Chapter 13
Charlie
I got used to Black Dog Inn so quickly it almost scared me. I’d never been an easygoing person. Blue had always been the sibling who made everything safe and comfortable enough for me to exist wherever we went together. But without him? Yeah, I guess this ease I felt now was a testament to how much of a family feeling I got from Nic and Dana.
Oak quickly became one of my favorite people, too. He’d given me snippets of his story, and whoa boy did I feel grateful that being gay hadn’t been a point of contention for my parents. Everything else about me was wrong, but not that or the career I’d chosen. My being gay was an unfortunate thing, but nothing my mother could hate me for, because she understood it wasn’t a choice.
Not that all the other things about me she despised had been chosen. I pulled my sleeves down, my shoulders twitching, as if my body was disgusted about something.
The door to the office opened and Oak peered in. “Hey, are you in the middle of anything? I need to vacuum here.”
“No, nothing urgent. Go ahead.” I was about to get to my feet when he gestured for me to sit.
“Just stay. I’ll work around you and you can roll back from the desk so I can get to the floor underneath, but that’s it.”
“Okay,” I said easily.
He plugged in the vacuum he’d rolled in and started on his task.
Today, he wore a sleeveless T-shirt with a rainbow logo of some kind on the chest and shorts that were respectable length, yet still form-fitting. Nic and Dana didn’t insist on uniforms, and had told us that if we chose to dress according to the weather—which was super fucking hot right now—that was fine by them.
Oak, having no qualms about showing off his physique, had decided to dress for the occasion. I… well, I wore a dark blue button down with the sleeves rolled up a bit, a fact that made me tug them down occasionally when my thoughts went bad.
I had a pair of dark linen pants, which was what I’d chosen for today. They came down to my ankles and were sort of yoga pants-like, but I liked them in this weather. They also kept me warm enough in the office with the AC running in the window behind me.
I rolled away from the desk when Oak approached with his vacuum, then reversed back to the spot when he was done.
Just as he was done with the room, Nic came in, looking pissed off and exhausted.
“What’s wrong?” Oak and I asked at the same time.
“There’s a fucking leak in the pipes of number seven.” She seemed to be seconds away from stomping her foot. To my shock she looked at me. “I’m so sorry, Charlie, but your back porch has to wait.”
I frowned. “Well of course it has to. It’s not a priority in any way!”
“I know, it’s just that I want you to have a covered space for all your working out when the weather takes a dive, and it will sooner or later.”
“There’s still time, I’m sure,” I tried to placate her, realizing that she was really upset.
“Uh, my uncle has built stuff like decks before. For my grandparents and some friends, I think,” Oak said, blinking a bit too innocently for my liking.
I narrowed my eyes at him, but he didn’t cave. Damn it.
Nic perked up. “Do you think he’d have time to help out?”
“I’m sure he’d find time for you guys, but it’s not like there’s much need for firewood at the moment and Gramps has most things handled anyway.”
Nic looked at me. “You think you’d be okay with that? If I asked Teague?”
While Oak, who had been doing not-so-subtle digging into whether I might find his uncle attractive, was clearly mischievous and amused, all I could see on Nic’s face was worry.
It hit me that she was still afraid that Teague would trigger me.
“You can ease up a bit, Mama Bear,” I teased her. “It’ll be fine. If he has time. But there’s no rush, so I’ll be fine—”
“I’ll call him right away. It’ll take me a day or two to fix the room and I’m sure there’s another disaster just waiting around the corner….” She marched back out, staring at her phone, likely to find Teague’s number.
“He really is the best guy,” Oak said suddenly, his voice serious.
I smiled tightly. “I know.”
“So, there’s nothing—”
“I’m not scared of him, Oak.” At least not in the way Oakley would think. “It’s okay.”
“Okay.” Then he grinned slowly. “He doesn’t just give out cupcakes, either.”
I rolled my eyes. “Go clean something, kid.”
“I’m twenty years old, Charlie.”
“Yeah, and I still have a decade on you. You’ll forever be a kid to me, kid.”
He groaned in a very immature way and lugged his vacuum out the door.
The bottom of my stomach swooped a little when I thought about Teague being around my cabin. I guess I’d figure out how to deal with that when we got there.
It turned out we “got there” two days later. Nic had insisted I take the morning off so I could do the planning with Teague.
At first, I thought about going down to the motel for breakfast, but my stomach felt…unsettled about everything, so I decided to eat my Bran Flakes with almond milk for breakfast instead.
The weather looked promising. There was some mist hanging behind the pond still, but the sun would take care of that soon. I hoped that by the time Teague got here, it’d be warm enough for our planning to be comfortable temperature-wise, because honestly, I needed something to be.
