Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LONDON
C asablanca plays on the gargantuan screen, the bed warm and riddled with my favorite candies, but I only have eyes for the sexy man before me.
“I can’t believe it took me this long to finally get you into a bed. Who knew you’d be such a naughty girl,” he murmurs, and I laugh.
Yes, indeed, we’ve been intimate everywhere except a bed at this point. My damn knees haven’t been happy with me for a while.
Propping himself up on his elbow, he looms over me, the movie long forgotten, our gazes locked, as we both search for answers to unasked questions.
“This beautiful face,” he whispers, gaze soft as it trails over me in that way he does, and I can’t resist the shiver that runs through me.
Something about the tone of his voice, the reverence, and this open, vulnerable look in his eyes, makes me stop the quip ready to fall from my lips. Sucking in a deep breath, I try to do the same. Opening that door that’s long been locked just a crack and peering around it, hoping what I find won’t send me running again.
“You think I’m beautiful?” I murmur, my body curling into his, seeking his warmth.
“Where have you been? I think you’re stunning. I have from the moment we met.” His thumb tracks below my right eye as he says, “Your eyes…your eyes are beguiling, absolutely captivating, but I’m drawn to your strength. It’s so damn attractive.” He drops a soft kiss to my cheek then the corner of my mouth before he continues.
“I’ll probably never know all the things you’ve been through, and I want to hear every tale, but you didn’t let it knock you down. You’re here, rebuilding, with a stronger foundation, and I admire the will it took to decide to leave what didn’t serve you and find what does. It brought you to me. I want nothing more than to tell you, I got you, babycakes. Let me take care of you, take care of everything—”
His finger comes to my lips before I can protest. “You’ve got so much fight in you, and I get it. But let me prove to you that I’m different and what we’ll have will work. I’m ready for fairy tales and forevers, London, and tag, you’re it.”
BOOM goes the door I’ve erected, Xander splintering it with his words, and I’m left feeling exposed and raw.
“X-Xander, I…” I trail off as I try to gather words, any words, to respond to this declaration. I’m swooning but equally terrified by the what ifs. Xander is so entrenched in the lives of everyone I love here, Ty, Eli, not to mention how much the girls love him. If this goes south, it puts them in such a terrible predicament. Besides, I’m just starting over here. It’s too soon for anything serious and with the plans I have, he doesn’t know just how serious he’s talking.
“I can practically see your brain whirling and ticking off reasons to say no,” he says with a tap to my nose. “That’s my fault. I didn’t mean to dump this all in your lap tonight. Let’s just have fun and you can write your pros and cons list later, or whatever it is you do. But whatever you come up with and whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. I’ve been here. Waiting for you.”
Relief settles over me as my heart beats even faster. This can’t be happening right now. Xander is saying everything, words and sentiments that any person in their right mind would want— Hello, look at him —and I’ve lost the ability to speak and to truly process what’s going on and how I feel.
He rolls away and before I can beg him to come back, he’s there, with something in his hand, and I tilt my head for a better look.
“What’s that?”
“Come here, baby.”
He adjusts the pillows behind his back, and I cuddle into his side, my head on his chest.
“I know I said I brought you here to fuck you under the stars…”
Smiling, I glance up at the sky, twinkling with those very stars. Out here, in the middle of nowhere, away from the lights of the city, it’s remarkable. Everything is so quiet, so slow, that you can simply enjoy being with someone.
“Yeah?”
“I also wanted to give you this.” He holds out a pale pink gift box.
“I don’t know if you know this, Ms. Cameron, but you sparkle. Brighter and brighter each time I’m blessed to be near you. The way you blazed across the country and made each of my dreams come true… I’m not sure you know how special you are. I knew I could never offer you that. But I tried.” He gestures above us, and I glance up at the dark sky and all the stars shining down on us.
“Go ahead, open it.”
Pulling the sheet tighter to my chest, I lift the lid with shaky hands. Encased inside atop white tissue paper is a certificate in a heavy gold frame. My finger traces the gold script as I read and reread the paper. Closing the box softly, I move it to the side before meeting his gaze and the breath is sucked from my lungs as the intensity in his gaze flares through me.
