11. Chapter 11
11
All Mouth just drive like a normal person,” I tell her as I lean over the center console, trying to confirm she’s actually driving as slow as she is.
“I am driving like a normal person!”
I look back at Hads, and the two of us burst into laughter. I don't know why we always let Paige drive, but tonight, we had to make sure of it, since Oliver needed us out of their apartment. It kind of made no sense, since he’s also not there.
Oliver demanded we distract Paige tonight while he and Grant go pick out an engagement ring. One of my best friends is getting engaged to the love of her life, and even if that’s Oliver, I’m overjoyed for her. Paige deserves love and happiness after all she has been through.
As if he knew we were talking about him, the group chat Hads and I have with him and Grant buzzes.
Grant: You guys should see how nervous Oliver is. I’ve never seen him so flustered. It’s hilarious.
Hads: Send a picture. I’d like to catalog this moment for the future.
Ella: Stonehenge is nervous? He’s only picking the ring out!
Grant: I know. Imagine what he’s going to look like proposing…
Oliver: I want it to be perfect. Fucking sue me.
Ella: Well, if the ring isn't perfect, I might.
“Have you guys gotten ahold of Ames yet?” Paige asks us, and when I look back at Hads, she shakes her head.
“No. She hasn't even read my text messages.”
Goddammit, Amelia. It’s easy to tell what’s going on. She’s been pulling away from us—like usual—but this time, it doesn't feel like she wants to come back.
Her birthday was this month, and all our well wishes for her went unanswered.
Even Paige is discouraged. They usually talk a few times a week to debrief. Paige likes to keep her in the loop even though she’s so far away, but she can’t be kept in the loop if she doesn't want to answer any of our messages.
“Oh, that’s okay. Maybe she had another late meeting,” Paige says, trying to keep her spirits up, even though I can tell by her smile that she’s disappointed. Paige always looks on the bright side for most situations, but I can tell my friend is hurting.
We all miss Ames, but besides going to England and making sure her phone isn't broken, all we can do is wait for her to respond—which could be in a day, a week, or never.
“Yeah, probably,” Hads says, an edge to her voice.
Wanting to change the subject, I start talking about why I recommended a night drive in the first place.
“Leo and I finished our pitch, and we find out if we get the account next week.”
“Oh, I forgot about that. Are you nervous? I’m sure you got the publishing house. You worked so hard on it.”
Paige’s compliment makes me smile, so I reach over and grab her hand resting on the stick shift and squeeze it. I know she’s down, yet she’s still trying to make sure I feel okay.
“How was it working with him so closely for a few weeks?”
“I don't know. It was fine, I guess. He’s good at the job, and he wasn't the biggest pain in my ass…” I stop to gather my words. “The only problem is, if we land the account, we’re going to be fighting to lead the project. I know he’s not going to let me have it—he wants to prove himself. I’ve been waiting forever for a publishing house to contact us, and now that it’s here, I have to fight and claw to prove I’m the best person for the job.”
“I bet that gets tiring, Ells,” Hads says.
I slump down in the passenger seat. “Yeah, it does. I’m always fighting for something. It’s bad enough I worked my ass off to get this job, but every day I walk into the office, I have to prove myself. And just when I felt like I was getting somewhere, Leo comes in and knocks all my progress down.”
“And that one asshole got promoted over you,” Hads adds.
“Yeah, that too. I don't even know how he got the promotion over me, but that’s how it always fucking works. I do twice the amount of work he does. I’m constantly staying late to make sure everything I turn in is perfect, yet he leaves early to go golfing a few times a week and still gets a promotion. It fucking sucks.”
“You’re positive Leo is going to go after the account?” Paige asks me. “Maybe if you asked him to lay off, he would.”
“You don't know him like I do, P.”
“Huh,” Paige says as she skips the song. “I guess I always assumed he was all mouth and no pants.”
Hads snickers in the back seat as I try to stop the laugh from coming out.
“What?” Paige asks as she looks between Hads and me.
“Never change, P,” I say, a real smile making my lips turn up for the first time today.
“Wait, Paige, can you throw on the playlist I made for tonight? It’s a special one for night drives since we’ve been doing this a lot more lately.”
Paige hands Hads her phone, and while Hads configures the playlist, I roll my window down and feel the breeze across my face.
I’m the reason we’ve been doing night drives more lately, though the girls don’t know why I keep suggesting them. They never question it either. Whenever I text an SOS and tell them I need to go on a drive, they always hop right in the car and come pick me up. These girls always have my back, even though I’m not as open with them as I should be.
Being in the passenger seat of a car while we drive through the night has always calmed me down. When I was little and my mom was still around, sometimes she would take my sister and I on drives to help tire us out. She would play this special music—classical, I think—and according to my dad, it worked like a charm. We would come back exhausted, and the two of them would put us right to bed.