I had moved my SUV closer to the fire pit so that there’d be room for Teague’s truck behind it, as tight a fit as it would still be. When I heard the tires on the gravel, I steeled myself and barely prevented myself from tugging down the sleeves of my long-sleeved T-shirt. It’d be fine.
I opened the door before Teague could knock, startling him a bit.
“Morning,” he said, looking a bit shocked like he always did when he first saw me.
I had started to not-hate his reaction, but it still felt… unsettling.
He thrust a cupcake box at me, and I took it, trying to hide my smile. I could imagine getting fond of his clumsy way of courting given some time, mostly because it felt so harmless even through the unease I felt under his attention.
“Morning. Do you want to come in?”
“Can you show me the space first? I’ve been here once or twice with Nic, helping her out with some stuff, but….” He smiled disarmingly.
“Sure. Let me put my shoes on.”
He backed away, and I put the box on the little table just inside the door, pulled on my well-worn Chucks, then walked down the two steps.
“Nic said you want a space to work out in?” he asked, following me to the backside of the cabin.
I waited to feel his gaze on my body, but it never came, so I relaxed minutely.
“Uh, yeah.” I gestured at the weights I had piled on top of a couple of boards I’d put by the wall. “I have a yoga mat inside, too. Some other stuff. I just can’t have them here with the moisture.”
“Your weights are doing okay, though?” Teague ambled closer, then answered his own question. “Oh, they’re that type. Not pure metal.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t want to say that I disliked how metal made my hands smell, because that was just weird. “So, they’re fine here. Nothing else is.”
The mist was nearly gone now. I got stuck staring at the pond, though, waiting for the fish to show themselves.
“Holy crap!” Teague held a hand to his heart. I followed his eyeline and saw Cricket amble over from the brushes.
“Hey, girl. Did you scare Uncle Teague?” I cooed at her.
She looked so happy, wiggling a little as she brushed past me and went to Teague for more pets.
“She always does this circuit in the morning.” I gestured around us. “She’s not here at this hour normally though, so she must’ve cut her route short after hearing your truck.”
“You’re a good girl, aren’t you. Have you been keeping Charlie safe?”
I chuckled. “Kind of.” I told him about the rustling next to the cabin.
“Silly Uncle Charlie, doesn’t he know we don’t have grizzlies here, huh?” Teague ruffled her neck, and her body moved in an S shape.
“How would I know that? There’s woods,” I faked outrage. “There are bears in the woods!”
“Black bears, Charlie. But mostly deer.” He looked at me, and I saw fondness in his eyes.
“Whatever. Maybe the deer have fangs. How would I know?”
Teague laughed, hard. “City boy?”
“Desert city boy.”
“Aww, how sad,” he teased me, attention back on Cricket.
I suddenly realized he hadn’t been looking at me as much. “Why aren’t you looking at me?” I blurted out.
He startled, gaze snapping to me. “What?”
“I mean you normally…,” I trailed off, not sure what I was trying to say.
He smiled. “I figured out that my… attention can make you uncomfortable. So, I’m trying to keep my eyeballs to myself. Mostly.”
“Oh.” It was touching. As fuck. “Um, well, thank you.”
“No problem.” He glanced at me, then patted Cricket once more. “Go on, girl.” He turned to look at the pond. “The view is really nice here. I can see why you’d want to work out here.”
“Do you know if there were ever fish in the pond?”
“I think so. Nothing fancy though. I guess the old owners stocked it at some point in the past. Why?”
“Because—” Before I could explain, there was a small splash, and I instinctively slapped my hand on his arm. “There!”
“Oh, that’s cool. I’m sure nobody has done anything with it for years. Maybe at least a decade. I bet there’s stuff Nic could do with it, though. Maintenance and all. Make it either a swimming spot or just a pond to fish in.”
“My brother’s kids would love that.” I smiled, easily seeing Tristan with a fishing pole in his hands.
“How many does he have?”
I looked at Teague, then realized my hand was still on his bare arm—he was wearing short sleeves already despite the morning chill—and pulled my hand back, trying not to jerk it.
“Uh, three. They’re great kids.”
This time, he examined my face with this intense expression on his. “You miss them a lot.”
Nodding easily, I replied, “Yeah. I really do.” I knew my tone belied the fact that I was a bit miserable without them so far.
Teague caught that, his voice worried as he asked, “Are they able to visit?”
“Hopefully. I know they’d love it here.”
Sensing that I was at my limit of sadness-in-the-morning, he smiled slightly. “Well, I’m hoping they’ll come visit you soon.”
I gave him a small smile back. “Thanks.”
“So.” He rubbed his hands together and concentrated on the space we were standing in. “A porch, eh? How big do you want it to be?”
“Okay, my first thought is that I don’t want it to be too permanent unless Nic wants that for the cabin.” I turned around, squinting at the hard-packed, even area that screamed for something to be built there.
