Reckless

Chapter 8

“I’m pretty sure I’ll never walk again.” My eyes roll at the big man-baby flopped on the couch in front of the TV.

“It was barely five miles.” I kick off my hiking boots and place them in the cupboard out of the way.

“Yeah, but I’ve walked more in the past two days than I’ve walked in the past two years.”

“It’s good for you.”

“So you keep saying,” he mutters, but there is nothing angry in his tone.

“Does that mean you’re not making dinner?”

His brows lift, making me laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’ll order pizza.”

“You can order pizza deliveries here?”

“I’m going to choose to believe your brain is not functioning because of all the fresh air you’re not used to getting. What toppings do you like?”

We decide on a pizza and a couple of side dishes, and I suggest a movie. He’s surprised when I say we can go outside. Another mod con of the RV is like the stereo and cooking unit. There is an outdoor TV hidden in the side of the RV. The van parked next to us the night before left early this morning, so I don’t feel bad about using the TV.

“This thing will never cease to amaze me,” Jude says as he sets up the canvas chairs.

He catches the blankets I toss to him, though it’s still not that cold. We talked a lot about our families while we walked. Both my parents are doctors, and my sister is in college training to be a teacher. He remarked I’m the odd one out in that dynamic.

Maybe I am, but my family never made me feel that way. They’re all incredibly proud of both us kids and hail our achievements at any moment, sometimes embarrassingly so.

Jude filled me in on how Reckless Soul came about. I didn’t expect him to be as animated when he was talking about the band, but it’s clear it remains his passion. And his three bandmates are as close as family. He has one older, and one younger brother. He admitted he hadn’t seen either of them in a while, adding quietly he misses them.

After the summer, he’s going to go back to work, but their tour schedule won’t restart till the end of October. He said they’ll likely be in the studio recording some new music till then.

It is interesting hearing the dynamics of the band. It’s good to know they support one another. He clarified his relationship with Solene, their drummer. I’ve seen the speculation in the news about him and his drummer because they seem so close.

I hid that I was relieved they’re just good friends. Not that I am allowed to worry about things like who he is dating.

After the movie, we sit in companionable silence, drinking our beer. It’s nearing midnight. We should go to bed, but it’s peaceful out here. It is nice having company, even though the whole point of this trip is solitude. At one point, I think he is asleep because his head is tilted back, his eyes look closed. I should wake him. It will hurt if he stays sleeping like that.

Then he speaks and startles me.

“I’ve never seen so many stars.”

Looking up, I agree. Tonight is clear. The running lights from the RV are on, so we’re not sitting in complete darkness. The stars are bright. Jude seems enraptured. So many of the simple things most people take for granted really intrigue him.

Suddenly he gets up, putting the blanket on the chair and he hurries inside. Was it something I said? Or didn’t say?

Jude comes back a moment later, carrying his guitar. I watch in silence as he sits back down and sets the guitar on his lap, then he starts to play. At first, I’m not sure I recognize it, but after a few moments I realize it is a song off their first album. I’m too scared to open my mouth in case he stops. When he sings, I lean back and close my eyes to listen.

There are so many layers to Jude’s voice. I’ve heard nothing like it, but this soft crooning, a little gravelly, as though he’s hoarse, is mesmerizing. He sounds so soulful, and it brings tears to my eyes. If he notices, he doesn’t say.

I’m so caught up in my emotions, it’s embarrassing. I should go. I catch his eye as he finishes up the song, strumming a few more chords on the strings.

“It’s really beautiful out here,” he says, his eyes piercing into mine.

That sensation I got when we first laid eyes on one another outside my RV, comes flooding back. The pull. The intensity in his eyes. He is referring to where we are. I think. He has to be.

“The world is so much bigger than us.” He sets the guitar down and looks up at the sky again.

We can’t afford for things to get confusing. But he is so enamored with the sky, I get an idea. I stand up, carrying my blanket, and walk to the back of the RV, going out of his sight for a moment. I unclip the lower rung of the ladder at the back, and pull it down so that it’s easier to reach, then pop around the back of the RV.

“Come on,” I beckon.

With a crinkle of confusion on his brow, he sets down the guitar and walks around back with me. While he watches, I climb up the ladder and onto the roof. I walk to the center and spread out the blanket. His head appears over the ledge and then he hauls himself the rest of the way up.

For a moment, he looks all around us. A few of the RVs that were here when we arrived are still parked up. Some of them left during the day and others arrived.

They’re all quiet.

Sitting cross-legged, I lean my arms out behind me and look up at the sky. He joins me a moment later, not touching, but close enough that he could. He lays all the way down, resting one arm behind his head and the other sits on his abdomen.

“It’s not closer, but it’s uninterrupted.”

He nods. Without being able to see the other RVs around us, it feels like we’re the only ones here, lying directly under the stars.

