Chapter 13 Blake
BLAKE
By nine, I still haven’t gotten anything done other than drink coffee and pace Cal’s kitchen. I need to talk to someone, but my options are limited. Nothing like being in crisis and realizing you don’t have any real friends you can confide in.
I can’t talk to Ellison about this so that just leaves…
Fuck it.
BLAKE: I need advice
MONTANA: Me? Did you mean to text Ellison?
BLAKE: No, I meant to text you.
MONTANA: Why?
Swallowing down my frustration, I try to give Montana some credit. We’re not friends and he took a while not to hate me after learning about my arrangement with Ellison.
Arrangement.
My life is so fucking pathetic.
BLAKE: Your wife is a million months pregnant, and I don’t have any other friends
BLAKE: Also you tolerate me so I know you won’t feel the need to spare my feelings
MONTANA: I’m not a dick
BLAKE: I know you’re not—I’m just saying you don’t owe me anything
Staring at the screen, I let my eyelids flutter shut as I let out a heavy exhale. Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Clearing my throat, I shake my head and ready myself to backtrack.
BLAKE: Forget I said anything it’s not a big deal
MONTANA: Come over—I’m dealing with Ellison’s fucking goats
BLAKE: Don’t worry about it
MONTANA: Last chance otherwise I’m telling her you’re being sketchy as shit and then you’ll be her problem
BLAKE: Dammit
MONTANA: See you soon
True to his word, I do indeed find Montana in the back behind the barn, cursing up a storm as he tries, and fails, to get one of the goats back in the pen.
“So that looks…fun,” I deadpan and he glares.
“Keep it up and I’ll make you help me.”
I mime zipping my lips and he grunts, manhandling the animal until he can throw his weight against the wooden gate and secure it.
“How’s Ellison?”
“Over bein’ pregnant. She’s hot and uncomfortable and I’m out here because she was ready to divorce me for chewing too loud.”
“I mean…”
“Why are you here again?”
“Because you’re so welcoming and I have no one else to talk to.”
“All right,” he says skeptically. “What’s up?”
“I screwed up asking Cal to pretend to be my boyfriend.”
“What is it with you and fake dating people?” he says under his breath, but I hear it as if he screamed it. Pressing my lips into a hard line, I look back toward my car, mentally counting the steps it would take to get back to it. “Sorry… Shit, that was rude and not helpful.”
“You’re not wrong though.”
“I told you I wasn’t a dick but that was a dick thing to say. I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted,” I tell him because he looks like a kicked puppy. The man is impossible to be mad at and now is no different.
“So, why can’t you just actually date him?”
“It would probably complicate things worse than they already are. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want anything to happen between us.” Verbally at least. The brush of his hand and his lingering gaze say otherwise.
And that kiss.
“What do you want?”
I want to be with someone who wants me back.
“I want to be happy,” I admit, the statement more raw than he can possibly understand. “I wake up and I just exist. I’m going through the motions. Then I kissed Cal and I felt alive.”
It’s the simplified version but it’s no less true.
“Okay, so what do you want? Do you want Cal? It sounds like you need to talk to him and reassess. If he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll find you a place to stay while you’re here and you can either do or not do the fake boyfriend thing.”
“I can’t ask him to do that.”
“Look,” he says, wiping his hands on the front of his jeans, “I know it’s not easy, but you’re allowed to ask for what you want.
You came here with a plan, but it’s okay to change that plan.
You’re allowed to be happy. Don’t make yourself less because you don’t think you deserve the same consideration as everyone else. ”
I gape at him, unsure how to respond.
“That’s…”
“I know,” he agrees. “I mean, I can still get you a rental if you want. But I think you should man up and talk to Cal first.”
“You’re annoying when you’re right.”
“Maybe for you but usually when I’m right, Ellison buys another fucking animal to make sure I know how she feels about it.”
I snort because that’s completely unsurprising and apparently it works for them.
“I’ll let you know how things go.”
“You do that,” he says, and I nod as I turn back to my car. “Blake?”
“Yeah?”
“Good luck.”