Chapter 6 #2
At the sight of that room, Elizabeth felt her shoulder relax, and an involuntary smile crossed her face. Here was true respite. It was light and airy and cosy all at once. There was already a cheery fire burning in preparation for her arrival. And already her trunk had been delivered.
There was also a young woman of around Elizabeth’s own age, standing quietly and waiting to be addressed. Elizabeth looked at her curiously, for she recognised that serious, gentle face. It was the same young woman who had reproved the other servant for her impudence.
Mrs Reynolds gestured to her. “This is Grace Stephans, ma’am,” Mrs Reynolds said. “I have assigned her as your lady’s maid, but of course it will be for you to arrange the household as you please, Mrs Darcy. And perhaps you have a lady’s maid of your own coming?”
“No, Mrs Reynolds,” Elizabeth replied. “I shall be glad to have Stephans look after me.”
“Very well, ma’am,” Mrs Reynolds replied pleasantly, her face perfectly expressionless. “Will there be anything else?”
“No, I thank you, Mrs Reynolds,” Elizabeth dismissed her.
After Mrs Reynolds departed and closed the door, Elizabeth let out a breath.
“Well, Stephans, it would seem they have left us to our devices. I am pleased that you will be helping me here. Indeed, I had already wished to speak to you. I should like to thank you for your help in disciplining the other maid.”
Stephans blanched. “You — you saw that, ma’am.”
“Indeed I did.”
“Please forgive her,” Stephans begged. “She means well, but she does not know how to conceal her feelings.” Her eyes grew wide. “Not that she has the right to feel anything—”
“Nonsense. Everyone has the right to feel what they will.”
“She is my younger sister, Eva. She is new to the household and has been upset by the Darcys’ recent troubles,” Stephans explained. “Eva ought not to have done anything of the kind, of course, but she has a very protective nature.”
“I see. Well, you need not worry yourself on that account. All is forgiven.” She waved down at her obviously mismatched mode of dress. She knew she was not the sort of woman that Mr Darcy’s staff would have been expecting. “I know I do not play the part of the mistress of Pemberley very well yet.”
“She should not have said a word,” Stephans rolled her eyes heavenward. “She is much too liberal with making her sentiments known. Not that she is a bad sort of girl, or hard-hearted. My Papa always used to say that she has very loud eyes. And I am afraid he was right.”
Elizabeth was charmed by the description. “That is a very interesting way of putting it. I wonder if that is why I was in trouble so often as a child?”
Stephans gave a hope-filled smile. “I hope you will excuse Eva. She will learn.”
“Of course, I will,” Elizabeth said. She sat down and pulled her slippers off her feet, giving a sigh of relief. “That is better. Now, what is it about these troubles you spoke of?” she asked.
Stephans’s cheeks grew very pink. “Oh, I did not mean anything by that, ma’am.
I will go and see about your other things and return in a moment to start unpacking.
” She quickly exited the room, leaving Elizabeth alone to wonder what on earth she meant by the Darcys’ troubles.
It was all rather mysterious. Stephans could not mean Mr Darcy’s recent compromise and marriage.
Eva could not have already been upset by something she would not yet know about.
And ‘the Darcys’? What other Darcy could the girl mean?
She sighed heavily and sank onto the settee.
Elizabeth knew she must be a disappointment to her husband.
Surely he would have had his eyes set on an elegant, well-suited woman of the ton, not a country gentleman’s daughter with barely a penny to her name.
Her dowry would hardly have been a temptation for a man of superior wealth, as he certainly must be to own such a large house and property, and with all the servants in his employ.
She wished now that she had allowed her father to explain the settlements to her, so she might have known something about her husband.
Stephans soon returned, having regained her air of calm professionalism and propriety.
She was quick and efficient in putting away Elizabeth’s things, a task that was swiftly accomplished, as there was not much to do.
Her few gowns looked rather forlorn inside the enormous wardrobe.
Elizabeth had exactly three pairs of slippers, each rather worn and hardly up to Pemberley’s high standard even when new.
She also had a pair of sturdy boots that she had used during her long walks about the countryside back home.
Home. How she missed it already.
Stephans soon finished and offered to bring her some tea. Elizabeth thanked her and accepted gratefully. She did not think she could face going down to the drawing room for tea. Then, too, tea might not be served at all that day, given their late arrival.
Elizabeth spent the rest of the afternoon in her room, looking out the window at the grounds.
Autumn was farther advanced in Derbyshire than in Hertfordshire — hardly a surprise, given how far north they had travelled.