“I get it,” he murmurs. “I don’t think I’ve ever just lay back and looked at the world around me. I’m always on the go, always having to do something. Or someone is always there wanting something from me. It could be as simple as a smile. But when you don’t have it in you to even do that…”

He trails off. His eyes are closed, so it’s safe to look at him. Study him.

His long eyelashes touch his cheekbones, the planes of his face highlighted by the light from the moon and the stars. His pulse is ticking in his throat. I can see it moving every few seconds, his heart beating slowly, steady.

He’s relaxing, and that settles something in me.

His eyes pop open and he catches me watching him. Thank God it’s dark, because warmth rushes to my cheeks. Our eyes hold for a long time, neither of us speaking. I’m not even sure I’m breathing.

Jude clears his throat. “You didn’t do much writing today,” he says, breaking the spell, bringing us back to the reality of each of our lives.

“No, but that’s okay. I don’t have any hard and fast deadlines to adhere to. Plus, what I wrote this morning has nothing to do with the book I’m supposed to be writing.”

“Isn’t that a bad thing?”

“Not really. It’s about being free to work how I want or need to while I’m out here. My muse took me in a different direction today. It may not turn into a full book, but it felt right.”

“Can I read it?”

I’m flummoxed for a moment. Not because I have anything to be ashamed of. It would be weird, him reading my work.

“Ignore me, that was rude. I should know, writing is personal. At least until it’s at a point where you want to share it.”

“It’s not that. It’s… heavy subject matter.”

“Oh,” he tilts his head back, so he is looking at the stars again. “And you think it might bother me?”

“I can’t presume to know how you feel, Jude.”

“But you’ve had more insight than most. I’ll do the sensible thing and focus on the good stuff. Not that your writing isn’t good stuff,” he adds with a laugh.

“I knew what you meant,” I grin back at him.

I lay back on the blanket. We should have brought two. The roof isn’t clean. I usually bring a chair when I come on the roof. Our elbows touch before I settle down. We lie side by side staring at the stars.

The sound of male voices breaks the silence, but we stay still. It sounds like they’re drunk, laughing and joking with one another. They’re not being quiet, which is terrible etiquette, but they’re not being rowdy or fighting. After a moment, the sounds disappear with the click of a door.

“Hey, look,” Jude grabs my hand. He props up and points to the sky.

I tilt my head and catch the tail end of it.

“Was that a shooting star?”

“I think so.”

“You say it like you’re not impressed,” he rolls to his side, propped up on his elbow.

“I’ve seen a lot of them. I’ve even seen meteor showers. They’re not as rare as people like to think, so long as you have a dark sky, uninterrupted by artificial light.”

“Don’t ruin it,” he shakes his head with a laugh. “I’m going to choose to believe that appeared just for us,” he settles back down on the blanket. “Make a wish, Krista. And anything your heart desires will come to you.”

I swallow and look away from him, back at the sky. My heart shouldn’t be pounding thinking of him knowing the song, ‘ When You Wish Upon A Star’ . It doesn’t mean he is a Disney fan, that is a very famous song.

While my sister was into the more romantic Disney movies, like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, Pinocchio is a movie I watched a lot when I was younger. It scared the piss out of my sister. She hated donkeys for a long time after watching it. I always loved the idea of Pinocchio wanting to be a real boy, wanting to have a family of his own. In a way, Jude is like that. Only it’s not a family he wants.

As an adult, it’s clear some of the recurring themes from the movie were honesty, dreams and imagination, self-discovery and understanding your own identity.

I doubt Jude would want to hear me comparing him to a wooden puppet, but in my head, it’s more metaphorical. He might not understand my reasoning and, to be honest, it’s more likely he is just happy he’s witnessed a shooting star. That in itself is pure enough. I’m glad he got to experience it.

Part of me wants to offer more. To help him find himself, to understand what he’s looking for. To comfort him.

Damn. Stop it.

I keep my eyes on the sky, even though I can feel the warmth of his body beside me, hear him breathing, and smell the scent of his cologne.

We’re quiet again after that and eventually cloud cover moves in and it’s harder to see the stars. It’s also getting colder. By mutual decision, we get up and head back down.

Jude grabs his guitar, and we go inside. He watches me as I lock up and put away the blankets.

“Everything okay?” he asks, setting his guitar back in the case.

“Tired,” I say, stifling a yawn.

Truth is, I don’t like the feelings the moment on the roof has evoked. Jude didn’t do anything, or even say anything, to stir things up, but I need to get away from him.

Because he could.

It’s been about nine months since I last had a relationship, even that was short-lived. He was a nice guy, but we weren’t compatible, something that became obvious the first time we had sex. I gave it a little longer, not wanting to make a snap decision, but we didn’t have that spark. The sex was okay, but it wasn’t amazing.

Somehow, I don’t think it would be lackluster with Jude, if only because the attraction is so strong.

“Goodnight,” I rush out, not looking at him as I slip into the bedroom, hearing him say it back.

Sitting on the bed in the dark, I listen to the sounds of Jude making up the bed. He uses the bathroom and then the lights go off.

