Chapter 12
Magnus
I want to kiss her. All I can think about is brushing her hair over her shoulder and cupping her face in my hands so I can kiss her and make the rest of the world disappear.
But the sound of feet pounding on the stairs makes us both lean back a little. Blair clears her throat and squares her shoulders.
Coop opens the basement door, goes to the counter to get some napkins, and then goes back down without another word.
“We can study while we eat,” she says. “If we can manage to not get wing sauce all over my notes.”
She goes into another room and returns with a notebook, setting it beside me. “These are the things I have to know by heart.”
“Okay.” I read her neat cursive handwriting. “What are the things you need to check in a postpartum assessment?”
“Breasts, uterus, bladder, bowel, lochia, blood clots, perineum. And keep monitoring for hemorrhage.” She gives me a quick wink. “Sexiest Friday night ever, right?”
I don’t let my eyes roam as I say, “Honestly, very sexy. Best Friday night I’ve had in many years.”
Movement near my plate catches my eye and I turn to see Dong, who has just jumped up onto the table and is heading for my plate.
“No, Dong.” Blair wipes off her hands and starts to stand up, but I scoop the cat up by its midsection and set it on the floor.
I look down at the notebook, about to ask her another question when she says, “Fuck studying. Tell me more about your sister.”
A smile tugs on my lips. “Tell me something about you first. We can go back and forth.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Is the boys’ father part of their lives?”
Her shoulders sink slightly. “No. He took off before Coop even had a chance to know who he was. Eli doesn’t really remember him, either.”
“How would you feel if he tried to come back?”
“Ha.” She doesn’t sound amused. “He won’t. But if he did? I don’t know ... angry over my boys having to know he exists and doesn’t want to see them.”
“Would you let him see them?”
“Nope. Not unless it was that or jail time.”
“Are you afraid of him?”
These are all the questions that run through my mind when I’m traveling. Could this guy show up unannounced, and if he did, what would Blair think? Does she still love him?
“No. As long as I don’t try to get him to pay child support, he’ll stay away. I think that’s best for all of us.” She takes a bite of pizza, finishing it before she says, “Your turn. Is Elin your only sibling?”
“Yeah.”
“And you mentioned your mom. What’s she like? Is your dad in the picture?”
“My dad died about ten years ago. He was a furniture maker. And my mom ... she’s great. Her name’s Helga and she’s an amazing cook. She watches every game I play online, unless she has a really important conflict. Even if she has to get up in the middle of the night, she watches them.”
“I love that. Does she call you Magnus, or is there a nickname, like my little Swedish meatball?”
I smile. “She calls me Magge.”
Blair’s eyes widen when I pronounce the short version of my name in Swedish, which sounds like MAH-geh, but softer.
“I mean, I guess I knew you spoke another language, but it sounds so cool to hear it. Your English is perfect, too.”
“We’re taught English in school. Everyone knows it.”
“Do you know any other languages?”
“I’m passable in Norwegian, and I know a little German, but not much.”
She stands up, taking her plate to the trash and then washing her hands. She hardly ate anything.
“Is that all you’re eating?” I ask her.
“I’ll have more later.” She leans a hip against the kitchen counter. “Say something to me in Swedish.”
My words flow out before I even have to think about it. When I finish my sentence, she bites her lower lip, her eyes warm.
“I think the first two words are you are ... but the rest I have no idea.”
I stand up and walk over to her, stopping just inches away so she has to tip her chin up to see me.
“I said you are wonderful and I feel so good being with you.”
“I feel the same way about you.” She looks away. “I’m not like women without kids, though. I don’t ...”
I brush my fingertips lightly over her cheeks and she inhales sharply.
“When I said I think you’re wonderful, I meant exactly as you are. A mother. I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”
I could easily kiss her right now—I want to—but it’s not the right time. Not when her kids could walk in the room at any time.
“But you ... you don’t know if you’ll be here next season, right?” she asks softly.
I nod, glad at least one of us is being sensible.
“Right.” I take a step back. “And I don’t consider Elin and my mom’s expenses a burden. I want to get Elin the best care possible, and help my mom stay in Berlin often to be near her. But that means I have to go wherever the money is.”
“I understand. I admire you for that.”
I want to move closer to her, which is why I make myself take another step back.
“I think maybe you do understand,” I say. “You put others first, too, but it’s your kids. They’re not an obligation to you.”
She smiles broadly. “Quite the opposite. If my boys end up being the only men I ever have in my life again, I’ll be happy. Being their mom means more to me than anything.”
I scrub a hand over my face, my frustration flaring. Goddamn, I want her. She’s selfless and compassionate and so beautiful.
“Do you ...?” I look down, knowing I shouldn’t ask her this, but I can’t stop myself. I lift my face and lock my eyes onto hers. “If we could, would you ...?”
The boys’ voices sound on the stairs, all four of them coming up. The door bursts open.
“Has it been an hour?” Coop asks.
It’s been more like fifteen minutes, but I don’t think I can be alone with Blair for another forty-five minutes and not touch her. I could do maybe two more minutes, tops.
“No, but we can still play a game if you want to,” Blair says.
The kids are all on board, and they decide on hide-and-seek. The house is huge, so there are lots of hiding places. The trick is getting back to “home base”—the kitchen island—before whoever is “it” can tag you.
We’ve played several rounds, Blair and I making it back to home base every time and the kids being tagged “it” every time, so when Blair lets herself get tagged by Eli’s friend Charlie, I let all the kids hide upstairs while I stay in the kitchen.
She finishes counting and uncovers her eyes, smiling when she sees me. I put a finger over my lips, silently telling her not to give me away.
“You made this really easy,” she whispers, approaching me.
“I just wanted you to touch me.”
I’d love to peel off her shirt and get down on my knees right here in her kitchen. Unfastening her pants slowly and then working them down her thighs an inch at a time, kissing her thoroughly the whole time.
It feels so damn good to have a few hours off from the stress and worries about Elin and my contract situation.
I can’t do anything to fix either of them.
Blair reminds me I’m more than just a workhorse, putting my body on the line and pushing it to its limits every day to make killer money while I can.
With her, I’m just a man. I don’t think any other woman has ever seen me as just that.
She comes up to me, her gaze intent on mine as she grabs a handful of my shirt and tugs, getting so close to me that I feel her warm breath on my lips.
“Yes,” she whispers, my whole body taut with anticipation. “You wanted to know if we could—would I want to? Yes.”
When she moves away, it’s all I can do not to lunge after her. I want to wrap my arms around her and hold her so tightly her feet leave the floor. I want to say fuck it to every responsibility and give in to my raging desire for her.
She keeps backing up, her eyes roving up and down me. Her eyes flare a little wider at my crotch, probably because she sees that I’m hard.
This is agonizing. It’s heaven and hell all at once. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
“Magnus is it!” she calls out, signaling to the hiding boys that they should come out.
“You found Magnus?” Eli asks, sounding impressed. “How did you do that?”
“He’s kind of hard to miss,” she says, smiling at me.
“She’s just really good,” I say, grinning back. “She caught me, and there was no way to escape.”
It’s the truth. Even if I’m in Seattle for the next three years and I don’t see her at all, I don’t think I’ll be able to forget Blair.