8. Felicity
felicity
The ringing of the line has anxiety gripping my whole chest. I wait with bated breath to see if he picks up, and when it clicks over to voicemail, I finally end the call and let out the air that was squeezing my lungs.
Why was this so damn complicated? I’ve tried to reach out to Zack many times, all to no avail.
He was thoroughly ignoring my calls, and if it wasn’t something that was absolutely necessary, I wouldn’t be calling him at all.
I know I looked like a desperate ex-girlfriend, and I was sure he was eating that up.
But we had a real situation to deal with. One I was desperate to tie all my loose ends on and be able to settle down a little.
My phone vibrates in my hand, and I look at it quickly, relaxing when I see Erin’s name on the caller ID.
“Well, how goes life in the tiniest place on earth?”
“I’m sure it’s not the tiniest place on earth.” I counter, a furrow between my brows.
“But how do you know? Have you checked?”
I smile at my odd but most supportive best friend and wish she were here. “I guess you got me there.”
“So what’s going on with you? Have you found your long-lost soulmate and made up and now will ride happily ever after on one of his bulls?”
I snort and shake my head, my eyes on the corkboard above my old desk where pictures from my past hang.
I stand to get a closer look, my finger reaching out to trace a picture of Jax and me at prom our senior year of high school.
I was staring at whoever was taking the photo, probably my mom.
Jax was looking down at me like I was the best part of his world.
I think about how I took his love and commitment to me for granted and frown again.
“He doesn’t ride the bulls. He distracts them. ”
“Huh. I don’t get that at all, but I’m not going to look for the explanation.” She blows out a breath. “Anyway, have you?”
“Have I what?”
“Worked it out with Cowboy Charming over there!”
Her tone sounds half pleading and half sarcastic, so it’s hard to know if she’s serious. “No. That’s not why I’m here.”
“Why are you there, then?” I know Erin thinks that I came home to find Jax. I sure talked about him enough for her to take that assumption and run with it. But the real reason I found myself in my hometown was because I wanted to be in a safe place when I needed it the most.
“I need my parents for this, Erin. I can’t do it without them.”
For a moment, she’s quiet, save for a little hum on her end. “I get that. I do. But you have me, and you’ve lived without your parents’ help for twelve years now. Do you really think you can’t do this?”
I bite my tongue and move back to my bed, leaving the past behind as I do so. I can reminisce over prom and being with Jax and having some of the best days of my life all I wanted. But it was the past, and it was high time I moved on.
“Babies are scary.”
“Babies are babies. They require a lot of work and a lot of attention. But if you got a nanny, and you have me, we can handle this.”
“I know you would help me,” I tell her, being completely honest. But I knew Erin. The new shiny objects were fun for a while. Then she wanted to move on.
A baby would be no different.
“So why not come home?” she asks.
Because it’s not home . The little voice inside of me startles my thoughts, and I pause.
For the past five years, I’ve lived in my home in California.
It was up high enough that I could see the ocean and smell the sea salt.
The house itself was gorgeous and would be plenty of space for me and my future child.
But was space enough? I wouldn’t have my mom, my dad.
I wouldn’t have people in my life who really cared, aside from Erin, who would care, just at a distance, eventually.
“I need to tell my parents,” I say to her instead of what was really going on in my head.
“You haven’t told them yet?” Surprise laces her voice, and I cringe.
“No?”
“Felicity, you have to tell your parents. Who knows how their reaction will be. It may answer some of these questions for you.”
I frown at her remark. “What do you mean by that?”
“Not all parents are thrilled with being grandparents.”
“I have no doubt they’ll be happy. I just wish I had a loving partner to help me through it.”
Erin’s voice grows serious as she says, “Felicity Vogel, you do not need a man to raise a child. You will raise a smart, well-balanced, nearly trauma-free kid and do it with the grace of Princess Di.”
I smile at her words and shake my head. “Thanks, Er.”
“Now, go tell your parents, then call me to fill me in.”