Is he thinking about me? I clutch my head at the absurdity of that.

I need to snap out of this. Jude is trying to figure himself out, trying to get himself better. And be away from women who continuously throw themselves at him. He doesn’t need it from me too. I don’t want him to know I’ve been sitting here in silence, in the dark, so I slip off my pants and shirt and slide under the covers as quietly as possible.

Tomorrow, I’ll pretend nothing happened. He probably didn’t even notice anyway. Fingers crossed.

After a quiet breakfast, we get back onto the highway to South Dakota. For a while, Jude sits in the back, playing on his guitar, or using his phone. I try not to listen as he speaks to his friends.

My main stop here is Sioux Falls. I have a couple of friends there and we have planned a catch up. But that is on the other side of the state, so there are a few stops midway.

I think about pushing on and driving straight there, but that would be nuts.

Jude joins me and spreads a map out on his lap. He’d remarked how old school it is having a paper map instead of using GPS. I explained it was mapping out the route visually, so I know where I’m headed. I use the GPS while I’m driving.

“I wanted to ask a favor,” he says.

“Yeah?”

He unscrews the cap off a bottle of water and sets it into the drink holder on my arm rest. He didn’t ask if I wanted it, he just got it for me. That shouldn’t make my heart flutter at the thoughtfulness. He’s only doing it because he knows I can’t get up and grab one myself.

“Mount Rushmore isn’t far from here.”

“You want to see Mount Rushmore?”

“Yeah, if we can afford the time to stop?”

I was planning on stopping at Rapid City for a break, so it’s no hardship. It’s only half an hour out of the way. My family visited when I was around twelve, so it’s been a while since I saw the monument.

It’s also a huge tourist attraction. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him he’ll probably be noticed and mobbed, but he looks so earnest. His family did little traveling when he was a kid. The places he’s seen since he started traveling the world have been through the window of a tour bus or a hotel room. He’s not able to do the tourist thing.

“I still have my trusty hat,” he points out. “No one is going to expect to find me at Mount Rushmore,” he adds. “If I’m good with it, will you take me? Please?”

My eyes roll at the way he clasps his hands together and shakes them in a begging gesture.

“You can bring your mace,” he suggests. “If things get uncomfortable, we can leave. I don’t know when I’ll ever get to do this again. I want to experience it all. If you’ve not got the time…”

How am I supposed to refuse him? “I’ve got the time.”

He winks at me. “And at some point in this state, you can teach me how to drive this baby.”

“Don’t get too excited.”

Jude looks so happy I can’t help but smile. He consults the map, making a point of using the paper one to direct me.

Jude is like a kid at Christmas. It’s cooler up here at this time of the day and into the Black Hills area, so we wrap up and Jude pulls his cap down low. I grab a beanie and pull it over my hair.

Jude tugs on it and grins. “Cute.”

He walks ahead of me out of the RV. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I quickly pack my backpack, knowing we’ll need water and snacks and follow him out. It’s quite a walk from the RV parking lot to the entrance, but there aren’t too many people making their way over yet.

Jude wants to go into the information center and grabs maps, guides, and a book about the monument. He even gets some souvenirs for his friends.

“Here, let me put these in there.”

I pass over the bag, which he puts all of his purchases into, then he puts it on his back, giving me a look that says not to argue.

“It’s not too busy,” he looks at the few people in here. “Let’s go to the exhibit real quick.”

“It’s your excursion. Lead on.”

It’s nice watching his enthusiasm. He reads everything as we make our way through. We take seats at the back of the auditorium to watch the short video about the monument. Then we head outside to the Avenue of Flags.

I take his picture with the Ohio and California state flags, then he asks a passer-by to take one of us both with the Chicago flag, putting his arm around my shoulder and leaning towards me. I smile but hold my breath as I’m pressed into his side.

We sit for a while, and I watch the flags and tourists while he reads the map and guide leaflets.

“Did I see food in here?” Jude asks, opening the bag. He hands me a water bottle and one of the cereal bars. “You’re always prepared.”

“Someone has to be. It’s like going on an adventure with a ten-year-old,” I laugh.

“Mock me all you want. This is fun,” he grins. “I’m a novice, remember. I’ll make sure we’re stocked up on the next excursion.”

“The next one?” I arch a brow.

“Yeah, I’ve been googling.”

“I should confiscate your phone.”

“Then I’d just have to pester you for information. And you don’t want that. I can behave like a ten-year-old when required.”

“Why do I believe that’s true?”

He winks, biting off a huge chunk of apple.

After a drink and some more snacks I brought, Jude takes more pictures, including one of me hiding behind my hands, laughing because I don’t want to take a picture. He starts chasing me, until it draws attention. He pockets his phone, grabs my hand and tugs me away from a group of tourists.

Then we head into the park, in search of the four presidents, who are pretty hard to miss in reality.

Jude still has hold of my hand.