Chapter 4
4
H ours later, Natalya stared around the living room. She was numb. It all felt like it was all happening to someone else, as if it couldn’t possibly be her life.
But it was. Her worst nightmare had come to life, and somehow, she had to be strong. Breaking down wasn’t an option.
She was tougher than that. She’d lived through a lot. Her father’s death, sneaking over the border into the States only to be abandoned and left to die, having to leave the man she’d loved more than anything to save someone who had never bothered to even say a thank you.
“So, you ready to talk now?” Stanton asked.
She peered over as Stanton sat on the sofa next to her. “I need information.”
“Your people seem thorough,” she said.
He scanned the room. “They’re the best.”
Two men and one woman had arrived a few hours prior and taken over one of Rogan’s living rooms. Not the one they’d been in last night. This one was larger and brighter. They’d quickly rearranged the room to suit them. The woman, who had her pale blond hair pulled up into two pigtails and was wearing a bright pink pantsuit, had set up two computer screens on one of the coffee tables. One man seemed to permanently be on the phone. He had dark brown hair and was so muscular that she wondered how he got clothes to fit. Finally, the last man was poring over a map he’d laid out on a table they’d carried in from God knew where.
Their movements were unhurried, and yet Natalya got the feeling they didn’t waste a second of time.
“Levi is in charge of communications,” Stanton told her, nodding to the man on the phone. “He’s liaising with everyone. Tanner is my partner. He’s the one poring over the map. Samantha is our hacker. I have three men out on the field, one in Hondo and two who should nearly be in Matamoros.”
Natalya rubbed her head. “No one will talk to them. Even those who hate the cartel are too afraid of them to talk.”
“You’d be surprised by what my people can do,” Stanton said mysteriously. “Right now, I need to know everything you do.”
“All right.”
“Tanner!” he yelled, and she winced. The other man was only a few feet away.
“Jeez, Carson. You bellowed?” Tanner strode over and held out his hand. She shook it. He had a nice firm handshake. He was probably considered a good-looking guy with his dirty-blond hair that was cut short and pale blue eyes. He wasn’t as muscular as Levi, but she doubted few people were, however he was clearly fit. “We’ll find your son, Natalya.”
“I just don’t know how. Diego could have taken him anywhere.”
Aedan sat in the chair opposite her.
“If it is your ex who took him,” Stanton said bluntly. “Could be someone else.”
“It has to be him. My cousin saw him a few days before Mateo was taken. It had to be Diego.”
“You trust your cousin?” Stanton asked.
“Of course. We’re family. Why wouldn’t I trust her?”
Stanton snorted. “Anyone can be bought. Does she know Diego is Mateo’s father?”
“Yes. And I don’t believe that everyone can be bought.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning,” Tanner interjected smoothly. “Tell us about how you got involved with Diego.”
Natalya snuck a glimpse at Aedan. “What has that got to do with anything?”
“Could be nothing, could be everything,” Stanton replied. “You want to take the risk that whatever you leave out could be the one thing we need to find your son?”
Of course she didn’t, but this wasn’t the way she’d thought to tell Aedan everything.
Stanton glanced over at Aedan. “Want me to make him leave?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Aedan said stubbornly.
Stanton shrugged. “You’re not exactly helping. You’re no use here, and if you stop her from being completely honest, then you’re a hindrance. I don’t like hindrances.”
Tanner sighed, looking apologetic. “My partner might not have much tact, but he is correct. We need Natalya to be sincere.”
Aedan’s eyes grew dark as he scowled at Stanton, then Tanner.
“It’s okay. I’ll tell you what you need to know.” Natalya stared down at her hands before forcing herself to look up. She couldn’t look at Aedan, though. Instead, she focused on Tanner who’d sat in the armchair next to Aedan.
“Three years ago, I left San Antonio to return to Matamoros. My brother, Río, had called me to tell me that our nana was dying and asking for me. I went back to pay my last respects. I thought I owed it to my mother to say goodbye to Nana. When I got back there, well, things were tense. Nana wasn’t quite as bad as I’d been led to believe, and other things were happening.”
