Chapter 8
OPN: What are you up to today? Are you going anywhere at night this week? Tell me if you are and I’ll take you. I don’t want you taking public transportation at night. No arguments.
Caren wanted to be annoyed. He was overbearing and ridiculous. Lacey had given him her number a week ago and she’d received check-in messages from him daily.
Yep. She wanted to be annoyed.
Only, she couldn’t seem to quite manage it. Had anyone ever checked in on her before like this? Grammy had done her best to take care of a scared teenage girl. But Caren had quickly come to be her caregiver rather than the other way around.
Not that she was complaining.
Living with Grammy had been absolute heaven compared to her life before.
Her parents had never known where she was most of the time—something she’d been grateful for. Still, if she’d been kidnapped, ill, or injured they might not even have noticed for a week.
Lacey was the only other person who’d ever cared about her.
So this daily check-in, overbearing as it was, was also something novel and kind of welcome.
If she disappeared someone would notice.
Caren: Good morning, Travis. How are you today? I have no evening plans so far this week.
So far.
And if she did make some, she was pretty certain he was the last person she was going to tell. No way did she want a repeat of last week. Luckily, River had answered the email she’d sent him asking for some follow-up paperwork.
She still wasn’t certain about hiring him, although Oliver, her agent, was pushing her into accepting him.
Of course, Oliver was also concerned that she hadn’t worked lately, despite knowing the reason why she hadn’t.
A shudder worked its way through her and she stifled it, taking in a deep breath.
She stared out at the nursing home. It was a large white building with three levels. The grounds looked beautiful. Welcoming and calming.
She wondered if that worked on her mother.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
Caren had arrived in Albany by train last night. She’d just had time to check into her accommodations and get some dinner before getting into bed.
Where she’d tried to sleep but mostly failed.
Who knew that coming to see her estranged, abusive mother could wreak such havoc on her sleep? And her eating. This morning she hadn’t even had the stomach to look at the buffet breakfast at the hotel.
So now she was exhausted, nauseous, and filled with dread.
Awesome.
Why are you doing this? She doesn’t deserve your attention. She doesn’t deserve any part of you.
Caren couldn’t answer those questions. Because she had no idea why she was doing this. Maybe it was closure? Maybe she wanted to see if her mother had changed? If she showed any sign of remorse or wanted to apologize.
Yeah, right.
She was probably more likely to see a flying pig. But there was a part of her that still had hope.
Or perhaps she just wanted to ensure her mother was comfortable in her final years. One visit and she could leave, knowing she’d done her daughterly duty. Knowing that she wasn’t a terrible daughter, in the same way that her mother had been a truly awful parent.
Maybe after this visit she’d finally be able to let go of any residual anger . . . and fear.
There had been no closure with her father, he’d died of a heart attack three years ago. It had been sudden and unexpected. Caren hadn’t even known about it until a lawyer for her parents’ estate had tracked her down to tell her about her mother’s illness.
But she hadn’t been able to bring herself to see her until she’d been informed that her mother had been put in a specialized unit in the nursing home.
God, she’d hate this.
Caren wouldn’t have wished this on her. On anyone. And maybe she would have been better off never coming here.
So why are you here now?
You don’t have to come.
No. But she also thought that she might regret it if she didn’t. She’d certainly wonder if her mother was being treated all right. This place had a good reputation, but you couldn’t be sure until you visited somewhere in person.
Gathering up her resolve, she walked up to the door and pressed the buzzer.
She was glad to see that security was being taken seriously.
A guard came to the door and took her details before issuing her a visitor badge that she had to return when she left.
Then she followed his instructions to get to the special unit.
The woman at the desk looked up with a smile. “Hello, can I help you?”
“Yes, hi. My name is Caren Stanford. My mother, Martha Stanford, is living in the unit. I called to make sure I could visit.”
“Yes, of course! Our director, Mr. Peterson, just wants to meet with you first to talk through your mother’s care.”
“Oh, sure.”
“Please take a seat, he’ll be out soon.”
Great.
Hopefully her nerves didn’t get to her while she was waiting. She perched on the edge of a firm, uncomfortable chair and brought out her phone as it buzzed.
OPN: Yeah, good morning.
To her shock, she found herself smiling. She could just imagine how disgruntled he’d been as he’d typed those words. Lord, she wished he was with her right now.
