40. BELLA
40
BELLA
W e pulled up to the clinic, the engine cutting out so that the silence grew in the car. I stared at the nondescript building. The parking lot was half-full, with a couple of moms wrangling toddlers and a man leaning against his car, scrolling through his phone. Everything about it felt so ordinary. But there was nothing ordinary about it for us.
Chris tapped the steering wheel rhythmically. He was a solid pillar of strength next to me. If it wasn’t for him, I might not have had the courage to make the appointment in the first place.
“You ready?”
“Define ready,” I muttered, twisting my fingers together in my lap. My nerves were getting the best of me, and my foot bounced uncontrollably against the floor mat.
He reached over, placing a hand on mine. “It’s going to be fine, Bella. We’ll go in, get the little picture, hear the whooshy thing, and then we’ll celebrate with pancakes or something. Easy.”
“The whooshy thing?” I laughed. “Do you mean the heartbeat?”
He was trying to lift the mood, and it was working.
“Yeah, the heartbeat,” he said, grinning. “You’re nervous. I’m nervous. Let’s just pretend we’re not and get through it together. Deal?”
I nodded, taking a deep breath. “Deal.”
We got out of the car and walked into the building. Chris’s hand was firmly on my lower back, anchoring me.
The waiting room was the epitome of discomfort. It was luxurious, sure—everything in Chris’s world was—but at the same time I felt like I wanted to run away. Maybe it was just me.
The brown leather couches, rich wallpaper and soft, calming music floating from invisible speakers seemed to make everyone else in the waiting room seem relaxed.
Yeah, definitely just me.
Chris sat down, and I glanced at him. He smiled broadly at the other moms and couples before he gestured for me to take a seat. I sat down next to him and he huddled close—protective, present.
Since he’d told me he loved me, he cared for me, he wanted me in his life, he’d done everything in his power to let me know that he was here to stay.
I tried to distract myself by flipping through a glossy parenting magazine, but every photo of smiling babies only ramped up my anxiety, making it harder to breathe.
Why was this happening? How had I gotten to this place? Everything suddenly felt so surreal. I was pregnant, having a baby.
My whole life was changing and I didn’t like it when it happened so fast.
Not if it wasn’t what I’d planned.
Chris leaned over, whispering, “Why do all these babies look like they’re planning world domination?”
I giggled, covering my mouth with my hand. “Stop.” The laughter was a little hysterical, the comic relief I needed.
“I’m serious. Look at this one,” he pointed to a particularly stern-looking baby on the cover. “That kid’s definitely plotting.”
Before I could respond, the nurse came from down a hallway and called my name. The sound sliced through the tension like a knife, and I felt my heart lurch. Chris stood immediately, offering his hand. “Come on. Let’s meet the mastermind.”
The examination room was small but cozy, with soft lighting and posters of smiling families and diagrams of anatomy.
I stood close to the examination table, looking at the computer with its wand that the doctor would use to take a look at our baby.
“It feels like a sci-fi movie,” I said.
The doctor, a kind-looking woman with glasses perched on her nose and a calming presence, entered with a warm smile. Her chestnut hair was pulled back into a loose bun, and her gentle demeanor immediately made me feel better about being here. She didn’t wear a white coat, and for some reason that made me feel even more at ease.
“I’m Dr. Moreau,” she said in a soothing voice. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.” She held out her hand and we introduced ourselves.
“How are you feeling today?” she asked as I got on the bed.
“Nervous,” I admitted.
Chris chimed in, “Excited. Nervous. A mix. Mostly excited.”
Moreau chuckled. “That’s normal. But knowledge isn’t only power, it will set you at ease. Let’s get started, shall we? Then we know exactly what we’re working with.”
I lay back on the table, and Chris pulled a stool closer, taking my hand. The gel was cold against my stomach when I pulled up my shirt, and I jumped slightly.
“Sorry about that,” Moreau said, focusing on the monitor. The faint hum of the machine filled the room as she began moving the wand, looking at gray blobs on the screen as if she understood what she was seeing.
“It’s looking good,” she said with a smile. “Ten weeks, you said?”
I nodded. “Roughly.”
“I like what I’m seeing. Here, listen to this.”
A rhythmic whooshing sound filled the air, fast and determined.
“That’s the heartbeat?” I asked.
“That’s the heartbeat,” she confirmed with a smile. Chris squeezed my hand, his thumb brushing over my knuckles and my eyes stung with tears.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered. The sound of life tugged at my heart.
“Look at that,” he murmured. “Perfect.”
Moreau’s brow furrowed slightly. She moved the wand again, tilting her head.
“What is it?” I asked. “Is something wrong? Something is wrong.” I felt my heart rate spike, my anxiety coming back in full force.
“Hold on,” she said, her tone calm but focused. We heard the whooshing sound again.
“What’s wrong?” I asked again.
“Wait… is that?” Chris leaned forward, his eyes darting between the monitor and the doctor.
“It absolutely is.”
“What?” I asked.
She smiled at me. “It seems you’re having twins. Congratulations.”
“Twins?” I echoed, my voice breathy. My heart beat in my throat and I stared at the screen. Moreau moved the wand, and the shape that had been one baby at first turned into two. Two distinct shapes, two heartbeats. “Are you sure?”
“Very sure,” she said, pointing to the monitor. “Here’s baby one, and here’s baby two.”
I stopped breathing altogether.
