27. Chapter 27
27
Nothing More Than Just A Fuck
This morning, I finally got the call my apartment is going to be ready in two weeks.
Part of me is elated I can finally have my own space separate from my sister, but another part of me started to feel like this place wasn't so bad. I got comfortable, even though I knew I would be leaving at some point.
Well, that point has arrived, and I should be ecstatic, but I feel odd.
I knew I shouldn't have gotten used to living here. I think part of me is going to miss seeing my sister this much. It has been nice to be around her; it reminds me of home and when we were kids. I miss that—us when we were younger. Life felt so much more manageable when we were children.
Now, it feels like our family has slowly been falling apart for the past year. Not in the traditional sense, but since I’ve been over here and not constantly checking in, it feels like they have no idea of anything going on in my life. That used to be so different, but growing up has that effect on you, I guess.
Your parents’ job is to raise you and send you out into the world, and hopefully, they do a good job so you feel prepared for all the shit life can throw your way. But nowhere was I taught what to do when the people you’ve looked up to your whole life suddenly have problems you can’t fix. No matter how much one is prepared, nothing punches you in the gut like seeing your parents hurt or in harm's way.
And nothing can prepare me for what might happen in the future since my dad chose not to have the surgery.
“Leo?” My sister shakes me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay?” she asks me, sitting on the couch next to me. I was watching a film, but I lost track of what was going on when I got the call about my place.
“I’m alright,” I lie.
She cocks her head at me. “Are you thinking about Dad?”
God, Alissa always knows how to read every one of my emotions. It must be an Irish twin thing.
“Yeah, I was,” I say as I pause the film.
“I know you’re worried, but there’s not much we can do from over here.”
“What if we—”
She smacks my arm. “I want to go back as much as you do, but they would kill us if we showed up out of the blue. Dad would think we came home just for him, and that would be worse. He hates when we worry about him.”
“He has to know we can’t not worry about him. He’s our father, for fuck’s sake.”
“I know, Leo. But maybe Mum can get him to come around? She told me this morning she’s going to try and convince him at his next physical therapy appointment.”
That’s good, I guess, but it still doesn't help the fear coursing through my veins. “Yeah, if anyone can do it, it’s her.” My mother is a force of nature. Not only is she inspiring through her work ethic, but she’s the best person I know. I am who I am today because of her.
“So, what else is new? I feel like we’ve barely had time to chat these past few weeks,” my sister says, getting more comfortable on the couch.
“Yeah, we’ve both been working a lot. It’s a good thing we like our jobs, right?” I smirk at her, and she rolls her eyes at me.
“I bet you love seeing Ella every single day. I wish I was a fly on the wall at your office. I wonder how your coworkers deal with the bickering between you two all day.”
“We don't bicker that much,” I tell her.
She shakes her head at me. “I don’t believe you. You guys have argued over the dumbest shit for years.”
“Well, if she would actually get to know me before assuming things, maybe we could have been friends.” It comes out before I can stop it.
“Is that why you hate her so much?”
“Yeah, it is.” But I’m not sure how much I hate her anymore. The lines between us have become…blurred. Messy. Uneven. I don't even fucking know. All I know is that Ella Williams has fucked me up in more ways than one these past few months.
What started out as us two hating one another for years has quickly morphed into something else, something I can’t wrap my mind around.
“That’s funny,” my sister says. “She’s said similar things about you.”
“Has she?”
“Yes, actually. She’s told me a lot about you, and none of it matches what I know about you.”
“I always knew you guys talked, but I never assumed any of it was about me.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Oh, please. When you two were at your internship, it’s all I heard about.”
“Really?”
“Yup. You two assholes clash heads so much because of how similar you are, and I know me saying that won’t magically fix anything, but try to view her from a different perspective, Leo. I think it’ll do wonders for you two and your relationship.”
Our what? There’s no fucking way she knows about Ella and my—
“If I can even call what you two have as such. Don’t throw up on the couch imagining you and Ella that way.”
“Trust me, Ella and I will never be anything but coworkers after I move out.”
Fuck. This is the perfect time to mention the pact. I’ve never lied to my sister before—except about Ella. The only things I’ve kept from her involve her best friend and how I’ve fucked her a few times. I hate lying to Alissa about it, but I don’t know how she would react. I doubt she’d care too much, but Ella is still her best friend.
It doesn't even matter, really. Ella and I will never talk about any of this again after I move out. It’ll be like nothing ever happened.
So why does that piss you off so much?
It’s just lust. That’s all it’ll ever be, since neither of us does feelings in situations like this. Ella doesn't see me as anything more than a guy she hates, nothing more than a fuck for her.
But why do I feel something more than anger and hatred when I look at her now? Is it just the aura of our sex that has that effect on me, or is it something else?
No. It’s nothing else.
No matter how much I think about her across the hall from me at night. No matter how much I like pissing her off just to get her to talk to me.
No matter how much my heart flips when she rolls her eyes at me, when she opens her door in the mornings and her hair is all over the place and she looks more beautiful than I’ve ever seen her…
Woah . Where the hell did that come from? And how do I get rid of it?
“You two will be more than coworkers, that’s one thing I know for sure,” my sister says, a cheeky look on her face.
“What does that mean?”
“Something out there clearly wants your paths to cross. First, you two get an internship together, and years later, you work together. Something bigger than both of you is at play.” Alissa pats my shoulder as she gets up. “If your egos weren't so big, I could see you both being good friends.”
Friends? Yeah right.
Ella Williams is anything but my friend. As far as I know, she’s another girl who got wrapped up in me, and by the end of all this, she’ll wish she never did.
I’ll just be another few nights for her, and she’ll go back to hating me, because it’s what we do.
“I’ll make lunch for us, okay?”
“Sounds good.”
And as I turn the film back on, I try and fail to banish all my thoughts about the girl across the hall.