No. She didn’t need him or anyone else. She could do this alone. Just like she did everything.
“Ms. Stanford?”
She glanced up to see a smiling older man step into the waiting room.
Caren jumped to her feet. “Yep, that’s me.” After shaking his hand, she followed him into a large office.
“Please, take a seat. I won’t take up much of your time. It’s just that this is the first time someone other than your mother’s lawyer has been to visit.”
Was there a slight note of disapproval in his voice? She tensed.
“I was told you were out of the country. Of course, that would make things difficult. But we do find that patients enjoy regular visitations from family.”
“I very much doubt that my mother will care whether I visit or not. I haven’t seen her in twenty years.”
He blinked. “Right, yes, of course. Families are complicated things, aren’t they?”
They sure are, you pompous ass.
Okay, she was probably being unfair. He didn’t know what she’d suffered at the hands of her mother. He probably thought she was just a terrible daughter.
“Sure. Complicated. Was there something you wanted from me?” she asked.
He shuffled around, appearing uncomfortable.
“There’s not a problem with payment, is there? Because my mother’s lawyer assured me that was all being taken care of by her estate.”
“No, no, payments are prompt and we appreciate that. It’s just that your mother has had some episodes.”
She sighed. “Just spit it out.”
“Violent episodes. It’s not uncommon and our staff are well-equipped and experienced. But it’s more that her verbal lashes that are affecting them and visitors.”
Okay.
“But you said your staff can handle it,” she said, feeling confused. “I looked into this facility and you must have experienced this sort of thing before.”
“Yes, of course. I just wanted to warn you because most of her, um, expressions of anger seem to be directed at you.”
Awesome.
Then his words fully infiltrated.
“Wait, so she’s been getting angry and violent at others, likely thinking they’re me? Or it’s about me? And you disapprove of the fact that I haven’t visited more often? Why? So that abuse will be aimed my way and therefore spare everyone else?”
His mouth dropped open. But, was that a hint of guilt in his face? “Well, I, um, wouldn’t put it quite like that.”
“I’m not sure that all of the reviews I read about this place and how wonderful it is are true.”
“You are always welcome to seek alternative arrangements,” he said stiffly.
Great.
So now he wanted her to move her mother? Was he kidding her? She’d only been here a few months. Moving her would surely be stressful?
Could he even do that?
“I’d like to see her now. I’ll also be speaking to her lawyer about this. Including the way you’ve treated and spoken to me.”
“Now, see here—” he blustered.
“I would like to see her now.” She was proud of how firm she kept her voice. That it didn’t waver or crack.
Even though on the inside she felt like she was falling apart.
Save it until you’re on your own.
Caren had learned how to be strong, how to stick up for herself and not let people pull her down. Generally, she did it with a smile on her face. It tended to put them off-guard.
But she couldn’t muster up that level of acting right now. It was all she could do to stop herself from losing it.
His face was red, bordering on purple as he picked up his phone to call the poor woman from the front desk. She looked apprehensive as she came to collect Caren.
“I’ll take you to her main carer,” she said, sneaking looks at Caren.
“Thank you, I appreciate it.”
“For what it’s worth, the people who work here really care about the patients. Your mom is getting the best of care. Mr. Peterson is just . . . well, he’s in charge of the finances and running the place. Not the people within it.”
Caren nodded at her words, managing a small smile. “Thanks.” Several doors were open and she peeked through to find large rooms with a double bed and small lounge area. They looked like mini-studio apartments. And she relaxed further.
“Hey, Brenna, this is Ms. Stanford. Martha’s daughter,” the girl said to an older woman who had just stepped into the corridor from a room.
“Oh, hi. I didn’t know what time you were coming.”
“Yes, sorry,” Caren said with a tight smile.
“No matter. I didn’t tell her that you were coming in case something happened. Didn’t want to disappoint her.”
Oh, Caren doubted she’d be disappointed. Well, maybe she would since it seemed she had Caren on her mind a lot.
“If you’d come with me, Ms. Stanford,” Brenna said with a curious look.
Probably wondering why Caren was barely talking.
“Call me Caren,” she said quietly. “Sorry, I’m still recovering from my meeting with Mr. Peterson.”
“Oh.” The woman grimaced. “Sorry if he upset you.”
“I think he wants me to move my mother because she’s upsetting everyone.”