“I bought you this star, so you’ll remember just how magnificently imposing you are. Majestic. You’re luminous, radiating strength and such a strong sense of self. You’re composed of fire and mettle. Steel and silk. All in the most sparkling package.”
I’m melting. He’s captured all of me in so few words and knowing me for such a short time. This is me speechless.
“Xan,” I finally whisper, grasping at his shoulders, but he comes to me all on his own, our lips meeting, quieting anything foolish that could fall from them because that was perfect. We come together and what I thought would be a fiery, passionate kiss, is instead a soft brush of lips, a sweep of his nose against mine, before he pulls back to meet my gaze. Those dark eyes gleam like onyx.
“Mine,” he says in a rough voice, strong as granite. And yes, I think I want to be. I give a little nod, and a flare of victory flashes in those dark eyes before he swoops in, claiming my mouth in a drugging kiss.
Gasping at the intensity, he delves deeper, tasting me, our tongues silky and warm as they glide and tangle together. I’ve never been kissed like this, so wholly, so deeply, I had no idea I could feel like this, giving myself over to someone else. And now that I’ve had it, I want more, I want it all. I never want it to end.
“Please,” I mumble against his lips. “I need more.”
“What do you need, baby? Tell me and I’ll give it to you. I’ll give you whatever the fuck you want. Always.”
I roll over, and he groans.
“There she is. Is my perfect little slut offering up cake? You know I’m weak for it. I’ll devour you all night.”
The tremor that runs through me would have embarrassed me before. I don’t know if I get off on being a dirty girl, just for him. It’s not just the awe in his voice, but the appreciation and reverence in his touch that hits me square in the chest.
Waking in Xander’s arms, I breathe a sigh of pure contentment. Before him, it had been too long since I'd been held, where I felt comfort as pure as this. Pulling him closer to me, snuggling in as close as I can get, my nose goes to his armpit, then his chest, and there it is. He always smells so good, like citrus and sandalwood, and that hint of chlorine I’ve come to love, and even though we showered last night, he smells like us. It's so fucking intoxicating. I can't help but take another whiff, filling my lungs, praying I’ll always remember this moment.
The movie has long ended, the screen illuminating the darkness around us. I have no idea of the time, and it should be freaky to be sleeping in this huge bed in the middle of nowhere, but everything about this beautifully appointed bed in the woods screams of a whimsical romance.
But the sun will rise soon enough and there's just something I need from him. Stretching up, I kiss along his stubbled jaw, and below his ear, and I can’t resist biting into his lobe, making him groan.
“London,” he mumbles.
That rasp in his sleepy voice shoots heat through me. Stretching to reach his pink lips, I nip and tease, my blood pumping warm through my veins when he pulls me closer fitting his body even tighter to mine. My tongue dances along his lip, begging, and he finally opens for me, his tongue meeting mine with the same teasing movements. My heart flips over with a laugh. Even half asleep he's so sexy, so perfectly rumpled, his stubble darker, and I’ve never been needier.
And so, I do the only thing I can think of, the only thing that will quell the raging fire wreaking havoc within me. Grabbing his beautifully wide shoulders, I pull him to me, needing more, needing to feel his weight on top of me. I need him.
He comes willingly, his eyes never opening as he rests, cradled between my thighs, that devilish tongue still giving me so much pleasure sliding in and out of my mouth, sucking my tongue, and I’m a quivering wet mess.
Tilting my hips up, I thrust against him until I find the wide head of his dick. The moans that leave us both are obscene as it slides over my pussy.
Fucking hell. My eyes slam shut. This, him, everything, feels so damn good, so I do it again and again until my pussy clenches, seeking more, my hole begging to be stretched and filled. I’m so wet for him, as he slides his long, thick dick back and forth, sending sparks of electricity through me. I could come just from this, but I’m already throbbing for more.
With a rake of my nails down his back, Xander’s entire body jolts, and then he’s there, where I need him. The head of his dick kissing my hole before he thrusts, sliding that perfect dick in balls deep and I cry out into his mouth, gripping him so hard my knuckles crack, as he trembles above me.