Drives like this remind me of what my life was like as an actual kid, not a girl who had to grow into an adult when her mom walked out on her family and never came back. It reminds me of what it was like when everything felt good and easy, not hard and exhausting.
Ever since my mom left, I’ve had to keep my family afloat. My dad was working two jobs to support us, so I kept the house going. I raised my sister and helped her with her homework every night while I was also doing school work at the same time. Along with cooking, cleaning, and trying to figure out if we had enough money to be able to pay our bills.
I’ve been clawing my way back from the hole my mom threw me in when she left. I fight to be heard, to be taken seriously, and I’m exhausted.
I just want something to go my way for once—no fighting required. All my hard work has to pay off at some point, right? But I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this—making sure my family is okay while still living my life for me, not them.
I hear Paige and Hads singing along to a song as loud as they can, and I join in, wanting to forget.
I’m here with my best friends, and for once, I want to live in this moment and forget about all the things troubling me. That’s what I love about the girls—they make me forget about all the shit I’ve been dealing with since before I met them and get me out of my own head. I’ve always needed people to do that for me.
I worry I’m too much sometimes. I’m always asking questions, always wondering how I can help in any situation or trouble they find themselves in. Sometimes, people hate that. There have been many friends who have left my side because they thought I was too overbearing, but not these girls around me now.
I used to think it was me—that I was the problem. It was hard for me to keep friends, and my own mother left when I was young, so why would anyone else stay? It always felt like my fault. I thought I drove everyone away because I internalized all my fears and always assume I’m the issue.
But now I know the people who are meant to be around me will stay no matter what. Hads and Paige fit that bill perfectly. And Amelia did too, when she was around.
It’s moments like these, when the windows are down, the music is up, and you're surrounded by your favorite people in the world, that you feel like you can do anything, like you can be whoever you want with no judgment. I suddenly have forgotten about my work problems, my family struggles, and Leo being around me five days a week. It all seems insignificant when I’m here in this car with my friends. Being able to hear Paige, Hads, and I sing until our lungs give out makes everything I’ve been worried about so pointless.
This is what life should be. This is how I want to feel every single day.
All the pain, all the long days… They all start to mean something in moments like these. I feel freer than I have in a long time, and maybe ,what lies ahead isn't so bad.
No, it won’t be bad. And if it is, I know these girls will be around to help me pick up all the pieces when I eventually shatter.
One Week Later
As I stalk into the conference room to find out if we landed the publishing house, I notice I’m the first one in here. The meeting does start in five minutes, right?
I grab my phone to make sure I have the right time, but Leo’s presence makes me pause. I can always tell it’s him because he wears the same cologne every fucking day. The worst part is, I don’t hate the smell. He smells like whiskey and bad decisions—decisions I’m all too familiar with.
Thankfully, before Leo can engage, Rae walks in. Thank God. She meets my eyes and immediately hurries to sit next to me. Leo continues to look at me as he finds a spot.
“Hey, are you nervous? Brody seems to be in a good mood today, so you probably got the account.”
“Brody is always in a good mood. He was five under par yesterday while we were all here, working our asses off.”
She only smiles at me. “Well, at least we didn't have to deal with him.”
I nod my head in agreement. I don't know what’s worse: Brody being here in the office, or being out of the office when he should be here.
People continue to filter into the conference room as Rae and I talk amongst ourselves. Brody steps in and goes to the front of the room, Imogen to the right of him as the meeting starts.
“So, before we get into all the normal stuff, Imogen and I have an announcement to make. Imogen?” Brody hands the floor over to her.
“We have officially landed Literary Nook Publishing House as a client.” Imogen looks at Leo and I. “Congratulations, you two. The proposal was perfect, and they were very impressed.”
I smile to myself, glad it all worked out. But now, the hard part.
“So, who is interested in leading this project?” Brody asks, knowing what’s about to happen.
“I am,” Leo and I say at the same time. I’m glaring at him, but he’s only smiling at me, that same rich-boy smile he has always had.
“Well, you can both prepare separate proposals, and Brody and I will see which one suits us best,” Imogen says. “The contract begins in November, so you have until then. One month to put your best foot forward.”
“Got it,” I say before I sit back. For some reason, that conversation had me on the edge of my seat.
I look over at Leo, his eyes pinned straight onto me, and return his stare. He should know I’m not going down easily. If he wants to compete for this contract, a competition is what he’ll get. I don't think I have anything to worry about. This is Leo’s first contract. I’ve done this a million times. I could manage this project in my fucking sleep.
I can tell he wants this; maybe he even needs this.
Too fucking bad I want it more. This contract is mine.