Chapter 12 - Delilah
“Jesus Christ.” I clutched my chest, stopping short after nearly trampling over someone on the way inside the Freedom Reins stables.
But my breath caught when I realized it was Claire.
We’d been tiptoeing around each other for the last two days.
A part of me wasn’t even sure I still had a job at the ranch, but I wasn’t about to stop showing up. Not until someone told me to.
She looked like shit. Dark circles under her eyes, pale skin, a messy bun on the top of her head.
Despite how much she hurt me, I hated seeing her so down and felt even worse that I was probably the reason why.
But then I remembered she basically called me an irresponsible whore and suddenly didn’t feel so bad.
I looked down my nose at her. “What do you want?”
“Can we talk?” Her voice was small, brittle. I hadn’t heard it like that since her mom died four months ago. It chipped away at that icy exterior I’d just put on like armor.
“I think you’ve said enough, don’t you?” I walked past her to the tack room.
“You made your opinion of me perfectly clear.” I couldn’t keep the bite out of my voice—or the hurt.
Because of her, I’d spent the last two days rethinking my entire life, wondering if she was right, and I couldn’t be trusted.
I’d sobbed in front of Emmett for fuck’s sake.
Not once, but twice! And while I adored the way he unexpectedly comforted me, I hadn’t wanted him to see me like that. Not when we were supposed to be casual.
“Please, Delilah,” Claire pleaded, following after me.
I took Willow’s saddle down with a grunt and propped it against my hip. “I don’t have anything to say to you,” I muttered as I stormed past her.
“Then don’t talk,” she pressed, sounding desperate now while chasing after me. “Just listen. Please.”
I didn’t respond while I tacked Willow. I hadn’t even planned on riding, but I needed to get away from Claire. My hands shook as I reached under her to grab the other side of the cinch that went around her lower chest.
“I…I fucked up,” she stammered, coming to my side. “I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
A bitter laugh left me, and I gave her my back. “We both know you never say anything you don’t mean, Claire.”
She came around Willow’s other side, forcing me to look at her while I tightened straps and fiddled with shit that didn’t need fiddling with. “Well, I didn’t mean that. I know it wasn’t your fault that the sponsorship got pulled, even if Ethan said he heard things about you.”
I just stared at her, amazed at how terrible she was at apologizing. “Is there supposed to be an apology in there or…?”
She came towards me, eyes pleading. “Would you even accept one?”
“Don’t know.” I brushed the tangles out of Willow’s mane. “You really hurt my feelings,” I admitted, quieter.
“I know, and I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice cracking. “I don’t know why I acted like that.”
My eyes slid to hers slowly, as if to say Are you serious? “Because you’re a control freak.”
The corner of her mouth twitched with a smile. “I am. And I know I need to work on that. Beau’s been on my ass since you left our house.”
A flare of burning heat blasted through me. I sucked my teeth, turning to face her. “Oh, so that’s why you’re apologizing? Because your boyfriend told you to? Not because you actually think you’ve done anything wrong. Typical.”
“No, I know I fucked up. I knew it the second you left, I knew it when Emmett chewed me out after, I knew it when I went to bed and couldn’t sleep after. I’ve known it while I’ve been hiding from you like a coward since.”
My hand froze on Willow’s side, my heart in my throat. “Emmett chewed you out more?” I could barely get the words out.
She scoffed. “Yeah. He even told me he’d quit if I didn’t fix this with you.” I opened my mouth, but she cut me off. “And I’m not doing this because of him either.”
My gaze darted around the stall, not knowing what to think, what to say when I saw him next. Why would he do that? I didn’t mean anything to him, not anything worth walking away from his job for.
“I hate myself for hurting you. I shouldn’t have said what I did.
It was cruel, and I lost sight of what really matters.
” My throat tightened when she grabbed my hand.
“You’re my sister, Delilah, and I love you.
I know just how essential you are to Golden Circle, and that Freedom Reins wouldn’t exist without you.
I wouldn’t have ever been considered a viable option for Cavendish if it weren’t for you and the program.
I owe all of this to you. And I’ve never truly thanked you for helping me save this place. ”
Some of the doubt I felt melted away at her words. I hadn’t realized how badly I needed to hear that from her until she said it.
“We both know it was my fault,” I whispered hoarsely.
“Even if it was, that didn’t give me the right to criticize you like that.”