“Right. Okay.”
We finish our goodbyes, and I take a deep breath, standing from the bed and straightening my oversized shirt a bit. It’s become this habit to wear it, keeping my small and newly formed baby bump hidden from view.
My parents were in the kitchen, cooking something together with music playing in the background. I hear my mom laugh at something my dad says and smile at the two of them.
They had only one goal in life, and it wasn’t to be rich or famous. It was happiness. Part of me wonders if I chose wrong all those years ago.
Where would I be if I had stayed here instead of pursuing my dream of singing? Would Jax and I be together? Raising a family and working normal jobs? Or would he have left anyway, and we would have drifted apart like we did?
I shake the what-if questions from my head and make my way into the kitchen. Leaning against the entry door, I smile at the looks on their faces before clearing my throat.
“Mom? Dad? Can we talk?”
My parents freeze and turn to me, my dad turning the music off and my mom putting whatever’s boiling on low.
“What’s up, buttercup?” my dad asks, leaning on the island. I take a few steps into the kitchen and work up the courage to tell them the truth.
Mom watches me warily, probably ready to brace herself for the reason I came home.
I hope she is ready.
“I know my coming home was quite the surprise.”
“A welcome one.” Mom smiles at me, and I give her a nervous one back.
“Right. Well, I have my reasons for being here. Hollywood is okay for a time, but not all phases of life feel right for me to be there.” I clear my throat and rest my hands gently on the marble of their small island. “Zack and I broke up, which obviously you saw with the rest of the world.”
I look to my parents. Pity was in my dad’s eyes, but my mom’s looked more murderous. She would be the one who went in for the kill if it was ever necessary.
“That punk didn’t know a good thing.”
I nod my head a little, swallowing past the guilt that was eating me up. “Well, though we broke up, I got a little souvenir from our relationship.”
My parents both pause, concern etched into their expressions, and I lay my hands on my stomach before looking to them both. “I’m pregnant.”
For long few moments, they both just stare in shock. I open my mouth to break the unrelenting tension when my mom’s arms suddenly wrap tightly around my shoulders, her face buried in my neck and tears streaming down her face.
“Oh, honey.” Mom pulls back, and I realize my own tears are falling, matching hers. My dad comes around and wraps his arms around us both.
“You guys aren’t mad?” I ask, my voice cracking with the question.
“Mad? Are you kidding? I get to be a grandpa!” My dad’s deep voice boasts about this news, and I laugh at the excitement I see on his face.
“Mom?” I ask after she wipes away some tears.
“Oh, honey. I’m thrilled for you, for us! I’ve always wanted to be a grandma.” She pauses, frowning at herself. “Well, not always. But once you turned twenty, I was all for it.”
I laugh at their reactions, and Mom takes my hand in hers. “Zack knows?”
“No.” I sigh, letting my tension release from my body, and feel a weight like no other lift from me. I can’t believe how worried I was. “I’ve been trying to reach him, but he’s not picking up.”
“Well, not to worry then. We’ll figure this out.”
“Who else knows?” my dad asks, concern now mixed with his happiness.
“Only Erin, you two, and my doctor.” I shrug. “Which I’m going to have to change since I’m staying here.”
“You’re staying here?” Mom asks, excitement barely concealed behind her hands that cover her mouth.
I shrug. “At least until I have her.”
“Her?”
“Just a feeling,” I say, placing my hand over my belly again. “I could find out. I’m two months now. But I haven’t wanted to just yet.”
Kind of felt strange not to have anyone to share that news with, so maybe the next time I went, I would be more inclined to find out.
“Well, whatever we need to do to help, we’ll do it,” Dad says, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder and smiling at me. “We love you, and we already love our future grandchild.”
Mom pulls me back into a hug as Dad goes back to cooking dinner. She directs me to sit at the island and dives into all things baby talk.
For the first time since I came back home, I feel great about the decision.
Despite there being things I still need to work out, I finally feel like I’m on the right track.