Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“SWEETER PLACE” BY SVRCINA
BLOSSOM
We spend most of Friday relaxing and enjoying each others’ company, eating the delicious brunch spread they prepared, then watching films in the movie room because today seems to be one of those rainy spring days.
It’s perfect, and they each show me attention with small touches and kisses, never pushing and not shy in front of each other.
I get to experience firsthand how strong their bond is, how much they genuinely are like brothers, teasing each other and also even a couple of bouts of wrestling which makes me a little hot and bothered if I’m honest.
All too soon the kids come back from school and their trip, and we’re into the evening routines of ordering our Friday night take-away, Chinese as was Justin’s choice. The kids decided he could have this Friday because he’d not had one yet.
After dinner, we all settle down to watch a movie together—Zootropilis 2—which has them all up and dancing at the end and pulling me to my feet.
We manage to get Nox up, and he dances with us, the other two looking on and laughing.
His hands and body keep brushing over me, in seemingly innocent ways but good lord does it make heat flare bright through me like I’ve just lit a fire.
It’s utter bliss, and I’m smiling as I put all the kids to bed.
The guys help, then head to the games room with Justin while I go to have a long soak in my tub.
I needed some alone time to process what happened this morning, to think about how having three boyfriends will actually work.
And I think they need some time with their little brother, Justin needing time with his big brothers.
I’m towelling my hair dry when I hear Rachel scream from down the hall.
My heart races, even though I know it’s probably one of her regular nightmares and she’s not in any real danger.
Even so, I hurry though getting my pjs on, and rush out of my room and down the hall, stopping outside her closed door. I open it, just a crack.
“Rachel, sweetheart,” I say softly, the cries inside turning my stomach. “It’s Blossom, darling. Can I come in?”
Thundering steps behind me have my head snapping around to find Nox, chest heaving as he strides towards me.
“Please, stop!” Rachel’s voice yells, and I watch as Nox halts, his face going pale and sickly, the usual warm bronze turning ashen.
“What the fuck are you doing just standing there?” he snarls, though his voice isn’t much above a whisper. “She’s having a fucking nightmare!”
His nostrils are flared, his hands clenched into fists by his sides like he’s seconds away from rushing the door.
“She gets to decide who comes into her space, Nox,” I tell him, my voice steady but strained. “Always. Even when she’s scared. Especially when she’s scared.”
He lets out a rough breath just as the door in front of me opens, a flushed faced Rachel standing there, a teddy in her arms and tears running down her cheeks.
“M-Miss. Blossom—” she reaches for me and I bundle her into my arms, holding her while she sobs against me. Emotion clogs my throat and blurs my sight, but I still hold her, letting her cry as much as she needs to, not shushing her.
Eventually she calms down, giving a wide yawn. “Shall we get you back to bed, sweetheart?”
“Yes, please,” she answers softly, taking my hand and leading me into her room.
I settle her on her bed, tucking her in and singing the lullaby we always do when she has a nightmare like this. It reminds her that she’s safe, that although the nightmare is probably more memory than fiction, she never has to experience it in real life again.
Movement in the corner of my eye has me looking up to find Nox leaning in the doorway, tears tracing a line of pain down his still ashen cheeks. Something in me just knows that he’s experienced firsthand some kind of trauma that he never should have.
Looking back at Rachel I find her fast asleep, her breathing calm and I gently get off the bed, coming over to the doorway where Nox startles like he didn’t see me until the moment I was in front of him.
“Nox?” I brush his fist with my hand and he flinches. Hard. He takes a ragged inhale, and something in my gut tells me that he needs someone. “Can I hold you tonight, Nox?”
His green eyes look haunted, and he just nods, uncoiling his fingers to take my hand in his. His grip is almost painful, but I don’t say anything as I lead him to my room. Once we’re inside, I shut the door, then take him over to my bed.
“Do you want to get changed?” I ask. He’s in sweatpants and a tank top, which showcases his lean muscles and the beautiful tattoos that decorate his arms and flow onto his pecs. He just shakes his head, so I climb onto the bed, lying down and opening my arms.
He takes a shuddering inhale, then lies next to me, both of us on our sides, and my arms wrap around him.
I can feel the wetness of his tears as he quietly cries, my own eyes stinging as my vision wavers.
His skin is warm against mine, that bronze going soft in the low light, and I hold him tighter.
“I was eight when he first came into my room,” he whispers, and my heart squeezes hard.
God I know where this is going and it will hurt.
“My new stepdad, Gary.” His voice is thick, broken and painful sounding.
“I didn’t know what he was doing, was too fucking young to know what he was doing.