She licked her lips nervously.
“My brother lived with Nana. He’d get visitors at all hours of the night. Dangerous-looking men.” She stared over at the wall. “They scared me. They had a dead look in their eyes like there was nothing they wouldn’t do, nothing they hadn’t seen.” She shivered.
“One night, my brother started arguing with someone on the front porch of Nana’s house. I came downstairs to tell them to quieten down before they woke her. Although she took a sedative at night, so I doubt a foghorn would have roused her. I opened the door, and the man Río was arguing with turned to stare at me. I was only dressed in a T-shirt. It wasn’t sexy, but I wished I’d put a robe on before going downstairs. He studied me like I was a piece of meat.”
She chewed at her lip for a moment. “All my bravery fled when I saw his tattoo and realized he was with the Fuerte Cartel. He was one of Diego’s captains, Enrique Sanchez. I ran inside and shut the door.”
“Then what happened?” Tanner asked. “Did you talk to your brother?”
She nodded. “I confronted him the next morning, but he flew off the handle at me. Told me that I’d been home all of two seconds and already I thought I knew better than he did.” She smiled wryly. “He was right. I’ve always thought I knew best. I told him that man and all his other friends weren’t welcome there anymore, that they were dangerous, and if he knew what was best for him, he’d steer clear of them.”
“I’m guessing he didn’t take that well,” Stanton said.
“No. Río wasn’t the boy I remembered. When we moved to the States, I was seven and he was twelve. But he didn’t adjust well. He wanted to return home. When he was sixteen, my mother let him go back and live with Nana. He got himself mixed up with the wrong crowd and I guess she didn’t want him to end up in jail.
“Anyway, he bolted out of the house, and I didn’t see him again until three nights later when a van pulled out in front of our house and dumped him out. He’d been beaten within an inch of his life. I wanted to take him to the hospital, but he refused. Luckily, the doctor looking after Nana was due to check on her, and he fixed him up. He was bruised from head to toe, with broken ribs, a broken nose, three smashed fingers, and a dislocated collarbone.”
“The cartel?” Tanner asked.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Río owed them money. A lot of money. Gambling, drugs. He was stupid, but he’s my brother. I couldn’t let him die because of his mistakes. I told him I’d pay off his debt this once. But he owed them far more than I thought. The interest they were piling on top of the debt was astronomical.”
She rubbed her chest. “I have to admit that I thought about just leaving. My brother and I weren’t close. But I was worried that they’d come after Nana. She was helpless against them, and I knew that unless I did something, my brother would die.”
“You’d just be putting off the inevitable,” Stanton said bluntly. Tanner shot him a quelling look, but he just shrugged. “Her brother’s a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.”
Aedan remained silent this whole time, just staring at her intently. She wondered what he was thinking.
“He was still my brother. No matter his mistakes. I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I’d taken off.”
“So, how does Diego fit into this?” Tanner asked.
“Enrique answers to Diego. Enrique scared me to death. So instead of going to him, I went to see Diego to negotiate the terms of the debt with him.”
Tanner gaped at her. “On your own?”
“Yes.”
“You went to see a cartel lieutenant alone?” Aedan asked incredulously. “Why would you do something so stupid?”
“I thought I could talk him around. I’d met him before. When I was sixteen, my mother took me back for a visit. I snuck out and went to a party with my cousin. Diego was there. At the time, he seemed friendly and charming. I knew he wasn’t a good man, but I hoped I could reason with him, work out a payment plan. However, when he told me the terms, I knew I couldn’t meet them. He gave me an alternative solution. He said he would wipe the debt clean if I agreed to move in with him.”
“Is he so ugly that he can’t get a chick the normal way?” Stanton asked.
“Diego doesn’t lack companionship.” He was a good-looking guy with a dangerous vibe many women found attractive.
“So, you whored yourself to him?” Stanton asked.
She winced.
“Do I really need to tell you everything?” she asked Tanner desperately. Aedan had grown very still, his face stony.
