Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
As it turns out, making it to the playoffs was the golden ticket to owning a beach home in Malibu.
The endorsements came flooding in—Nike, Tiffany, and BMW—and as soon as the ink was dry, Nico bought his new abode.
It was smaller than most in the area, but was situated right on the beach just off the Pacific Coast Highway.
Nico stood on the balcony overlooking the back deck and took a gulp from a bottle of grape pedialyte to sate the throbbing in his head.
The morning sun beat down upon him while the waves crashed upon the shore below.
The sight, and the sounds, were enough to make him momentarily forget how bad he fucked up in the Wild Card playoff game.
Old habits came back with a vengeance as he rushed straight into the fourth concussion of his career.
The Knights still won that game, but lost the divisional playoff game the following week.
Management didn’t blame Nico to his face, but he reckoned there were talks about his reckless behavior in boardroom meetings he wasn’t privy to.
He walked to the other side of the balcony and peeked inside to find the blonde woman was still in his bed.
Blonde hair, blue eyes. Always. There was a pattern he couldn’t break—he’d go out, find a woman, take her home, fuck her, and then wake up the next morning with a hollow pit in his soul.
An emptiness he couldn’t quell because as much as he understood he was bisexual, he couldn’t ever figure out why he never felt an attraction to women that lasted more than one night at a time.
His phone rang, vibrating in the pocket of his shorts.
He let it go to voicemail as he draped his arms over the railing and looked down at the patio below.
It was a mess from the night before. A deck of cards and empty beer bottles were scattered across the table beside the glistening heated pool.
A pair of panties and his own underwear lay scrunched up beside the stairs.
And Romeo was fast asleep on a lounge chair, his face hidden underneath the shade of an umbrella.
Nico’s phone rang again.
He groaned as he pulled his phone out and saw it was Natalie.
“Good morning, Nats.”
four days later - orlando
Nico had been to three funerals in his life.
The first for his grandmother who died from lung cancer. She was a smoker and was destined to die from the disease. Still, the disease took her far too soon.
The second was for his grandfather who took his own life for reasons that were never made clear, though Nico had suspicions his father knew the truth.
The third was for a frenemy in high school who was shot at a house party the summer before they were to be seniors.
Those all felt different as if they were distant memories Nico wasn’t even sure he ever lived. Standing beside the black casket shaded underneath a canopy, Nico realized he’d be stuck in that graveyard forever. A memory he’d never outrun, not in life and not on the field.
He didn’t know if the Klonopin his sister had passed him right before the final goodbye in the church was the best idea he ever had, or the worst. The tears that should’ve stained his face instead were trapped inside.
There weren’t many in attendance. Most were family friends and members of Nico’s father’s congregation. The family tree had withered to just the four of them, and with Elon gone, it was down to three.
Elon was the most popular kid in high school and made countless friends in college, quite a few of which even visited Orlando during summer breaks.
After his accident, they all vanished, never to be seen again.
No friends showed up for his funeral. The legacy Elon should’ve had amounted to nothing in the end like none of it mattered, like he wasn’t worth remembering or honoring.
Back at the church, their father hosted the funeral that was filled with more prayer than remembrance.
Their father shed no tears, stoic as he always was.
Nico envied his father’s belief in a higher power.
He envied the idea that his brother was in a better place, at peace from the hurt of the world. It probably made it easier.
But Nico? How could he believe in a power that would destroy his whole world? That would break him like this.
Natalie was the first to approach the casket.
She placed a hand on the surface, closed her eyes, and whispered her goodbyes.
When she was done, she plucked two red roses from the casket spray and returned back to Nico’s side.
She handed him a rose and thank God, because Nico didn’t have the strength to grab it himself.
It was safer for him to stay a good ten feet back.
If he stepped any closer, he reckoned he’d never leave.
The rest of the attendees approached the casket to say their final goodbyes, each of them taking a rose with them until the spray was plucked clean and only Nico, Natalie, and their father remained.
Natalie stood tall as she pulled Nico’s somber head against her shoulder. “Are you ready?”
The thought of leaving tore a hole in Nico’s heart. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came was a blubbering whimper as tears broke through the dam, pooling at the corners of his eyes. He shook his head and she stayed by his side a little longer.
“Hey, kids.” Their father approached, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. “I have to get back to the church for the celebration of life. You don’t have to come right now if you’re not ready.”
“You should go,” Nico whispered to Natalie. “I’ll meet you back at the church.”
“Are you sure?”
Nico just nodded, not able to exert the energy to say another word.
