22. Lara
”What”d you think of the movie?” Tiffany asks me.
I look at her just as the lights in the theater come on. The credits roll on the screen, and people stand up. ”It was cool.”
She gives me a funny look. ”Yeah? You liked it?”
”You didn”t?” I try to rack my brain and remember what the movie was about. Zombies or something. I think… definitely something about zombies.
”I thought it was terrible,” Tiffany says. ”I don”t think anyone in here liked it. You must”ve heard people groaning.”
”I thought that was the zombies.”
Tiffany lets out a snicker. ”You weren”t paying attention, were you?”
”I guess I”m not much into watching movies these days.”
We make our way to the aisle.
”You should”ve told me,” Tiffany says. ”I wouldn”t have asked you to go to the theater if you weren”t into it.”
”It”s okay,” I tell her. ”It was a good distraction.”
We leave the theater and walk to the parking lot.
”What do you want to do?” she asks. ”Go home?”
”No way. The night is young… why don”t we go to the Country Grille?”
Tiffany wrinkles her nose. ”You want to go there?”
”Why not?” We get into Tiffany”s car.
Tiffany starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot. ”If that”s where you want to go, then that”s where we”ll go.”
We pull in front of the Country Grille and park. Tiffany gives the dingy-looking sign above the door a weary look. I giggle as we head to the entrance.
”You sure, Lara? This is a rough place.”
I look over my shoulder at her and roll my eyes. ”All the other bars will ask for our IDs. Come on.” I grab her arm and pull her inside.
I can”t be home right now.
No matter where I go in that house, everything reminds me of Amanda. Then I”m swallowed in sadness.
My father needs me, but I can”t do it.
I need to do my own thing and forget.
Inside, the bar is hazy, with grime on the windows and stale cigarette smoke in the air. There”s a pool table off to one side and a scuffed-up dance floor across from it. It might not be a tea party, but it”ll do for what I have in mind, which is to drink enough to drown a sailor.
I pull out some cash and ask the bartender for a rum and coke. He looks Tiffany and me up and down, leering as he grabs the twenty.
”And what”re you drinking, honey?” he asks Tiffany, his eyes lingering on her cleavage.
”The same.” She glances at me with a nervous smile.
She doesn”t want to be here, but I don”t care. I want to get drunk, and it made sense to bring her since she”s been bugging me for a girl”s night out. This is what she gets.
After we get our drinks, we sit at a table.
”Bottoms up!” Tiffany clinks my glass, takes a sip, and immediately makes a face. ”There”s hardly any soda in this. I think it”s mostly rum.”
I take a long drink from my glass, nearly emptying it. ”Then we won”t have to buy that many.”
After Tiffany chokes down her drink, I take her empty glass and return to the bar. While the bartender is making us new drinks, I glance around. A few guys I recognize from school are playing pool… including Dylan!
Wow.
A longing tugs in my chest. I”m curious if he”s seen me. Probably has, since it”s not the biggest bar. But I don”t want to see him. If he comes over, he”ll try and help me…. He probably thinks I”ve gone off the deep end like everyone else does.
And I don”t need a lecture. I don”t need anyone”s judgment.
I don”t need anyone!
I”m going to get drunk and do whatever the hell I want, just like I”ve been doing for the past few months.
I pick up our drinks and head to the table.
”You see Dylan over there?” Tiffany asks, taking the tiniest sip of her drink.
”I saw him.” I shrug. ”So what?”
”Aren”t you guys friends?” Tiffany asks. ”Or maybe a little more than friends?”
I take a swig of my drink.
The door to the bar opens, and a familiar face walks by our table.
It”s Andrew, a friend of Parker”s. He graduated a year before us, so he”s a little older. My stomach clenches, thinking that my ex-boyfriend will walk in after him. But I relax when I see he”s alone. He orders a beer and then glances our way.
Even when I was with Parker, I knew Andrew had a thing for me. I wonder how good of friends he and Parker are now?
”I can”t drink all of this,” Tiffany says. ”I”m starting to feel dizzy.”
I tip my glass back and drink the rest of its contents. ”While I”m just getting started.”
I glance back at the bar. Now Dylan is standing there. He locks eyes with me, and for a second, he looks like he”s about to come over.
”Hey.” Andrew takes the empty seat at our table, and I flinch.
”H-hey, Andrew. What brings you out tonight?” I angle myself toward him to distract myself from Dylan.
Andrew takes a sip of his beer and leans toward me. ”Having a drink before heading home. What”re you girls up to?” He smiles slyly at Tiffany, then looks back at me.
”Just having a few drinks.” I smile back. ”You want to buy me a shot?”
He cocks his head, then nods. ”What”re we drinking?”
”Tequila. Tiff? You want one?”
”No, thanks. I see somebody I know, so I”ll leave you two alone.” She gets up and leaves the table, glaring at me.
She”s probably pissed, but I don”t care.
”Two shots of tequila.” Andrew gets up. ”Coming right up.”
Dylan is by the pool table again, and I see his eyes on me.
I don”t need your judgment.
I want a distraction. And Andrew is perfect right now.
”Here you go.” Andrew hands me the shot of tequila.
I lick my hand, sprinkle the salt, shoot the shot, and finish it with the lime wedge he hands over. I slam the glass onto the table. ”You want to get out of here?”
Andrew”s eyes widen. ”Uh—now? W-with me?”
”Yeah. What do you think?”
A grin spreads across his face. ”Um. Well… Let”s get out of here.” He takes my hand and leads me to the exit.
