Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
NATALIE
I woke slowly, head pounding and mouth dry as the Sahara. Last night's whiskey was exacting its revenge, and I was pretty sure there was a jackhammer drilling directly into my skull.
Groaning, I blinked away the remnants of sleep. It took a moment for my fuzzy brain to register that I wasn't in my bedroom at Mom's house. No, those navy blue sheets and the faint scent of pine could only belong to one person.
Jasper.
The events of last night flooded back in a dizzying rush. Drinking with Chase at Callaghan's, his unwanted kiss, running after Jasper and tripping on the sidewalk like a clumsy idiot. Jasper carrying me back to his apartment, tenderly bandaging my hand, tucking me into his bed...
Shit. I'll never drink whiskey again.
I sat up gingerly, the movement sending a fresh wave of pain ricocheting through my head. Squinting against the too- bright sunlight filtering through the blinds, I scanned the bedroom for any sign of Jasper. The adjoining bathroom door was open, the space beyond it empty and silent.
Huh. Maybe he's in the kitchen?
I swung my legs over the side of the bed, wincing as my bare feet hit the cool floor. Padding out to the living room, I was greeted by more empty space. No Jasper lounging on the couch, no scent of coffee brewing or bacon sizzling.
He wasn't here.
Disappointment settled like a stone in my gut. I had hoped to talk to him, to thank him for taking care of me last night. To apologize again for the chaos I caused, the hurt I saw in his eyes when he walked in on Chase kissing me.
The timing was almost suspect, like the universe was playing some cruel joke. What were the chances that Jasper would walk into Callaghan's at that exact moment?
And apparently, Jasper had better things to do that morning than stick around and nurse my hangover.
I couldn't blame him. I'd been back in Sable Point for less than two weeks, and I was already stirring up drama like it was my job.
God, what was I thinking? Drinking myself into oblivion, letting Chase get too close, running after Jasper like some lovesick fool. I was supposed to be the level-headed one, the fixer who swooped in to save the day. Not the hot mess who needed rescuing.
Sighing, I headed to the bathroom to freshen up. I wanted to look slightly less like a hungover raccoon before I ventured out in public. I splashed cold water on my face, finger-combed my tangled hair, and rinsed the stale taste of whiskey and bad decisions from my mouth.
It wasn't much, but it would have to do. I had a walk of shame to get through, and I didn't want to look like total roadkill while doing it.
I found my pants from last night folded neatly on the dresser, no doubt Jasper's doing. The memory of him sliding them off me last night sent a tiny crackle down my spine.
I pushed it aside. No point in dwelling on might-have-beens and roads not taken.
Once I was dressed, I took a moment to straighten the rumpled sheets on Jasper's bed and fold the comforter with military precision. It was the least I could do, considering he'd let my drunk ass crash there last night.
Then, after a fortifying breath, I let myself out of the apartment and began the long, lonely trek back to my mother's house.
The morning sun was obnoxiously bright, and the chirping birds were far too cheerful for my liking. A few early risers were out jogging or walking their dogs, but for the most part, the town was still sleepy and peaceful.
I wished I could say the same for my racing thoughts.
Images from last night kept flashing through my mind like some mortifying highlight reel. The burn of the whiskey going down, Chase's arm around my shoulders, his lips on mine. The shock on Jasper's face, the way he stormed out of the bar without a backward glance.
I knew Chase hadn't meant any harm. He's always been a flirt, always pushed boundaries. But last night, he crossed a line.
And Jasper, seeing the betrayal in his eyes, the way his jaw clenched and his fists balled at his sides, it gutted me. I wanted to run after him right then and explain that it wasn't what it looked like. That Chase caught me off guard, but I didn't want his kiss or his advances.
That the only person I wanted was Jasper.
The memory of admitting that out loud made me want to shrivel up and die right there on the pristine Sable Point sidewalks. Jasper wasn't my boyfriend. Hell, I wasn't even sure he was my friend.
None of that stopped me from chasing after him last night. But I was too slow, too unsteady on my feet. And by the time I caught up to him, babbling apologies and pleas, he was already shutting down. Closing himself off in that way he does when he's hurt and angry.
The only bright spot in the whole disastrous night was Jasper coming to my rescue when I tripped and fell. The tenderness in his touch as he cleaned my scraped hand, the concern in his voice when he asked if I was okay.
It gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, he still cared. That there was something left between us.
Lost in my swirling thoughts, I almost didn't notice the unfamiliar car parked in my mother's driveway. It wasn't until I was a few feet away that I recognized it. The sight was almost too much for my roiling stomach, and a sour spike of bile rose in my throat.
Liam's sleek black Audi .