The colours of the trees were already past their peak, but their beauty was undiminished.
Here, if anywhere, there was solace. Pemberley was lovely beyond all expectation, and if Elizabeth would miss the countryside walks of Hertfordshire, she would at least have a lovely replacement for them in her new home.
When the supper gong rang, Stephans was not long in appearing. “Shall I help you dress for supper, Mrs Darcy?” she asked.
Elizabeth was in no mood to suffer through another silent supper with her husband. And she was exhausted from the journey. “I think not,” she said. “Will you convey my apologies? I think an early night will help me feel better.”
“Of course, ma’am. I will alert Mrs Reynolds, and have a supper tray brought for you.”
Stephans saw her empty tea tray and took it up in her arms.
Guilt washed over her. Would Mr Darcy be angry that she refused to come down on their first evening home?
“Wait, please. I should like to write a note,” she said and hurried over to the writing desk.
Elizabeth penned a hurried note to Mr Darcy, asking him to forgive her for not coming down and explaining that she was not feeling well after the long journey north.
She folded the note and handed it to Stephans, who promised to deliver it as soon as she had taken the empty tray to the kitchen.
That evening, Elizabeth changed into her nightdress as soon as her supper tray had been delivered.
She sat at her writing desk, nibbling on the delicacies the cook had prepared, while she wrote to her family.
She would write two letters, Elizabeth decided.
One for her parents, to be read and shared among all the family.
That letter would contain all the reassuring descriptions of Pemberley and of Mr Darcy’s courtesy that she could muster. Her family must not worry over her.
Then there would be a letter for Jane alone, in which she might express something of her real feelings.
Dear Jane,
As I am sure you will learn from the rest of my letters to the others, we arrived safely and in good time.
The journey was uneventful. I cannot tell you how much the books meant to me.
I would have been bored to distraction without them.
Mr Darcy read his newspapers the entire time, which was just as well.
I was in no mood for idle chitchat after all that has happened.
Now, I will tell you things that I have left out of the other letter, as I know you will keep them in the strictest confidence. I did not want to worry any of the others. And I do not wish to worry you either, but you are the only one I can pour my heart out to.
First, I will say that Mr Darcy has been the perfect gentleman. He has treated me with nothing but respect and decency. It may not be the love match I had once hoped for, but it seems I am to at least have a life of solitude and polite deference.
Oh, how horrid and resentful that sounds!
I hope I am not ungrateful. Indeed I must be, for upon seeing the extent of Mr Darcy’s property, I have been forced to realise that he could have made a far more advantageous match.
If only for your sake and for the rest of our sisters, I am glad he agreed to make the sacrifice and do the honourable thing.
I may not have been able to marry for love, but I want that for you.
You must make every effort to find the sort of man with whom you will find true happiness and contentment.
Mr Darcy has made every accommodation for my comfort. I even have my own lady’s maid. Stephans is her name, and she seems a sweet girl, about my age, I should think. I believe we will get on well together.
To deal with the rest of the servants may be another matter.
They were surely expecting their master to bring back a more polished wife, one more accustomed to such grand estates.
I must be a severe disappointment. Their discipline and respect for their master are obvious, but I do not think it will be easy to earn such respect in my own right.
Elizabeth looked at what she had written.
It was well enough, surely — as honest as she could be without worrying Jane, and as reassuring as she could be without bending the truth beyond what it could bear.
She finished the letter with her usual assurances of her affection and promised to write again soon to describe the house and grounds once she had a chance to explore her new home.
With a sigh, she blew out the candle, leaving the remainder of the tray untouched.
She was too upset to eat much of anything that night.
Not only had her system been upset by the upheaval from her home and the long journey, but her heart was sick.
She missed home more than she could have known she would.
She missed her sister lying in the bed next to her.
They had always been so close, and when anything was bothering either of them, they would stay up late into the night with the covers over their heads, whispering to each other.
The room she had been given had seemed so cosy and welcoming during the afternoon.
Now it felt too large, as if she had been left in the middle of the ocean all alone.
Elizabeth had never known a time when she felt more vulnerable and exposed.
She curled onto her side and brought the covers right up to her neck, leaving only a little space so she could breathe.
When Stephans knocked and entered to take away the tray, she pretended to be asleep.
Her lady’s maid quietly put another log on the fire, cleared the tray, and left with barely a sound.
Elizabeth turned onto her back again once she was alone. “Tomorrow, I will go out to face him,” she vowed. This one night of solitude must give her the strength she needed to face whatever would come.
After all, she could not hide forever.