Chapter 13
chapter
thirteen
Izabel
For two days after my first meeting with Doc G, Drake gave me lots of space during the day.
I wasn’t na?ve to think I was truly alone.
The entire property was probably wired, and either Hank or the Guardians were keeping an eye on me.
Drake came home in the afternoon, always with a paper bag of my favorite food and an orchid.
I smiled, staring at the two new orchids below the picture window.
The first night it was Indian food—butter chicken—and a Cattleya orchid. The second evening, Drake picked up shrimp lo-mein. Surprisingly, the orchid that day was a Cymbidium. It wasn’t a common orchid, even in typical greenhouses, so my husband must have contacted an orchid enthusiast.
Drake’s attempts at good old-fashioned courtship pleased me.
Somehow, it was a way for us to reconnect, to ease me back into the romantic part of our marriage.
Still, this isolation bothered me. I shared with Drake how worried I was about the repercussions of my disappearance.
Drake assured me it wouldn’t be long now, and that Marcus and I would soon return to the public eye.
The conversation between us began to lose its awkwardness.
He was feeling less like a stranger and more like the man I used to know.
My husband. It was time to reveal that one piece of information I’d kept close to my heart.
I talked to Hank on the phone I could use and discovered that Drake never knew about my secret.
It was mine to share, Hank said, when the right time came.
“Iza?”
Drake’s voice followed the closing of the front door. I hurried down the stairs, dressed in jeans, a sweater, and sneakers.
“Going somewhere?” His brows furrowed.
“Yes.”
“Iza, we can’t be seen in public.”
“I know.” My smile was small and tentative. “But trust me?” I held out my hand.
His frown cleared, replaced by a look of hope. As for me, my heart expanded with what felt like the love I’d always had for him.
It was time for healing.
Wrought-iron gates and moss-covered columns loomed before us.
My heart contracted with that familiar ache whenever I visited this somber place.
It was a cloudy day. Fall had painted the trees in gold, rust, and orange, giving color to a land dotted with tombstones.
Drake stiffened beside me and I heard his sharp inhale, but not the release of his breath.
“Why are we here, Iza?” His voice was rough as he guided the Escalade through the cemetery gates.
“It’s time for you to meet her,” I said softly.
Tears scalded my eyes, but I kept them at bay because, once the floodgates opened, there was no stopping its torrent and there was so much to say.
My words were garbled as I added, “Over there.” I pointed up the road to a small hill that held the plots of the children’s cemetery.
A shudder and a ragged exhale shook the man beside me, but I kept my gaze forward. I needn’t look at Drake to see the devastation on his face, because that was the same expression I’d seen reflected in the mirror for countless days in the past three years.
“Stop here.”
The SUV rolled to a halt. I pushed the door open and hopped out. Drake’s own door opened and closed, but I didn’t hear any footsteps. I angled to him, and a sob hitched in my throat.
Drake’s face was mottled with a ruddy color, as if all the blood had gone to his head. Tears streamed down his face, and his mouth was slightly parted, trembling, as he’d been trying to hold back his own tears.
“Drake?” I reached out my hand. “It’s time to meet Angelise.”
The trek to our daughter’s little grave was a blur.
The marble headstone gleamed amidst the smell of newly turned earth.
When we reached the spot, Drake collapsed to his knees with his head bowed, his shoulders shaking with the force of his silent sobs.
His breath occasionally caught as he dragged air into his lungs.
My own cheeks were wet but, at the moment, I was the strong one as I knelt beside my husband and hugged him.
He leaned into my embrace and I hoped I gave him comfort.
Finally, our healing began.
Angelina Elise Maddox
Beloved daughter
Heaven has gained an angel
It was over twenty minutes before our tears subsided.
“You named her after Nan,” Drake said, tracing the engraved letters Elise on the headstone.
“You had such admiration for your grandmother, I thought it was fitting. I nicknamed her Angelise—a combination of both names. ”
Drake continued to inhale sharply and exhale shudderingly slow, trying to control the flood of emotions that must be overwhelming him.
“Hello, little one.” His voice cracked, and he blinked, a tear catching on his thick lashes.
I was in danger of falling apart. I’d always known him as my protective husband.
The warrior SEAL. I’d never seen him this vulnerable before.
I’d never seen him cry like this. Even the strongest of men could be driven to their knees with the devastating loss of a child.
I suspected Drake had never truly mourned our daughter until now.
After a while, he switched his gaze from the headstone to me as though waiting for me to say something.
“Burying a husband and a daughter within months of each other…there were so many times I wanted to die, too,” I began.
“When I lost Angelise, the emptiness inside me wasn’t only physical, it was as if I’d lost who I was…
as if I’d become this non-entity. It scared me—this gaping black abyss inside me.
I had nightmares that a pit of tar was swallowing me whole and I would cry out for you to help me.
” Drake winced, but I stilled myself because it needed to be said.
“I called out for you. At times, I thought I could hear your voice, but then you weren’t there and I would feel like dying all over again. ”
“I’m sorry, Iza.”
I nodded. “I just want you to understand why I was so angry at you when you came back alive and well. Why I felt betrayed. We made vows to each other and, when I needed you the most, you weren’t there.
” Drake was shaking his head…in regret? But he didn’t say anything.
“Doc G asked me an important question. And that was whether knowing the man you are, if there was a chance of happiness for us if you didn’t go after your team’s killers. ”
He froze.
I cupped his face in the cradle of my palms to keep our gazes locked.
“The man I love has integrity and would never rest until he brings those murderers to justice.” I searched his eyes.
“If you came back, we would be living half a life. We couldn’t be truly happy.
A part of your soul was lost when your team died.
My question is, Drake, have you gotten that missing part back? ”
“I’m almost there, Iza,” he said softly. The love reflected in his slate-blue irises left no doubt that it was me who would finally complete him.