But it hurt so bad, Petal. I tried to scream for my mom, even though I knew she was most likely coked up.
But his hand covered my mouth, almost my nose too, it was so big.
” Tears burn and they fall down my cheeks onto my chin and his hair, but I don’t unwrap my arms to wipe them away, just continue to hold him and listen.
“Afterwards, he told me no one would believe me if I said anything, and stumbled out the room while I lay there hurting and fucking bleeding.” His whole body shakes.
“And he was right. I tried to tell my mom, but all I got was a backhand to the face and told to stop making things up. That I was a lying little half caste and was lucky she didn’t abort me when she had the chance.
” That word lands like a slap of its own, and my grip tightens in his, my chest aching with everything he didn't get to have.
“I’m so sorry you were so alone, love,” I whisper, my voice thick with tears, my chest tight like a metal band is wrapped around it, squeezing.
“Four years it took for social to get involved. For someone to notice I was being raped nightly.” My eyes close as I swallow hard, that band tightening.
“Then I got sent to the group home where I met Ant, Steele and Jus. It was shit there, but better than the hell I’d come from.
No one tried to touch me like that anyway.
” His arms tense around me a little. “It took a while, a few years before I told them what had happened. Then, when we aged out, we found him. He’d got out of prison for good behaviour.
” He scoffs. “Lucky me really because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to make sure he could never hurt another kid like that again. ”
My breath catches, then stalls. I don’t judge him for what he’s implying. I know the system is flawed and often doesn’t help when it should. Not fully. Plus, men like his stepfather gave up the right to oxygen when they started preying on children.
“Good.”
He freezes, then slowly tilts his head back to look up at me. His beautiful green eyes are bloodshot and swollen with his tears. “It doesn’t bother you? That I might have hurt someone on purpose?”
I unwrap one of my arms, slowly reaching out and swipe away some of the tears that linger on his cheek.
“No, love. It doesn’t bother me that you stopped a predator from being able to prey on others.
” I give him a smile. “Though, I do think that as cathartic as telling me may have been, you may want to talk to James about it one day.”
He gives a rough laugh, a small grin tugging up his lips. “Maybe.” His face gets serious. “But, between us, when it comes to sex and things, I have… requirements.”
“Like?” I ask, my hand still stroking his hair which is unbelievably soft. It’s not in the cornrows he usually wears, and is a riot of curls around his face. It softens his harsh lines and angles, and I hope he wears it like this again so I can keep running my hands over it.
“I need complete control,” he answers straight away, and I grin at him.
“I gathered that. And I like it, when you take control, I mean,” I say, watching as his pupils blow wide. “I have to be so on all the time, you know? It’s a relief to give it up and know that I’m safe.”
“You’ll always be safe, Petal,” he tells me, one of his hands coming up to brush the side of my neck. I shiver. “I don’t like to be touched.”
My hand on his hair freezes. “I’m sorry—”
“No, Petal. That’s fine. I mean sexually. Below the belt. Hands on my junk…” He shudders and an idea comes to me.
“Would it be easier if I was tied up?”
His head snaps up, his green gaze molten as he looks at me. “What?”
“Would it be easier if you tied me up? That way I couldn’t accidentally touch you, and you’d be in full control,” I say, and a small groan leaves his plush lips.
“Shit, Petal.” His hips move, and something hard pokes my thigh. “You just short circuited my brain.” He inhales, his nostrils flaring. “Would you like to be tied up?”
I lick my lower lip, his eyes tracking the movement like a predator would his prey.
“I think so, if it was you doing it.” I pause.
“And I don’t think I’d mind if the others were there, but maybe we try on our own first?
” I take a deep breath. “There's something you should know too. About how my body works.” I watch his face carefully, see his attention is fully on me.
“The condition I have that means I don’t have a uterus, my MRKH, it means that not only was I born without a uterus, but my…
anatomy is a little different. I've done work to make intimacy possible but I need you to go slowly at first, let me adjust. Especially given—” I glance down meaningfully. “I can see you're not built small.”
“Thank you for telling me, Petal. I’ll be careful, we take it at your pace, but you must use your words to let me know if it’s too much or you want more. That’s non-negotiable. Understood?”
“Understood, Nox.” He smiles, his sepia lips pulling up in the most distracting way.
“Shall we try now?” It’s a breath, a plea and my heart thuds in my chest.
“Nox, you just shared something very traumatic,” I reply, watching his face. His thick brows dip.
“Please don’t treat me like a victim, Petal,” he pleads, and my breath catches. “I won’t let that cunt take anything else from me. Trust me to know my limits.”
I gaze into his jade green eyes, seeing his truth and knowing that I am unable to deny him. “Okay, Nox.”