6. Sloane
Chapter six
Sloane
It’s been a few days since the festival, and I already feel my inspiration returning. Ever since my conversation with Cade, it’s been like a swirl of colors magically finding their way from my paintbrush to the canvas. I can’t explain it, but everything just began to make sense again when he reminded me that art isn’t an action, it’s a feeling. It’s like he reminded me why I began to paint in the first place.
I guess I need that reminder from time to time, especially when painting is no longer a hobby but my livelihood, which puts all this additional pressure on me. The thought of giving up on something I love makes me feel helpless, but more importantly, it would show how right my parents were about my choice of career.
I don’t want to believe they were right.
Not about this.
As a looming tension rests on my shoulders, I still have to remind myself why I’m in Rose Valley in the first place, and that’s my sister. As her wedding approaches, I feel all of these other additional challenges. Not just my own, but to be the best maid of honor I can be for her. There are all these responsibilities that I haven’t prepared for yet, and I just want to do the right thing by her. I want her to have a happy day and for everything to go perfectly.
Cade was right. I haven’t shown up for my family.
My siblings didn’t do anything to me, and neither did my parents, despite their criticism of my art career. Maybe I was just being selfish when I decided to stay away for as long as I have, but I needed to protect myself. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
So while I’m here for the wedding, maybe this can be a fresh start for me, too. That doesn’t mean I’ll decide to uproot my life in the city and return to Rose Valley, just that maybe I can learn a thing or two about myself while I’m here and mend the relationships I’ve placed a wedge in.
But not today.
Today is Mia’s bridal shower, and to say I’m excited would be an understatement. I’m not looking forward to being surrounded by people I haven’t seen in over ten years. People I used to call my friends, who have probably gone off, gotten married, and had a bunch of kids. They’ll wonder the same things as everyone else. Why have you been gone so long? Are you dating anyone?
Let’s not forget Mia’s friends, who are just as excited as she is about her getting married. As they should be; they’re her best friends and bridesmaids. Still, it’s so difficult to put on a brave and happy face around these people. It’s part of why I stayed away. I always felt like the black sheep, so it was easier to stay hidden in the shadows while everyone doted on Mia and Mike. I didn’t stick to the constructs that were built and laid out for me to follow, but they did. I broke the mold, something pretty devastating for the Bennett name.
I’m still going to be the best maid of honor I can be and put on a smiling face because today isn’t about me—this entire trip isn’t, and I’m not a monster, but I am nervous. I’m nervous that I am going to wreck everything, and I’m nervous that people are going to notice that I am not who I used to be.
I’m scared. I’m scared that people are going to judge me just like Cade did the night I got into town, but they don’t understand. They don’t understand what I've gone through these past ten years. It isn’t that I’m avoiding being home per se; I’m avoiding looking at myself. Will I be happy with what I see?
Rose Valley is a reminder of everything that I once was and everything that built me into the person I am today. This isn’t to say that I’m not proud of my accomplishments in my career, but I’ve made a lot of mistakes, too, and I’m not ready to admit to the rest of Rose Valley that I feel like I failed. I’m not ready to admit that I’ve spent most of my days in front of a canvas with no social life—hence, why I am still single.
I’m married to my art. But isn’t that just depressing?
Standing in front of my full-length mirror after finally getting the gumption and energy to move feels all too vulnerable. It’s like I’m staring at myself, naked and bare, and I have an audience judging me in an auditorium. I’m dressed in the sundress my mother picked out because the bridal shower demands spring formalwear. I bought a dress, a white and yellow one. I thought it was cute enough and fit the theme, but it turns out it wasn’t pastel powder blue.
Excuse me.
So, pastel powder blue looks like it threw up on me, but at least it brings out my eyes, which is probably why Mia picked the color. We are the typical poster family of blond hair and blue-eyed small-town charm, not including Mike and my dad, who have brown hair. But isn’t that equally as typical?
I sigh as a light tap on my door breaks my train of thought. I turn around, and Mia walks in. She smiles softly and takes in my appearance. She looks relaxed for such an important day, but I know Mia. She hides her stress well. I wish I was more like that.
“You look beautiful, Sloane,” she says.
