16. Chapter 16
Chapter 16
Lennox
I damn near fell asleep in the bath. The only reason I didn’t was because the sound of the door slamming against the wall startled me. A gentle knock on my bathroom door follows a couple of minutes later, telling me I’ve been in here too long.
But Roxie did tell you to wait for her. I’m actually following directions this time.
“Just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’d like to help you out so you don’t slip if that’s okay.” Roxie’s voice is hesitant, and the thought of her helping me makes me feel a certain kind of way. But that’s ridiculous because nothing has happened since we pretended our slip-up that night didn’t happen. She’s only my physical therapist, and she’s made that very clear.
“Umm, sure.” I pull the boxers away from my crotch, hoping it’s enough to hide the tell-tale chub I’m currently sporting. It’s a natural reaction and has nothing to do with Roxie.
Except it only happens around her or when you think about her.
Inner me is being a logical asshole right now, and I can’t deal with him .
She comes in with her head down, hands out in front of her, searching for something. She finds the hand towel and holds it above her head triumphantly. I cover my mouth to stop the laughter.
“If you’re looking for a towel, I’m afraid that won’t cover much.”
“Shit,” she says under her breath, tossing the hand towel on the counter.
“On your left.” Since her eyes aren’t focused on me, I let my smile loose. She’s adorable like this. Unsure but still wanting to help however she can. Not worried about how professional she comes off, just Roxie in her natural state. It’s no wonder I find her alluring as hell.
Finally locating the towel, she holds it out in front of her as she walks closer to the tub. I’m genuinely curious how she’s going to accomplish this because, from where I’m sitting, her goal to keep her eyes closed the whole time isn’t really going to work out.
“I’m going to hold this up with one hand and then use my other to help stabilize you as you stand. Once we get you up, you can wrap the towel around you, and I’ll help you get your brace back on.”
“I am capable of putting my brace back on myself, you know.” I smirk, even though she can’t see it.
“Fine. I’ll hold this up and help you out. Then you’re on your own,” she snarks back.
She’s got fire underneath the sweetness, and all I want to do is bring it out more.
“Yes, Boss Lady.”
She huffs at the nickname, but it only makes my smile grow.
“Lean over the side so I don’t get the towel wet,” she directs.
I dutifully follow her directions, leaning my chest over the edge. It lets me really look at her. Her loose-fit jeans, ripped at the knees, somehow still show off her body. The white tank top is like a second skin on her, and the temptation to pull her in here with me to see if she has anything on underneath is too damn strong.
“I’m leaning,” I grunt out, praying the gruffness of my voice doesn’t give away my lewd thoughts.
“Okay, I’m just going to—” She dips down, towel corners firmly in her grip, as she feels around for my arms. I grab them, letting her know where I am. Her hands slide down my arms, hooking under my armpits before she sets her stance. “When I count to three, I’m going to pull as you use your good leg to push. Do not put weight on your bad leg please.” Her eyes are still closed, and I get lost looking at her when I find the barest hint of freckles along the bridge of her nose.
“Lennox?”
Clearing my throat, I tuck my good leg underneath me so I can get leverage. “Yep, I’m ready.”
“One, two, three.” With her deceiving strength, she lifts me as I gain purchase, and in a matter of seconds, I’m standing on one foot. The sound of water dripping down my body signals our success. Roxie peeks with one eye, smiling at our accomplishment before opening her eyes completely. Being this close, I realize her eyes are more hazel with flecks of green floating in the brown abysses.
Holy shit, who notices things like this? Did she cast a spell on me to turn me into Oakley and Arlo with this poetic shit?
“Hold these.” She pushes the corners she’s been holding under my arms, and I take over. She’s careful to make sure an arm is quickly wrapped around my back for support, though.
The warmth of her arm on me is distracting as hell. For the first time since I was cut up, I wish I didn’t have a shirt on .
“Now, the hard part. I’m going to have you swing your bad leg over very carefully and put very little weight on it. I’ll support your body weight so you can get your other leg out. Then we can sit you on the toilet.”
I nod, but I’m scared. It’s not that I don’t trust her to support my weight; it’s more that I don’t trust my leg to hold up. It makes me irrationally angry that my body is actively working against me still, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
“You ready?” She looks up at me, really checking to make sure I’m okay.
I feel very far from okay right now, though, the levity from a few minutes ago gone in a flash. “No,” I croak.
“We can do this, Lennox. You’re getting so strong, and I won’t let you get hurt.”
I hold her gaze and see the confidence I lack. “Fuck. Okay.” I blow out a breath.
