Chapter 41 – Amber
Chapter Forty-One
AMBER
T he time away from him, from my New York life, does me a world of good. Granny Lucille is her usual delightful self, and the weather is a hell of a lot nicer in Charleston. The physical distance gives me the break I need, and the feeling that I’m living in a pressure cooker starts to fade.
Elijah has stayed in touch but has been true to his word and behaved like a gentleman. We have talked and messaged and shared stories about our days, but we have not flirted. I kind of miss it. Perhaps he’s playing a very canny game. By being the perfect gentleman, he has made me wish for the deliciously dirty-mouthed monster I know he can be. Still, it has been nice to take sex out of the equation. To simply talk and allow ourselves to take a beat.
Today is New Year’s Eve, and Lucille is hosting a party. Her house is crammed full of interesting people—musicians, writers, academics, artists. They come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. Someone is playing a fiddle, and an impromptu dance floor has been created in the middle of the living room. I’ve just finished up a jig myself and head outside to cool down. I sit in one of the wicker chairs on the veranda and enjoy the sounds of revelry coming from the house. Lucille has invited all the neighbors, so at least nobody minds the noise.
Within a few minutes, she joins me, fanning her face with a paper plate. She takes a seat and gulps down the rest of her punch, and when I raise my eyebrows, she says, “What? I don’t want to dehydrate. Besides, I’m a million years old—whatever I’ve been doing, it seems to work.”
I smile and sip my own wine. “Well, I can’t argue with that.”
She points at the cell phone on my lap. “Keeping that handy so you can speak to Elijah?”
She’s right, but I’m embarrassed about it. Is it so wrong to want to hear his voice? And anyway, isn’t she the one who told me I should care less about what other people think?
“What’s with the face, Bam-Bam?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Granny—it’s just all so complicated. My poor little mind can’t keep up.”
“Pah! Don’t give me that hooey. Your mind is more than capable. Anyway, it’s not that complicated. I’ve watched you since you got here. I’ve listened. I’ve been paying attention.”
“Okay,” I reply, narrowing my eyes at her. “Out with it then, Jessica Fletcher. You clearly have something to say.”
“I do. You light up when you talk about him, you smile when he sends you a message, and you practically squeal with joy when he calls.”
“I do not!”
“Do so. Anyway, it’s obvious you still love him, and he still loves you. Treat this as what it is—a wake-up call. Sort your crap out and get back together. I know this all must feel like it’s lasted a month of Sundays to you, but it hasn’t. It’s been the blink of an eye, and look how much you’ve changed. How much you’ve achieved. What’s that awful phrase people use on TV shows? Being the best version of yourself? Well, that’s what I see you becoming, darling—but I still don’t think you’re happy without him. You’re a lot better than the last time I saw you, but it’s like there’s still a piece missing. An Elijah-shaped piece.”
She’s right, of course. That’s exactly how I feel. The last time I stayed with her, I was a mess. This time? Well, I’m still a mess—but at least I’m working on it. And what she doesn’t know is that in the time since she saw me last, I have had a heart-stopping affair with my own husband. Maybe she does… I wouldn’t put anything past her.
“Possibly,” I say. “But there’s a lot of history, and we’ve hurt each other badly. I don’t know if it’s possible to come back from all that.”
“Sounds like nonsense to me. He wants to try again, and deep down, I think you do too. I’d be the last person to tell you that you need a man to be complete, child, but in your case, I think this specific man could make you happy. If you were willing to let him try.”
I wish it were that simple. “I don’t trust him, Granny. I don’t trust him not to hurt me again.”
She must hear the pain in my voice, because for once she doesn’t go for the jugular with the pep talk. She reaches out and lays her gnarled fingers over mine. “Trust is a tricky beast, Bam-Bam, I know. But it can be rebuilt over time. Whatever you decide, I’m here for you, you know that. You can always move in with your Granny, and I can look after you when you’re old and frail.”
She cackles at herself and climbs to her feet. “Right. Well. It’s almost time. You coming in?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s too wild in there for the likes of me.”
She kisses the top of my head and disappears back inside, and I glance at my phone and find a message from Elijah. I break out into a big smile—damn, she’s right.
He’ll be at his dad’s house, about to ring in the new year. In the beginning, I never missed a James family New Year’s Eve bash, but I didn’t feel comfortable going after Verona died. They were such a tight unit, the James boys and their father. After the incident with his mom especially, I felt like I was intruding. If they did all secretly resent me like she suggested, then the last thing I wanted to do was spend New Year’s with them. It’s been so long now that we’ve created our own tradition—being apart at midnight.
The message is simple and makes me smile even more.
I wish you were here.
I’m not sure I totally agree with him. Sure, I’d like to see Drake and Amelia, maybe even Melanie and the baby. But that still leaves the rest of his family.
I wish you were here too. You’re missing a crazy party.
He starts typing a response immediately.
I can be there in a few hours if that’s what you want. I’ll tell them where I’m going. I’ll tell them I love you and can’t live without you. Just say the word, baby.
I pull in a surprised breath. Would he really do that? Would he leave his family behind and head here to be with me? As for telling them… I don’t underestimate what a big deal that would be. He has a trip to Seoul planned for next week, so work will also be playing on his mind as usual. I struggle with the idea that he would disrupt his life so completely just to see me.
Really? You’d do that?
Of course I would. You want me to come?
Oh god. Do I? Part of me does, for sure. But how much of that part only wants to say yes to test him? To push him and see where his boundaries lie. If we’re going to rebuild, that’s not a healthy way to begin.
No, stay in New York. But I appreciate the offer. I’ll see you when I’m back and we can talk.
I can’t wait to see you. I love you.
After replying that I love him too, I lean back in the chair and gaze up at the star-filled sky. There are already a few premature fireworks lighting up the night, and they make me grin. Or maybe it’s Elijah that makes me grin. It means a lot that he wants to tell his family about us.
For now, though, I don’t want to analyze anything too deeply. I don’t want to dismantle it all and examine it—I just want to enjoy the way I feel in this moment.
I hear the countdown from inside the house and laugh as explosions of color erupt in all directions. Under that rainbow shimmer, I am filled with hope. Granny Lucille is right, as usual. He is my missing piece—and I want to rebuild.