I swallowed thickly. “No. It didn’t.”
Her chin wobbled, and a tear slid down her cheek.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, squeezing my hand.
“You were right the other day, we’re all a team.
I’ve just been so used to doing everything on my own that I don’t know how to let go of control and delegate.
But that’s no excuse. I trust you, Delilah. I always have.”
I couldn’t help but laugh through my tears. “You have a really funny way of showing it.”
She wiped her cheeks before pulling me into a hug. “Please forgive me. We can’t do this without you—I can’t. You’re my sister just as much as Savannah and Tess are, and I need you.”
I wanted to stay mad. God, I wanted to. Anger was easier than this ache in my chest. But the way her voice cracked when she called me her sister knocked the fight right out of me.
My throat burned, and my stomach twisted with guilt over sneaking around with Emmett.
And I think it was that guilt that had me forgiving her faster than I should’ve. “Of course, I forgive you.”
I broke our hug, tucking my hair behind my ears. I couldn’t look at her as I said, “You weren’t entirely wrong.”
“About what?”
“My…lifestyle.” I shrugged a shoulder. “It’s not exactly a good look. It’s kinda giving Martha Stewart and her prison years…”
Claire snorted. “Don’t go changing yourself just because I was a bitch,” she said, her voice growing stern. “We love you just as you are, and wouldn’t have you any other way.”
“I know.” And I really did, but as fun and freeing as it was, the partying and hookups were starting to lose their luster. “I just don’t know if it’s really me anymore, you know?”
At that moment, my phone buzzed in my back pocket.
Em: Can’t stop thinking about how good you looked in my bed yesterday morning.
Em: Think this sleepover thing should become a regular thing. What do you think, sugar?
My heart fluttered in my chest, and the world zeroed in on his words and the meaning behind them.
“What is that?” Claire blurted.
My stomach sank, my skin prickling with a cold sweat. Had she seen my screen? “Wha—nothing. It’s nothing,” I choked, shoving my phone back in my pocket with a shaking hand.
“No, you’re smiling at your phone. You don’t smile at your phone.” Her grin widened. “Who are you talking to?”
The relief I felt almost brought me to my knees. I shrugged a shoulder. “Just some guy.” I hated calling Emmett ‘some guy’ as if he weren’t the only reason why I’d remained sane these last two days.
Claire’s brows nearly shot to her hairline, her eyes wide. “Just some guy?” She smirked, leaning against the half-wall beside us. “A guy who makes you giddy like a middle schooler is more like it.”
Yeah. And that was the problem. I couldn’t let Emmett make me feel giddy. This was supposed to be casual, no-strings with an end date. It was supposed to only happen once, but we’d already royally fucked that up.
“I am not giddy,” I lied. The heat rushing to my cheeks didn’t help.
She gripped my arm, her green eyes sparkling with excitement. “Oh my God, you’re so obsessed with him. Do I know him? The sex must be good if he’s got you blushing like that.”
I almost choked on my spit. If only she knew she was asking about her brother. “It’s alright,” I replied, downplaying it. But I couldn’t hide my smile.
“You’re getting the best sex of your life, aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question. Claire knew me well enough to know the answer already.
“I think I’m addicted to his dick,” I confessed with a heavy breath. “And he’s got a dirty mouth. The shit he says is…insane.”
Claire squealed, jumping up and down, which made Willow fidget. “How long have you been seeing him?”
“About three weeks. It was supposed to be a one-off, but we can’t seem to stay away…” I chewed on my bottom lip, staring down at our feet. “It’s complicated.”
That was the understatement of the fucking century.
Her excitement morphed to confusion. “I thought complicated wasn’t your thing?”
“It’s not, and that’s the problem.” I sighed, weighing my options.
I needed someone to talk to about this, but it felt weird having this conversation with Claire for obvious reasons.
Maybe if I didn’t tell her who he was, then it wouldn’t be so bad, and I could get her advice.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself. “I really like him, bear,” I admitted, looking at her warily. “Like…a lot.”
Her head tilted, eyes darting all over my face.
She knew just how serious it was for me to admit that.
I didn’t do real, didn’t do lasting, and it was Emmett’s fault.
Nothing I ever felt for anyone came close to touching the way I loved him, and these last three weeks only made me fall for him more.
“Then you should tell him how you feel.”