“She said whatever goes. Even if you move out at some point, this is the cabin that’s in the best condition and the best spot. A proper little porch will just add to the charm,” Teague said quickly. “So, whatever you need.”
I sighed. “She’s….”
“A great friend to have?” Teague grinned.
He was still keeping his looks to glances, his attention bouncing off me as soon as it landed on me, and that helped. More than I could’ve guessed.
“Yeah, yeah.” I went to stand by the wall, and then did a few moving lunges forward. Then turned and did a few more back. “I guess that’s about enough.”
When Teague didn’t say anything, I glanced up, seeing him… blushing a little as he kept his eyes anywhere but on me.
Oh. Oh. My yoga pants. Shit.
“Okay, so let’s mark here,” he said quickly, and went to draw a line to the ground with his heel. Then he took a deep breath and turned toward me. “The width?”
“I think the width of the cabin is fine. Maybe a bit over?”
He hummed, and just like that, his concentration went back to the task instead of my… everything.
“How about we go from that corner to about here? Put the stairs here?” he asked, gesturing at the spot next to the corner. “That way you can have all the space for your exercising, but there’s also some left if you want a grill or a deck chair here?”
I saw what he meant, so I nodded. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”
He beamed at me. “Awesome. Let me get my tape measure and we’ll figure out what kind of lumber we need.”
By the time Teague left to go help his dad out with something or other with a promise he’d be back the following day after lunchtime with lumber, I was tired as fuck.
I realized I enjoyed his company, now that he didn’t make my skin feel too tight anymore. He was putting so much effort into making me comfortable, that I felt… cared for.
Since the sun was now shining and the ground was dry, I sat down where the middle of the porch would be and sighed.
Teague was just as great as everyone said he was. He was attractive and funny and kind, and I had a problem with that.
Because this was the point that still felt good. It was the part where they all started to realize how fucking different I was that would soon follow.
Being touched was… difficult. Accepting someone wanting me was tricky. I hadn’t showered with a boyfriend in years. I could barely be naked around anyone if there were lights on. Even in total darkness, I sometimes got overwhelmed and it had nothing to do with how much I wanted the other person back.
I was frustrated. Angry at my faulty brain. Bitter as hell at my mother who hadn’t nurtured me but instead tried to mold me into something less disappointing. Less… wrong. It had never been about giving her preemie son the best opportunities to grow into a healthy child and adult. Instead, it had always been about trying to fix what was wrong with me, so that I wouldn’t make her seem like a bad mother.
Ever since I was three years old, I’d heard how embarrassing it was to have a child like me. How I wasn’t growing or developing fast enough. How I had robbed her of the ability to have more, better, healthier children.
Suddenly I was tackled by a giant mass of… Cricket. She flopped on top of me, making me fall back, my lungs emptying with a whoosh.
“What…?” I gasped, then continued to struggle to breathe for a few moments.
She moved until she was covering me from lower stomach down, huffed, and settled down.
I couldn’t even sit up. I pushed myself up to my elbows and looked at her. She was ignoring me.
“What the fuck, Cricket?” Then I glanced next to us. I realized there were gouges in the dirt where my hand had been. I looked to the other side and saw similar marks.
I laid back down and lifted my hands, grimacing at the state of my hands. There was so much crap under my fingernails. I’d been… somewhere else for a moment, hadn’t I?
I reached down a hand and pushed it into Cricket’s fur. “Thank you, girl.”
Nic told me to take most of the next day off, too. I went into the office in the morning, then when Teague got there after lunch with a truck bed full of lumber, I hitched a ride back to the cabin.
It was another hot day, which meant only one thing: torture.
Teague was wearing ratty old jeans with his work boots, and a tank top that did nothing to hide his big biceps and his… everything else. Once we got out of the truck, I could see how the jeans were practically threadbare, molded around his ass, with a wallet print on the back pocket.
It was unfair, being stuck in this with someone so attractive. And then, eventually, he got sweaty, and that was just the universe testing me.
He’d run our plans by Nic, and they’d agreed that there needed to be proper posts he was putting into the ground. I was supposed to… I don’t even know? Hold things that needed to be held? Except at this point there weren’t many. So, I mostly tried to keep the saliva inside my mouth while I watched him dig the holes for the posts with some sort of a special tool. The way his biceps and back muscles moved was a little bit breathtaking.
“I’m gonna grab us drinks,” I croaked at one point, when he’d leaned down to inspect something or other.
“Okay!”
I needed to get away from him for just a minute. It was fine for me to be drawn to someone like this. I could deal with it, maybe. The problem wasn’t this. It was what would come after. What couldn’t come after. I wasn’t putting myself through that ever again, no matter how gorgeous and kind someone was.