Chapter Twenty #2
“Isn’t that the truth?” I respond as the bartender appears in front of me. I placed my order for my usual soda with lime. “You want another beer, Jacob? I got this round.”
“Yeah, thanks, man.” He looks up at the bartender, “Another pale ale, please.”
Moments later, my drink appears in front of me. I take a sip out of habit more than any need to hydrate. Jacob is quiet for a minute, and if I didn’t know better, I would say he was nervous.
“You doing okay?” I ask. Maybe he needs a friend. Gotta be hard being the boss all the time. Our past relationship makes it easy for me to see him as a person, rather than just a boss, but I know that’s rare.
He breathes out a heavy sigh before speaking.
“So, I’ve got something I need to talk to you about. It’s been bugging me for years, and I just need to get it off my chest.”
I try for humor.
“Well, that doesn’t sound ominous at all!” I raise an eyebrow at him. “Best way to handle it is just to dive in, so go for it.”
“Okay, here goes,” he says, his voice a bit shaky.
Wow, he really is nervous, which gives me a bit of anxiety as well.
“You remember that charity auction thing that my parents made me attend?”
I’m puzzled by the direction of the conversation, but I nod my head in agreement.
“You may not remember me saying this, but I told you that I wished that Aunt Jos and you would get married and that she’d divorce Uncle Kurt because you really loved her and then she wouldn’t cry all the time because Kurt was mean to her.”
“Oh yeah, I remember that. It was actually kinda cute.” I chuckle. Kids always see the world in a much simpler way than we adults do.
“Yeah, well, it won’t be so cute when I tell you the rest,” he informs me. “So the next morning at the breakfast table, in front of the whole family, except for Aunt Jos, thank God. I pretty much made the same announcement.” His cheeks are red, and there’s a sheepish look in his eyes.
“Oh shit! Was Kurt there? Because I can’t imagine that went over well.” I cringe at the thought. “That was pretty ballsy of you,” I say with undisguised admiration.
He winces.
“Oh, there’s more to this story. Unfortunately,” he says with chagrin.
I nod for him to continue.
“Well, remember how you got traded pretty soon after that benefit? Yeah, that’s probably my fault. Actually, I’m sure it’s my fault,” he confesses, shame written all over his face as he waits for me to respond, almost like he’s waiting for a physical blow.
The last piece of the puzzle of my past falls into place as his words register. I knew there was more to my trade to Vegas than what I was told. It’s so clear now, especially given what I’ve learned about both Kurt and Tad over the last few weeks.
Poor Jacob! He’s been carrying this around since he was a kid. That’s a horrible burden to have for a young boy. I glance his way and realize he’s watching the emotions play out on my face with intense concentration.
“Oh, that makes so much sense now.” I keep my tone even and calm, letting him know his admission doesn’t ruffle me. “I knew at the time that there was more to my trade than what they told me. Not that they were ever going to be honest with me about anything.”
I pause for a moment, wanting to ensure that Jacob knows I don’t blame him for what happened, so I choose my words carefully. He was a kid, for God’s sake.
“That’s a pretty big burden for a kid to shoulder,” I say, using my dad tone of voice. “Have you been carrying that load since then?” I know the answer to that, I just need him to say it out loud.
The tension in his body releases a bit, and his shoulders droop. He takes a big sip from his beer before answering.
“Pretty much. I mean, it’s my fault you got traded, Damon.” He’s eaten up with guilt, and I just can’t let that stand.
“Jacob. It is absolutely not your fault. No part of that was your fault. You were a child expressing your opinion. There is nothing wrong with that. All of the blame lies with your Uncle Kurt. All. Of. It.” I emphasize that last bit so he can feel it.
“That trade was always going to happen at some point. I was not quiet about my feelings – especially regarding management and Kurt, specifically. That’s completely on me.
I was young and foolishly thought I was untouchable. ”
He looks up, his face brightening. I sincerely hope I’ve taken the weight of his guilt off his shoulders.
“At the end of the day, that trade was probably one of the best things to happen to me and my career. It also set me on a path to getting sober. I would never be the person I am today if that trade hadn’t happened.”
The vulnerable look he gives me reminds me of that eleven-year-old kid. The dad in me wants to hug him. The guy in me knows that won’t go over well. I settle for clapping him lightly on the back.
“You and I are good, man. No hard feelings or anything. I promise you.”
He looks at me for a minute, like he’s trying to judge my sincerity, until finally, with a nod, the worried look disappears and he smiles at me.
“So I guess we should play some pool, then,” he says, his whole demeanor relaxing for the first time tonight.
“Maybe we should put a little money on it?” I suggest, smirking at him.
“Oh, it’s on, old man.”
“I’ll show you old!”