Chapter 16 Blake
BLAKE
Iknow the moment that consciousness flows back into Cal, his body tensing where it’s now completely stretched out over mine. I can sense his panic, the wheels turning as he tries to figure out how to extricate himself from me without embarrassment.
I don’t want him to move, but more than that, I don’t want him to run.
Squeezing gently where my hand still holds the back of his neck, I try to silently tell him it’s okay. But instead of a sigh of relief, Cal groans, and it’s my turn to freeze, my heart kicking up into a sprint in my chest.
As if it were happening in slow motion, Cal’s blue eyes meet mine, the depths simmering with heat and interest. His gaze drops to my lips, and I swallow hard, my Adam’s apple bobbing in my neck.
Shit.
I had a whole speech prepared for when he came home tonight but all that had flown right out the window when he walked into the kitchen. He’d needed me—this—more and I’d been happy to oblige. I like taking care of him.
Right now he’s looking like he wants to take care of something else and I can’t.
We can’t.
It would be so easy to pull him flush against me. I can already feel him hardening against my leg, and no doubt he can feel the same where he’s pressed against mine.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“I want you,” he whispers, rocking his hips the slightest bit to punctuate his statement.
“We shouldn’t. You were upset.”
“Blake…”
I tighten my grip on the back of his neck, hoping to get his attention, but it only makes him harder, his eyes darkening as his lips part.
He looks like a fucking dream, needy and wanton, and I just want to throw caution to the wind.
“I don’t— Fuck…” I hiss when he grinds against me, the onslaught of sensations overloading my brain.
“I need you. Just this. Tonight.”
“That’s the problem,” I grit out. “I want you all the fucking time.”
“But we can have this—”
“You’re going to regret it in the morning.”
You’re going to regret me.
“You really think that?” he asks, surprised, and the tops of my ears heat as I look past him at the blank wall.
“I do.”
He leans up awkwardly, trying to brace his forearm in the small space between me and the back of the couch.
“I won’t. I’d never regret you.”
Managing to hold back the humorless laugh that wants to escape, I shake my head. “I won’t take advantage of you.”
“I think I’m the one trying to take advantage of you.”
“Yeah, but I like you and I know you don’t want that and I just…
” I heave a breath, throwing the script I carefully crafted right out the window.
“Fuck, I mean we’re barely a week in and I couldn’t even keep myself in check.
If we mess around, it’s going to mean something to me and that’s not fair to you. ”
“I’m not… it’s not like that,” he says, pushing up and off me as I pull myself up to sit. I miss his heat and the weight of his body against mine.
And that’s the damn problem.
“What is it like then?”
“I don’t know.” Hand shaking, he runs his fingers through his hair as he looks away.
“So figure it out and let me know.”
“Blake—”
I stand and drag my hands down my face. I’m exhausted. My stupid heart had beat happily while Cal had slept on me. I’d been humbled that he found such comfort in me and trusted me enough to let go.
“Montana said he could find me a rental if you need me to be somewhere else. I completely invaded your space and I didn’t think it through—just barged my way in here.”
“You didn’t barge anywhere,” he fires back, his arms crossing over his chest. “And what the hell are you talking about? Do you want to go stay in a rental?”
No.
“I’m just saying that I can’t pretend I’m not starting to have feelings for you, Cal. You told me you didn’t agree to anything other than the original arrangement, so I’m trying to give you an out.”
“None of this changes the fact that you will, eventually, go back to Savannah.”
“I know.”
“I can’t and won’t do long-distance. My sister is here and they’re going to be starting a family and I don’t want to miss out on that.”
“And I can’t deal with constantly wondering what’s going on with us. I don’t want to second-guess if I can touch you.”
“So where does that leave us?” he asks as his arms drop to his sides.
“Just take some time to figure out what you want. We can be temporary and enjoy whatever this is between us while I’m here, but I just need you to make the decision.”
“We need to make a decision.”
“I already told you what I want,” I reiterate before glancing toward the kitchen. “I made tomato soup, and all the stuff for grilled cheese is in the fridge.”
“You’re not eating?”
“I’m just going to go to bed. Some of us didn’t take a two-hour nap.” The last part is supposed to be a tease, but he just stares at me, searching for answers I definitely don’t have.
So instead of lingering, I step into him and gently grip his chin, tilting his face up to mine. I know he wants to argue but I don’t have it in me. So I just place a soft kiss on his lips before pulling back to meet his gaze.
“Goodnight, Cal. I’ll see you in the morning.”