Chapter Twenty-Seven
Joslyn
I left work early today, on a Monday, no less.
Not my usual style, but I needed a break from peopling.
I know we need to hire more staff, but I’m emotionally done for the day.
To be fair, “early” for me is four thirty since I’m typically there much later.
I told myself I left because I needed to take Abby for a run, but that’s a complete lie.
The truth is that I’m running away. I avoided Damon all day. ..because we had sex.
At the arena.
Where I work.
Where anyone could have caught us.
Could I have been more irresponsible?
Okay, there was more to it than that, but most of it’s a big shame spiral, and I’m drowning in it. For a plethora of reasons, not just embarrassment. I mean, why stick with only one reason to beat yourself up? I have no problem finding several.
For God’s sake, what was I thinking? It’s not like I’m a twenty-year-old anymore, not that I would have even when I was twenty.
Who does that? Well, actually, according to Lainy, there are plenty of people who do things like that, but I don’t think of myself as one of them.
Better rethink that. Fortunately, the only other people in the building that night were the security guys.
They never come into the gym while my music is playing. Eddie says it gives him a headache.
Admit it. It was the best damn sex of your life.
Oh, it was absolutely the best sex. Ever.
In fact, I had no idea sex could be this incredible.
No wonder Lainy can’t stop talking about it.
Seriously. After Kurt, I’d had sex a couple of times.
It was nice, but this? This was mind-blowing, life-altering sex.
The kind of sex that makes you rethink all your life choices.
Which is exactly what I’m doing. Well, maybe not all, but more than one.
And damn, that man and his sexy, dirty-talking mouth.
I’m never going to recover from that mouth.
Who knew I was even into that? Not me. It makes me wonder what else I’ve been missing all these years.
I pull on my running gear, determined to get a run in despite my crappy mental state.
I can’t seem to get out of my head. My face flames as I think about how I avoided Damon all day.
I was such a damn child about it, too, but did I fix it?
No. Knowing I behaved badly didn’t stop me from ducking out early.
I never even answered his instant message about dinner.
The guilt and shame are pretty much killing me.
I found myself rereading it a dozen times today. I even typed out a response at one point, but then I deleted it. Not my finest hour.
Plus, I have all these questions rolling through my mind, and I can’t seem to stop them. At this point, I don’t know what to think. My head is spinning, and I feel completely out of my comfort zone.
Well, you could have asked him any of these questions, like an adult.
If I were acting like an adult, I probably would have, but for some unknown reason, I chose to act like a teenager. Ugh, why am I such a hot mess? So many reasons this is a bad idea.
Not only am I his boss, but our jobs frequently put us in the public eye. It’s not an issue currently because this year’s season hasn’t started. Once it does, the press and the attention seekers will crawl out from under their rocks and spew their venom.
It happened after Kurt died. Tad handled all the media attention for me because I couldn’t stand there and pretend to be in mourning, so I avoided the press.
Even when they camped out in front of our house for weeks, I still refused to deal with it.
Tad had to hire a security firm to get the kids to school unmolested.
It was so invasive and left me bitter toward the media.
Eventually, they left us alone, but it left its mark on our family.
Granted, Damon and I had chosen to be part of a professional sports team, which meant we’d signed up to be part of the media circus.
So it’s not like this was unexpected. As an owner, my position is more insulated from public opinion.
Weathering that storm would be much easier for me than for Damon.
He handles ninety-five percent of our press conferences and is the media face of the Colorado Wolves.
It would put him in a defensive position, and I don’t want that for him.
I cross a bridge over the Platte River, feet pounding the pavement in a steady rhythm.
This is the point where I typically start heading back, but I’m still lost in thought, so I keep going, hoping the exercise will help me gain clarity.
Abby loves to run, so she doesn’t hesitate as we continue.
I always feel much safer when she’s with me.
Although it’s afternoon right now, so it’s not a concern, early mornings can occasionally be a little dicey.
My phone dings with a text. I pull it out of my pocket, but don’t stop as I check the sender. Jacob.
Jacob: You okay? U left early.
I slow down to a walk to send a response. Is he concerned or looking for gossip? Ugh, that’s not fair to him. He’s just being nice.
Jos: Is this your way of saying you miss our EOD chats?
