28. Chapter 28
Chapter 28
Roxie
A girls’ night.
I’ve never been to one before, and I realize with clarity that I’ve been missing out my whole life. I fucking love girls’ night.
Initially, I said yes to this to give Lennox time away from me. Or give me time away from Lennox. I’m not sure which anymore. But I knew some time apart would be good for both of us. But now? Now, we have trashy reality TV on with wine as we talk about the residents of Bluebell Falls. They even got grape juice and put it in a fancy little plastic cup for Ivy.
“So, Mabel told Alice she thinks an ‘outsider’ is intruding on her property?” Willow asks the group.
“Oh yeah, they called up Arlo at o-dark-thirty this morning to bitch about it. He’s lucky he stepped into the bathroom because I was about to give that little gossip a piece of my mind. I was up until 2am finishing a coffee table, so I was not playing games with her. He went and checked things out, and there’s nothing there—shocker.” Rina rolls her eyes. “But Mabel is on the warpath. I have no clue why either. It’s not like we’ve had anyone new in town since you two.” She gestures to me and Ivy.
“What are you doing?” Ainsley asks Willow, who has her face buried in her phone.
“I’m writing this down, duh. Do you know how many times I’ve killed off Mabel in my books? Alice is usually safe because, contrary to who she hangs out with, she’s mostly innocent with all the shenanigans.”
“No shit? Sorry, Ives.” Ainsley cringes, but Ivy is oblivious to the conversation. She’s too busy looking at all the plants around the living room.
I wave her off, enjoying learning about the intricacies of this small town that has grown on me more than I want to admit.
“Oh yeah, it’s always Mabel. And now that I’ve told you that, you’ll always see who Mabel is in my books.” Willow grins, still typing away on her phone.
Conversation continues, including some very interesting theories as to why Mabel is the way she is. I attribute some of the wild ideas to Willow being a writer, and some are so out there I have to laugh. But in the back of my mind, my thoughts don’t stray far from Lennox.
I think about how hard things have been for him and how I can help him to the best of my ability. I think about how Bluebell Falls is the closest thing to a home I’ve had since before my parents died. I think about how the Huttons have adopted not only me but Ivy as well into the family. It’s something she’s never had, and they have no idea how emotional it makes me. It also has my brain working overtime to figure out a way to actually stay here. Not just this hopeful idea, but the logistics of truly living here.
And I think about that damn kiss .
“So, how’s living with the grumpiest Hutton?” Rina asks in jest, but it gets my hackles up.
“He’s not grumpy; he’s working through a lot of stuff. And things are going … well.” I can hear the defensiveness in my tone, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by the ladies. Sly smirks and side-eyes bounce around the room, and I realize my mistake.
“You mean Lenny?” Ivy asks from her spot on the floor.
“How do you know about the name Lenny?” Rina asks her with a smile.
“Well, Mommy calls me all sorts of things, like Ives, Bug, Ivy Bug, so I asked him what his cool name was, and he told me.” She shrugs.
They all look at each other in shock.
“He told you his cool name was Lenny?” Willow asks in disbelief.
“Yep.” She pops the P.
“What are the two of you doing to him?” Ainsley says softly in awe.
In any other scenario, that would be a weird statement, but I get her sentiment. Everything I’ve learned about Lennox in the past weeks tells me he’s been closed off to everyone in his life. Yet he’s been mostly the opposite with me and Ivy. Mostly Ivy, if I’m being honest. She has a way of making people comfortable that is so special.
Ainsley glances up at me, and I see tears welling in her eyes. Their bond as a family, blood-related or not, is one of the most incredible things I’ve seen. The unwavering support, the tough love, all of it equals people who give a shit about each other, and I’m not sure they realize how special that is. Or maybe they do, and that’s why they hold on to it so tightly.
Envious, that’s the overriding emotion I’m feeling. I’m envious of the love they have for each other. All I’ve ever been made to feel since the death of my parents was that I was a burden. To my aunt and uncle, to Ivy’s sperm donor. All I ever was to them was a hinderance to the life they really wanted to live.
What would it feel like to be put first? To be a priority in someone’s life?
I don’t think I would even know how to handle it. I’ve had to fight for everything I’ve gotten. And once Ivy came along, what I wanted or needed no longer mattered. I’ve always been put on the backburner. Not that I regret it for anything involving Ivy, but there hasn’t been a time in my thirty-five years where I’ve put myself first.
Silence greets me when I try to tune back into the conversation. Looking around, I see all eyes are on me, and I hate the attention.
“Uh, sorry, zoned out for a second.” I shrug sheepishly, hoping to brush it all off.
No dice, though.
“I just asked if there was a reason you moved around so much.” Ainsley’s tone holds no judgment.
“Oh, technically, yes—”
“If they find us, we move again,” Ivy cuts in, and my heart breaks.
All eyes turn back to me, full of questions I’m not sure I can answer. Willow must see the panic in my eyes because she immediately jumps in.
“Hey, Ivy, I happen to know Ainsley and Ledger have a really cool sunroom full of so many flowers. You want to go check it out?”