Tiffany calls my name from a distance, but I ignore her and walk out the door.
”Where do you want to go?” Andrew asks, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. ”My car is parked around the back if?—”
”How about there?” I point across the street, where a few picnic tables are set up beside some trees.
”You sure it”s not too cold?” he asks, sliding his hand around my waist and pulling me close.
I lean into him. ”You”ll keep me warm.” I grab his hand and pull him across the street.
I”m done with talking and done with thinking. I”m ready to shut my thoughts out and have some fun.
There”s a path in between the trees. It”s dark, and I”m feeling the effects of the liquor as we stop at the first picnic table we come to. I glance at the bar, wondering if anyone can see us. Can Dylan see me?
Not that it matters.
Andrew pulls a flask from his coat pocket and hands it over.
I unscrew the cap and take a sip. The cheap whiskey burns my throat as it goes down, but at least it warms me up. I take another sip and hand it back.
”You”re not seeing Parker anymore?” he asks.
”We broke up,” I tell him. ”Months ago… you didn”t know? I thought you guys were friends.”
Andrew shrugs. ”He went off to school.”
I nod, taking the flask from him again.
A voice in my head tells me to walk away, but I ignore it. Andrew can make me forget about the pain and anger—and that”s all that matters.
He replaces the flash, pushes back my hair, and kisses me.
I let him.
And he”s not a bad kisser… better than Parker. But not as good as Dylan.
Cars drive past, shining their bright headlights over us. People have definitely seen us by now… I wonder if it”s anyone I know. I imagine they”d be surprised if they recognized me. It”s not like I”m a model citizen of this town—at least not now, I”m not. The past few months have been such a blur… staying out until all hours of the night, arguing over and over with my dad, and doing everything I can to not think about the future.
Some people might say I”ve hit rock bottom.
If this is the bottom, it”s pretty good.
I take the flask out of Andrew”s jacket and drink.
At least I can drink and make out with reasonably hot guys. It”s much better than sitting at home and letting my thoughts take over.
”You”re good at this,” Andrew says after kissing me again. ”Surprised Parker never said so.”
”Let”s not talk about him, okay? He”s not here… you”re here. And you”re out of liquor.” I hold up the flask and shake it.
He chuckles. ”Bottle is in my truck. Hold on… I”ll fill it up.”
I lean back on the picnic table and give him a sultry smile. ”I”ll be waiting.”
He blows a kiss in my direction and heads across the street.
I have a strong buzz going, and I barely register the cold. The dark sky is clear, and the stars are out. I close my eyes, and my mind goes back to that night before it happened… brushing Amanda”s hair and telling stories, talking about Dylan.
She wanted me to date him instead of Parker… she didn”t think Parker was right for me. Amanda, you were right. Parker isn”t right for me. But Dylan…
I can”t be with Dylan.
He knows me so well, and during these last few months, I know he wants to talk about everything that happened that night, that next day, and everything else.
He wants to be there for me, but I can”t do it. I can”t let him like he wants me to. Not now that Amanda is gone. I can”t do it… something died in me, and I”ll never get it back.
”You falling asleep on me?”
I open my eyes and sit up straight.
Andrew is holding up a bottle of whiskey and smiling.
”You brought the whole bottle?”
”It”s dark,” he says. ”No one”s going to see.”
He sits beside me and hands me the bottle. I tip it to my lips. I”m going to feel awful tomorrow if I keep drinking this stuff. I”m supposed to ride Coco in the morning…
I bring the bottle back to my lips and drink more.
Screw it.
Andrew takes the bottle from me and places it on the table. ”Now, where were we?”
I let out a giggle, and he kisses me again. His hand finds the hem of my sweater and begins to travel beneath it. I should stop him, but I don”t. My head swims from all the drinking, and I”m a little nauseous. But I move past it. I don”t want to get sick while making out.
”This okay?” he asks, his hand grazing over my bra.
I nod, finding his lips again. ”I don”t care.”
”That”s a dangerous thing to say, baby.” He lets out a breathy chuckle as he pulls one of the cups of my bra down.
I want to be more aroused by the fact he”s playing with my nipple, but I don”t. There”s just emptiness, and I”m foggy from the alcohol.
Andrew could push me down on this table and do lord knows what, and I wouldn”t move. That”s how empty I am inside.
”You want to go to my place?” he whispers. ”It”s cold out here.”
”It”s fine. It”s not that cold.” I bite his lower lip and slide onto his lap, facing him. ”You want to fuck me here and warm me up?”
Andrew breathes heavily. ”I mean… I want to. But?—”
He”s cut off by the sound of people coming out of the bar. I look. It”s Dylan and a few guys he”s hanging out with.
A car drives by, shining its headlights straight on us. Dylan stares at me while his friends jeer and call out at us. He”s silent, with a murderous look like he wants to kill me.
I wish he would. Wish he could.
I”m causing him pain, and I hate myself for it.
But I have to keep going down this route… I have to find a way to numb it all. I can”t face things the way he wants me to.
And it isn”t like he hasn”t hooked up with girls… Sloan is into him. Why doesn”t he sleep with her and stop staring at me from across the road, judging me?
I turn to Andrew and resume our make-out session, grinding against his crotch.
”Hey.” He pulls away slightly. ”You”re—you”re getting me all worked up.”
I smile, even though it hurts.
”Good,” I breathe. ”That”s how I want you.” I kiss him again.
And I force the image of Dylan”s disappointed face out of my fucking mind.