My lips quirk. “I’m not the one getting married. Shouldn’t I be shoveling compliments at you?” I ask.
She laughs, rolling her eyes. “You know if I waited for that, I’d be waiting an eternity,” she replies as I stare at her unamused. Her smile never falters as she walks further into my old room. “Listen, I just want to tell you it means a lot to me that you came home for me,” she says, and that’s when my heart drops in my stomach.
I wasn’t going to do this today. I wasn’t going to try and rebuild my relationships because this day was supposed to be about Mia. But she’s standing here, and clearly, this has been weighing on her for some time.
I let out a deep breath and motion for her to take a seat. We sit beside one another on my bed as I try to form a coherent thought. Waiting seemed like a good idea at the time, but if both of us have this looming feeling over us, we shouldn’t go into her wedding without clearing the air.
I meet her eyes and sigh. “You obviously know what happened six months after I graduated,” I say.
She nods sadly. “I wish you felt like you could come to me, or even Mike.”
I look away and shake my head from the memory. At one point or another, I was closest with Mia, but Mike was your typical big brother. He was my protector, someone I could turn to when I felt like I was in trouble. Mia and I were close for different reasons. They weren’t just my siblings; they filled the void I was missing from our parents. They supported my dreams and encouraged me to pursue them despite the risks. They never told me I wasn’t going to make my dreams a reality.
In hindsight, I wish I could have gone to Mia when things weren’t going right. But just like how I didn’t want to prove my parents right, I didn’t want to disappoint my siblings, either. They stuck their necks out for me when I needed most.
“Mike and Camilla had just had Landon, and you were just starting your new job,” I tell her. “I didn’t want you to think less of me because I wasn’t doing everything you and Mike thought I would.”
She places her hand over my fidgeting ones that are nestled in my lap. “Sloane,” she says, and I look up to meet her gaze. “You could never disappoint either one of us. Besides, there is nothing wrong with falling as long as you get back up,” she adds, and I chuckle softly.
“You’ve been spending too much time with ten-year-olds. You’re starting to sound like a fortune cookie,” I tease her.
She rolls her eyes but smiles. “The point is… I’m here for you, as is Mike. Regardless of all the life changes we go through, you’ll always be my sister, and I’ll continue to stick my neck out for you. You haven’t failed me yet.”
Cade’s face flashes into my head. I may not have failed Mia, but I may have failed Mike.
But whatever feelings I have about Mike and Cade are irrelevant right now. What’s important is Mia and what she’s feeling, and right now, everything feels much lighter than they did before she walked through the door.
“I’m sorry for closing you out all these years,” I say. “I want to do better. I promise to do better.”
She smiles warmly at me. While it hasn’t been ten years since I’ve seen her, it has been long enough, and that’s the painful part.
She wraps her arms around me, and we hug each other tightly. I melt into her arms, and for once since I’ve been back in Rose Valley, it feels like home again. The doubts, the pressure, the stress—all of that washes away with Mia and the hope we’ve built through this conversation. It wasn’t a big or explosive conversation, but the words needed to be said. It was time to let go of all the toxins from my past and tell her how sorry I was for the way I handled things.
When we pull away, I feel much more comfortable going downstairs to entertain the guests—okay, only slightly more comfortable. I’m happy that I can be there for my sister without the dark cloud hanging over us, but I’m still nervous about how I’ll look in front of everyone.
The backyard is packed like a party at the Hamptons. Everyone is mingling with their flutes, and here I am, nursing a soda. I stand off to the side, making sure to be polite to anyone who walks by, but going up to people is not my forte.
“Sloane!”
I look up and see Melanie, a somewhat old friend, approaching with some of the other women we used to go to school with. I recognize them all: Ashley, Brenda, and Gina, but none of us stayed in touch. I mentally kick myself because I should have taken the time to find them, but I really was dreading it.
“Mel, hey!” I say, attempting to match her same energy. She leans over and hugs me tightly as she holds her mimosa flute in her hand. We pull away, and she smiles warmly. She’s always been nice to me, so I know her excitement isn’t fake, but sometimes I wonder.
“How are you? You look amazing,” she says.
