Chapter 9 Sydney
NINE
SYDNEY
ME:
How are my niece and nephew? I haven’t seen them in months, and I may actually die from it.
FINLEY:
Don’t be so dramatic. It’s been two days.
I’m pretty sure Norah said something very close to dada earlier, but Theo wasn’t home to hear it, so I’m going to pretend like it never happened. I didn’t go through hours of hard labor with no epidural to have this child say his name first.
You’ll be very proud of Boner. We took him to the vet this week, and he’s back to a normal, healthy weight. No more doggie diet.
ME:
Proud auntie, right here.
I’m on my way home from the Renegades’ office building. Want some company?
FINLEY:
Definitely.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m pulling through the gate that surrounds Theo and Finley’s property.
She moved in with the Renegades’ cornerback—which is not the same as a quarterback, according to my sister—shortly after she found out she was pregnant last year.
Having crushed on her for a long time, Theo immediately stepped up to take care of her.
They now have a beautiful baby girl named Norah, who I spoil every chance I get.
But today’s visit isn’t just for her and her four-legged big brother, Boner.
I need to get some stuff off my chest, and Fin is the person I’m closest to out of our friend group.
“Honey, I’m home!” I singsong, my heart flipping with excitement as paws slide across the hardwood floor.
They get closer with every passing second, an obnoxious howl bouncing off the ceiling as the dog approaches.
He skids around the corner, almost crashing into the wall, before he heads straight toward me at full speed.
Next thing I know, he’s dancing circles around my legs, sniffing at my pants and shoes in greeting.
“Hey, buddy,” I say on a laugh, crouching down to his level. He used to be completely out of control, sometimes tackling unsuspecting guests to the ground and nearly licking them to death. But when Finley moved in, he calmed down, and now this is pretty much the height of his excitement.
“Where’s your mama?” I ask, scratching his floppy ears.
As though he knows exactly what I’m saying, he turns toward the stairs, just as Fin comes into view.
Norah is fast asleep in the baby carrier that’s wrapped around her midsection, and judging by the messy bun that’s lopsided on her head, I’m guessing the little angel hasn’t given her a chance to shower yet.
I make a mental note to keep the baby busy so she can, but first, I need to unload all this bullshit.
“Sorry,” she says quietly, peeking at the little bundle.
“Every time I try to lay her down, she loses her mind. I give up.” Her words are laced with discontentment, but the whimsical look in her eyes as she runs her hand over Norah’s head of red hair tells me she couldn’t be happier with her life. I love that so much for her.
“I’d offer to hold her,” I reply with a smile, “but I think she’s right where she wants to be. Played you like a fiddle, and now she gets to be carried around all day.”
She rolls her eyes, chuckling. “What’s going on? It’s a little early for you to be showing up at my door, so whatever it is, I’m assuming it’s either really good or really bad.”
My head swims with a million conflicting emotions because I honestly don’t know what it is.
On one hand, Steele gave me what was, unequivocally, the best fuck of my life last night.
Not to mention, getting his reputation in check should be fairly easy, which is helpful to the team.
But how am I supposed to be in such close proximity to him without blurring the lines of professionalism?
Without even meaning to, I showed him a part of myself that nobody else knows about, and that’s not something I can take back.
“It’s bad,” I whine, my shoulders slumping forward in defeat.
“I think.” Anguish pulls at my brows, causing a deep crease between them.
My skin feels too tight, like everything I’ve been holding inside is getting ready to force its way from my body one way or another.
But fuck. The only way to explain the situation is to tell her every detail, which won’t be easy.
“Wow,” she mumbles, her features softening. “Come on. Let’s go sit.”
I follow her to the living room with Boner hot on our heels before plopping down on the couch. Immediately, I curl up, reaching for the throw blanket that’s flung haphazardly over the arm and covering myself. It’s a warm Cleveland day, but I’ll need the extra armor if I’m going to do this.
“Talk.” The demand is gentle as she kicks her feet up onto the ottoman, the dog waiting for her to be comfortable before settling in as close to Norah as possible.
Taking a deep breath, I hold it in my cheeks for several seconds, then allow it to leak out through pursed lips. I usually don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of me. I’m known for doing and saying whatever the hell I want when the mood strikes. But that’s generally all in good fun. This, though?
I’m not having any fun at all.
“Okay, so you know how I told you about that new player my dad asked me to help out with?” I twist the blanket around my fingers, fidgeting in an attempt to rid my body of some of the nervous energy that’s plaguing me.
“The one from Miami, right? Theo said he told a bunch of Renegades fans to eat his ass last year after we beat them.”
I cringe. “That’s him. I met him this morning at the facility, and I kind of…”—I pause, swallowing the lump in my throat—“knew him already.”
Confusion falls over her features, her head cocking to the side slightly. “What do you mean, you knew him already?”
Come on, Sydney. Just say it. You’ll feel so much better once you do.
“Well,” I mutter, the word getting caught in my throat. “I ummm…accidentally fucked him last night.”
“You what?” she shrieks, waking both the dog and the baby. Norah cries for several seconds, but sacks back out when Finley begins patting her butt gently. Boner follows suit, and I return my guilt-ridden gaze to hers.