“Xander,” I whimper, my eyes rolling back as pleasure and pain zing through me. But I don’t want him to stop. He feels so damn good slowly sliding in and out of me. Skin to skin. Every vein. Every pulse sends pleasure through me.
His answering groan as I rock slowly with him almost sends me over the edge and I want to come all over him. But it's when his mouth meets my neck, kissing and licking and biting, that I could practically float away.
“Xander,” I call out. “You… I... but, Xan… you feel so good… I’m so fucking full,” I whisper, “but… no condom.” I don’t want him to stop. I’ve never gone without a condom with anyone, but I want to make sure he’s awake and aware enough to make this decision with me.
His eyes shoot open, meeting mine as he realizes he's bare inside of me. But he doesn't stop moving like I expected he would. He doesn’t pull away. No, instead, something flares in those eyes, dark as midnight as they hold mine.
“Good.” His thrusts increase. “I’ve wanted to be inside you like this, raw, since the first time I saw you. That first time,” he says, rolling his hips. “I could think of nothing else but pulling that condom off and coming inside you. Filling you, keeping you full, holding my cum deep inside, pushing it even deeper. I’ve wanted nothing more for months,” he groans with another thrust.
My hand goes to his hair and I tug. His words planting the seeds, and I need the filthy fun he’s promised.
“Now, you fucking take it,” he growls. “You’re mine to do with as I please.”
A loud moan leaves me as he starts a slow grind of his hips as he holds himself deep inside and everything about this moment has me dripping, making a mess of both of us, as the sound of my arousal fills the air.
“Xan, what…” I can barely get the words out, my mouth dry from my panting.
“Yeah, you like that, don't you? Want me so deep inside you… want my cum dripping from this tight little hole. You can't fucking wait. You’re so fucking wet. I feel every clench. I can feel every quiver around me, squeezing my cock, milking me, and begging for me to unload,” he groans, and the sound sends me higher.
His words have me soaring. Yes, I want this. Something deep inside me fucking craves it.
As if he can hear my prayers, he says, “I'll give it to you, babycakes. I'll give you every fucking drop.”
“Yes, please. I need it,” falls from my lips in a whimper.
“That’s my sweet cake.” He picks up the pace, the delicious rhythm lighting me on fire from the inside out.
“Fuck, look at what you do to me… what you’ve turned me into. I’m a fucking animal. I just want to breed you,” he growls, the slapping of our skin riotous in the still of the night. “I want to tie you to this fucking bed and pump my seed into you over and over, only stopping for food and water. Then maybe you’ll finally see you’re mine and you belong with me.”
I can only gasp and gape as he hits a spot so deep, my legs begin to quiver.
“Is this why you woke me up? Because you’re such a whore for my cock? So needy for my cum.”
“Yes… oh god,” I cry out.
“That’s right, baby. I’m your god. Tell me. Tell me what you need.”
“I n-need you. Fuck, I need your cum.” My body blazes at the thought of him filling me, truly marking me
“My little cum slut. Come for me and I’ll reward you with the biggest fucking load,” he pants, grunting in my ear.
I moan, the image of him pulsing and spurting deep inside me is my undoing.
“Yes, baby. You feel so fucking good. So wet for me,” he groans.
I give a choked cry as his fingers find my clit.
“Fuck me! Please fill me. I need...” Thrashing beneath him, my hands search for purchase as I grip the tangled sheets so hard my fingers start to cramp.
“Yeah, you do,” he says, shifting up to his knees, his hands move to my waist, moving me how he wants me.
“That's right, babycakes. There's my perfect little whore. I knew she’d fucking love it. You fucking love my cum, don’t you, good girl? I have more than enough to keep this pussy so wet and creamy.”
Damn, his dirty mouth is almost as good as his dick right now.
His face is a mask of so much desire, want, and need as he pounds into me, those big hands gripping me tight enough to bruise. My body tightens again as I crest along this wave of overwhelming pleasure before crashing in a sea of ecstasy.
“Fuck,” I cry again as he swells, and I feel him pulse, erupting deep within me.
“Baby,” he calls out. “I have so much, uhh , a fucking massive load for you. Take it, take it all. That's my good girl. You take every last drop.”
