Chapter 17
Caren rolled over in the comfortable bed and stared at the white wall.
Why couldn’t she sleep?
The afternoon had been a lot of fun until Tyler had to leave to go to the club and she’d been left alone with Travis.
Then, for some weird reason, things had just felt off.
Awkward.
It was like they had nothing to say to each other. It was likely her fault. She still felt strange telling him as much as she had. And there were times that she’d find him staring off into the distance, as though he was thinking deeply about something.
After some pizza that Travis had delivered, she’d gone to bed.
She’d actually managed to sleep for a few hours. But something had woken her up and now she was lying here, playing the day over and over in her head.
What could she have done differently? Should she have told him so much?
Did her mother remember her visit?
Finally, she got out of bed and grabbed her laptop from her bag. She knew that Travis would disapprove of her working on her computer. But she might as well answer some messages if she couldn’t work.
A sigh escaped her as she saw an email from her agent. Actually, three. She winced.
Shit.
It wasn’t just Travis she’d been avoiding taking calls and messages from.
Oliver was getting more and more annoyed with her. And she couldn’t really blame him. She needed to get back out there. It had been almost a year. It was ridiculous to still stay here, hiding.
There was a whole world out there and she should be there, taking photos of everything that was happening.
At least she had an excuse to stay a few more weeks until after her exhibition was over. But then she knew that she couldn’t put it off anymore.
Either she took another assignment . . . or she quit and found something else to do with her passion and time.
God.
The thought of not taking photos terrified her.
It’s not like you have to go to dangerous places to take photos.
Right. Of course not. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly.
She’d send him back an email asking when he wanted to meet with her.
Hopefully that would get him off her back for a bit longer. However, about five minutes after she sent it, an email popped into her inbox from his assistant, arranging a meeting for the morning.
Awesome.
Then her phone started to ring. Shit! She thought she’d turned that onto silent. She quickly turned it off and sat there, her heart racing, wondering if Travis had heard.
Dear Lord. Why was she acting like a terrified teenager who was about to be caught necking by her daddy?
Idiot.
When nothing happened, she let out a sigh. This was ridiculous. She rubbed her forehead. It seemed that looking at the computer screen wasn’t the best idea. Travis had given her some more painkillers with dinner. Which was close to six hours ago.
So she could have some more. Grabbing hold of the empty glass on the bedside table, she got out of bed. Travis had given her a glass of water to take to bed with her.
His thoughtfulness was kind of surprising. And she felt bad that she’d assumed he was just a demanding caveman who was only interested in making sure that everyone around him did what he said when he said.
Sure, he could be a little bit like that. But he could also be thoughtful and kind. She crept out of the bedroom, hoping that she wouldn’t wake him.
In the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of water and swallowed the painkillers that she’d brought out from her room. Then she took the glass of water over to the wall of windows. Travis hadn’t pulled the drapes so she got an amazing nighttime view of the city.
Spectacular.
She had always dreaded her rare visits to New York as a child because they usually involved some function that her parents were dragging her to. they would do their best to make her look exceptional.
When they all knew that she was simply just ordinary.
But right now, she could see the beauty of this city.
“Is everything all right?”
She let out a small cry and the glass in her hand slipped, smashing onto the floor. “Oh no! I’m so sorry!” She headed toward the kitchen, surely he had a broom and dustpan somewhere so she could quickly get this cleaned up.
Honestly, she was the worst house guest. She’d made such a mess!
“Freeze!” he barked.
She stilled.
“Jesus, you don’t have any shoes on. What were you thinking?” he demanded.
Great. He was mad at her. She closed her eyes, willing the tears to retreat. If she’d broken anything at home, her mother would be mad for ages. She’d usually stop talking to her. Or send her to her room.
She hated that she’d made Travis mad when he’d been nothing but kind to her.
“I’m so sorry! I’ll tidy it all up.”
“You will not.”
Oh God. Did he want her to leave right now? Was he that upset?
Before she could force her eyes open and ask him that, he wrapped his hands around her waist and lifted her straight up into the air. She let out a gasp of shock as she opened her eyes. And then she found herself sitting on the kitchen island.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Getting you away from the glass,” he said. “Did you get any on your feet?”
