Skye
We were headed out to the twins’ fifth birthday, but it was like Cadence just couldn’t get it together.
She’d spent the last twenty minutes upstairs refusing to put her shoes on, then insisting on a different dress than the one we’d already picked out together the night before, then crying about a headband that wasn’t even hers to begin with.
This was the part of parenting that worked your nerves, but I was patient. I always had been with her.
“Sugar, what’s wrong? Why are you acting out today?” I asked as she plopped down into the car with her arms crossed.
“I don’t wanna go.”
“You love CJ and Carty’s parties. You’ve been talking about the bounce house all week.”
She didn’t answer, just stared out the window with her bottom lip stuck out far enough to trip over. I used to think I had this part figured out, reading her moods, knowing which tantrum needed patience and which needed a firm hand.
Six years of reading her moods on my own had made me good at it, or at least good enough.
What I hadn’t planned for was a new variable in the equation.
Ducane not being in the room, or in the car, or anywhere she could see him, might be exactly what this attitude was about, and I hadn’t had to account for that before.
“Cadence, look at Mommy,” I said, gently pulling her chin toward me. The tears in her eyes broke my heart. “Tell me what it is, and I can fix it.”
“I wanted Daddy to come. Why didn’t you let him come?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” I pulled her in a little closer. “You know how Mommy flies around the world? That's my job. Well, Daddy has a job too, and today that job needed him somewhere else. That’s all it is.”
“I wanna ask him.”
I chuckled, shaking my head, because apparently, we’d reached the part of parenting where my word meant absolutely nothing. I pulled my phone out and called Ducane on FaceTime, praying he’d answer. I couldn’t deal with this attitude all day.
“Yeah, y’all good?”
“Daddy, I’m so very sad,” she sighed, truly laying it on thick.
“And why are you so very sad, baby girl? Aren’t you going to a party with cake, bouncy houses, and ice cream?”
“Yes, but you left and haven’t come back yet. I wanted you to come.”
“Sugar, I wanted to be there, but Daddy had to come to work.”
“I hate work,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Me too sometimes, but I’ll be home before you wake up tomorrow, and then no more work for daddy.”
“And, and this dress is ugly.”
“Cadence, you and mommy look very beautiful. I like your hair too.”
“I got braids like a big girl.” She smiled, now bouncing in her seat.
“Exactly, so be a big girl and go easy on your mama today, aight? Let me talk to her right quick.”
Cadence handed the phone back over without protesting, already humming something to herself. Crisis averted for the moment.
“You good?” Ducane asked, quieter now, just for me.
“Yeah. I’m good.” I glanced at Cadence, who’d found something fascinating out the window. “She’s been like this all day. I think it’s you.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“It’s not good or bad. It’s just a new reality. It was just me, and whatever mood she woke up with was mine to manage. Now half of it’s about you not being in the room.”
He was quiet for a second.
“Shit, that’s on you, ain’t it?”
I hung up and reclined back into the seat. That was rude, and this was another phase of this that I wasn’t going to deal with for much longer.
My phone buzzed. I declined it. It buzzed three more times. I declined those, too. When Kareem’s phone started ringing I already knew who it was.
“It’s for you, Skye,” Kareem said, holding it back toward me. Ducane’s voice came through before I even had it to my ear.
“That was extremely rude and unnecessary, Cane. And if our child wasn’t in this car, ear hustling,” I said, looking over at Cadence. “I’d tell you where to go and how to get there.”
“Oh, I’m Cane now.”
“That was a very Cane thing you said, but hey, it’s okay. Just keep being a grown-ass man-child about this. She misses you, and somehow you turned this on me.”
“My bad. I ain’t tryna be here, but it’s what I gotta do. I guess I got an attitude too.”
I looked out my own window for a second. “I gotta let you go. We’re here.”
“Tell the twins I said happy birthday.”
“I will.”
“Bye, daddy. See you when you get back. Love you.” Kareem parked and helped her out, and I was still holding the phone, feeling an array of emotions. The first being irritation. The second sadness. And the third, lying underneath, was joy. I was happy to have him back, even if he was being petty.