I do, clinging to him as our bodies slide together, slick with sweat, as our chests heave.
His contented sigh makes me smile, as he trails soft kisses along my shoulder and neck.
Perfect . I can’t stop the thought from shouting in my head as I look up to see the first rays of sunlight breach the darkened sky and it feels like a new beginning.
The ride back to Ty and Sasha’s is made in comfortable silence. Stealing another glance at Xander, he pulls my hand to his lips for a kiss as I think about the night we just shared. The mind-blowing sex I’ll never forget, but it’s everything else that’s sitting heavy in my stomach.
The thought and attention to detail behind last night’s date are unparalleled and makes the wonderful breakfast he had delivered churn in my stomach. If I weren’t so uneasy, I’d have a million questions about how he pulled everything off.
As he drives into the underground garage, I drag in a breath, letting it out slowly. “You can just let me out at the elevator.”
He comes to a jerky stop, jolting us forward before turning to me. “I was going to come up with you.”
Ignoring him, I take another deep breath. “Xander, thank you. Last night was… there are no words for what last night was. While I heard everything you said, I’ve been playing it over and over in my head on a loop, I want to be clear about something before I take another step forward with you.”
Staring at my fingers gripping the seatbelt, I rush on. “There were a lot of beautiful, flowery words shared between us, and I want you to be sure before this goes any further.”
Pulling my hand from my seat belt, he laces our fingers and I’m finally able to meet his eyes, my heart knocking against my ribs. “I moved here, to Chicago, to be near my family, because I’m ready to start one.”
His eyes widen, searching mine, but he doesn't say anything. Licking my suddenly dry lips, I push on.
“My last relationship ended because he wasn’t ready for kids, marriage, the white picket fence, and all the wonderful things that come with it. I wanted that with him, but he didn't feel the same way about me. Looking back on it, I was completely blind to the signs that we weren’t right for each other. Anyway, after a few months floundering, I decided to move here, to be near my family, so I could regroup and start the process of starting a family on my own. I’m never going to wait for another man to decide I’m worthy enough. I was and still am ready to do it on my own.”
Giving his hand a squeeze, I turn to the window. Maybe if I can’t see him, this won’t hurt so badly. “When we agreed to the whole friends with benefits thing, I intended this to just be some temporary fun to let off some steam. I had no idea we’d end up here. It’s been…” I swallow around the lump in my throat before I continue.
“My life is heading in a completely different direction. While I've enjoyed our brief time together, I don't think you're ready for the path my life is heading down, you know, smelly diapers and a screaming kid waking you at all hours. Even though I want it all and am still a little scared about what comes next, that’s where you came in… Ha, came in. Um, don’t worry about last night. I’m very recently off my birth control, and I’m tracking my cycle, so we should be okay. In case you start to freak out later.” I laugh, the sound hollow to my own ears.
He doesn’t join in, doesn’t say a word, and for some reason that stings more than the phone call from Travis.
“I said all that to say, this life, my future, is not for you.”
We sit in silence for a few tense moments, and I hold my breath, because a little voice whispers that I want him to convince me that he is ready for me and everything just dropped into his lap. I wish he could walk into the dream I have and declare right now that he wants to fight for me, fight for us.
I shake my head, sighing. “Okay, I can see I’ve shocked you into complete silence. I didn’t think I’d ever see the day, stud, but I’m going to take that as my cue to leave. I'll understand if this means we're done having fun and you decide to keep all of those bountiful benefits to yourself. But I thought it was time you finally knew where I stand so you could make your own decision.”
Pausing with my hand on the door handle, I whisper, “I’m sorry. I didn't expect things to progress the way they have. I thought we were just having fun. I had no idea we would end up here.”
Turning, I avoid his gaze, instead, leaning over, I press a kiss to his lips. Lips I want to sip from and taste understanding but instead I taste regret.
“Goodbye, Xander.”
He doesn't stop me as I climb from his truck, the slam of the door echoes through the garage. With my head held high, I strut to the elevator like I’m on the runways of Paris fashion week. I've cried in front of him enough. This is what I want, and I’ll live with this decision for the rest of my life.