Chapter Eighteen #3
Without another word, he extended it to War, who was looking William straight in the eye when he took it. In fact, he didn’t even look at it. He simply took it and kept his gaze on William. Then, he finally glanced at it.
Something in his expression changed.
“I see,” he said after a moment. “Did you read it?”
“I did.”
War nodded, but it was only an acknowledgement that he understood the sequence of events. Beyond that, it didn’t mean anything. Missive in hand, he stood up.
“Then you know,” he said.
“I know.”
“Did you know before you read this?”
William shook his head. “Nay,” he said honestly. “As your mother said, she never told me. I never heard from her after her father told me to go away and leave her alone.”
War grunted. It was clear that the formal, polite manner was now wavering with the introduction of a very touchy subject. His jaw began to flex as he faced something he hadn’t wanted to face yet.
It was a most unexpected happening.
“And you did?” he said. “You simply went away and left the woman you loved, the woman you had bedded?”
William could feel the tension. He glanced at Kieran, who was watching the situation closely. In truth, he was glad Kieran was there as a witness. He didn’t want this to be a private conversation that could potentially turn ugly.
“War, I am going to be completely honest with you,” he said evenly. “I realize this is a difficult subject for you and I’m sure you think that I wronged your mother somehow but let me explain what happened before you judge me. You should have all of the facts if you are going to do that.”
War looked at him. “I am not judging you,” he said.
“The truth is that I only found out about this when my father, or at least the man I knew as my father, confessed everything to me on his deathbed. Not only did I have to endure his death, but I had to endure being told that everything I’d believed in my entire life was a lie.
If I become emotional about this it is because the man I knew and loved as my father is dead.
That is bad enough. But oddly enough, my anger isn’t directed at you.
It is directed at him. I haven’t had much time to think on this situation because so much has happened in the days since his death and, truth be told, I have avoided it all.
But now that we are speaking of it, there is some anger.
Anger at men who keep secrets that affect others. ”
William understood that completely. “I know,” he said, not unsympathetic. “I can only imagine how you must have felt. I do not know why your mother did not tell you sooner, but I am sure she had her reasons.”
“What reasons?” War said, his jaw ticking. Then, he shook his head and turned away. “I am coming to wish my father hadn’t told me at all.”
There was hurt in his voice. Such hurt. William couldn’t help but feel a good deal of sympathy for him.
“Did he give his reasons for telling you?” he asked softly.
War shrugged. “He felt I needed to know,” he said. “He told me all he could, from my mother’s perspective, but when he told me who my father was… he forbade me to become angry with you.”
William watched the tense body language as War twitched, wrapped up in a maelstrom of emotion and bewilderment.
“Do you want to hear of the situation from my perspective?” he asked quietly. “I would be more than willing to tell you.”
War considered that. He really did. “I do not know,” he said after a moment. “As I said, I’ve not really thought on all of this since my father told me. Mayhap I simply do not want to think about it right now. I really do not know. But I suppose I do have one question.”
“What is it?”
“Did you love my mother?”
William sighed heavily, looking at Kieran, who nodded his head faintly. He was giving William permission to tell the man the truth because to lie to him would only bring about more hurt and more lies.
And he didn’t want to lie to him.
He’d been lied to enough.
“Nay,” he finally said. “I was not in love with her. But she was in love with me. She wanted to marry me, so I offered for her hand because… well, as you so eloquently put it, I had bedded her. I thought it was the right thing to do. But her father denied me and sent me away quickly. I was told not to return under any circumstances.”
War didn’t like that answer. He began to rub his big hands together, a nervous gesture, as he processed the conversation.
“I loved my mother,” he said. “She was a good woman.”
“She was, indeed.”
“Then tell me you did not take advantage of her, or worse,” War snapped. “Tell me everything that happened between you two was because she wanted it to happen. That you both wanted it to happen.”
“Everything that happened between us was of our own free will, I swear it.” William watched him twitch and wring his hands. “Now, I have a question for you. May I?”
War nodded, distracted. “Ask.”
“When were you going to give me your mother’s letter?”
War paused in his twitching and wringing. “I am not certain,” he said. “When the timing was right, I suppose.”
“And what did you hope to gain by it?”
War looked at him sharply. “Gain by it?” he said.
“I do not want to gain anything by it. I do not want anything from you, de Wolfe. Other than an alliance, I want absolutely nothing from you. I was carrying the letter in my bags in case I decided to tell you everything and for no other reason than that. Beg pardon, my lord, but I want to be perfectly clear… do you mean to suggest I was going to try and wrest money from you with it?”
William was surprised the conversation had taken such a bitter, suspicious turn.
“Of course not,” he said. “But the fact is that you are my son by blood. Everyone around us, at least my own men, could see it if I couldn’t.
You look like me and you fight like me, so I am undeniably your father.
I suppose I should have asked if you had any expectations after giving me the letter. ”
That didn’t help War’s sense of insult. “Expectations?” he repeated, aghast. “What expectations could I possibly have? I was only going to give you the letter because my mother wanted me to and for no other reason than that. I will repeat the fact that I do not want anything from you. I do not expect anything from you. I was perfectly happy not knowing you were my father and it does not make me happy to know that the man I thought was my father was, in fact, tricked into marriage because my mother was pregnant with me. She was pregnant with your child.”
He was starting to get agitated so Kieran stepped in.
“War,” he said steadily. “William was not implying that you wanted something from him and even if he was, he didn’t mean monetarily.
He meant friendship. A pleasant familial relationship.
He was simply asking you what your feelings were on the matter and nothing more. ”