Shit. He must have driven in from Chicago to surprise me for the weekend. And now he was probably wondering where the hell I was all night while he sat around waiting for me.
My feet felt like lead weights as I climbed the porch steps and let myself into the house. The TV was playing softly in the living room, some mindless morning talk show. I followed the sound, mentally composing explanations and apologies.
Sure enough, there was Liam, perched on the edge of the sofa like he was ready to bolt at any moment. He looked up as I entered, relief and concern warring on his handsome face.
"Nat! Thank God." He rose to greet me, arms outstretched, but I held up a hand to stop him. I couldn't deal with his touch right now, not when my skin was still crawling from Chase's unwanted kiss. Not when all I could think about was Jasper's gentle hands on me.
"Liam, what are you doing here?" My voice came out tired and strained.
He frowned, hurt clouding his blue eyes. "I wanted to surprise you. I know how hard these last couple weeks have been, sorting things out at your dad's firm. I thought we could spend some quality time together, help take your mind off things."
I closed my eyes briefly. This was going to suck. But I couldn't keep stringing him along, not when my heart clearly belonged to someone else.
"Liam, we need to talk."
His frown deepened, but he nodded, sinking back onto the couch. I perched beside him, careful to keep a bit of distance between us.
"I'm sorry," I began, my voice soft but steady. "I should've done this sooner, before you drove all the way up here. But last night made me realize some things. Things I've been trying to ignore or deny for a long time."
Liam went still beside me, his posture stiff. "What kind of things?"
I forced myself to look him in the face. He deserved that much, at least.
"The truth is, being back here, it brought up a lot of old feelings, and I can't ignore them anymore."
"Feelings about what?"
I chewed on my bottom lip, unsure how much information to divulge.
Liam's eyes were wide with concern and a hint of fear as he asked, "Where were you last night, Natalie? I got here and your mom said you were out with a friend. She went to bed, and I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up and you still weren't here, I thought... Oh god, did you cheat on me?"
"No! No, I swear." The memory of Chase's lips on mine flashed through my mind and I winced. "Well..."
"Fuck!" Liam's face contorted with anger and hurt.
"It's not what you think. Chase, he kissed me. I didn't want him to. I stopped him."
Liam's fists clenched at his sides. "Your neighbor? I'll fucking kill him."
"Get in line," I muttered, thinking of Jasper's reaction .
"Seriously, who just goes around kissing people without their permission?"
"Do you always ask my permission?"
"Well, no, but—" He inhaled slowly and then breathed out, visibly trying to calm himself. "Okay, what is going on? I'm so fucking confused."
Join the club . "Jasper, Chase's brother?—"
"I know who he is," Liam interjected, his tone clipped.
"Right. Well, Jasper and I dated." The words felt strange on my tongue, inadequate to describe the depth of what Jasper and I shared.
Liam's brow furrowed. "I didn't know that."
I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt, avoiding his gaze. "I didn't tell you. I've never really told anyone outside of Sable Point."
"Why not?"
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to look at him again. "It was too painful, I guess. We'd been friends our whole lives. We were each other's first everything. The summer after we graduated high school, we... broke up. I left for Chicago the next day, and I hadn't been back since."
Liam blinked. "Shit. No wonder that dude looked like he wanted to kill me. Jesus, Nat. You should've told me."
"I know, I'm sorry. Being back here, though, it's made me realize that I never really dealt with how things ended. Never got the closure I needed."
"So what does that mean for us?"
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. "I'm not sure there should be an 'us.' "
His throat bobbed convulsively, then he stared blankly at the floor. "I guess I should've seen this coming," he said quietly. "The way you've been distant lately. Avoiding my calls and messages. I guess I just hoped it was about your grief more than anything."
"I'm sorry. You're a great guy, Liam. You've been nothing but good to me.
He nodded, jaw tight. "I appreciate your honesty, even if it's not what I wanted to hear." He blew out a breath, running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. "You've never really been all in, have you? There was always a part of you holding back, like you were waiting for something else. Or someone else, I guess."
His words gripped me by the heart and twisted. He was right. I'd been using him as a placeholder, a distraction from the gaping Jasper-shaped hole in my life. It wasn't fair to either of us.
"I'm sorry," I said again, knowing full well how inadequate those words were. "You deserve so much better than I can give you."
He was silent for a long moment, his gaze distant. Then with a small, sad smile, he reached over to squeeze my shoulder. "I hope he makes you happy, Nat. I really do."
With that, he rose from the couch and gathered his overnight bag from the floor. I wanted to protest, to tell him Jasper washed his hands of me years ago. But I couldn't bear to speak the words, half afraid they might be the honest-to-god truth and half afraid I'd give Liam undue hope.
