Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
The first annual Luke Davies Memorial Gala was a success, with over two million in donations bookmarked prior to the event.
Cooper realized how many lives that amount of money would change, and tried to find comfort in that.
Instead, he felt numb standing in a ballroom of men wearing tuxedos and women wearing evening gowns.
He wished to be anywhere but there, nursing a half-empty bottle of beer at the bar in the center of the room.
Stassi stood at the podium on the stage, giving a speech. She was always good at public speaking, a skill Cooper was forced to pick up himself. She didn’t hate it quite as much as he did, but still she wasn’t the kind of girl to wear her heart on her sleeve.
And yet the words that rolled off her tongue were as personal as the ink tattooed on her upper bicep. One word, one name. Luke. A tattoo that was on full display in a thin-strapped black dress that showed off her fit arms.
“I don’t think it’s fair in life to ever stipulate who hurts more, whose pain is greater.
There is no solution, no equation. There is no timeline for grief.
It’s like a ladder, rung by rung, you fight like hell to cling to the next step, put all your strength into ascending to the next step.
Maybe there, you catch your breath. A quick exhale, but a quiet exhale that extends for months at a time.
You can visualize the top of that ladder, but who knows if you’ll get there tomorrow or maybe never. ”
Cooper finished his beer, set the bottle on the counter and approached the stage. Every word reverberated through him and he found himself holding his breath.
Stassi continued, “Losing my other half ripped me in half, like half of my body, half my mind, half my soul, half my heart is missing. I’m climbing that ladder of grief with one arm, one leg, and half the strength I used to have.
” She tilted her head away from the mic and exhaled towards the wings.
Looked back at the crowd with a forced smile.
“And I’ll make it there someday. I’ll ascend the summit of grief and I’ll plant my flag.
The world will know Stassi Davies was here, she survived. But that today is not today.”
Cooper planted a hand over his mouth. In no world could he go up there and bear his soul like this.
Not like her, but his turn was next. He’d stayed up all night writing a tribute for Luke, but threw every single version into the trash.
The words weren’t enough, and he couldn’t exactly go up on that stage and speak his truth because the truth was strapped with explosives that’d leave everyone in attendance in the blast radius of collateral damage.
Nobody would escape unscathed, so Cooper considered leaving before he had the chance to blow his whole world to smithereens.
Stassi cleared her throat, and Cooper noticed her fingers tapping on the podium, running on empty.
“See, being here with you all brings equal measures comfort and pain. When Luke was drafted, our lives went on two different trajectories. I stepped into a position to take over the reigns of the family legacy while he went out and created a legacy of his own. This here, all of you, this is his world and I’m just stumbling through it. ”
Cooper searched the crowd. It was dead silent. All eyes on Stassi. People sipped on cocktails and champagne, but the audience was otherwise ensnared by Stassi’s moving tribute.
And as she continued, her words echoed off the walls.
“And I’m so grateful to be here, to honor my brother Luke.
He was the best man I knew and I know everyone in this room feels the same.
Many knew him as the heart of the Cobras.
In four short years, he cemented himself as a legend.
On the cusp of winning the Superbowl, he was taken from us, but I refuse to let my world go dark.
He was the sun, and I hope that the money raised here today will go to someone just like him.
Someone with heart, and grit, and a love for this game.
For all the young boys we are going to help, may you go out into the world and shine so damn bright just like my twin brother. ”
The tears broke through the facade, bursting through the corners of her eyes and marching down the contour of her cheekbones. Cooper pushed himself into the crowd, pushed his way to the center, and then stopped himself.
What the fuck was he going to do? Jump the stage and comfort her?
No, she’d never forgive him.
She wiped away the tears with the back of her thumbs. “Forever and always, I love you and I’ll be missing you forever and then still for whatever comes after.”
The crowd erupted with thunderous applause.
On Cooper’s way back to the bar, a hand fell upon his shoulder. He turned and frowned. “Hello, mother.”