Jacob: More worried that Abby missed her treats.
Jos: ha ha like she misses any treats between you and Damon.
Jacob: Well she is the bestest girl
Jos: Yes she is. Srsly Im good. Got dinner with the bestie tonight. Needed a run first. All good here.
Jacob: If you say so…
Jos: Nosy
Jacob: Of course
Jos: All good here
Jacob: Sigh Fine. See ya tomorrow
Great. I’m sure he knows something is going on with us. Leaving me a copy of the HR manual wasn’t even slightly subtle. I don’t know how to address it without outing our relationship, if I haven’t already.
Jacob has been back in the office this week, thank goodness, but I’m still concerned.
His usual happy-go-lucky attitude is absent.
This afternoon, during one of our many meetings, he looked sad and tired.
I don’t like it. I’m sure it has to do with his fiancée.
I promise myself I’ll check in with him tomorrow, first thing.
He’s one of my favorite people, and it hurts my heart to see him like this.
Besides, he’s been overly interested in my personal life. Maybe it’s time I return the favor.
Redfin Sushi is one of our favorite restaurants, and my bestie and I usually eat there at least once a week.
Lainy is already there, and she’s claimed our favorite booth in the corner.
I hug her, holding her tight as all the emotions of the week threaten to overwhelm me.
She hugs me back just as hard. The warmth of our friendship fills me up.
Somehow, things never seem so bad after a session of girl talk.
“Oh, Lainy. I am so glad to see you.” I sink into the booth with relief.
She looks at me closely, raising an eyebrow.
“Okay, spill!” Concern laces her voice as she reaches for my hand in support. Of course, my bestie can read me like a book. My heart swells because there’s nothing better than talking it all out with your best friend.
“Well, remember when I said I didn’t like sex?” I say tentatively.
“Oh my God! You had sex. Was it the silver fox? Because, damn, girl!” she crows triumphantly. “Finally. Was it amazing? It had to be. He’s too hot to suck in bed. That would be a terrible waste. I need details.”
Why is she so loud? I wince because now everyone is looking our way. Not exactly the discretion I was hoping for.
“Yes, please, let’s shout about my sex life so everyone can hear. Maybe we can ask everyone for their input, too?” I hiss. I swear she doesn’t even notice the attention she draws.
She laughs as if it’s no big deal.
“Whatever. It’s fine. Tea. Now.” She waves away my concern, but to my intense relief, she lowers her voice. She knows I hate the spotlight.
“Yes, it was Damon, yes, it was beyond phenomenal, and no, there was nothing about it that sucked except maybe the being at work part. That wasn’t great, but-”
“What! You guys did it at the arena? The one who doesn’t even talk about sex, getting fucked in public. Well, maybe not in public. I mean, that’s private property, I guess, so technically…”
“Oh God.” I groan, hiding the heat of embarrassment with my hands, but I’m grinning because I do love Lainy, drama llama that she is. I really need to get more comfortable with all the sex stuff. Ugh.
“So… details, Jos, details.” She ignores my discomfort, of course, because she loves pushing me out of my comfort zone. Honestly, though, that’s not a bad thing most of the time.
“Fine. It was in the gym at the arena, but it was late at night, so no one was there, except the security guys. No one saw us. At least, I don’t think anyone saw us. Oh God, what if someone saw us?” I’m horrified at the thought.
“Psh. Irrelevant. Who cares about that? How was it?” she demands impatiently.
I shove down my concern because I do want to talk about this part. I am out of my depth, and I know it.
“Dear God, it was incredible. Un-fucking-believable! That man has a mouth on him. I may never recover. I’m not even sure I want to.” My body perks up, getting excited at the thought of Damon’s dirty mouth. “I seriously thought you guys were lying about great sex.”
“I told you, with the right guy…” She smirks and winks.
“Yes, but what do I do now? He’s my employee, and even though there’s nothing in the HR handbook about fraternization, isn’t it some ethical violation or something?
I mean, I can’t date my employee. That’s not acceptable.
This is such a mess. I’ve only been doing this job for a short time, and I’ve already fucked it up.
I don’t know why I thought I could do this.
” Guilt and shame are overwhelming me. I cover my face with my hands with a big sigh.