Chapter 15
Oh no.
He looked like he’d swallowed a lemon. Or was having gastro issues. Caren had to bite her lip not to break out into giggles.
And she really didn’t think she’d feel like laughing today. Not after the disaster of yesterday. But Travis had this ability to make her feel lighter. Like everything wasn’t piling on top of her.
She didn’t know why. Perhaps because she knew that nothing would touch her while he was around.
He made her feel so safe.
It wasn’t something she felt often. She’d started feeling safe when she’d gone to live with Grammy. Before the older lady became so frail that she had to take care of her.
Not that she begrudged any moment of that time. Grammy saved her. Caren would have done anything for her.
“You still haven’t shown me your arm, Goldie,” he told her. There was more demand in his voice this time.
Well. She guessed there wasn’t any harm in showing him.
Standing, she set the blanket aside and then drew off her coat. She was wearing a top with three-quarter sleeves under her jacket so the bruise was easily visible on her slender forearm.
Travis sucked in a breath. “Baby.”
Caren let that word settle into her heart. She loved hearing him call her that even knowing that he didn’t necessarily mean it the way she wanted him to.
As if she was his baby.
Maybe he called lots of people “baby.”
Oh, she didn’t like the idea of that, did she?
He took a gentle hold of her hand and turned her arm from side to side.
“It’s really not that bad. Although I was surprised by how strong she is. For some reason, I thought she wouldn’t be able to hurt me anymore. Seems I was wrong.”
Caren had thought she was stronger than this, than her. And she wasn’t talking about physical strength.
“Why was no one else there?”
“Oh, her carer was but she”
“She was there while your mother, and I use that term loosely, did this?”
“Oh no! I, um, well, she left because of this.” With a flush of shame, she showed him the scratches along the inside of her other arm.
Travis sucked in a deep breath. “Fuck. Who did that?”
“Me?” she whispered. “The piano was there.” She stared off into the distance as she sat.
“And that was a bad thing? Did the piano bring back bad memories, baby?”
“Oh yeah. Bad memories. She didn’t think I was very smart. But if I’d been good at music or art then my lack of intelligence might have been more tolerable. She’s a brilliant pianist. I think she could have done it professionally. And she decided to teach me. But I wasn’t good. Not at all.”
“Did that make her mad?” he asked in a quiet voice.
Caren rubbed her knuckles. She could feel the pain as the stick hit them.
“Yeah, it made her mad.”
“What would she do when she was mad? Would she call you names?” he asked.
“She’d call me names. But she also had this ruler.
She said it was the way she’d learned. Every time I made a mistake, I got smacked on my hand with the ruler.
But the thing was, the more I got hit, the worse I became.
Every lesson, I think I grew worse instead of better.
I was so nervous. So scared of disappointing her.
By the end of each lesson, sometimes my hands would be so painful and red I could barely stand to use them. Sometimes, they would bleed.”
“That motherfucking bitch. Jesus! She fucking abused you and no one did anything!”
“Who would do something?” she asked in surprise, blinking him back into focus.
Shoot. She hadn’t actually meant to tell him all of that.
“Your father, for one.”
“That was never going to happen. Like I told you I don’t think my father remembered I was alive most of the time.”
“I can’t believe him or her. Baby, you are never to go there again. You hear me? Never.”
Caren blinked at him. “I might have to . . .”
“No!” His response was almost violent and she blinked in surprise, leaning away from him. “Please.”
“W-what?” Had he really just said please? “Please what?”
“Please listen to me. Please don’t be scared of me as I will never, ever harm you. But especially please don’t go back there.”
“I’m not sure I can promise that. There might be times I have to go to do .
. . something.” Although right now she couldn’t think of a reason why.
Surely she could do most things from afar.
It wasn’t like her mother would want her to visit.
And she certainly had no plans to go back. “I’ll only go if absolutely necessary.”
“And you will take me with you.”
“You want to come with me?” she asked. “Really? No, you don’t actually want to. It would be awful.”
“Goldie.” He walked over to sit in front of her again, staring at her intently. “I really want to.”
Caren took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “All right.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Good. That’s fucking good.”
She watched as his shoulders sank. As though a weight had come off them and he could breathe more easily.
And it hit her then that he really did care. This wasn’t him trying to control her or even to just relieve his guilt.
