28. Felicity
felicity
My knees buckle underneath me in my child’s half-painted nursery, and I let myself sink to the floor, regret and heartbreak taking me down with it.
I knew this might be coming, Jax finding out and then leaving when he did. I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much.
But of course, why wouldn’t it hurt? I’ve loved the man since he was a fifteen-year-old teenager. I’ve loved him even when we weren’t together. I loved him even when I was with another man, as selfish as that is.
And now, when faced with the consequences of my own actions, I was feeling defeated and heartbroken.
Jax’s face when I admitted the truth flashes through my mind over and over again. The devastation, the heartbreak, the hurt.
I am embarrassed that he found out from someone else. I briefly wonder who told him, but can’t find it in me to care because I should have told him. A month ago, when he was starting to take dating seriously, when he asked me to dinner, I should have made it clear that I was a package deal.
No. This isn’t on whoever kept my secret before. This is on me.
I hold my knees to my chest as far as they’ll go and cocoon my baby in with me, protecting her from the world outside. I need to do better. For her. Or him. I need to make better choices. I need to be more honest.
Even if the world judges me, even if the truths and lies that will ultimately come out about my lifestyle will probably hurt my feelings.
Honesty is the best policy. My mom’s voice echoes in my head, and for once, I agree with her.
I lift myself up off the floor, moving to pick up a paintbrush when I hear footsteps coming down the hall again, and then Jax is standing there, staring at me like a raging bull and barreling toward me.
I brace myself when his hands cup the sides of my head, and he crushes his lips against my own, stealing my breath and my moans as I work to gather ground.
My hands find his forearms, not to push him away, but to desperately hold him to me, hoping that this is his way of saying we were okay, and praying I am right.
Our kisses slow. The heat between us could burn my clothes right off, but after another chaste kiss, he says, “Open your eyes.”
I let them flutter open, not even realizing that they were closed in the first place. I look at him, taking in his desperate expression, wondering if it matched my own. “I thought you needed time.” I rasp, licking my lips.
My hands still hold his forearms, and his still grasp my face, neither of us ready to let the other go.
“I had it.”
I let a small crack of a smile loose. “It was only a few minutes.”
He leans in, pressing another kiss to my lips and moving his hands to hold my body to his, one hand reaching under my sweatshirt to cup the small but now very noticeable baby bump there.
“I don’t need more time to know that I want you, City Girl.
I want this. Whatever package that comes in.
” He takes a breath, then lets it out slowly, and it takes everything in me to be patient for his next words. “I’m all in.”
Tears gather in my eyes, but a smile crosses my lips. “You are?”
He grins, kissing me again and again and again before pulling back.
“I am. This…” His hand flexes on my stomach, and I don’t know what it is, but after being the only one aside from a doctor who has even touched my stomach, something in me needs to lean into his touch.
“This is a part of you, City. And nothing could stop me from loving every bit of it.”
“Jax,” I gasp as emotions overwhelm me, and he presses another kiss to my lips. Opening my lips, he slips his tongue inside of my mouth. My hormones rage with want and need. I haven’t been touched in so long, and every touch I’ve had that wasn’t this man’s never measured up to what we shared.
The simplicity of his skin touching mine lights me on fire, making my arms reach up and wrap around his shoulders, holding him tightly to me. “Jax,” I gasp out, wishing every part of my body was touching every part of his.
“Up,” he commands, tapping my butt, and I jump up, letting him catch me.
I attach my lips to his neck, dragging my teeth against his pulse point and hear him groan as he moves us from the nursery to my room. My mattress is still on the floor where the movers left it, and Jax carefully, without missing a beat, kneels on the mattress before laying me down on it.
My arms go above my head, making my belly pop out slightly under the shirt, and Jax’s eyes heat. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Mama.”
My eyes well with tears, overwhelming sensations attack at all sides, and I try to smile at him. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
Jax grins, and then he sets aside his hat carefully and leans down, his lips gliding over my bump before he presses kisses to it.
“How long has it been since I’ve touched you, City Girl?” His rough voice vibrates against my skin, and I clench my eyes shut, my thighs feeling the urge to wrap around him and hold him there.
“Too long.” I breathe out, not able to think past what this man is doing to me with just a few light touches.
“How long?” he demands, his fingers hooking in the sides of my shorts, dragging them and my panties down my legs. I kick them off impatiently, making the man chuckle.
