Chapter 45Rafe
Chapter 45
Rafe
Monday * 6:58 a.m.
Me
Good morning, Rose. Thinking about my mamma lately. Don’t know why. Been meaning to ask. How are you doing this first Christmas without your mom?
Monday * 7:11 a.m.
Rose
Good morning, Rafe. Thanks for asking. Have my moments—get all weepy, and I go sit on the couch with one of our old photo albums. Missing the Finn boy too—first holiday season when he’s not here all the time. Can hardly wait until he arrives this Friday. Saving the tree to decorate with him. He’s driving up with Lauren—did I tell you that already?
Rose
What do you remember about Christmas when you were a kid? I mean with your mom—or were you too young to have any memories?
Rose
Sorry, sorry. Don’t answer if this is too hard.
I stood in the middle of the roastery, rubbing my chest. Like I could erase the ache that’d taken up permanent residence there. This woman.
Monday * 7:22 a.m.
Me
Yeah, some memories. I was probably 4 when they started. Mamma made me believe there was a Santa Claus. Told me he delivered all the gifts—probably because she only had money for a couple things. He parked on the roof & climbed in our window. Had to leave it unlocked that one night only.
Rose
Did you have a tree?
Me
Yep. My height, so small. Not real, of course—bet Mamma got it on sale. We made paper chains & a foil star for the top.
Rose
Other things you remember about Christmas with your mom?
Me
Cookies & singing.
Monday * 7:33 a.m.
Rose
Still there? Tell me more.
Monday * 7:41 a.m.
Me
Yeah. Sorry. Had to check on a roast. On Christmas Eve, we sang—mostly carols—while we made sugar cookies out of the box. Cut them in shapes, frosted them green & red. Ate them on the spot.
Rose
LOL sugar high. How did you ever fall asleep?
Me
Don’t know. Remember putting out 1 cookie on a plate, water for the reindeer. Conked by the window. Waiting for Santa.
Rose
Good memories, right, Rafe?
Monday * 7:53 a.m.
Me
Yes. More than good. After that, Christmas was hit or miss. Didn’t believe any longer. So no expectations.
Me
Babe, know it’s hard without your mom. Trusting you to take care of yourself, warm yourself with your memories.
Rose
That’s lovely, Rafe. Thank you. And, yes, big strong army-boxer-soccer-roaster guys can be lovely. Get over it.
Me
Rose. Babe. Gotta go deal with the roaster. Later tonight?
Me
Later. That’s a promise.
Wish I could be there to keep you warm. Except you fucking fucked it up, didn’t you?
Monday * 11:42 p.m.
Me
Sorry I couldn’t text earlier. Minor prob with roaster, had to find part, catch up on roasts. Hope your day was better than mine. Good night, Rose. Talk tomorrow. Sleep tight.
Rose
That dog won’t hunt. I know a way to make your day better. Pick up, Rafe.
Eight seconds later…
“Rose? Is everything okay?”
“Yes, unless you know someone else who’s wearing only stilettos. And yes, everything’s okay, or will be when you push Princess off the bed.”
“What the fuck?”
“I already kicked Pi out—he’s grumbling in the corner. Keep up, sweetheart.”
“Babe, what the hell?”
“Time’s a-wastin’—and I turn into a truffle at midnight. Oh, wait. You’re one hour ahead. Guess we just have fifteen minutes. Or we could go by Pacific Standard Time.”
“Grrr…”
“I’ll take that as a yes . What are you wearing in bed tonight?”