“I apologize for my partner’s manner, but we need to figure out Diego’s motivation. No offense, but by the sounds of it, he had his fair share of women. Why do you think he waived such a large debt? By all accounts, he’s not the sort of man to help someone out of the goodness of his heart or for sentimental reasons.”
Natalya blew out a breath. This wasn’t anything she hadn’t wondered herself. “I don’t know his motivation. I really don’t. He never actually came out and told me I had to sleep with him. He mentioned housework, cooking, but I assumed he also meant I had to . . .” she trailed off awkwardly, lowering her gaze in shame. “When I agreed, he moved me and Nana into his house. Meanwhile, my brother took off. I haven’t heard from him since.” That shouldn’t have surprised her, but the least he could have done was text her to let her know he was still alive. She’d given up everything for him. Her happiness. Her future. Aedan.
“Diego was around a lot to begin with. But then, Nana died, and he began staying away for longer periods. I hardly ever saw him.” And it had been a relief, as she’d been sick with grief. Partly was over losing her nana, but mostly over losing Aedan. Natalya had stopped eating; she’d lost interest in everything. She hadn’t cared about what Diego was doing so long as he didn’t require her for anything.
“When I found out I was pregnant, it was a complete shock.”
“Weren’t you using protection?” Stanton asked.
“That is something you really don’t need to know,” she snapped angrily.
“Okay, let’s all just take a deep breath. Natalya, I know this isn’t easy, and I’m truly sorry we have to ask you all these questions.” Tanner gave her an apologetic look.
“You should ban him from talking to people.” Aedan scowled at Stanton.
Stanton didn’t seem the least affected by his censure.
“We only had sex once. When he found out I was pregnant, Diego never touched me again.”
“So, Diego took you instead of a debt, got you pregnant, fucked around on you, and then let you leave with his son?” Stanton recited.
“I guess that sums it up.”
Stanton tapped his fingers against his thigh. “Surely the cartel must have been worried about you talking?”
“There is nothing for me to talk about. Diego never told me anything. We cramped his lifestyle, I guess, and he wanted us gone.”
“So why would he come after the boy now?” Stanton looked skeptical.
“I have no idea.”
“And the only reason you believe it was Diego who took Mateo is because your cousin thought she saw him by the day care?” Tanner asked, jotting down notes.
“She didn’t think she saw him. She’s certain it was him. Besides, I don’t know who else would take Mateo.”
“Doesn’t make any sense,” Stanton argued. “Why kidnap him now? And your neighbor said there were two masked men, right? Plus, one driver, so three men kidnapped him. Who are these other men?”
“I don’t know. Members of the cartel, I assume.” She hadn’t really thought about it. “Or someone Diego hired. It’s too much of a coincidence that Diego was hanging around a few days before Mateo was taken. It has to be him.” She stared at Tanner, then Stanton. Their faces remained blank. “You act like you don’t believe me,” she said with growing frustration.
“It’s not that,” Tanner reassured her. “It’s just that we need to explore every possibility. If we spend all our time and resources following one lead and it’s wrong, then we’re back to square one. And right now, every moment counts.”
“So, shouldn’t we be out there looking for Mateo? Just sitting here doesn’t seem to be accomplishing anything either.”
“Every bit of information you can give us is important, Natalya,” Tanner told her.
She ran her hand through her hair. “Sorry, I know.”
“I’m going to head to Hondo.” Stanton stood. “I want to talk to your cousin, the one who saw Diego.”
“Why?” Natalya asked. “She doesn’t know anything else.”
Stanton just shrugged.
“Then I want to go as well,” Natalya said. “I should be there in case Mateo is found.”
“Stupid idea,” Stanton told her abruptly. “Small town, lots of gossip. No place for anyone to hide. If we all show up there, then it’s just going to create a huge uproar.”
“And you showing up there, won’t?” she asked skeptically. He wasn’t exactly discreet.
