Chapter 3
Blair
I could have gone my entire life without seeing photos of evisceration.
Internal organs can protrude through a wound, and it’s often brought on by coughing, sneezing, or vomiting hard after surgery. My textbook says I need to call for help immediately if this happens to a patient, which makes me scoff.
Don’t try to push the organs back in.
Someone has tried that at some point, or it wouldn’t be in the book. I rub my eyes and take off my reading glasses, in need of a break.
Midafternoon sunlight streams in through the windows of the kitchen in the house Jules bought for all of us with her influencer earnings. It’s a polished space with white cabinetry and white marble counters with veins of pale gray.
I put chili ingredients in the slow cooker this morning, and the spicy scent of it fills the room. Jules is usually at Noel’s house these days when they’re not traveling. Those two never seem to get tired of each other.
She wants to put the house in my name since she and Noel will be getting their own new place when they get married, but I’m not ready to accept such a large gift.
My boys do love it here. They have friends in the neighborhood and we’re in a school district I couldn’t afford to live in on my own.
But it’s a lot, and I’ve always been proud of taking care of my sons myself. I’d rather pay my sister rent so we can stay here, but have her keep ownership of the house.
“Dong!” I bat our quickly growing gray cat away from the knife block he’s batting at on the kitchen counter. “No knives. We talked about this.”
I still don’t know why I said yes when my boys begged me for a cat. He’s a menace, and the only name they could agree on was from some robot cat on a show they watch, so now I get texts from the vet’s office about Dong being due for a checkup.
Jules just loves to ask me if I’ve stroked Dong lately. She never gets tired of that joke. And, honestly, if she had a cat named Dong, I’d do the same thing to her.
I grab a bag of chocolate chips and pour some into my hand, needing a pick-me-up to get through the afternoon of studying. It feels like it’s around two thirty, but when I glance at the clock on the microwave, I’m shocked to see it’s four ten.
Time flies when you’re studying wound infections, I guess. The school bus will be dropping the boys off in ten minutes, which gives me just enough time to check the chili, pee, wash my hands, and get a drink before they come spilling in.
When I’m washing my hands, I sigh at my reflection. I have plenty of makeup and skincare products because Jules gets so much free stuff shipped to her that we use the house’s smallest bedroom to store it in. But still, I don’t do much more than wash and moisturize most days.
There’s no reason to get my blond hair highlighted and styled or wear anything dressier than jeans and hoodies. I’m a student and a mom. When Jules used to use me for her makeup tutorial videos, I’d just end up giving my toddler a bath or studying in full glam.
I like my predictable life. I get all the hugs and kisses I need from my boys. Jules found an exceptional man in Noel, and I’m thrilled for her, but I’ve never had anyone like him in my life.
When I tried online dating a couple years ago, I met a felon and a married man. Both of them lied, and both were only looking for one thing.
That was enough for me. Jules and I were raised by a mom who didn’t take good care of us, and the only thing I want in life is to do better by my kids. I want to provide for them and be there for them in every way. Some women want a partner, but I just want to be a good mom.
“Mom!” Eli calls out when he walks from the mudroom into the kitchen.
I meet him there, and he’s beaming.
“I’m in the spelling bee,” he says. “I spelled cautious right and Harper spelled laundry wrong, so I won in my class and now I’m in the whole-school spelling bee.”
“That’s amazing!” I hug him. “Congratulations.”
“When is Magnus coming over?” Coop asks, dropping his backpack on the kitchen floor.
“I don’t know. How was school?”
“He wants to play cars. Can you call him?”
“I don’t have his number.”
“Ask Aunt Jules.”
He’s been asking about a playdate with Magnus since Saturday, when he last saw him, and he’s persisting even though it’s Tuesday now. I’m sure Magnus would love getting that call. And I’d take a semitruck load of shit from Jules over asking for his number.
“Hey. Backpacks have a place, and it’s not the floor.”
Coop drags his backpack into the mudroom.
“I need your assignment folder,” I remind him.
“I’ve had an exhausting day. Can I get a snack first?”
I try to suppress my smile. “An exhausting day? What’s worn you out, my little grandpa?”
“Math makes my brain tired.”
“Okay, get a snack and then bring me your folder. Do you have homework?”
“I don’t know.”
Eli scoffs, elbow deep in the Cookie Monster cookie jar on the counter. “How can you not know if you have homework?”
Coop shrugs. “I just don’t.”
“I need to study for the spelling bee. Can you quiz me, Mom?”
“Sure, but let me get a handle on Coop’s homework situation first.”
Coop has melted chocolate chips on his fingers when he brings me his folder five minutes later, and I discover he wasn’t paying attention during class, so his teacher wants me to review reading, phonics, and math with him.
Fortunately, homework is my specialty. I spend hours studying every day because I’m determined to graduate first in my class. The overachiever in Eli is probably because of me, but I also see myself in Coop’s sweet, funny side.
I hit up Cookie Monster for a treat for myself before diving into kindergarten reading.
Later that evening, with homework, dinner, and cleanup behind me, I quiz Eli on spelling words on the way to hockey practice.