“I didn’t know it was him when I did it.
I reserved a private room at The Velvet Curve, and he ended up in there with me.
Had I not been an idiot and looked the guy up ahead of time, I would’ve never let it go past the first five seconds.
But I didn’t, and now I have to spend time alone with him, acting like nothing happened.
” I groan pitifully, yanking the blanket over my head. “I hate myself.”
She chuckles quietly. “No, you don’t. But let’s rewind for a second. The Velvet Curve. That’s a kink club, isn’t it?”
I nod, but I have no idea if she can see with the soft, plush shield hiding me from her view. “Mhmm.”
“Okayyyyy,” she replies, drawing out the word. I can hear the befuddlement in her tone, so I decide to rip off the Band-Aid, desperate for an ally who won’t judge me. Finley would never, and even if she slipped and told Theo, I know my secret is safe with him, too.
I slowly pull the blanket down, letting it fall into a heap in my lap. Fin stares at me with wide eyes, clearly awaiting some kind of explanation as to why I would’ve been at such a place last night. So, I let it all out, barely even taking a breath as I do.
“About two years ago, a friend invited me to go there with her. I was just a guest, so I couldn’t actually participate, but just from observing, I was intrigued by the lifestyle. I spent weeks trying to decide if I wanted to become a member, and in what capacity.
“One night, I wandered down the voyeur hallway. All the rooms have windows, so you can see what’s going on.
There was this gorgeous blonde woman dressed in a black leather catsuit, with a naked man on his knees in front of her.
I was completely captivated, my feet rooted in place for what felt like hours as she dominated him.
I can’t explain it, but it was like I was looking at myself—or at least, what I wanted to be.
She was so strong. So powerful. I was in awe.
“As soon as they finished, I was in the first elevator to the lobby, asking how to go about becoming a member. About a week later, that same woman began training me as a domme, and now I go there at least a couple times a month to play. I had never seen Steele there before, since I try to keep a low profile, but he ended up at my door last night and things just…happened.”
She sits quietly for a few beats, likely processing the overabundance of information I just threw at her.
I can’t blame the girl, because it’s definitely a lot to unpack, but I’m thankful that there isn’t an ounce of criticism on her face while she does.
The tension in my body unwinds slightly as I wait for her to say something—anything—to break the ice.
“So, if you’re a domme, does that mean he’s submissive?” she finally asks. “I’ve seen pictures, and I have to say, I can’t imagine a guy like him bowing down to anyone. Then again, I guess we all want something different behind closed doors.”
I push out my bottom lip in contemplation.
I still can’t comprehend the reasoning behind why he did what he did, but I know for sure that he was in uncharted waters.
I could tell that he was wary about everything, but it didn’t stop him from dropping to his knees for me.
The fact that he had clearly never done anything like it before only made it hotter as he obeyed every one of my requests.
“Actually, no,” I say. “He’s a dom but ended up at the wrong door.
By the time we both realized what was going on, he was naked, and I was desperate for him.
I thought he would leave, but he didn’t.
” I huff an exasperated sigh, hugging my knees to my chest. “It was so fucking good, and we can never do it again.”
Her brows furrow. “Why not? If you both had fun, why do you have to stop?”
I scoff in response, my muscles pulling taut once again as irritation flows through my veins like lava.
“I’d have considered it, but then he started talking shit about the team, not knowing that I was the owner’s daughter.
He hates Cleveland and the Renegades, so fuck him.
At this point, I don’t even want to make people think he’s a good guy, but I can’t let my dad and sister down.
They hardly ever ask me for anything. It feels good to be needed, and to know that I really can fix this for them. ”
She shrugs, her expression full of understanding. “I get that. But do you really think you’ll be able to act like you didn’t sleep together and it not be a problem?”
“Yes,” I rush out, my features twisting in annoyance. “After what he said, I want nothing to do with him. I don’t care that his dick is huge and pierced, or if his tongue could be classified as a deadly weapon. I wouldn’t touch him again if you paid me. Plus, he’s a dom. We aren’t compatible.”
“Mhmm,” she jests, side-eyeing me. “Famous last words. Should we take bets on how long the two of you last before accidentally fucking again?”
I shake my head rapidly, a thick ball of panic clogging my throat.
“You can’t tell anyone, Fin. Not about the club or Steele.
I want to keep this part of my life separate from the team and my family.
At least for now. If my dad and Livvy find out that I know him, or God forbid that we slept together, they’ll pull the plug.
All I’ve ever been is the Grant family wild card—and for once, I don’t want to be. ”
She smiles softly. “You can trust me, Syd. I promise. And you know I’m always here.”
I do know that. Not too long ago, this woman was in my guest room, pretending that she could live without Theo Calloway in her life.
They were both complete idiots, but I’m glad I could be there for them while they figured it out.
Now, it’s her turn to listen to my craziness as I attempt to unfuck my way out of this hellscape.
I just need to keep my eyes forward, and off of the six-foot-one bad boy who’s consuming my thoughts when he absolutely shouldn’t be.