“He might be a complete asshole, but he can be subtle when he wants to be,” Tanner assured her as Stanton moved away. “And he’s right. Odds are, whoever took Mateo has long left Hondo, anyway. The town is too small to effectively hide in.” Tanner stood. “Best idea right now is to rest. You don’t know when we might have to move. Collapsing with exhaustion won’t help anyone.”
Didn’t he think she knew that? But knowing you ought to sleep and actually managing to sleep were two different things.
“Should we go to the media with this?” Aedan asked Tanner. “I know some people. I could get Mateo’s face out there. Wouldn’t that help us find him?”
“With other missing children’s cases, that probably would help. However, that would bring in the cops and the FBI, and given the situation, we need to avoid that. Plus, we don’t want to tip off whoever took Mateo that Natalya has help. For the moment, let’s keep this low-key. Give my people the chance to find what leads they can first.”
Tanner left, leaving her with Aedan, who just stared at her. Feeling uncomfortable, she stood. “I guess I’ll go rest.”
It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she couldn’t take the tension between them any longer.
“I’ll walk up with you.”
Awkward silence accompanied them as they made their way upstairs. At her door, Natalya turned to him.
“Aedan, I know you?—”
“In your room. Now.” His expression remained distant, as though they were strangers. Natalya turned away to hide her pain. She opened the bedroom door. It was probably for the best if he just stayed away from her.
She gasped as he placed his hand on the small of her back and gently maneuvered her into the room, following her in before shutting the door behind him.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” he asked in a dark voice. “Why wouldn’t you ask me for help? I would have done anything to protect you.”
“I know that! But there was nothing you could do.”
His eyes widened. “Why? Because I’m not a vicious criminal?”
“Yes!” she cried out. “You don’t know that world. I didn’t want it touching you.”
Aedan cocked his head to one side as he studied her. He waved his hand around the room. “Have you forgotten whose house we’re in?”
“Rogan isn’t like these men.”
“You used to think he was scum.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve met scum. Rogan isn’t one of them. And you certainly aren’t. I was trying to protect you, Aedan.”
He paced the room. “So now I’m someone who needs protection? You must really think I’m a weak fool.”
“Of course I don’t.” Mierda! No matter what she said, he was taking it the wrong way. Was it so bad that she wanted to protect him?
“You went to another man for help, Natalya. Because you didn’t think I could protect you. You didn’t trust me to look after you.”
“That’s not true! All I wanted was to keep you safe. I loved you so much, Aedan. I’d have done anything to protect you.”
“You wanted to protect me, but didn’t think to give me the same courtesy? If you thought for one second that I didn’t feel the same way about you, you’d be sorely mistaken. I would have done whatever I needed to do in order to ensure your safety!”
“I didn’t think there was anything you could do.”
“I’d have done anything I had to. Anything. Because I loved you.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry. I should have come to you. I made a mistake.”
“Yes, you did. One that cost us both. What I don’t understand is why come to me for help now? Why trust me now?”
“Because I have no other choice,” she whispered. She didn’t want to hurt him anymore, and yet that seemed to be all she ever did.
“Ahh, so I was a last resort. You had no one else to turn to. Am I right?”
“Yes, I suppose so.”
He let out a bark of laughter that was anything but humorous. Turning, he stared off into the distance.
“I really am sorry, Aedan,” she told him. “I know it’s too little too late. But I thought you would be better off without me and my problems.”
He turned and stalked toward her, a predatory glint in his eyes. He looked slightly wild, untamed, and intimidating.
She moved away from him until her back hit a wall.
“Aedan, what are you doing?” she asked, trying and failing to sound assertive.
“Is that it, Natalya? You wanted a bad boy?” He stared at her hungrily and her body immediately reacted to his closeness. Her nipples tightened. Her pussy clenched, remembering the feel of him inside her, filling her, taking her.
But there was also a hint of anger in his gaze.
“Was I not nasty enough for you? Did you get sick of being with someone who treated you well? Who worshipped the ground you walked on? Did you want someone to treat you like dirt? To fuck you, then cheat on you? Is that what you wanted, Natalya?”
