Chapter 19
Odette
On my way out the door the following morning, Wynn was getting Lux some breakfast when I asked her if she minded watching her for me after work so I could meet Benji for dinner. I noticed the way her hand hesitated on the spatula she was using to cook the eggs before she responded.
“Sure, do you expect to be back late?” Usually, that was her way of asking if I planned on being back after Lux’s bedtime so Benji and I could have some alone time.
I looked at her funny. “Do you not remember our conversation from last night?” I knew she’d been drinking, but I didn’t think she was drunk enough to forget a whole conversation.
“No, I do...but minds can change after a night of sleep.” She continued to scramble the eggs.
I looked over at Lux to see she was drawing a picture that was keeping her attention occupied and not on us or our conversation.
“Look…if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure what I feel for Murphy. All I know is that what I feel for Benji doesn’t even come close, so I need to end it. He’s too nice of a guy for that; he deserves better than what I can give him.”
“Yeah, he’s a nice guy.” She frowned, keeping her attention on the food.
“You’ve always said that like it’s a bad thing, Wynn.”
“Isn’t it?”
I thought about it for a second. “Just because he’s my nice guy, doesn’t mean he’d be someone else’s”
Her head snapped, and she looked at me for the first time this morning. “What do you mean by that?”
“I just mean that just because he isn’t for me does not mean that he isn’t someone else’s Murphy, or McDreamy. However, you want to say that.”
Her usually tan face seemed to pale with that thought, and I worried that something was wrong with her. She wasn’t acting her usual self this morning. Maybe it was the wine she had last night?
“You okay, Wynn? I can always ask Murphy or Susan to watch Lux today and stay with her until I get back?”
This spurred her out of whatever she was in. “Oh, no, really, it’s okay. I have no plans until I leave again in a few days. We will be here when you get home.” She waved me away without looking at me again, and I realized I was officially running late to the office.
When I made it to the parking lot, I quickly took out my phone and sent Benji a text.
Me: Hey B. Dinner tonight?
It only took a few seconds before he responded, and I had barely made it inside and into the lobby area, which gave me enough time to check it before settling in for the day.
Benji: Sure thing. 6:15, usual spot.
His response made the guilt wash over my skin. He was always so amendable, always willing to bend his schedule to mine because of Lux.
Looking up, I met Gennie's stare as I walked in. I knew she saw the guilt as she cataloged the look on my face. She pointed to my office, signaling she wanted to talk before the first appointment got here, and I nodded.
I set my purse down with her hot on my heels. “You okay, Odette? You look a little flushed this morning, and not in a good way, no offense. Is everything okay with Lux?”
I waved away her concerns with Lux and told her I was ending things with Benji tonight.
“What? Why! I thought everything was going well!”
“It was…but…” Then, I filled her in on the details about spending a little time with Murphy again.
“So, you’re getting back together with Murphy?” she questioned, doing a bad job at hiding that she clearly thought it wasn’t a good idea.
“What? No, no… It’s just, seeing Murphy again made me realize that I should feel more for Benji than I do after six months. He’s a good guy, but he isn’t my guy. Doesn’t mean that my guy is Murphy, either,” I said, but it left a sour taste in my mouth.
“Do I need to remind you that he cheated on you? For three months?” Her words caused me to visibly flinch and that ache in my chest was back.
“No, that’s not something I’m likely to forget,” I whispered, not wanting her to see the depth of pain her words had caused me.
“Then why are you acting like you have?” she huffed at me and stormed off.
I watched her walk off, knowing I needed to give her time to cool off. I could understand her anger; I came to work at the clinic almost immediately after everything with Murphy and I went down. To say the woman Gennie met is a far cry from the woman I am now would be an understatement.
I was depressed—the kind of depression that makes those around you hover .
Wynn’s talk that was meant to kick me in the ass made me try harder.
But I was still a wreck, filled with weeks of sobbing in the shower, weeks of cursing the ground Murphy walked on, then months of mind-numbing emptiness that had me feeling so damn broken and alone .
Then, one day, something clicked. I didn’t want to live like this anymore.
Slowly, I rebuilt my happiness for myself and for my daughter, I woke up for her, I breathed for her, and I learned to enjoy my life again so I could raise her to enjoy hers.
I could understand her hesitation; she was scared for me, I was scared for me.
So, why was it that a part of my heart still beat for him?
The rest of the day passed by a little too quickly. I was still in a haze of wondering if I was making the right decision by letting Murphy back into my life, even if it was just for one conversation. I couldn’t shake the feeling that having that one conversation would change everything .
Driving to meet Benji, my anxiousness over what to do about Murphy faded away to the guilt I felt about Benji. I’d never really ended a relationship before, and the closer I got to the Thai restaurant was usually met at, I was rehearsing what I was going to say in my head.
It’s not you, it’s me ,
No, absolutely not.
I’m just too busy with Lux, and now…
No, that won’t work, either.
I saw my ex-husband and now he’s all I can think about...
Yeah, not that one, either.
Finding a spot in the parking lot, I rested my head on the steering wheel, mentally scolding myself and giving myself a pep talk at the same time.
You can do this, you’re an adult. He’ll be better off, anyway.
A rapping on my window had me letting out a little shriek, and I looked over to see Benji chuckling with his hands held up in surrender. “Sorry, Odette, I saw you pull in just before me. Figured we would walk in together.”
Stepping back, he gave me the space to get out of my car and calm my beating heart.
“Hey, Benji, it’s good to see you.” Instead of my usual quick kiss, I went in for a hug instead. I could feel him immediately tense at my greeting, but he shrugged it off quickly enough.
“You, too. Let’s get inside.” He grabbed my hand, and I felt awkward but I didn’t pull away.
The hostess led us to a booth in the back, away from the other patrons that were scattered about, and I was forever grateful that she stuck us back here so we could have this conversation away from others.
“You okay, Odette? You’re looking a little green.” His worried gaze had his eyebrows bunching together over his thick, dark-rimmed glasses.
“I’m okay. Listen, we need to talk.” I needed to get this out now because there was no way I’d be able to get through this meal acting like a normal human being.
“Ah, you’re ending things...” he said and kept his gaze on the menu, not seeming all that upset.
“Er, well...yes?” I asked that in a question, because, well, was I? It seemed like he was ending things for me…
“You’ve had one foot out the door our entire relationship, if you even want to call it that.
You always made it clear that your priorities were your daughter, Wynn, and work.
It worked for me because I’m not looking to settle down right now.
It’s not a big deal, Odette; we are adults who can share one last meal and part as friends. ”
I released a breath that I didn’t realize I had been holding. “Thank you.” I said, and I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “You made this the easiest breakup I’ve ever had.”
“Happy to oblige.”
We spent the rest of the dinner catching up on work, Lux, and making mindless small talk. When it came time to part ways for the evening, he offered me his hand, and when I took it, he pulled me into him. “It’s been a pleasure, Odette. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
I squeezed him a little too tightly. “You, too, Benji. You deserve it.”
We parted, and I gave him a small wave before walking to my car.