“I love you.” She threw her arms around Nico and hugged him, gently at first, and then tighter. He wanted to hug her back, but again… strength.
Nico watched as his family walked back to the deacon’s car, leaving their car behind for Nico to drive. When they were gone, Nico approached the casket and stood above it. He thought about what he wanted to say, about what he needed to say, but came up empty.
So, he said the only thing on his mind, his lips trembling, “I’m not angry at you anymore.”
He was out of time and so, he took a step back and watched as the cemetery staff covered the casket with dirt, sealing Elon into the earth, into his permanent home.
Nico found the nearest tree and sat down with his back against the trunk.
He stared at the grave for what felt like an eternity, marked by the downing of the sun as night fell upon the cemetery.
The heat of the day gave way to a comfortable chill and a light breeze of wind that whipped at his tear-stained face.
He knew his family would be worried about him not showing up to the celebration of life, but his phone had been turned off since before the funeral.
There was no way for anyone in the world to contact him unless they found him beside his brother’s grave.
He knew he should get up and let his family know he was safe, but he was frozen. Stuck in that fucking place.
Nico lost his brother twice. The night of the accident and then again the morning he died. He had years to say goodbye, and climbed that mountain of grief so many times. When the day would come he would have to say goodbye for the last time, he thought he was prepared.
It was just another lie he told himself, like the lies he used to tell himself when he was foolish enough to believe he could live the life he wanted.
None stung more than the lie that he could be with a man.
Natalie was steadfast in her decision to not have children.
Hell, she’d once joked she had her tubes tied but Nico believed it wasn’t a joke at all.
If Nico didn’t end up with a woman, if he didn’t have children, the Fallon bloodline would die with him.
That was a heavy weight he couldn’t shake.
And sure, there were options such as adoption or surrogacy but those didn’t pass his father’s muster of what bloodline meant.
After promising his brother he wasn’t angry at him anymore, Nico circled back to being angrier than hell. A grief-fueled rage that filled him with shame.
Nico sat there for some time more until he eventually fell asleep against the tree.
A day went by and then another, and the silence never broke in the Fallon household.
Being back home was an eerie affair and Nico desperately wanted to bolt.
Family didn’t abandon family, though. Not in times like this.
It was important to be around for his father and sister for when the inevitable would happen.
They would break and it was his job to comfort them.
But they remained strong, wallowing in silence while watching TV, while eating dinner, and then their cries echoed off the storied walls painted with photos of better days in the middle of the night.
On the third day after the funeral, Nico woke up early after a miserable attempt at sleeping and ate breakfast alone.
Raisin Bran, which he wasn’t fond of but it was his brother’s breakfast of champions.
Nico had to load the bowl with three tablespoons of sugar to make it hospitable for his taste buds.
Natalie grabbed a quick bite to eat on her way out the door, heading back to work.
Around three in the afternoon, Nico’s father headed over to the church with the excuse that he needed to get ready for service the following night. Nico knew better. The church was his father’s safe place where he could quietly grieve on his own, without the need to be strong for his children.
Two hours later, Nico heated up six tamales, and sat down at the kitchen table. Five tamales on his plate and one on a plate across from him. After finishing his food, a notification popped up on his phone.
COOPER
I’m outside your house.
NICO
I’m not home.
COOPER
I’m in Orlando. Tell your family you’ll be back tomorrow and come get in the car.
Nico’s chair grated against the worn hardwood floors as he pushed it backwards and stood up. He stepped to the window and peeked through the blinds to find a black SUV with tinted windows pulled up next to the curb beside the mailbox. He grabbed his phone and hammered out a quick message.
NICO
What are you doing here?
COOPER
Please just come get in the car.
Nico packed a quick bag with a few outfits, grabbed his sister’s bottle of Klonopin, filled his water bottle, and texted his family on the way out the door. He looked both ways to make sure nobody saw him before climbing into the passenger seat.
Cooper was dressed in incognito mode with a baseball cap and sunglasses. As soon as Nico’s door was closed, Cooper pulled away from the Fallon house.
“Are you going to tell me why you’re here?” Nico asked.
“I figured you needed to get out of the house.”
Cooper was right, but how could he possibly know that? How did he even know Elon died? And… “How in the hell did you find my house?”
“The power of the internet. I’m surprised we’re not all inundated with more stalkers than we are.”
Nico didn’t have any stalkers, but imagined having one would be quite the thrill. “I suppose this is a question I should have asked before I was kidnapped, but where are you taking me?”
Cooper pulled the shades from his eyes and clipped them into the top of his shirt. “We’re going for a drive.”