“One, two, three,” she prompts me, and I swing my leg over the ledge. Putting just enough weight to hold me up, I lean in hard to Roxie, and she takes all my weight without struggle.
“You’ve got this. Next leg,” she says, sensing my hesitation.
I quickly bring my other foot and slam it onto the floor, feeling relief in an instant.
“Yes! Stellar job. Okay, let’s sit you down.”
I hobble the two steps it takes to get to the toilet and plop down on top of it.
“I think all the soothing the bath did just got wrecked,” I joke, but the stress of getting me out of the tub was no laughing matter.
I’m still so fucking weak. It’s embarrassing. I know Roxie is here to help with that, but having her see me at my lowest is fucking demoralizing. All thoughts of attractiveness and allure are gone. Who would want to be with someone like me? Who would be willing to put in the effort to deal with me when I’m literally half a man?
She finally steps back and looks at me, her eyes trailing up my body, and I feel even more self-conscious. I used to be in great shape, but I’ve lost most of my muscle in the last few months. Completely shutting down will do that to a man. I’m not sure what she sees, but when her eyes meet mine, there’s a spark there. One I have no idea what to do with but want so badly to dig deeper into. It’s no use, though. I have to be imagining all of it.
But before I can think on it too much, she clears her throat and steps back. “Well, I’ll be in the living room, so just yell if you need help.”
And then she’s gone.
I’ve locked myself in my room for the remainder of the day. No dinner, no conversation. I’ve been lying in my bed, wallowing in my misery and realizing I may never be whole again.
Maybe I won’t be able to overcome this struggle.
Maybe the black hole will swallow me whole and take the pain and the doubts away.
“Lennox?” Roxie’s soft voice filters through my bedroom door .
I don’t answer, just wait her out and hope she moves on. Maybe I should send her away completely.
Instead of leaving, the door cracks open, and her head peeks in. Worry, fear, and resolve take over her features.
Wordlessly, she walks in and sits at the edge of my bed. “Am I pushing you too hard?” she whispers.
My heart sinks that she’s taking on any guilt for my insufficiencies. “None of it’s on you.” My voice is gritty from not being used.
“I worry you won’t tell me before you hit your limit and that I’ll end up making things worse for you.” She tangles her fingers together. Her eyes are downcast, avoiding eye contact.
“I’ll work on it.”
She looks up at me, and I get lost in her genuine need to help me. My stubbornness is taking its toll on her; I see that now.
“I don’t think any less of you. You’re not weak. You’re not less of a man because you are working through this injury.” She has no clue how untrue her words are.
“I want to believe that,” I push out through my tightening throat. “But…” I can’t even get the words out. Admitting you’re a failure to a woman who is starting to mean something to you, even abstractly, is so fucking hard. It’s admitting defeat, and I don’t want to admit defeat.
The look she gives me is so heartbreaking my eyes well with tears. Pity.
She stands up, and my heart sinks thinking she’s about to leave me, but instead, she walks around my bed. Climbing into it, she lies down and faces me.
“What about Ivy?” I deflect from the overwhelming number of emotions I’m feeling right now.
“It’s almost eleven. She’s been asleep for a few hours,” she murmurs .
Shit, I didn’t think it was that late.
“You, Lennox Hutton, are not weak. I’m not pitying you, so wipe that look off your face. You are so fucking strong, and you have no idea how inspired I am by you every single day,” she says gently.
“Today was hard,” I rasp. A watery chuckle leaves me at how much of an understatement that is. “I was so excited to do something as simple as walk, and I feel like I couldn’t even do that.”
“You had major surgery less than a month ago. Realistically, you’re ahead of schedule by about two weeks, which is why I’m worried I’m pushing you too hard.”
My eyes widen in shock.
A tear falls from the corner of her eye onto the pillow below as she smiles. “Yeah. You think this is weakness, but you have no idea how strong you really are. I don’t know everything that happened in that cabin,” she says hesitantly. “And I don’t expect you to tell me any of that, but all is not lost.” Her voice drops to a whisper.
Tears flow steadily for us both with her words. I roll to face her, reaching out and pulling her to me as much as I can. She scoots into me, and I bury my head into her shoulder as sobs take over. Her hand strokes my overgrown hair, down to my back, comforting me as I break down.
“Please stay.” My words are barely heard over my tears.
“Shhh, I’m not going anywhere.” She wraps my shoulders in her embrace and lets me fall.
She’s a safe space I never knew I needed. She’s a literal shoulder to cry on. During one of my weakest moments, she’s the support that’s keeping me standing.
And she gives me the strength to think I might just make it through it all.