Chapter 11 #2
She had tried asking me questions about myself at her apartment, on the drive home, and again at dinner—all of which I deftly avoided.
She threw her hands up in frustration and got up from her seat. “I’m gonna go pack and stay with a friend.”
“You don’t want to stay here?” I asked, now suddenly panicked that she wanted to leave.
I knew it was for the best, but it also didn’t sit well with me.
“You don’t want me to be here,” she said, sounding exasperated. “I’m making things weird and complicated.”
She was throwing my own words back at me, and I felt like even more of a dick than I already was.
Before she could fully retreat, she turned to face me. “Why?”
“Why, what?” I asked, a bit confused.
“Why does it make things complicated if we get to know each other?”
I paused, wondering how honest to be with her.
But I realized that if I was going to get through to her—to where she really understood me—I needed to be completely honest. “Because a woman like you is impossible to walk away from. You’re gorgeous, funny, smart, friendly, and you make the people around you better. I’m none of those things.”
For a few moments she stared at me, her eyes wide with shock.
“You think I’m all those things?” she asked quietly.
I didn’t respond but chose to stay where I was, silently staring at her.
“Hector, I’ve had the hots for you since the day I first saw you, but you were always grumpy and moody around me. I assumed you hated me for some reason. I had no idea you felt that way about me.”
I did not need to hear her say she had the hots for me. Focus on the latter points.
“I was moody around you because you were off-limits,” I explained, hoping she would understand. “You’re the sister of someone we were investigating who also had a hit out on her.”
“Okay, but that’s over now,” she shot back.
“You’re off-limits now because of this investigation with Lake Echo.”
“It's not like there's a rule against something like that,” she argued.
“There is for me,” I asserted, hoping she understood. “That’s a line I don’t cross. And you shouldn’t want to be with me, anyway.”
“Why?” She looked at me puzzled, sliding her glasses back up to the top of her nose.
“Because I’m not a good man.”
Confusion was written all over her face. “Really? From what I know, you’re a brave man who risked his life to save my sister and her husband. You also jumped in, no questions asked, to help protect me. So I call bullshit.”
“I didn’t save her life. I just helped stall until the good guys could get there.”
“That’s not how Anna tells the story,” she said, putting her hands on her hips in defiance, which only made her more attractive.
“Iris, I’m about as morally gray as they come. I’ve killed people before—several people.”
She stared at me as though she were taking in what I said. “These people you’ve killed…Were they bad people who did bad things?”
“Technically, yes.”
“Did you get approval from the head of the police department or your military boss-person to kill them?”
Here we were talking about killing people, and all I could think about was how damn adorable she was using terms like boss-person.
“Technically, yes,” I repeated.
“So, if you hadn’t killed those people, would they likely have gone on to do more bad things to more good people?”
I sighed because she was coming to the same conclusion my parents and sisters had come to, but they didn’t see the whole picture. Realizing she was waiting for me to respond, I went with a non-answer. “Maybe.”
“Then I don’t see a problem with it.”
“Iris, it’s not that simple.”
I really didn’t want to tell her the details, but I needed to give her something so that she would understand.
“I worked special ops for the Army, and one of our missions was to locate a known terrorist who was supposedly transporting some new drone technology that was stolen from the U.S. and our allies. We were told to retrieve it and kill him.”
I took a deep breath and continued. “We found him, but we were far away, looking through scopes, and my commanding officer was having a hard time confirming the box in his hand looked like the one we had been shown. He told me to hold my fire for a few more seconds while he confirmed. Unfortunately, in those moments, the man must have been tipped off, because he turned quickly, grabbed a child from behind him, and pulled him in front to use the child as cover. My commanding officer gave me the call to fire at that exact moment. I ended up killing our target and the boy that day. All because I had waited to take the shot.”
She said nothing, just placed her hand on my shoulder.
“I still think about that kid often and how my slow response killed him.”
“We all have moments in life we regret, but many of them are not things that we had the power to change,” she said, and I saw her eyes soften.
I didn’t want that either. The sympathy card just made it worse. My parents had given me that when they heard about some of the stuff Manny and I had seen while on the force.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I asked at her sudden dismissiveness.
“Yeah, okay,” she repeated as if that explained everything.
“Hector, I don’t know everything about you, and I likely never will.
But what I do know, I like. You saved my sister.
You saved her husband. You helped dismantle a mafia group, and you helped me when I found that body in the lake.
I’m not worried about a couple bad guys you may have sent swimming with the fishies. ”
I snorted, and my lip twitched. “Did you just say swimming with the fishies?”
“Isn’t that what bad guys say when they kill someone?”
“Only in the movies, sweetheart,” I said, feeling myself smile for the first time today, thanks to the woman in front of me.
“Oh, well, whatever. You get my point.” She shrugged as if it were so simple.
God, she was so damn cute.
She leaned in closer to me, staring right at me from only a foot away, and put her hands on her hips. “I know you think this would be a bad idea, but I disagree,” she told me, full of attitude.
Most people were either intimidated by me or just avoided me. Not this woman. Her stubbornness and willingness to go head-to-head with me shouldn’t be a turn-on, but it was. Likely because so few people ever challenged me.
“I not only find you incredibly handsome, but you also have integrity, loyalty, and you’re protective of those who mean something to you,” she asserted. “Oh, and you’re a sucker for a cute dog like Sarge.”
At the sound of his name, Sarge perked up and nudged his head over to Iris.
“I love you, buddy,” she said, leaning down to rub his head.
Hearing she loved my dog too pinched at my chest in a good way.
“I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to, but just know that one of us is willing to take a chance on us.”
She hesitated for a moment, and I was unsure if it was because she was waiting for me to respond, or if she was trying to think of what to say next.
“I’m headed to bed,” she said and then gave a small smile. “Just know…when you're ready, come and get it.”
She immediately turned and began to walk down the hallway toward the room she had been staying in.
About halfway down, she stopped and turned to face me.
“Oh, and Hector. Earlier you said you thought I was funny. If you ever meet them, can you tell my sisters that? They don’t think I am, but if a guy like you told them you thought I was funny, it would carry a lot of weight. ”
Her smile reached from ear to ear, and then she walked back to her room.
God, she was so damn cute. Cute and dangerous, because I realized I was willing to do just about anything to put that large smile back on her face as often as possible. Even worse—the walls I’d built to keep her at arm’s length were starting to crack and crumble.