He cared.
“Thanks, Travis,” she told him.
He gave her a surprised look. “For what?”
“For caring. A lot of people wouldn’t. And we don’t really know each other that well—”
“But we are friends now,” he interrupted.
“Yeah, we are.” She gave him a wobbly smile. She wished that she could tell him everything. But her other problem wasn’t one that she wanted him anywhere near.
That would be far too dangerous for him. And if there was one thing she knew about him it was that he could be stubborn. He wouldn’t listen to her if she told him not to get involved.
So, no, for his own safety she’d keep that a secret.
And hopefully that issue would never raise its ugly head again.
“So she grabbed your arm after her caregiver left?” he asked. “Did you put ice on it? Any cream?”
“No, it’s really not that bad.”
“What about your head? It looks bad.”
“I think it looks worse than it feels.”
He shot her a look. “What happened?”
“Oh, she threw something at me. It caught me by surprise. My fault. I’ve gotten complacent. Not that she used to throw things at me. I just forgot to be on alert, you know?”
Travis gently took hold of her chin, tilting her head back. “In no way was this your fault. At all. And complacent? Why should you worry about your own mother throwing things at you? That’s not fucking normal.”
No. He was right.
This wasn’t her fault and that wasn’t normal.
Taking a deep breath in, she let it out slowly. “You’re right. I know better than this, than trying to take the blame onto my shoulders. Even though she’s ill, she was like this before the illness.”
“Exactly, baby. Now, why didn’t you get checked out? Did you lose consciousness?”
“Ahh.” She didn’t want to tell him that because she knew what he was going to say.
“That’s a guilty look if I ever saw it. Caren,” he scolded.
“I know. I just lost consciousness for a short time, I think. And I wanted to get out of there. To get back to my hotel room and just sleep. Which is what I did. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your messages. I just couldn’t get on my phone without feeling ill.”
“I wish you had. I would have come to you.”
“That . . . that would be above and beyond friendship, Travis.”
“Don’t care. That’s what I would have done. That’s what you deserve and need.”
She wasn’t sure it was. But she wanted it. Desperately.
“What do you need?” he asked.
“Um, what do I need for what?” she asked in confusion as he stood.
“What do you need before I take you to see a doctor?”
“I’m not going to see a doctor.”
“You lost consciousness. You’re pale and exhausted. You should be checked over.”
“No, no. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. I’m taking you.”
Shit. The last thing she wanted was to spend hours in an emergency waiting room only to be told she was fine.
“I really don’t need a doctor and I don’t want to go. Besides, I don’t have insurance.”
That part was actually true.
“You don’t have insurance? Why not? Can you not afford it?” He glanced around with a shrug. “We’ll put you on Raptor’s plan.”
“Um, you can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t work for you!”
“We’ll work out something. Been meaning to get some photos taken for the website. You can do that.”
She bit her lip as amusement filled her. She had been pretty sure that he had no idea what sort of photographer she was. Now, she was certain he had no clue.
Should she tell him?
Probably. Maybe not right now, though. He’d likely had enough shocks today.
“You don’t need to do that. I’m not going to be in the states much longer so I’ll be fine without insurance.” Money wasn’t a problem. She just hadn’t thought it worth the hassle when she knew she wouldn’t be here much. Although maybe it would be nice to have a base to come home to.
Hmm. She’d tried to keep Grammy’s place as a base, but it had been too sad to come home to and she’d thought it was a house that deserved to have people live in it. So she’d sold it to a lovely family and stored what she wanted to keep.
But if she had an apartment here she could get everything sent over and set up house.
How odd.
She’d never had an urge to make a home before.
“You still need to see a doctor.”
“For them to tell me what? They can’t do anything for a concussion.”
“They can scan your brain.”
“My brain is fine. Still in there and functioning. Sort of. But that has nothing to do with the knock it took.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “All right, if you won’t go to the doctor then I’ll have to look after you. Which means I’m staying. Do you have a spare bedroom?”
Um. What did he just say?
“You’re what?”
“I’m guessing you don’t. That’s all right. The sofa looks sturdy. I can sleep on it.”
“Sleep on my sofa? You can’t sleep on my sofa, you won’t fit!”
“All right, then. You’ll have to come and stay at my place. Now, do you need anything else or will this bag of stuff do?”