She smiled as she always did, but there was always an undercurrent of something else lurking beneath the facade.
She reached forward and fiddled with his bow-tie.
“It was crooked.” She patted a trail down the arms of his tuxedo jacket, straightening him out.
“You’re jittery. Have a glass of bourbon to calm yourself down. ”
“You know I don’t like public speaking,” he said dryly, his eyes shifting over his mother’s shoulder to watch as Stassi made her way down the stairs on the left side of the stage.
But his mother demanded attention at all times. She gently palmed his cheek and turned him to face her. “That’s what the bourbon is for.”
“You know I don’t drink that shit,” Cooper said.
Not since the accident. In his father’s later years, he turned to the hard shit to cope with whatever the fuck was going on in his head.
It never helped. It never made him better.
Cooper swore he wouldn’t become his father, wouldn’t drink when he was still hurting.
And as Stassi said, there was no timeline for when the hurt would go away.
The sigh she sighed dripped with exhaustion. “Sometimes I wonder if your father was your father.”
“Somehow I don’t see the grande dame of Columbus stepping out on her husband.”
“I was always too classy for an affair. That doesn’t mean I didn’t consider it on occasion.
Your father was always gone. Loneliness is a part of the package of marrying a football player and I knew that from the start, so I could never quite rationalize stepping outside that line.
” She twisted to grab a glass of champagne from a passing server without so much as a thank you.
“I can see the loneliness in Stassi’s eyes. ”
Cooper shook his head. “She lost her other half.”
“You’re her other half.”
He finally worked the courage to stare his mother straight in her hollow eyes. “It’s not the same thing.”
“I lost my sister at a young age. I thought it’d destroy me but I persevered like I always do.
That’s what strong people do, they persevere.
They hold on to what is theirs with every bone in their body.
” She pointed to Stassi who made her way through the crowd, accepting hugs and gratitude from friends and strangers alike.
“Don’t let Stassi slip away. It’ll destroy you because the only thing worse than losing someone to death is losing someone who is still alive.
I grieved your father long before he was gone. ”
“And now?”
“I’ve become so accustomed to being alone that I believe extended company would drive me insane. The memory of your father is enough to make me not feel so alone.”
That was enough of that.
Enough of her.
“This has been a delightful talk, but if you don’t mind, I need to go get ready for my speech. Thank you for coming tonight, mother.”
He turned his back on her, but the hand that gripped him by the arm proved she wasn’t finished with him yet. She never was. He turned back to her with a sigh.
“You’re a mess,” she scowled. “Do as I say, grab a drink, something strong, and calm yourself down before you take that stage. You will make a fool out of us both.”
“Who cares?” He gritted his teeth. That’s the best he could do without making a scene. “Why do you care?”
She closed the gap between them. “You represent more than yourself, more than your team. You represent this family and all eyes are on you at all times. My constituents demand a certain level of finesse and that means not bumbling your way through a speech.”
“You know I don’t like politics, especially your politics.”
“And you’ll smile and wave anyway.” The smile on her face imitated the words coming out of her mouth, decades of practice mastering the art of pretending. “This place is crawling with donors, so try and make the rounds.”
“This is a memorial for my best friend, so I don’t think I’ll be doing any such thing.”
“Yes, you will.” She patted him on the chest. “Don’t forget the power I wield and how much you have benefited from that. Do you really think Coach White kept Luke Davies around because you begged him to?”
Cooper swallowed a gulp, the muscles in his throat tightening. “What are you talking about?”
“Power. I have it. Most don’t.” She leaned in and whispered against his ear. “The rumors are true.”
His eyes widened as he thought about all the articles in the press about how she was planning to run for the Senate, rumors that she continued to deny publicly. “You’re running for Senate?”
“I’m going to crush the opposition in both the primary and the general election.” She took a quick glance around, ensuring whatever she said could only be heard by him. “All I need you to do is to not do anything to jeopardize that. I’ve already cleaned up enough of your messes.”
Cooper took the stage with all eyes on him.