This isn’t their usual team practice; it’s a skills group Noel got the boys into. Crush players and coaches teach it when they’re available, and when they aren’t, coaches from elite high school and college programs do.
It’s one of those groups that doesn’t have a cost, because you can’t put a cost on it. Some of the other kids in the group are children of Crush players and the team’s biggest sponsors and supporters.
It’s all I can do to fit the three of us and all their gear into my old Toyota sedan. The passenger seat and trunk are always stuffed full, and my car has a “permafunk” from the smell of sweaty gloves and skates.
“Eli, did you finish your chore list?”
When I get silence, I glance at him in the rearview mirror. His brows are pulled together like he’s searching for the perfect way to say no.
“If it’s a no, say no,” I say.
“No. I was studying spelling words.”
This spelling bee is going to take over his life until it’s over, but I guess there are worse things he could fixate on.
“I love that you’re in the spelling bee, but Dong’s litter box still needs to be scooped and the dishwasher still needs to be emptied.”
“I’ll do it when we get home.”
“Thank you.”
I park in the player lot Noel insisted I can park in for these practices, my car sticking out among all the much more expensive ones.
It’s all Eli can do to get his equipment bag on his back, and I put Coop’s on mine.
Coop carries a few extra things, all of us slowly sliding our shoes over the icy parking lot.
By the time we make it into the arena, I’m sweaty. I pretend the equipment bag weighs nothing at all, smiling and waving at other parents we pass. When we were new to these practices, righteous wives would frown at me struggling under the bag’s weight and tell their husbands to help me.
When we finally make it to the tunnel where the locker room door is, I need a cold drink and an ice bath. I can’t wait to get my wool coat off.
“There they are.” Noel gives Eli a fist bump, and then Coop. “I’ve got it from here.”
I love that he waits for us outside the locker room. None of the other boys have moms who go into the locker room, and my kids would be mortified if I did. Every week, either Noel is waiting for us beside the locker room door or someone else from the team is, even if it’s an intern.
He’s thoughtful. I can see why Jules fell for him. Noel is a great dad who takes care of his own home. He’s emotionally mature and great in bed. Every box is checked.
I’ve never been with a man who checked even one of those boxes. Jules tells me sex with some men is mind-blowing, but I’ve only been with men who took care of themselves and left me hanging.
“Hey, Blair.”
Suki waves at me and I smile, going to sit next to her in the stands. Charlotte usually comes to this skills practice, so I get to talk to Suki. The other parents are super nice, too. I expected them to ignore me since they’re all rich and successful, but they’re warm and welcoming.
“Hey, how are you?” I say as I sit down beside her.
“Darling randomly decided to eat part of a rug and I had to take him to OSU for an X-ray, but he’s fine. That was my day.”
“That doesn’t sound like fun.”
She shakes her head. “You have no idea. Once I got him out of the car, he refused to move. I pushed and pulled and begged, but the vet clinic people had to come out and leave a trail of cheese crackers to get him inside.”
I press my lips together, trying not to smile. She laughs.
“I know. He’s such an asshole, but I cried when they thought they saw something on the first X-ray, because that asshole is our baby. They took another X-ray and he’s fine.”
“Good.”
I look out at the ice when kids and adults start skating onto it. When I find Eli, he’s skating over to the warm-up spot alone. Coop is glued to the side of one of the players—Magnus, of course.
“He’s good with kids,” Suki murmurs.
“Coop doesn’t remember his dad at all. I think he sees the dad he wishes he had in other men.” I cringe as soon as the words are out of my mouth. “I don’t know why I said that.”
“It makes sense,” Suki says. “They’re such great boys, though, Blair. Carter said they were so well-mannered when they all hung out last weekend. Eli held doors open for the girls.”
“They are pretty great. I don’t know who I’d be without them.”
“God, I know that feeling well. I’m so busy sometimes, and so sleep-deprived; then I get a day or a night without the kids and I miss them.”
“Every time.”
Magnus runs a hand through his dark-blond hair, smiling at something one of the other guys said. He puts a hand on Coop’s helmet, saying something to him. Coop pops in his mouth guard.
I feel ... something. A twinge, like my lady parts are stretching and brushing away cobwebs after a long dormancy. I cross my legs, silently telling my lady parts to go back to sleep.
“You want to talk about that?” Suki murmurs.
“What?” I gape at her.
Did my twinge make a noise? I’m imagining wet, squelching sounds that out me as a horny, born-again virgin. God, the embarrassment.
“You know what. Number One looking after your kid.”
I shrug. “I mean, it’s nice. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
She side-eyes me, and I marvel at how well she knows me already. She’s good. Usually only my sister can read me that well.
I check my phone, wondering where Jules is. She was supposed to be here. When I check my phone, I see several missed texts from her.
Jules: Getting Starbucks. Want anything?
Jules: ordering in one minute
Jules: I got you a Caramel Macchiato because why sleep. On my way there.
“I wonder what Hudson McClain is doing here,” Suki says softly.
I don’t know who that is, but I’m grateful for the change of subject. If word gets back to Magnus that I made a spreadsheet and he’s on it, I won’t be able to face him.
Hopefully, Suki, Mara, and Jules will forget he even came up.