Chapter 11
Eleven. Woman in charge
Tamara
“What…” I jump up and follow him to the kitchen. “What do you mean nope?”
“Did you buy more of these?”
I wave at the fridge, then catch myself. “What the fuck do you mean nope?”
He continues to ignore me and pulls out two sachets. I want to yell at him for being such an asshole, but the calm way he moves is distracting. Okay, he isn’t calm, but he isn’t saying or doing anything other than making coffee. Frustration rolls off him, though.
“Patrick.”
When he pretends not to hear me, I look around for something to throw and settle for stomping my foot.
This fucking guy…From the first time I called him Trick at camp, he wouldn’t answer to anything else.
Last night he told me everyone else calls him Patrick, but I must always call him the nickname I gave him twenty something years ago.
I don’t want us to have this familiarity; it’s my way of putting some distance between us.
Even if he won’t let me have it. I just want peace, a middle ground.
I want us to do this baby thing without any more drama.
“Trick,” I say softly and the muscles in his back flex, shoulders rising and falling like he’s so tired of this conversation already. I did warn him we’d be fighting today.
“I’m offended, upset and disappointed,” he starts and I frown, retort ready on my tongue, but he turns and all the words vanish.
There’s something dark in his eyes that surprises me.
“That you think I can carry on with my life when you’re pregnant with my baby.
That I can date and fuck whoever when you still exist in the world.
You really think my life is ever going to be normal now? ”
“Yes.”
“All right, then.” He pulls his cap off and scrubs a hand over his face. He doesn’t look at me as he finishes making his coffee. He walks off and I’m left standing at the counter in confusion.
“Actually, you know what? Fuck it,” he rumbles and I jump at how close he is. His expression is thunderous and my heart leaps at how intensely he’s staring at me. “The audacity in your perfect body to tell me to go back to my life like all of this means nothing is astounding.”
“You’re being an asshole.” My voice wavers.
“Get used to it, baby. You’re stuck with me.
We may not have planned for a kid, but we’ve got unfinished business.
Whatever you think I’m going to do with my life is wrong.
You and me…this is the real shit. I don’t want to date or fuck anyone else.
I apologise if I haven’t made it perfectly fucking clear that all I want is you.
I get that you don’t trust or believe me, and you lash out.
But the baby is mine too, Lotus. I’m in this. With you.”
I shake my head and he laughs, one hand cupping my jaw as he draws my eyes to his. The contact sizzles against my skin.
“I’m glad you have great friends and an amazing support system, but you’ve got me.
Did you really think I was going back to Bangalore while you spent the next six months doing this alone?
Jesus, Tamara. I am your support system.
I will take care of you and our baby. I know I don’t need to provide for you, because you’re a fucking badass, but you’ve gotta let me help. ”
“What if I don’t want your help?”
He freezes and I’m not sure he’s even breathing. He steps closer, pinning me to the counter. “Say it again, Lo. Tell me you don’t want my help.”
I can’t help the shiver. The low murmur of his voice coupled with how close he’s standing, his woodsy scent and the heat in his eyes ruins me. If he wasn’t supporting me, I’d probably be a pile on the floor.
“Why?”
“Why what, baby?” he asks softly.
“Why do you want this?” Why do you want me?
“Because you’re mine, Tamara. Or did you forget?”
I frown at the way he phrases the question. I’ve never been one for possessive partners, I don’t even think it’s attractive in the romance novels I’ve read. But what Patrick’s doing isn’t about owning me, it’s deeper. Stronger.
“The first time you kissed me, do you remember what you said?” I shake my head and he smiles, a small sideways tug of his mouth.
“You said ‘whatever happens, Trick, this is forever. You and me. I’m yours and you’re mine’.
I never forgot it. In as many years that have gone by, that has never changed. ”
Suddenly the memories come flooding back, the tall, pretty boy with the light brown eyes lying below me in the grass.
We’d stumbled across the spot while trying to find somewhere to be alone.
It became our safe space, the only time when it was just us.
I kissed him because I didn’t want to waste any more time.
I can hear my teenage voice saying those words to him, the way his face lit up as he flipped us over and kissed me again.