“Um…” I swallow, licking my dry lips, and think back to when we were eighteen. “I guess, twelve years.”
Suddenly, he’s there, and I stare at his shirtless chest, wondering when the hell he took off his shirt.
His eyes blaze into mine, and I reach a hand up, running my fingers through his hair.
He leans into it and lets out a breath. “Never again will we go more than a day without.” His lips graze over mine before I feel him unbuttoning his jeans.
My center pulses with anticipation. “Never again will a day go by where I don’t get to tell you I love you.
” He presses another kiss to my lips, and my eyes well with tears.
“Never again will we leave each other, Felicity.”
I lean up with him, ripping my shirt over my head and pulling my hair from its wild bun before lying down, completely naked.
He makes quick work of his clothes, and I pull his shoulders down, needing to feel his body against my own, his skin rubbing sensually against mine.
“Never,” I reply breathlessly, kissing him with everything I have in me. “I’ll never leave you again.”
Like I opened up a dam, Jax finds my center, aligns himself, and slides easily into me, both of us gasping and moaning at the sensation. I hold him to me, rocking my hips gently against his, and Jax’s eyes blaze into my own.
“Fucking hell, you feel amazing, City Girl.” Jax wraps an arm around my shoulders, holding me to him like I’m the most precious thing in the world to him, and my heart thumps loudly in my chest, my emotions in overdrive at the sensation.
“Jax,” I cry out, right as I’m on the verge of the fastest orgasm I’ve ever had in my life. There’s something to be said for being with the right person.
“Come for me, City.” He reaches down with his other hand, hiking one of my thighs up over his hip, and the angle does me in, making me moan loudly, gasping as the sparks work their way through my body.
I melt against the bed for just a moment before Jax reaches down and flips me over. I squeal at the movement. Jax smiles broadly at me. It’s his carefree, happy smile. I didn’t even realize how much I missed it until this moment.
Jax grips my hips, moving me before he whispers, “Ride me.”
I smirk slightly, feeling confident and cocky and oh so full, before I reach over to where he placed his hat. Heat fills his eyes as I place his cowboy hat on top of my head and say, “Well, how can I ride without a hat?”
“Fuck me,” Jax says, but he doesn’t mean it in a technical sense. However, I take it that way anyway, rotating my hips in different ways, getting a feel for his length inside of me.
I move my hands to his chest, my nails digging in slightly, and I feel his hips thrusting up into me, unable to help himself.
I let out a loud moan again, letting my head fall back slightly and can’t help but reach up, twisting and pulling on my breasts. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this good.
Jax grabs my hands, and I don’t even realize he is paying attention until he pulls me down, his head coming up and his lips clamping over my nipple. I feel my center heat quickly, and another orgasm starts to hit me.
He rips his mouth away from my nipple, pulling my head down to his and kissing the daylights out of me as he finally reaches his orgasm, his hips holding against mine for seconds before we both collapse in a heap on the bed, the hat rolling off.
Normally, Jax would care about how his hat was set, but this time, I’m not sure he can move.
He pulls me to the side, reaching for blankets that have been shoved off, and covers our naked bodies, both of us still feeling the effects of what just happened.
His eyes gaze into mine, his hand rubbing softly against my cheek. “I love you, City.”
I smile at him, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss on his mouth, his full lips soft against my own. “I love you so much, Jax. I can’t even express how much.”
His hand squeezes my hip. “Well, if I have it my way, which I will…” I lift a brow at his cocky comment. “You have the rest of our lives to show me.”
I smile and let my body relax, everything about this moment more perfect than I can ever ask for and then blink my eyes open, finding him already looking at me. “Jax, that greenhouse?—”
“Was it too much?”
For the first time since he came stomping back into the house, worry creases his forehead.
I shake my head, my smile light and full. “Not at all. I’ve never felt more loved than when I saw that. I don’t know how you did it.”
“Felicity.” He grips my hip, pulling me tightly against his body. “Maybe you forgot, but I will literally do anything for you. The greenhouse is just the start.”
My eyes fill with tears again, and I laugh, rolling them. “Oh, yeah, by the way, pregnant me cries a lot, apparently.”
He wipes one of my fallen tears and smiles softly. “That’s okay, baby. Just so long as they’re happy tears that fall.”
“With you? I think that’s all they’ll ever be.”
I lean forward and kiss him again, letting the man I’ve loved since middle school have all of me, mind, body, and soul.