“No!” she cried out. “Do you seriously think I wanted him? Do you really think I’m turned on by someone who hurts others?”
He suddenly leaned in toward her, bracing his hands on the wall on either side of her head. Flinching, she jumped back, banging her head on the wall behind her.
Aedan paled. He took some hasty steps back, holding his hands out in front of him. “You’re scared of me? Natalya, I might be furious with you, but I’d never hurt you.”
“I know,” she reassured him, horrified that he thought that. “I’m not afraid of you. You just gave me a fright when you lurched so suddenly.”
“Did he hurt you? Jesus Christ.” The horror in his gaze was clear to see. “Natalya, did he rape you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “No, I told you before, he never hit me or raped me.” He’d just been aloof. Distant. Cold. Something she’d actually been grateful for.
“But you slept with him,” he said bitterly.
Natalya held back from snapping back at him. He had every right to be bitter and mad. She’d betrayed him. Left him without an explanation and moved in with another man. If the tables were turned, she’d be murderous.
“I saw photos of you with him. Kissing him.”
“Photos?”
“The man Rogan sent to check on you took them.”
God, those photos must have hurt him. A part of her had died each time she’d seem him in the tabloids with a different woman on his arm.
“He was different when we were in public. Almost like he was laying a claim, like he wanted everyone to know who I belonged to. It was a total act. When we were alone, he rarely touched me. At first, I wondered whether he was gay and using me as a smokescreen, so the cartel didn’t find out. But then I found out about all the women he’d had.”
“But wasn’t that his payment for waiving your brother’s debt? That you’d fuck him?”
She winced at his blunt words. Though, essentially, they were true. She’d gone to live with Diego, expecting he would demand that she have sex with him as payment. Basically, she’d whored herself out to save her family. The shame had nearly destroyed her. If it hadn’t been for Mateo, she wasn’t sure she would have kept her sanity.
“The first week I was there, I tiptoed around him. I was terrified that, at any moment, he was going to order me to sleep with him. I was miserable. I wanted to run back to you, but I’d made my bed and I had to lie in it. I often dreamed of calling you. But as I said, Nana couldn’t be moved, and Río had taken off. I had to keep her safe. She lived far longer than we all thought she would. It was the night of her funeral that I . . . that we . . . ”
She took a deep breath. “I think I was just lonely and sick of being sad. You were making your movie. I figured you would move on. It’s what I had both hoped for and dreaded.” She sent him a sad smile. “It was the first time he’d really touched me. He hugged me, and well, one thing led to another.”
“You mean you fucked him? Voluntarily?” The disgust in his voice fueled her temper.
“Just like you fucked all those supermodels and actresses I’ve seen you with. You’ve hardly been a monk, Aedan.”
“ You left me !” he yelled.
Her anger deflated. This was her fault. Not his. “Yes,” she whispered. “But I can’t change what happened. I only slept with him that once. But you know what they say, once is enough.”
“You got pregnant.”
She nodded.
She saw his fury drain away, leaving him looking exhausted. “When I got your message, I thought something terrible had happened. I was ready to storm down there myself and get you, but Rogan convinced me to send someone to check on you first. Christ, if I’d gone there myself, it might have changed everything. I would have paid the debt, Natalya.”
“You didn’t have that kind of money, not back then. It was before you hit the big time. I knew you’d try to find it, and I couldn’t land you in that sort of debt. Plus, I was worried about how you would try to come up with that sort of cash.”
“You thought I’d do something illegal?”
She nodded. “Wouldn’t you have?”
“You should have given me the option, Natalya.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing, and you know what I’m like when I think I’m right.”
“Stubborn as hell.”
She grinned wryly.
“You were in the wrong, Natalya. You still should have told me, no matter how you thought I would react.”
“I know. But you were going places. You were going to become somebody. A famous movie star. I couldn’t drag you down into the gutter with me. Can you honestly tell me that you’d have done any different if the tables had been reversed? Wouldn’t you have protected me, even if it meant losing me?”
