Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
RUBY
I watch the passing scenery as we head east. "Where are you taking me?" I ask softly.
It's been too long since we've been out together without the kids. In actuality, Caleb's been living in his own apartment for months. Looking across the center console at him, I'm struck speechless by how much he's changed.
The Caleb, who left that day after our big argument, had gained a little weight. He'd not looked comfortable with himself, or like the man I married. The one sitting beside me right now? He's lost a few pounds, and he's more muscular than he's ever been.
"Georgia," he answers. "The mountains. I figured that would be the best place to go." He swallows, his throat moving up and down. "More than anything, I wanted to give us the time we need, and I wasn't sure we'd be able to get it if we stayed close to Laurel Springs."
I completely understand where he's coming from. We've tried a couple of times to talk, and we've always been interrupted. "Are we staying in a hotel or a cabin?" God, the awkwardness between us is painful. Even when we were first dating, it wasn't this bad. Caleb was the guy I could always be myself with. From the first moment he saved me from my awful date, we've been able to relate to one another. Over the past year, we've lost that, and it fucking hurts.
"I thought about a hotel, but then I realized we may not have enough privacy. I worried about paper-thin walls, and fire alarms, and housekeeping showing up at the most inopportune of times. When I looked at the cabins, they seemed like they would fit our needs better. We can cook there and walk around naked if we want."
It's been so long since we've walked around naked with each other that I'm beyond nervous. He hasn't seen me, just like I haven't seen him. But the changes in him are right in front of my face. Mine are deeper, and I hope he's willing to dig, because I'm not sure how easily I'll be able to lay them out. "Sounds good. Are we going to hit up a grocery store when we get there?" I want to keep this conversation going just so I can hear his voice. I've missed it.
He turns and grins. It's the boyish one that I've loved for most of my adult life. "Nah, I went ahead and ordered delivery. Once we're there, Ruby, we're there. We don't have to leave unless we want to." He runs his hands along the steering wheel, and I close my eyes, imagining those hands on my body. His voice continues. "I'm not holding you hostage, but I hope you'll wanna stay with me."
Turning back to the window, I gaze out at the passing scenery and can't help but wonder if we're going to come out of this still married. As he said, this is either the beginning or the end. If someone had asked me a few weeks ago, I'd have said it would be the end.
But Caleb's turned my thoughts on their head. He went to all this trouble, and now I can't help but hope this is a new beginning.
We need it, and I want it. Closing my eyes, I inhale, then exhale. "I want to stay with you." Reaching over, I grab his hand. It's been so long since I held on, I don't remember what it feels like. The skin is rough and causes goosebumps to break out along my arm. "Believe it or not, Caleb, I miss our life."
"I do too," he whispers. "And I know part of that is my fault."
Squeezing his hand, I motion for him to stop. "We have plenty of time to talk about it. Let's not get into it until we're there and settled. There's not a lot we can solve in the Jeep. We might need to pace, and there might have to be some yelling. You know how I get."
He whistles through his teeth. "Yeah, I do. Reminds me of that night you got called to the hospital because I had to get checked out from the road rage incident."
I roll my eyes heavenward. "Who the fuck gets into a road rage incident with a police officer, while said officer is driving a police car? That was the craziest thing I'd ever heard. If that asshole had been in the emergency room with you, I would've given him a piece of my mind."
"Oh, I remember. I could hear you from the room they were checking me out in."
"I was pregnant with Molly," I remind him. "I was freaking the fuck out."
He's quiet for a few moments and then licks his lips. "I've wondered over the last few months if the same thing were to happen now - would you be there? Would you be raising hell in the waiting room about your husband?"
Those words and the broken way they're spoken are enough to give me a pain in the chest. "I would. You're still my kids' dad, and they need you." God, why can't I tell him he still means the world to me? That I would be devastated if the two of us can't find our way back to one another? Why am I so scared to be honest with him?
He makes a noise in the back of his throat. "Damn babe, way to shoot me through the heart."
Babe. That word hasn't been pushed past those lips of his in far too long, at least that I've heard them. I don't know what else to say, how bare I want to lay myself in front of him. "Do you mind stopping at Anniston? I've got to use the bathroom and I wanna get a snack."
"Yeah, we need gas too."
The silence between us isn't painful, but it's not comfortable either. When he signals that he's getting off the interstate, and takes the exit, I can breathe again. All I need is a few minutes not being in his presence. Caleb Harrison has the type of personality that sucks up all the air in the cab of the Jeep. The air is thick with his cologne, and I haven't been surrounded by it in so long, it's going to my head. When he parks the Jeep at the pumps, I hop out. "Do you want anything?"
He flashes me a smile. "Surprise me."
"Be back in a few minutes."
I hurry into the store, look around for the bathroom, and when I see it, I make a beeline. Once there, I go into a stall and slam the door. What the actual fuck am I doing? How am I going to survive this ride with my husband when I have no idea how this will end?