I blink furiously, fighting back the tears. I wish I didn’t remember anything, wish I could erase our past so we could start over. That girl? The one who was so deeply in love with that boy, she still exists. She’s the one gripping his T-shirt tight, afraid he’ll vanish again.
“Yes, I want to be a part of your life because we’re having a baby.
We were friends once, right? I want to help and take care of you, I want you to lean on me through all of this.
Of course I want to be there for doctor’s appointments.
But I don’t want anyone else. I’m not dating or fucking other people.
I won’t stop you if that’s what you want to do, but I’d fucking hate every minute of it.
And most of all, I’d have dropped literally everything to be here for you, with you.
This is my new normal and I’m really fucking excited about it. ”
Tucking my bottom lip between my teeth, I let his words sink in.
It’s going to be the hardest six months of my life, but I know he’s right.
Having him here doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
If I let him back into my life slowly, cautiously, the benefits are endless.
He’ll take care of me, like he always has.
There’s also definitely a part of me scared to do this alone.
I’m an independent woman and I don’t need someone to babysit me.
But I know help doesn’t have to be a bad thing, especially if it comes in the form of this man.
“Okay,” I whisper and his face lights up. “But we need rules.”
He chuckles and kisses my forehead before releasing me. “Obviously. More tea?” he asks and I nod.
I exhale as he steps away and slump against the counter.
Teenage me would not believe I’m standing in a kitchen with Patrick Joseph while he makes me tea.
I’ve held so much resentment towards him for years and I’m starting to realise it’s probably a little silly.
He’s totally unaware, but also how our lives are now forever intertwined and I can’t keep holding the past against him.
I want to let him in, but once bitten, twice shy and all that.
And after Kabir, I do my best to hold every man at a safe distance.
He hands me the tea and heads back to the couch. “Come on, might as well get comfortable while you lay down the law.”
I sit with my legs tucked under me and take a sip of the tea. He’s made it perfectly and now I’m irrationally angry with him. Why couldn’t he fuck this up somehow? I hide my muttering by taking another sip and then lower the mug to find him watching me.
“What?”
“Your rules, Lo. Tell me.”
I want to be angry about the nickname. Instead, I sigh and say, “I call the shots.”
“I do like a woman in charge. Okay, what else?”
“No sex. That’s what got us here and we can’t let it happen again.”
“All my research says I can’t really get you pregnant while you’re already pregnant, so…”
“Don’t even try it.”
“No dating or fucking other people, then.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, arching an eyebrow. I have no interest in anybody else right now and even if I did, telling them I’m pregnant and living with the father of my unborn child is a boner killer.
“A hundred fucking percent. Next.”
I roll my eyes at his growl. “No coupley nonsense.”
“What does that mean?”
“When we go out with my friends, no holding hands, no more kissing and touching randomly.”
He shakes his head. “No fucking way, Lo. I like touching and kissing you.”
“You’re going to have to try. We’re not a couple.”
I catch the wince, but don’t apologise. Besides, the minute we slip into couple behaviour, everything falls apart.
Last night is proof—he touched me and I melted like butter.
When he kissed me, I didn’t push him away.
I wish I wasn’t so helpless around him. I take a big sip of my tea to give myself a few minutes to settle my soul.
“You can’t do everything for me, okay? I’m not incapable, just pregnant.”
“Fine. I’m moving in.”
“What?!” I’m pretty sure my eyes pop out of my head, cartoon style. This wasn’t part of my not-at-all-thought-out plans!
“I told you, I’m here for you. Besides, I’m staying in Chennai to coach a local team and get some work done. Might as well stay here, be close enough when you need me.”
This is quite possibly the worst idea in the world.
I can keep arguing with him about this, but he’s going to fight me at every turn.
I thought accepting his support meant I’d have the space I need, but with him living here that’s going to be impossible.
Sure, there’s a spare bedroom and we’d have our own bathrooms, but my flat isn’t big enough to avoid each other.
The common areas are all open and visible from one end to the other.
He’s going to walk around doing Patrick things, distracting and seducing me with all of him.
All this willpower I’m building will be for nothing.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“You can live with Elias. It’s not too far.”
He shakes his head. “I’d like to be closer.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Think you’ll be tempted to jump my bones, Lo?”