as he patted the cushion between him and Liam.
“Come sit down. Liam was just filling us in.”
“Do ya want somethin’ to drink,” Myles asked.
“Coffee, please.”
“I thought ya might say that,” he said, walking into the kitchen out of sight.
Sitting on the couch, I leaned into Theo before locking eyes with Liam.
“Thank you.”
“I keep telling you what my job is,” he said with a teasing smirk.
“I don’t know how you and Myles do it, Nash,” I said, and he looked up.
Despite the neutral expression on his face, his eyes were filled with every emotion under the sun. I’d only gotten a glimpse of what it would’ve been like to live in fear my entire life, and I honestly didn’t know if I would be as strong as they were. My mum raised me to be, and I liked to think I was, but I knew what Christov would have done if the room hadn’t been filled with people. He hadn’t been able to touch me tonight, but his viciousness made my skin crawl.
“Do what?”
“Tolerate an insane parent. I…I thought I understood, but I didn’t, not until tonight.”
“You learn to live with it.”
Nash shrugged. It was so him to brush it off, but he’d confessed that he hardly slept. I doubted that I knew even a scratch of the disturbing and evil things that Lawrence had done to Nash…or made him do.
I shook my head at him. “But you shouldn’t have to. It’s not right.”
He smirked. “Why do you think I do the shit I do, Princess? Every move I make is to get out from under my father and to be a better leader than him. I can’t just shoot him. If it was that easy I would’ve done it the moment I knew how to fire a gun. Sometimes, it’s better to live with the devil you know than the one you don’t.”
“That’s sad.”
“It is what it is. I have no time in my day to feel sorry for myself, and you shouldn’t either.”
“Give her a break, Nash,” Blake said.
Nash rolled his eyes and looked away but didn’t argue.
“Christov is unhinged. I don’t know if he was always like that, but it was obvious that if Dimitri hadn’t ordered him out….”
“Then, I would’ve killed him,” Liam said.
Not caring about the rules or punishments, I placed my hand on his, and he linked our fingers together.
“I know, but he was making a statement to Dimitri as much as he was to me.”
“That’s true. Christov got on his private jet, and it took off. But it won’t stop him from entering the country from another location,” Liam said.
Another wave of icy dread slid down my spine, and I shivered at the thought of having to see him ever again.
“Do you think he can really force me to leave Wayward,” I asked as Myles walked back in with a hot cup of coffee in his hands. I took it from him, and he sat down on the arm of the couch.
“No, or he would’ve already done it,” Nash said.
“You’re sure about that,” I asked, and he nodded.
“I am. I know how Dean Henry works…or as much as anyone does. The two things he takes very seriously are protecting his students and following the rules. If Christov had the right to remove you, then the dean would hand you over. The fact that he hasn’t tells me that Christov has tried and failed or it was a threat to scare you,” Nash said, growing visibly frustrated.
“Fuck,” he growled, bursting from his seat.
“When I spoke to the dean about you coming with us to meet your family, I could tell there was something he wasn’t saying. He tried to tell me, but he talked in riddles and hidden meanings. I’d bet my life that he knew Christov was close.”
“Do we really think that it’s him? I mean, everything that I could find said that Christov was dead.”
“You think this is a look-alike,” Theo asked.
I shrugged before taking a sip of the coffee. As soon as it touched my lips, I felt better. There was just something calming about it for me despite the caffeine rush.
“Do we know if he has a twin,” I asked.
Theo and Blake looked at one another.
“Hadn’t thought about that. I’ll see what I can find.”
“I hate to say this after the last conversation with Mom, but…do you think she knows anything about this,” Blake asked, and Theo slowly shook his head.
“Anything is possible, but she would warn us if she knew he was around or alive at the very least, especially if he was a threat. Mom might have her secrets, but I don’t believe for a second she would put any of us in harm’s way on purpose.”
“True.”
“Although anything is possible, it’s hard to fake the emotion I saw in his eyes. He blames Dimitri for you and your mom escaping,” Liam said.
“It doesn’t matter if he’s the fucking Tooth Fairy. What matters is that he revealed himself, and we have one more enemy on the board. They are piling up, and we need more protection. The rest is inconsequential at this point,” Nash growled as he stomped out of the room.
We watched him disappear down the hall.
“What’s wrong with him,” Blake asked as a door slammed.
“No idea. The situation with Christov is shitty, but he broke his best time at a qualifier today. You would think that he’d be happy,” Theo answered.
“I’m going to go talk to him,” I said, standing, but Myles snatched my wrist.
“Are ya sure that’s a good idea? When he’s pissed, we tend ta stay away.”
Smiling, I gave him a quick kiss.
