Chapter 30
Odette
It was easy to tune the world and chaos out when I had Murphy holding me, looking at me like I was his reason for living. Once he had convinced himself that I was real and I was okay, he started his perusal of my body, teeth clenching when he noticed all the blood on my scrub top and pants.
“A lot of it’s not mine,” I whispered, trying my best to keep whatever composure I had left. Pushing thoughts of those I tried to help but the damage was too great, or those I sent off, not knowing how they were doing.
“But some of it is.” Despair and frantic energy seeped from his words.
He was trying to lift my top to assess the damage; clearly, he was on the verge of losing his mind, forgetting there was a swarm of people around us.
“Murphy, not here. I still need to help.”
He grumbled, “No, I need to take you to the hospital… You need to be checked out.”
“Murph, please. I need to be here.”
His gaze met mine, and I saw his clenched jaw and I could have sworn I heard the grinding of his teeth. I just tilted my head at him, wondering how this was going to go; there was a good chance he was going to throw me over his shoulder and take me, anyway.
“Fine, but I stay next to you.”
If he could have had steam coming out of his ears, he would have. I had to contain my smile, knowing it would only poke the bear that I was getting my way.
Turning around and heading back into the wreckage, I filled up the first aid bag I was given at the tents they had set up for triage and evacuation, with a large shadow following me. His arms were crossed and a serious expression was on his face, as if daring anyone to take me away from him.
I made my way into the lines of cars. Murphy grabbed my bag from me with a somewhat menacing glare, as if daring me to question it.
I went back to turning my mind off to the devastation and let my training take over like a well-oiled machine.
I could only imagine I was out here for hours before they started sending the first responders back so they could get things cleared away.
“Odette, please, let me take you to get checked out,” he begged me.
I knew he had reached the end of his rope.
The last hour or so I had kept wincing every time I reached for supplies, and I could have sworn Murphy’s head was about to explode in stress.
Part of me hated that I was doing that to him, but I also loved it.
“Okay, Murph, you win.”
Wasting no time, he grabbed my hand and slowly started leading me to wherever he had his car parked, but once he saw I was moving rather slowly, he swooped me up bridal style. I started to protest, but he cut me off before I could plead my case that I was okay to walk.
“Please, Odette. I let you do what you needed to do, now please, let me,” he whispered into my hair, not bothering to hide the desperation in his voice. Sighing, I couldn’t bring myself to refuse him, and he understood that I was giving in to his demands.
He must have walked over a mile with me in his arms, away from the flashing lights, away from the wreckage that I couldn’t help but stare at in the distance. All those people, all those lives... All those people who won’t be making it home to their families.
I could have been one of them. I could have never held Lux again, I could have missed my baby girl growing up, I could have missed this.
My entire body shook with those thoughts. Now that I wasn’t focused on what lay in front of me, my mind was turning back on, and I was only a few seconds away from a total breakdown.
Murphy must have felt my rising anxiety because he picked up his pace and luckily, we made it to his car in just a few minutes, but I was unable to get my body to stop shaking. I knew I was going into some form of shock.
I barely registered when Murphy sat me in the back seat and climbed in after me.
“Odette? I think you’re having a panic attack,” he whispered in my ear.
A panic attack, a panic attack.
My body was still vibrating and my teeth were clamped together, and I was unable to form words.
I could have been one of them. I could have never held Lux again, I could have missed my baby girl growing up, I could have missed everything .
The thoughts were going round and round in my head, and I couldn’t seem to break through the absolute horror I felt.
“Odette, baby, look at me please.”
I heard Murphy's plea, but I was unable to do much of anything but think all those horrible thoughts.
I could have missed this. I could have missed everything.
I found myself reaching out, and my hands clutched Murphy’s shirt so hard, I thought they would have to pry the shirt from him instead of getting me to release my hands.
I was able to bring my eyes to meet his, and seeing his devastation matched my own was like a lifeline when I felt like I was sinking into the terror of what if’s.
He came for me.
“You came for me.” I couldn’t stop my flowing tears, and I don’t think I would have even if I could.
“I will always come for you.”
The sobs overtook me, and Murphy wasted no time pulling me into his chest. Even though the backseat wasn’t the most spacious, he had hunched himself over in what could not have been a comfortable position so he could hold me while I broke down.
He said nothing, just held me.
He was giving me exactly what I needed.
Him.