I walked him to the door, a lump the size of a fist lodged in my throat. We embraced stiffly before he headed out to his car.
As I watched him go, a strange mix of sadness and relief washed over me. Relief that I was no longer living a lie. Relief that I was finally being honest with myself, even if the truth was messy and complicated.
Sighing, I closed the front door and leaned my forehead against the solid wood. I took a moment just to breathe, to center myself in the quiet stillness of the house.
My moment of reflection was eventually broken by the back door opening and falling shut.
"Natalie? You home?" Mom's voice floated in from the kitchen. I pushed off the door and headed toward the sound, suddenly craving her comforting presence.
I found her at the counter, unloading groceries. She took one look at my haggard face and opened her arms without a word. I fell into her embrace, letting her soothing touch and soft murmurs wash over me.
"Oh, honey. Rough night?"
I choked out a sound that was half sob, half laugh. "You could say that."
She pulled back, studying me. "Where's Liam?"
"Gone."
She gave a sympathetic grimace and went back to unloading groceries. A container of blueberries peeked out from the top of one of the bags. "Why don't I fix you some breakfast, then we can talk."
I sank into a chair at the kitchen table and rested my forehead on the wood. The hangover got the better of me, and I drifted off. The next thing I was aware of was a hand on my shoulder. I snapped up as Mom placed a plate of fluffy, syrup-soaked pancakes and a glass of milk in front of me. She took a seat with her own plate and said, "Okay, spill. What's going on?"
So I spilled. I told her everything—the troubling financial discrepancies in Ever Eden's books, reconnecting with Jasper, the ill-fated night of drinking, Chase's kiss, breaking things off with Liam. It all poured out of me in a cathartic rush, the burden lightening with each confession.
Mom listened intently. Now and then she asked clarifying questions. When I finally wound down, she reached across the table to take my hand.
"You've been dealing with so much lately. I'm sorry I haven't been more present, more supportive."
I squeezed her fingers, shaking my head. "No, Mom, don't apologize. You're grieving. We both are."
She gave me a sad smile. "Grief is a strange beast, isn't it? It sneaks up on you when you least expect it." She took a bite of her pancakes, gathering her thoughts. "But it sounds like maybe this isn't just about your dad. It's about Jasper too."
I ducked my head, heat creeping into my cheeks. "Is it that obvious?"
"Only to someone who knows you as well as I do. Honey, I watched you two fall in love. I saw the way you looked at each other, like nothing else in the world mattered. That kind of connection doesn't just go away."
I pressed my stinging eyes with the heels of my palms, pushing back the tears. "But I ruined it, Mom. I left him. I broke his heart."
"And yours too, I think. Natalie, you were so young. So full of dreams and ambitions. No one blames you for wanting to spread your wings, to see what else was out there."
"But I hurt him," I whispered. My throat clenched as the old guilt rose up to choke me. "I hurt him so badly."
"You did," she agreed gently. "But he's not blameless either. It takes two to make a relationship work."
I nodded, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth. "I don't know if we can ever get back what we had. If he can ever forgive me."
Mom took my hand again, her grip strong and sure. "Of course you can't. You're different people now. Seven years is a long time, especially at your age. As much as we might want to, none of us has the power to turn the clock back. But you're both older and wiser now. Perhaps you can build something new. Something even stronger than you had before."
She pinned me with a look, fierce and loving all at once. "If you still love Jasper—and I think you do—then you owe it to yourself to find out if there's still a chance for you two."
A single tear escaped, tracking down my cheek. I brushed it away, sniffling. "You make it sound so simple."
"Oh, it won't be simple. I can guarantee that." She smiled wryly. "Love is messy and complicated and downright terrifying sometimes. But it's also the greatest adventure you'll ever have."
I let out a shaky laugh. "When did you get so wise? "
"I've always been wise. You just never listened." She winked. The gesture was so reminiscent of Dad that it made my heart ache. They say you pick up mannerisms from the people you spend a lot of time with. That fact had never been clearer to me than right now. I hoped she never lost those little pieces of him that we could both hang onto.
We finished our breakfast in companionable silence. When we were done, Mom rose to clear the dishes, waving me off when I tried to help.
"You go on and get some rest," she said firmly. "You look dead on your feet. We can talk more later."
I pressed a kiss to her cheek, murmuring my thanks, before trudging up the stairs to my bedroom, fatigue settling over me like a weighted blanket.
My body sighed with relief as I stripped down to my underwear and crawled beneath the cool sheets. I drifted off to sleep thinking of the tender way Jasper touched me last night.
Mom was right. If there was even a chance that he still felt something for me, I had to try. I had to take that leap of faith, no matter how scary it was or how many complications stood in our way.
Because a love like ours was worth fighting for.