“I shouldn’t have said that shit, Skye, my bad for real. I’ll be home in the morning.”
“Cadence will love that. See ya.” I disconnected and grabbed Cadence’s gift and hand. We made it to the backyard, and Cadence took off running to hug her cousins. My phone vibrated again. Ducane was not about to get on my nerves.
Ducane: Send me a pic. I miss my babies already.
Me: What babies? I’m a lone woman on this island without a raft.
Ducane: Dramatic, sensitive ass thug. SMH. I get it, I hurt your feelings, but you know what this is.
Me: Anyway. I thought you didn’t come because you were scared of Carter.
Ducane: Scared? Watch your mouth, Skye. I’ll lay that man out and ask questions later. Go check his rib cage right now for me and report back.
I laughed to myself, tucking the phone away before anybody could ask what was so funny.
“Sissy, you made it. Where is Ducane?”
“Damn, is that all anyone cares about?”
“Skye, what’s going on?” she asked, leading me inside to the kitchen.
“It’s been a rough day, that’s all. Cadence also had a bad morning. Ducane not being here had her acting all the way out. I wasn’t expecting that and shit…”
“What? Talk freely, Skye. I know you better than anyone, and I know you need to let it out.”
“Not if you’re going to ‘I told you so’ me. I got enough people reminding me of what I did and didn’t do. I don’t need it from you, either.”
“Ooff, no fun, but I’m not going to add to an already difficult time. Just tell me what’s going on.”
I leaned against the counter and let it out, the two weeks of him in the guest room, the careful distance, wanting more than he was ready to give and not knowing how to ask for it without sounding like I was rushing him or making this about me.
Airalynn didn’t say anything for a second, just pulled two plates down.
“Carter took his lick. And you’ll have to do the same. I know it sucks because you two love each other more than anyone I’ve ever seen. This is called growing pains, and this is called standing on what you did.”
“So, I’m supposed to be mistreated in the process?”
“Don’t be a drama queen. You got a big ass rock on your finger still. Now, is Ducane mistreating you or not making you the center of his world like he’s done for years?”
“When was this, Airalynn? Because from where I’m standing, he moved on with his life and never looked back. I’m not the only person to blame, or that should be sitting in grief. And what the hell is this ring without the nigga that comes with it?”
“And you think he’s not?”
“I didn’t say that. I’m saying I’m holding back while he gets to wallow. Forget it.” I said, moving to walk out of the kitchen. Airalynn hugged me from behind and squeezed.
I stopped and turned as she backed up.
“Look, you both gotta go through the motions. I’m a fierce advocate of Ducane, and you know that, but you are my sister. If you two can’t make this work, maybe parenting is all you two should focus on. You move on, and he moves on.”
“Move on, huh? I put my whole life on hold. That’s my husband and I want him, not some random man.”
“And I told your ass not to do that, waiting around.”
“I wasn’t ready. And I don’t know if I ever will be.”
“Well, sis, stay down until you come up. Time will heal this, but don’t be a sucker. You two can raise Cadence and not be together.”
“Don’t say that again, Air.”
She tossed her hands with a smirk, and I rolled my eyes.
The afternoon moved fast after that, cake, the bounce house, Cadence, and the twins running themselves into the ground on a sugar high that was going to be a problem by bedtime.
I was mid-conversation with Carter’s mother when a truck pulled up out front that had the kids running to the front with us trailing behind them. I knew who was responsible for this.
Two miniature G-Wagons, one pink, one blue, both wrapped in bows bigger than the twins themselves. A third one, all white, with a bow just as big, sat off to the side with a card that read Cadence Noelle Simmons.
Behind all three, a flower arrangement the size of a small tree, and a note addressed to me:
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. Made it up to the babies. Working on you.
Airalynn about lost her whole mind over the G-Wagons. Carter just shook his head. Cadence and the twins climbed and tore the backyard up until we had to force them off.
I stood there in my sister's backyard, unsure of how to feel. This shit was not supposed to be this damn difficult.
Me: I don’t get you.
Ducane: You will. Give it time.