Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
“Us? I’m not sure. It’s pretty much why I avoided you yesterday.
I’m sorry about that. I know it was childish.
I just didn’t know what to say.” I pause and look up at him, hoping to get a read on how he’s feeling.
Why did I offer to go first? I feel like I’m floundering.
I find a man who’s willing to listen, and I can’t figure out what to say. Just my luck.
He frowns at my last sentence, then opens his mouth but closes it abruptly as he gestures for me to continue.
I hesitate, then grimace.
“So, I’m not sure what this is since it sort of happened by accident.”
Nice one, Jos.
“Not that it was an accident. I mean, it obviously meant something. I’m just not sure…
Uh… What did it mean… to you?” I look at him hopefully.
Maybe he’ll start talking so I can shut up because I’m babbling like an idiot.
That’s not what happens, though. I take a deep breath and plunge right in again.
Fuck it. There’s nothing to lose but my self-respect, right?
“So, I’m not a friends-with-benefits type of person, but I’m also not sure about the whole boss/employee thing.
Who am I kidding? It’s been so long since I’ve had a relationship, I don’t know what the hell to do, but we’ve built a strong friendship, and we work well together.
That means a lot to me. I don’t want to lose that relationship, but I’m incredibly attracted to you. Obviously.”
He smirks at my last comment as only a man can.
“I’m incredibly attracted to you, too, Jos. If that kiss didn’t make it clear, I’m more than willing to try again,” he teases, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief.
Oh, this man.
His smile brightens like he can see right through me as he continues.
“While I may have been a friends-with-benefits kind of guy back in my playing days, I’m definitely not one now.
There was nothing casual about what happened at my apartment or in the gym.
It may have surprised me, but it meant a great deal to me.
You’re very important to me, Jos. Yes, I love that we’re friends and work well together, but I want more. ”
I bite my lower lip as I shift in my seat. I have so many feelings rolling around inside my head right now. A part of me is relieved that he wants more, but then a part of me is also terrified by it. And me? I don’t want a one-night stand, but do I want a relationship? Lord, I’m so bad at this.
“As for the ethical side of things, you didn’t take advantage of me in any way. What happened between us was mutual and consensual. There isn’t a valid reason for any ethical concerns since we are both clearly adults.”
He stands and reaches his hand out for mine. I take it, and he gently pulls me to my feet, my face inches from his hard chest. His other hand comes up to gently cup my face.
“You’re not getting away from me that easily, Joslyn Robertson. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time, beautiful, and I’m a man who goes after what he wants.”
He bends his head, his lips trailing lightly along my cheek.
“And I want you.”
He brings his lips back to mine for a gentle kiss before pulling away, looking down at me with eyes filled with desire.
“We don’t have to define this if you’re not comfortable, but you need to know that this is much more to me than casual sex. This means something, and I’d like to see where it goes. Is that something you want too?” Damon replies, his deep voice soothing my nerves.
Sincerity radiates off him, and I know he’s right. This is more than something casual, and I genuinely want to explore it. Lainy’s voice echoes through my head, “It’s okay to let someone in.”
So, I let him in.
“Yes, I would like to see where this goes. I’m scared to death, and I have zero experience with normal, healthy relationships, but I’m willing to give it a try.”
I take a deep breath and step forward into his arms. I can be brave, right? Because I really want to be brave for this man.
He pulls me into the biggest, warmest hug, and it feels so right.
I tighten my arms around him, pouring all my angsty feelings into our embrace.
I can’t help but lay my head against his muscular chest and simply enjoy the contact with his body.
I’m probably overthinking this whole relationship thing.
Perhaps we don’t need to define it; maybe we just need to live it.
Of course, my perfect moment is short-lived because there’s another knock at the door. We only manage to separate a few feet before Mel opens the door, profusely apologizing as she swings it wider.
“Sorry! I’m so sorry. The police detective is here and said he needed to talk to you immediately. It seems pretty urgent. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have interrupted your lunch.” She’s panicking, her eyes wide, as she wrings her hands in front of her.
I rush to reassure her.
“It’s okay, Mel. We’re helping them with a fraud investigation. Why don’t you go ahead and show him in?”