I give a weird shrug. “Been doing great. Sold my first major collection a few months back, so just been enjoying the success while I can,” I tell her as she looks at me, impressed.
“Ride that high, girl! You’ve always been talented,” she says, and I smile gratefully at her, a real one this time. I don’t know what it is about validation, but it always finds a way to make things better.
“What about you?” I ask.
She waves off the question. “Same old thing in Rose Valley. I work at the law office,” she says, and I nod.
“I teach English over at the high school,” Ashley chimes in. You’re a big deal there, Sloane. Mr. Mathers couldn’t stop ranting about it,” she says, rolling her eyes playfully.
I chuckle, blushing slightly. Mr. Mathers was my art teacher who inspired me to attend art school. He helped me with my applications and gave me a glowing recommendation. He even kept in touch with me, until I fell off the face of the Earth. I owe a great deal of my success to Mr. Mathers.
“I’m sure success isn’t the only thing you have going on,” Melanie says. “You always attracted the hottest guys with your mysterious demeanor.” The other ladies nod in agreement.
I close my eyes, hoping it’ll remove me from this conversation, especially when Cade is the only guy I’ve been thinking about these days. But these women know Cade as the resident bad boy with a good heart—apparently—but if only they knew.
“Well, I hate to disappoint, but I’m very single,” I tell them as I note the wedding rings on all their fingers. Then I want to kick myself.
Oh, boy, did I step in it now…
“I work with a really nice guy,” Melanie says, eyes widening in excitement. “He’s a lawyer. Recently divorced, but highly respectable.”
I immediately shake my head. “No, no, that’s okay,” I backpedal. “Hey! Listen, it was great talking to you all, but I think I’m going to get some air.”
I wave and leave as quickly as possible before I get pulled back into a conversation I don’t want to be in, and before they realize we’re in the backyard.
I walk through the gate of the fence leading to the front yard as the bridal shower continues. With each step I take, the further the noise becomes, and the less suffocated I feel. I take a deep breath and let it out as I stand on our outside porch, staring out at all the rows of cars here for the shower.
I close my eyes to allow myself a moment of respite. I shouldn’t have let the girls’ questioning get to me, but I haven’t been in this big of a crowd since my opening, and even then, I felt like I was going to combust. The difference was that at the exhibition, those people weren’t there to see me specifically, but my work—and they hadn’t known me most of my life. Most of them didn’t even know my name before the showing, so it was easier to blend in and be someone else. Here, it’s like being under a microscope. I feel like I’m constantly under scrutiny.
I just wish I stopped caring what these people thought. Or more or less I wish I didn’t overthink every interaction as if they were trying to dissect me in a high school science lab. It doesn’t have to be anything more than people just missing me, but a decade away is a long time, and I’d be insane not to think that didn’t raise questions in Rose Valley.
A door closes in the distance. My eyes open, and I see Cade walking down the steps of the neighboring house. He lives next door to my parents? I stare curiously as he fiddles with his keys and walks to his expensive Porsche.
I look back at my childhood home and decide I won’t be missed before hopping down the steps and crossing the street towards Cade. I lean against the fence as he finds the key to his car.
“Some might call you a stalker for buying the next-door house of your best friend and secret lover,” I joke, watching Cade look up from his car like he just heard a ghost or something more nefarious.
He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees it’s me. “You have no shame, Miss Bennett,” he says as he walks up to me, causing me to chuckle at him.
“Maybe I just like to see you sweat,” I reply.
He smirks suggestively as he gets closer. He licks his bottom lip and takes in my outfit. “You look nice,” he says.
I roll my eyes, annoyed. “I look like I’m team boy at a baby shower, not a bridal shower.” He lets out a little laugh. “I just wish I could get away for a bit,” I add.
He shrugs. “Why can’t you?”
I look at him like it should be obvious. “Maid-of-honor duties.”
He shrugs again. “They can stand to be without you for a little bit,” he says as he backs away, turning towards his car. I watch him as he looks up from his door, smiling wickedly, that handsome grin that could make any woman swoon. “You coming?”
I look back at the house and sigh deeply, knowing this goes against my better judgment, but screw it.
Only an hour.