Aedan went quiet, just watching her. Then he nodded. “Yeah, I guess I would have. I still don’t agree with what you did. You should have told me. But I will try to put it in the past. Staying mad at you won’t help anyone, least of all Mateo.”
“Really?” she asked hopefully, hardly daring to believe it. “You’ll forgive me?”
“I’ll try.”
That was all she could hope for.
Her arms and legs felt like lead weights, and a wave of dizziness washed over her.
“Whoa, Natalya? Are you okay?”
Aedan grabbed her by the shoulders and held her steady.
“I’m fine. I just need to sit down.”
“You need to sleep,” he countered, sweeping her into his arms and carrying her over to the bed. “I’m putting you to bed. You’re going to stay there and sleep.”
“Aedan, I’m no longer your responsibility.”
“You sought me out,” he replied. “I said I would help you.”
“To find Mateo. Nothing else.”
He stared down at her. “Seems that’s already covered by Stanton and his team. They can focus on looking for Mateo. Right now, you need my help more.”
“Why help me?” she asked as he set her down on the bed.
“I don’t know.” He looked confused. “I shouldn’t care. I should let you grind yourself into the ground. But I can’t stand to watch you disintegrate in front of my eyes. I’ve been angry at you for so long, and there is a part of me that still is. But I want to try and put that behind me. We need to find some peace between us if we’re going to work together to find your son.”
She blinked back tears. “I wish I had done things differently. And yet, if I could go back, I’d do the same thing over.”
“What?”
“I didn’t say that right. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. But the way I ended things between us was wrong. I left you a message because I couldn’t risk breaking down and telling you everything. But there was one good thing to come out of all this, and I wouldn’t wish him out of my life for anything.”
Understanding dawned on his face. “Mateo.”
“Yes. He’s the best thing to ever happen to me, Aedan. He’s smart, cute, and funny. And I love him so much. I can’t even explain it. If something has happened to him . . . ” she sobbed. “ Querido Dios , I feel like I’m losing it.”
The bed dipped as he sat beside her. He placed an arm around her shoulders and tugged her close.
“You’re not losing it. You’ve just pushed your body as far as it can go. Everyone has their limit, Natalya. Even someone as strong as you.”
“I don’t feel strong. I feel weak and useless.”
“Well, I don’t think you’re either of those things. You don’t give up. It must have been hard as hell to come here and ask me for help, and yet you did it.”
“I’m a failure,” she admitted, resting her face against his chest as she whimpered. She breathed in his scent, trying to settle. She’d dreamed so many times of having him touch her like this once again.
He placed his hand under her chin and tipped her face up so she had to look at him. His features were blurry through the shield of tears covering her eyes.
“How are you a failure?” he asked.
“I failed to keep Mateo safe. It was up to me to protect him, and I let him down.”
“Natalya, there’s no way you could have known what would happen. No one could have anticipated that.”
“But I should have been the one to pick him up. If I’d been there . . . ”
“Then the same thing probably would have happened. Or you might have been taken as well.”
“But he must be so scared. He must be wondering where I am and why I’m not coming for him. I can’t stand it. That’s why I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see him calling for me, wanting me, crying. Aedan, I . . . ”
“Shh, Lovely. Shh.”
Aedan pulled Natalya close as she cried. His guts churned at the sound of her sobbing. He couldn’t even come close to imagining how terrified she must be. No matter what had happened before, he could do nothing else but be there for her now.
“Come on, you’re going to make yourself sick,” he told her as she hiccupped. “Calm down, now. Shh, shh.” He pulled her onto his lap and rocked her like a baby. “Good girl. Shh, now.”
She calmed down, sniffling every once in a while. He sat there and held her until she fell asleep against him. It probably wasn’t the brightest idea he’d ever had.
But staying mad at her took energy he didn’t have. Plus, he felt like an asshole, kicking her when she was down. His body tightened at the feel of her against him, raging arousal coursing through his blood. They’d never return to what they once had, but maybe there was a way for him to work through his need for her. A way to finally get her out of his system for good.