CHAPTER 29 - ARIANNA
CHAPTER
Arianna
IHEARD THE VOICES downstairs but not enough to piece together what was said. I tried, believe me.
Red has returned like he promised, but he’s still hiding something. What he’s said about Liam’s visit is vague, and I don’t like it. “Just tell me what’s going on because something is. I won’t be kept in the dark and sit around doing nothing.”
Red wears his obstinate face well, but my fresh panic saps my energy to play tactical games. “Please, just tell me.” I dig my hands in my hair, strands tugging from my ponytail. “If they’ve got Maria, then say so. I can take the truth.”
But can I?
Time has been wasted because of my insistence on being the one to deal with Matteo, and it’s breaking me. “Maria’s not like me – she’s... young... innocent. If they get her, it will destroy her. Please - she’s my sister.”
I’m begging, I know. I’m doing exactly what I said I’d never do again, but this is different. This isn’t about me, nor is it about Red. It’s not about any of them. Just Maria.
I draw shaky breaths. I’m acting like a mental case, but I can’t cope with knowing what Maria will face.
Red moves to where I perch on the bed and wraps his arm around my shoulders. “Hey, calm down.”
Instead of taking the comfort he offers, I jerk out of the way and jump to my feet. “Don’t!” Immediately regretting my knee-jerk reaction, my shoulders sag and I sit back down. “Sorry... I...”
Christ! What’s wrong with me?
First, being so wrapped up in my head during that roleplay, I convinced myself Matteo was standing in front of me, and now this. “I don’t know why I’m being like this. I... I’m just...”
“You don’t need to explain anything to me, princess.”
Red’s voice is calm and low; the sound soothes my fractured mind. Nodding weakly, I bite back tears of frustration and fan my face with my hand. I need to compose myself. “This... this worry about Maria is getting on top of me. I must do something to stop it.”
“Maria is fine,” Red says. “I told you she didn’t go near the place.”
My eyes widen, unable to hold back any longer. “You don’t understand! There are things you don’t know about. Things I didn’t know until... They’re crazy. They’ve formed what is almost like a cult. They want me and Maria in it. They’re planning to use her as backup. They won’t let it go.”
“This is Luca we’re talking about, right?”
I can’t look at Red. Seeing the thunder in his eyes that I can hear in his voice will push me into meltdown. “It’s both of them.”
Sensing Red’s posture stiffen, I fixate on the feel of the hands that he places on my shoulders. This time I don’t pull away.
“Arianna... I’ve got to ask you something...”
My pulse accelerates. The anguish in his voice speaks more than words.
I gingerly look up and without shifting his piercing gaze from me, he continues. “Why is your main hatred aimed at Matteo? Is it not Luca who...”
Red’s head jerks, not able to finish the repulsive sentence of, “fucked you?”
I’ll help him out. Taking a deep breath, I hold his stare. “You’re asking if my brother fucked me as well as Luca?” Saying this is like swallowing broken glass, but there it is - out in all its vileness.
Red hasn’t asked a thing about what happened during that period, yet I can see from his pain that it needs to be discussed.
There’s just one problem with that...
Red waits, his jaw tense, his eyes searching mine as I open my mouth only to shut it again, the concept of vocalizing this deserting me.
“It’s okay, baby.” His fingers knead tight knots in my shoulders. “I shouldn’t have put you in a position where you feel you have to answer.”
I blink away a single tear that hasn’t fully formed. Red is being so understanding, yet what am I doing, short of impeding everything?
But this is difficult to utter. It shoves just how screwed up my life is further down my throat.
“You’re right to ask... It... it needs asking.
The problem is...” I pull out from under Red’s hands.
Not because I have an issue with it, it’s because I need to move around.
If I stay in the same place too long, I’ll crumble into dust.
“Princess, I...”
“The truth is, I... I don’t know what happened.
I can only guess, but it’s just that – a guess.
What truly happened, when, by who, how and how much.
.. I... I don’t know. I can’t remember. I don’t even know how long I was there, for God’s sake!
I was drugged and recall little... My head it.
.. it doesn’t work properly anymore. I.. .”
“Arianna...”
The voice I dreamed of hearing during my days of torment stretches the one gossamer thread of control I still clutch, and it snaps, dragging with it the door to my suppressed horror wide open.
I barely register Red stopping me from collapsing as my knees give way underneath me.
Opening the dam of the feelings I’ve locked away for days: the pain - mental and physical; the harrowing sense of anguish, loss and rage, floods out in one massive rush, leaving me nothing but an empty shell making a strange howling noise.
As I’m lowered to the floor with Red holding me tightly, my mind hovers above my body. He pulls me against his chest, his hand stroking the back of my head.
Hiding my face in his shirt, sobs wrack my body, my tears coming in torrents, and I suck in jagged air infused with the scent that only he possesses.
It’s there that I remain.