Chris let out a low whistle. “Well, that’s… wow.”
Moreau nodded. “Life is a miracle, and twins are my favorite kind.” She smiled at us, but I didn’t know if I could share in her happiness about this. Twins? I wasn’t even ready for one. And now… two?
My mind spun and I felt like I was going to throw up.
“Twins come with some additional considerations,” Moreau continued as if I wasn’t about to come undone at the seams. Her face was more serious now. “We’ll need to monitor you closely for preterm labor and other potential complications. Your blood pressure’s a bit elevated, so we’ll keep an eye on that. Nutrition is also crucial. You’ll need to eat for three now, Bella.”
I struggled to make sense of all the words. Preterm labor. Blood pressure. Two babies. “Is everything okay right now?” I asked, panic creeping into my voice.
“Everything looks good at the moment,” she reassured me. “But we’ll take it one step at a time.”
She reached behind the machine and handed me a printout of the two babies, gray forms on a black background.
My babies.
Plural.
When she left the room, I wiped the gel off my stomach on autopilot, picked up my bag, walked through the door when Chris let me go first. I made my way through the waiting room and didn’t even think about paying for the visit. But Chris had already taken care of everything.
He’d said he would, and he was following through.
I left the clinic in a daze, the sunlight feeling far too bright. I clutched the ultrasound photos like a lifeline, my head swimming. I was still struggling to breathe and the world seemed to tilt on its axis all around me.
Chris was quiet beside me, his expression unreadable. His hand was still firmly wrapped around mine.
That counted for something, right?
When we reached the car, he opened my door for me and waited until we were both seated to speak.
“You okay?” he asked softly.
I started nodding, but then I shook my head, tears welling up. “Two babies, Chris. Two. How are we going to do this?”
He reached over, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, and wiped the first tears off my cheek with his thumb.
“We’re going to figure it out. Together. Just like we’ve handled everything else.”
“But what if something goes wrong? What if… I can’t do this?”
“Hey,” he said, his tone firm but gentle and he cupped my cheek. His eyes were the color of the ocean and they bore into my soul. “You can. You’re the strongest person I know. And I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together, no matter what.”
His words settled something in me, though the fear didn’t entirely vanish.
“Promise?” I whispered.
“Promise,” he said without hesitation.
He took my hand and planted a kiss on my knuckles.
“Come on, let’s get to a café and get you started on the eating-for-three thing.” He grinned at me, and his grin was infectious despite the tears on my cheeks.
He pulled into the road, and it didn’t take long before he parked again.
The coffee shop was small and cozy, with mismatched furniture and the comforting hum of espresso machines. I appreciated we didn’t go to one of those fancy places he hung out at with his friends. I couldn’t deal with so much change at once.
And it was as if he understood.
But then, Chris had always understood me, hadn’t he? Even when it had seemed it would never work out between us, we’d always been cut from the same cloth.
After we placed our order and the server brought it to us, I held my tea tightly, letting the warmth seep into my fingers. Chris stirred his coffee methodically.
“Two babies,” I said again, as if saying it out loud would make it real. I glanced down at the ultrasound picture of the two babies, facing each other as if they were already friends.
“Two babies,” he echoed, and smiled. “Twice the diapers, twice the sleepless nights. Twice the everything .”
“That doesn’t scare you?” He looked far too relaxed, his smile coming far too easy.
“Terrifies me,” he admitted, and my stomach dropped. “But it also excites me. Bella, we’re about to be a family of four. How amazing is that?”
I stared at him, searching for any hint of doubt. This was Chris, the man who had run when I’d started talking about marriage. But that had been then, and this was now.
And now, he seemed to be here, and all in.
“You really mean that? It excites you?”
“Of course I mean it. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Bella. But this? You and the babies? I’m not screwing this up. I want this, no matter what and I’ll do whatever it takes.”
I let myself drink in the promise and the warmth that came with it. All I’d ever wanted was to be with Chris, to build a life together. He’d been my first love, and I’d always wished he would be my last. I’d always wanted a family with him, although this wasn’t exactly how I’d planned it.
I might have wanted it to work out a little differently but the end game had always been in the back of my mind, a wish, a dream.
“We’re going to need a bigger place,” Chris said, sipping his coffee. “My apartment isn’t even good for one baby. It’s a bachelor pad. We’ll have to start looking.”
“For a new place?”
“Of course,” Chris said. “And your apartment is wonderful, but I want you closer to me when it comes closer to the time we’re having those babies. Especially if there might be complications…” He thought about it. “I’m not someone to only think about impending doom, but we just have to be sure you’re safe. That’s the most important part.”
“Are you asking me to move in with you?” I asked with a grin.
Chris thought about it before he nodded. “Yeah.”
I blinked at him. “I was joking.”
“I’m not. We won’t do it right now because I want to find a place first. But soon, okay? Six months, max. I want you to start thinking about what you want in a house and what we’ll need for the kids. And then I’ll send out someone in the company to get a few places together for us to go through. What do you think?”
Hearing him talk about “the kids” and planning a house that would work for “our family” made me giddy.
“It’s all moving so quickly,” I finally said.
Chris nodded. “Yeah. Some things would have been better to slow down, you know? I loved you from the start, and I love you still. And that’s all that matters. I want this to be perfect. For you, for me, and for our babies. It’s going to be great, Bells. You know that, right?”
I smiled. “I didn’t until now. But I’m starting to.”