“Oddly, I’m probably the only person who can talk to him right now without getting punched,” I said.
“She’s right about that,” Liam said, backing me up.
“Alright.” Myles let go, and I followed after Nash.
There was only one closed door in the hallway and I heard his voice. I put my ear to it, but the conversation was still muffled. Nash turned from the window and looked at me as I walked in without knocking.
“Yeah, that works. I’ll keep an eye out for them. Thanks,” he said before hanging up the phone. “You would make a terrible spy or stalker,” he said, putting the phone in his pocket.
“I’ll make sure to scratch them off my list of possible job opportunities,” I said, closing the door. “You okay?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that,” Nash asked, and I shrugged. “I’m fine. I just needed to make a couple calls. Dimitri is sending guards to escort us to the state line and then I have more guards meeting the bus on the other side to follow us back to Wayward.”
“I’m turning into a right pain in the ass,” I teased, and Nash smiled.
“Princess, you were always a pain in my ass. But now you’re a pain in everyone’s ass.”
I laughed, but sadly, it wasn’t far off the mark.
“Dimitri wants me to stay here in California. He says it’s the safest place for me.”
Nash scowled as he walked closer. I’d never known anyone who could flip a switch so quickly on their emotions. Dealing with Nash was like riding the fastest rollercoaster with large hills, steep drops, and sharp turns that plunged you into darkness.
It didn’t matter how much I screamed—he yanked me along for the ride, and it was clear he was never going to stop.
“That is not happening,” he said.
It almost sounded like a threat as he stepped into my personal space. Nash forced me to step back until I bumped into the wall. I’d already told Dimitri no. My life was at Wayward, and I refused to hide under his protection. But everything about Nash ordering me around made me want to push his buttons.
“What if I want to?”
Nash braced both arms on the wall, trapping me in place as his eyes bore into mine. My body quaked, but it had nothing to do with fear and felt twice as dangerous.
“I’m not letting you stay here, Princess. If I have to drag you back to Wayward with me, I will.”
Defiance flared brightly in my chest. But before I could argue, he lifted the chain around my neck with one finger and showed it to me.
“You going to leave all this behind? Do the guys mean so little to you?”
“The guys or you?”
He smirked. “We’re one and the same,” he said, leaning in so his lips were inches from mine. “You’re just fucking with me, aren’t you,” he asked, and the corner of my mouth turned up. “You’re too much fucking trouble, Princess.”
I gasped as his hand wrapped around my throat.
“And yet…you want me,” I said, and his blue eyes darkened.
“No, I want to be free of you.”
“You make no sense,” I breathed out, shuddering as his lips grazed mine.
“You make me make no sense,” he said.
That was the first Nash comment that I fully understood. He made me feel the same way. Nothing was logical, and yet, in some screwed-up way, we fit. I hated him and wanted him simultaneously. He drove me insane, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. His touch was as toxic to me as a poisonous flower, and yet…here I was, following him into this room where we were alone once again.
“I think I’m addicted to your insanity, Princess.”
Nash nipped at my bottom lip, and I cursed myself as I slid my hands under his hoodie to touch his abs. His skin was feverish, and anyone with half of a brain cell knew this was a terrible idea. I should leave, but I couldn’t get my body to move. He looked down to where my fingers grazed over his six-pack and then back up to my face.
“Touching me is a bad idea, Princess. A really bad fucking idea,” he growled.
“Why’s that?”
His eyes spelled out his desires. He wanted to rip the clothes from my body and fuck me against the wall, and he didn’t care if the guys heard us. The knock on the door beside us broke the spell that had been cast on the room.
My heart was still racing in my chest while Nash looked ready to kill.
“Everything okay in there,” Liam asked.
“No, I’m fucking killing her quietly. Give me five more minutes, and you can clean up the body,” Nash said.
I tapped his arm, and Nash reluctantly let go of my throat. Ducking around him, I opened the door.
“Yes, we’re fine. I think I need some sleep. My brain is loopy and I’m not thinking clearly,” I said, even though I knew it had nothing to do with lack of sleep and everything to do with the king of the Kings.
Nash grabbed my arm before I could escape out the door. “Remember what I said.”
Looking at his hand, I raised an eyebrow.
“Nash, of course, I’m going back. All my painting stuff is there,” I teased.
He smiled and shook his head at me.
“Yes, I’m sure that’s it,” he said as I walked down the hall with Liam.
This was a dangerous game and I didn’t need Nash or anyone else pointing that out to me. Every day I tried to remove myself from this poisonous world, only to be sucked deeper.
Maybe it was time to embrace the absurdity like everyone else because swimming against the current…was fucking tiring.