Chapter Nineteen #3
Kara placed her fork on the plate and glanced uneasily at Rebecca. “I’m helping Julio with his chores, maybe some other time,” she said, reaching for a piece of cornbread and buttering it.
The smile fizzled from Rachel’s face as she narrowed her eyes at Rebecca. She, in turn, sent the woman a smirk. This was the Rachel she remembered.
“I see,” Rachel said, wiping her mouth and rising from the table. “Excuse me,” she murmured as she left the table and fled toward the kitchen.
Matthew frowned, sending Rebecca a scowl.
“Despite what you witnessed in Serenity Mountain, Rachel has changed. She still has her stellar moments, but she’s taken time to work on herself and become a better person for it.
I only ask you give her a chance before you bare your claws.
” He threw his napkin on the table and went to find Rachel.
Julio brushed his finger against her hand, sending a tiny jolt of electricity.
If she didn’t feel like a complete shit, it might’ve made her feel something else.
Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and when she gazed at Julio, she saw sympathy.
She didn’t want it. Damn, she needed air.
The room started to close in and her vision began to grow fuzzy as she rose unsteadily from the table.
“Excuse me,” she whispered as she headed toward the front door.
“Becca,” Julio called after her, but she didn’t pause.
Wishing he’d stop using his name for her, she stepped out to the front porch, letting the cold wind blast her.
Why did she feel this angry? Her soul felt as icy as the air outside.
Tears threatened, but she refused to let them fall.
Night after night, she listened to the muffled cries and fervent prayers of the women beside her.
Reminding herself of her duties as an agent, she protected them as much as possible.
Taking the brunt of the anger from Jim and the punishments.
Rebecca trembled and squeezed her eyes shut, recalling them.
A warm coat covered her shoulders, leaving her completely covered. The scent of horses and leather let her know Julio followed. She didn’t want to show him her weakness. He only knew her as the smart, sassy, and strong Rebecca.
“It’s too cold to stay out here without a coat,” he murmured.
“Then you’ll need this back,” she said, shrugging the heavy covering from her. His hands stopped her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked gently.
“No. I think it’s best if I walk home and you drop Kara off when she’s done with her chores,” she said glumly.
“Listen, you missed a lot over the last year. I should’ve caught you up on all the changes, but it feels like you go out of your way to avoid me. I’m trying to give you the space you need, but I’m always here.”
“Tonight wasn’t a good idea. Kara needed this, but I’m not ready. Please pass along my apologies to Delaney for all the trouble. I’ll make it up to Rachel another time,” Rebecca said, heading for the steps.
“Wait,” he ordered. “I’ll take you home. We didn’t light the way to the cabins and it’s dark. Let me grab your coat.”
Rebecca paused, waiting for him to return. A minute later, he reappeared and escorted her to his truck.
He turned the key and drove her to the cabins. She stared into the darkness, feeling like it threatened to consume her.
“I’m sorry, Julio. I acted like an ass tonight. I can’t seem to do anything right,” she offered her excuse.
“Have you considered starting therapy? I know Claire Meyers offered to do sessions online with you.”
“I did my job, Julio. I protected and watched. I waited for an opportunity. Unfortunately, I didn’t find them in a cell in basements or underground tunnels.
Taking on this trafficking ring came with risks, and I walked into this with my eyes wide open.
It’s no different than investigating mob attacks or drug deals gone wrong. ”
“They’re different because this involved you,” Julio argued. “Don’t tell me you can’t see the difference.”
“Will it change anything? It still happened to me, and there’s nothing we can do about it,” she said quietly. “Our lives changed the day they took me. Let’s not pretend you don’t feel it.”
Julio parked the truck and turned to face her. The landscaping lights dimly lit the truck’s interior. “Trust me, I have a lot of feelings about it. It seems like you’ve decided for both of us.”
Her eyes stung, and her chest ached. “They robbed us of any choices.”
“Only if you let them darlin,’” he whispered. “You don’t have to do this alone.
“Julio,” her voice cracked. “I wish we could go back and make different decisions. All this time, I considered myself smart and capable enough to handle anything. This year has taught me I’m no different than Kara, who trusted a nice man.
Or Ebony, who drank a glass of wine laced with something while she celebrated her anniversary with her now-dead husband.
They’re everywhere. Even with all our resources, we didn’t prevent any of this. ”
“We can’t go back, but it doesn’t mean you can’t move forward, Becca. It may take some time, but I’ll be here every step of the way.”
A soft sob left Rebecca as she yanked on the door handle.
“It’s the one choice I have, Julio. I won’t let you be here for this.
In fact, I don’t want any man,” she said, sliding out of her seat and running toward the cabin.
She slammed the door and leaned against it, releasing all the fear, anxiety, and grief that had finally taken over.
Since being rescued, she never spent a minute alone, yet somehow, she felt lonelier than ever.
Julio watched her run inside and hit the steering wheel, letting out his frustration.
He saw the anxiety when he picked her up with Kara, and he noticed the bitter anger when she snapped at the young woman.
He completely missed she saw herself as an agent working a case and not as a victim.
She most likely protected herself by doing her job while dealing with everything happening to her.
Her comment about not letting him help her hit his chest like a boulder.