Caren shook her head. She was still in shock over the way he’d lifted her, carrying her in front of him like a toddler. As though she weighed nothing at all.
“I don’t trust you to know,” he grumbled, grabbing one foot. She had to put her hand behind her to keep herself from flying back. He ran his hand over the base of her foot.
She couldn’t help but giggle at the sensation and she tried to wrench her foot away. “Hey! Let go!”
“No. Now stay still while I check your feet.”
“It’s hard to stay still when you’re tickling me!” she cried.
“Ticklish, huh? Good to know.”
Why would that be good to know? She squealed again as he took hold of her other foot, giving it the same treatment.
Then he straightened, placing her foot down.
To her shock, he moved closer, putting his hands on the counter on either side of her hips as he leaned against the counter.
This meant that her legs had to part to make room for him and he had his firm stomach pressed against her pussy.
That was when she realized that he was only dressed in a pair of loose, gray sweatpants.
Fuck.
Anyone who didn’t think that gray sweatpants were sexy needed their head read. Because they were extremely hot. Especially on a man that had muscles for days. His chest was firm and she wanted to run her hands all over it.
Without thought, she reached out and placed her hand on his pec.
Shit.
It was too much. The only barrier between her pussy touching his bare skin was her panties since she wore a silk nightshirt that had ridden up her thighs.
She just wanted to touch him, to taste him.
“Baby,” he said in a low, gravelly voice. “You are pushing my control.”
“I like pushing your control.”
“You might not like what happens if I lose my hold on it.”
Caren leaned forward, placing both hands on his shoulders. “Show me.”
She really needed to learn to guard her words. She didn’t need to give in to every urge she had.
But when his lips touched hers, all she could think about was how she wanted more.
More of his hand squeezing her thigh, of his other hand squeezing the back of her neck. More of his tongue in her mouth, teasing and torturing her.
A low moan escaped her as he took command. His hand moved from her neck to the back of her head, dropping her back slightly so she relied on him to support her.
It wasn’t always easy for her to give her trust to someone. That was what she struggled with most when she went to a club. But when she did manage to let go and submit . . . it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.
Travis shifted away slightly and she let out a small moan of protest. She didn’t want him to move, to go anywhere. She wanted more.
So much more.
But he didn’t move far, just enough so he could run his hand along the inside of her thigh.
A shudder ran through her. That felt so good.
“Please, please,” she whispered.
All she could do was feel.
Feel him touching her. Feel him taking control. Feel him licking her, tasting her.
God, it was too much.
She couldn’t remember ever wanting someone as much as she wanted this man. He moved his mouth along her jaw and down her neck to her collarbone.
“Oh. Ohh,” she said.
“Do you like me touching you, pretty girl?” he whispered in a rough voice. “Do you like my hands on you? My mouth?”
“God yes.”
“Do you want more?”
“Please. Please,” she begged.
“I know you’ve played with Doms before, but we’re not playing right now since I don’t know your limits or your safeword. I’m not going to push anything or take control. At any time you want me to stop, you say it and I will, understand?”
Lord. This man.
How she wished he could be hers all the time. Forever.
Don’t make wishes like that.
It will hurt too much when they don’t come true.
“Baby, do you understand?” he repeated.
“I understand. I use Red as my safeword anyway.”
“Good to know, Goldie. But right now, we don’t play until I’m completely sure you feel safe and secure with me.”
Yep. How she longed for him to be her forever man.
How many times had teenage Caren written her name as Caren Andrews with a love heart around it on her notebooks?
Too many times to remember or admit.
What would her teenage self do if she could see them now? In the future?
Probably squeal like a nitwit and tell herself to do whatever he wanted so they could keep him.
Caren had to fight back that urge. All her life she’d tried to do what she thought people wanted, be what they wanted in order to feel loved. It wasn’t until she’d had a really bad experience and a whole heap of therapy that she’d come to realize how toxic that behavior was.
For her and whoever she was in a relationship with.
“All right, as long as you don’t stop kissing me.”
He chuckled. “Bossy little thing, aren’t you?”
“Very.”