“Yeah!” Ivy jumps up without a care in the world, and I hope it stays that way. That she keeps her innocence and doesn’t have to deal with life the way I have.
Once they’re out of the room, Rina and Ainsley turn back to me.
“Who’s ‘they’?” Rina asks with nothing but concern in her voice .
Sighing, I decide to let people in for a change. I’ve never told people about how I grew up—except for Lennox, I suppose. This group of women make me want to stake my own claim in this family.
Nope. Can’t go there.
“My aunt and uncle—Pam and Greg—always find us. My parents passed away when I was young. I don’t even remember my dad, but I was ten when my mom passed, and when she did, my aunt and uncle were my only living relatives. They agreed to take me in, and I was happy I wasn’t going with total strangers. In hindsight, I think strangers would have been better. I’ve worked through a lot of the trauma they caused, but they just won’t let me go. Every time we move, they find us within six months. They’ve…” I pause, hating to even talk about this. “They’ve attempted to take Ivy away before, and I can’t let that happen,” I whisper.
“Does Lennox know about this?” Ainsley asks.
“Yeah.”
Ainsley and Rina look at each other.
“Okay, so we’d like to help, obviously, if we can. Or if you even want us to!” Ainsley adds quickly. “What I mean to say is, we have resources here. Hell, half of us are with men in some form of law enforcement or retired law enforcement. We can help if staying here is something you want to do.”
No pressure, no judgment, only a simple offer that means more to me than she’ll ever understand.
This time, it’s my eyes that fill with tears, overwhelmed by how easy this all is. My patients have always been friends in some manner, and I keep in touch even if I’m not continuing their therapy, but it’s never been like this. No place we’ve lived has ever felt like home until now .
“I think … I think I’d like that,” I murmur. It feels like if I speak it too loudly, everything will come crashing down. This precarious ceasefire to our nomadic life is something I’ve wished for but never thought possible. But this place and these people make it all seem possible. Sure, there’s this small problem of handling Greg and Pam once and for all, but I’ve got time, right?
The drive home is quiet, Ivy on the brink of sleep, and I’m in my head too much. We pass a couple walking on the side of the road just outside of town, closer to Lennox’s house, and I frown. People in Blubell Falls are never out this late. No one walks around at night because most are enjoying time with their loved ones. It’s true small-town mentality. So, seeing someone out at this time of night throws red flags up.
As I pass by them, I not-so-discreetly turn to see if I recognize them. It’s hard to make out without a lot of streetlights, but I see enough to make my blood run cold. I have to be seeing things. There’s no way it's who I think it is. And it’s not like I got a clear look anyway. With my head a mess from visiting with the ladies, I’m sure it’s putting the image of Greg and Pam in there without it actually being them.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
I try to calm my breathing as we drive back to Lennox’s, reassure myself that I’ll be more cautious in town, and keep my eyes peeled. Unless I get concrete proof they are here, I can’t be in a constant state of panic. It solves nothing, and Ivy would pick up on it too fast.
Once we’re home and I see Lennox has already turned in for the night, I carry Ivy to her bed, getting her changed and tucked in. In my room, I change into an old college T-shirt and shorts, and collapse into bed. Staring at the ceiling with nothing to focus on forces me to think about the past week.
I won’t lie, today was emotional as hell. My head is all over the place with Lennox, as shown by our late-night snuggles and our kiss. God, the kiss. Then, there’s the development of verbalizing that I want to stay here and the girls being so damn willing to help me with Greg and Pam. I don’t know how to process it all.
Too much for one day. Too much for someone who has actively avoided feeling the emotions her relatives bring up.
I gasp for a breath, realizing the day has finally caught up to me. My shoulders shake as the tears trail down my cheeks and hit the pillow.
I cry for the little girl who just wanted a home.
I cry for my little girl who hasn’t had one.
I cry for Lennox, and all he’s been through and continues to struggle with.
And I make a vow that I’ll end shit once and for all with Greg and Pam. They’ve held too much control over me for too long, but that ends now. Ivy deserves better. Hell, I deserve better.
Sobs take over my body, and I bury my head into my pillow. My door opens, and I turn to tell Ivy I’ll be right there, but it’s not Ivy.
“Tell me to leave, and I will,” Lennox whispers as he walks closer .
But for once, I don’t want to tell him no. Just this one time, I want the alleviation he offers. I want to not hide that his touch, his comfort, is everything.
I say nothing, but I watch as he kneels on my bed, still wearing a long-sleeve shirt with his boxers, and lies down next to me. Rolling onto his side, he wraps his arm around my shoulders as the tears still come. His warmth is a comfort I need.
“I can’t stand watching you cry,” he murmurs into the crown of my head, letting his fingers brush along my spine.
“Sorry,” I choke out. “I’m a mess.”
“Never apologize. Just relax and close your eyes. We can talk about it all in the morning if you want to.”
I nod, feeling the day catch up to me. My eyes start to droop, and before I realize it, I’m asleep in Lennox’s arms … again.