I can feel Damon’s eyes on me, full of questions. That’s right, we haven’t had much of a chance to talk about the “Bill” fallout.
“Are we good, Damon? We can discuss this further later this afternoon. I’ll stop by your office.”
He hesitates before saying, “Would you mind if I stay? I’d like to hear how the case is going.”
I look at him in surprise, but he shrugs. I always feel safer when he’s around, so I’m not about to argue.
“Sure. Go ahead.”
Mel ushers Dave Marcos in, a detective with the Denver Police Department.
He’s the lead investigator and our point of contact.
He’s been wonderful about keeping us in the loop with everything that’s happening.
He’s a brawny guy, broad and muscular. He’s good-looking, but he doesn’t hold a candle to Damon.
“Good morning, Dave,” I say, extending my hand. His big, beefy hand engulfs mine in greeting. His grip is firm but gentle. I’ve always liked analyzing handshakes. They can tell you so much about a person—sometimes more than they want to reveal and Dave has a good one.
Dave smiles at me with genuine warmth.
“Good morning, Ms. Robertson. I hope everything is going well.” He’s not one for small talk, but I appreciate that. I prefer someone give it to me straight, particularly in a situation like this.
“We’re doing fine. I’d like you to meet my colleague, Damon Hawk.
He’s also been very involved in our fraud situation.
How’s the investigation going? Everything okay?
” He never stops by unless he’s got a reason, so this isn’t a social call.
Now that I’m looking closer, the detective seems slightly off from the last time I saw him.
He looks nervous. Something’s up, and a shiver of trepidation raises the hair on the back of my neck.
“Good. Good. Nice to meet you, Mr. Hawk. Dave Marcos with Denver PD.” They shake hands, and Dave continues. “The investigation is progressing well. Unfortunately,” the dread comes rushing back, “we’ve hit a bit of a snag.”
“A snag? What kind of snag?” I ask, glancing at Damon, who rests his hand on my lower back, concern etched on his face.
“What kind of snag, Detective?” Damon queries, voice calmly confident as usual, even as his hand rubs circles on my lower back.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” he replies in a careful tone, “but Bill Nelson made bail and hasn’t shown up for his first court hearing.
We have a warrant out for his arrest, but according to texts sent to his wife—texts we have physical copies of—he’s blaming you, Ms. Robertson, and he’s made some threatening statements. ”
He pauses, and Damon quickly interjects with questions, but I’m silent, frozen as fear overwhelms me. My breathing ramps up until I’m practically panting. I can hear my heart racing. Oh God, it’s happening again. Everything around me seems distant, like I’m wrapped up in a big cotton ball.
Not now! I stumble to the sofa and sink into it.
I focus on my breathing, just like Damon showed me in the conference room the other day.
In and out, slowly, deeply until the room comes back into focus.
I remind myself to be brave, repeating it until my breaths even out and I feel present once more.
I’m suddenly so damn proud of myself. I just handled that panic attack all on my own, I tell myself, self-confidence flooding through me. Yay me!
The conversation finally breaks through the fog in my mind when I hear Damon’s furious voice demanding that Dave provide police protection.
They face each other, red-faced, fists clenched, looking like they’re about to throw down in my office.
They’re so involved in their testosterone-fueled fight for dominance that they’ve completely forgotten about me.
Fury surges through me, and I suddenly find myself completely fed up with men.
I’m tired of them making decisions without my input and interfering in my problems without my permission.
I’m done being ignored and minimized in every way possible while they make it all about themselves and their egos.
I’m sick of being nervous and afraid. It’s all just too much.
“That’s enough,” I say firmly, but they keep talking.
They don’t even hear me.
“That’s quite enough.” I raise my voice, still not shouting.
Still, nothing. And that’s it. That’s the last straw for me.
“Enough!” I roar in frustration, striding directly toward them, years of fury and resentment rolling off me in waves, eyes lit up with rage.
Finally, they notice me, falling silent with startled expressions. At least the detective has the decency to look embarrassed. Damon just looks angry, but at this point, I don’t care, because I’m done.