Chapter 19
Graduation day is finally here. A few hours after we walk across the stage to accept our diplomas, Beck and I will break the news to our family that we’re engaged and having a baby this November. I went to the doctor for an official diagnosis and due date a few weeks back. Thankfully, since I’m eighteen, he couldn’t say a word to my parents. As of today, I’ve hit the sixteen-week mark. In another month, we get to see our little one on ultrasound and find out the sex. Beck and I are really excited about that part.
Everything seems to be falling into place. Beck begins working full-time on the ranch tomorrow, and we’ve already found this cute little two-bedroom cottage to rent. We’d like to get married on July fifteenth, which will be here before we know it. Knowing my mom, she’ll insist on flittering about to make our ceremony as perfect as can be. Neither Beck nor I care what the ceremony is like, but we figured we’d let her have this to focus on since we’re dumping such a huge bomb on them tonight.
I rub the firm bump on my belly as another cramp hits me. Man, these growing pains have been really getting to me today. They never tell you ahead of time that while you may not have a period while pregnant, you’ll still get to enjoy the pain of one on occasion.
“Hey, beautiful.” I turn around to find Beck leaning against the doorframe to my bedroom, smiling.
I give him a hug. “Hi. Are you ready for tonight?”
He smirks. “Honey, if I had my way, they would’ve known on the day we found out.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I roll my eyes. “Are you guys about to leave?”
Beck’s dad insisted on driving him to the ceremony today. Something about having a man-to-man talk on the way over, whatever that entails. There’s no sense in wasting gas, so I’m going to ride over with my parents and meet him there.
He nods. “Yeah, he’s out front waiting for me. I just wanted to say goodbye before we head out.”
And by goodbye, he means kiss me until I’m breathless.
“Beck, your dad’s gettin’ anxious to leave,” my dad calls from the bottom of the stairs. “He said, hurry the hell up.”
“I’ll be right down,” Beck promises with a smirk. “I’ll see you there, okay?”
“’Kay.”
Right before he descends the stairs, he calls out to me. “Hey, Pres?”
I peek my head out of the doorway. “Yeah?”
“You look gorgeous—I didn’t tell you that before. And I love you.”
I smile. “I love you too, Beck. Now get on out there. I’ll see you in a bit.”
I finish curling my hair into soft ringlets and step into my kitten-heeled shoes. After one final glance in the mirror to make sure everything’s in place, I head down the staircase to find my mom smiling back at me.
“Oh, Presley, you look beautiful. I can’t believe my baby is graduating today.”
And your baby is having a baby.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Your father’s just finishing washing the truck. He insisted on sprucing it up since today is a special day.”
“Annie!” he calls from outside. “Are you ladies ready to go?”
She props the screen door open. “We’ll be right there, Dan. Just hold your horses.”
My mom turns back to me and winks. “See what I did there?”
I can’t help but laugh. She has the corniest sense of humor, but I love it. Damn it, I have to pee again before we hit the road. This baby makes me feel like my bladder is as big as a grain of rice.
“Mom, go ahead. I’m just going to use the bathroom real quick, and I’ll be right out.”
“Okay, honey. I’ll be in the truck with your father.”
As I head down the hall, something strange happens. My panties are suddenly sopping wet. Crap, did I really just pee myself? I jog the rest of the way until I’m safely enclosed in the bathroom. I pull my underwear down as I’m takin’ a seat on the toilet, and I’m instantly frozen in shock. My panties are soaked, but it’s not urine. Bright red blood is pooling in the middle, threatening to spill over the sides. Oh my God, what is happening right now? I’m not a doctor, but I know bleeding while pregnant is not a good thing.
I’m trying to remain calm, but I find myself sobbing and shaking as my butt is perched on the seat. My cell phone is in my purse by the front door, so I do the only thing I can think of: scream for my mother as loud as I can until she comes inside. It’s probably less than a minute, but it feels like hours before she hears my cry for help and comes running.
She knocks on the powder room door. “Presley Anne, what on God’s green earth is going on?”
“Mom, open the door,” I cry, thankful that I didn’t lock it. “I need help.”
She cracks it open and looks at me in confusion. I’m sure I’m a hot mess, sitting here with my panties around my ankles and mascara running down my face. She spots the blood and thinks she’s figured out the problem.
“Oh, honey, did you just start your period? I thought your cycle was at the end of the month. No need to get so upset. I’ll just run upstairs and grab a tampon with some new briefs.”
Before she can leave, I shout, “I’m not on my period, Mom. I’m pregnant!”
She whips around so fast it would be comical under different circumstances. “What did you say?”
“I’m four months pregnant,” I sob. “We were going to tell you tonight. Something’s wrong with the baby, isn’t there?”
My mother gives me a sympathetic look and says in a surprisingly calm voice, “Okay, honey. This is what we’re going to do. I’m going to head upstairs to get you a maxi pad and some clean briefs. Then, you and I are going to take a quick trip to the hospital, just to be sure everything’s okay.”
I nod, making a futile attempt to wipe my tears away. “Okay.”
She must’ve run because she’s back with the items she promised to deliver in no more than thirty seconds. “I’ll meet you out in the kitchen once you’ve cleaned up.”
“Mom, I need to call Beck. My phone’s in my purse.”
“You can call him on the way, sweetie. I’m sure the baby’s fine, but you can never be too careful in these situations.”
“Okay,” I repeat.
The baby’s fine, I tell myself. The baby has to be okay. I clean myself up and meet her by the front door. She already has her car keys in hand and my purse slung around her shoulder. She’s unbelievably stoic right now. I look at her in question when I see that my dad’s truck is no longer in the driveway.
“I sent him to the school,” she explains. “To drive Beck to the hospital to meet us.”
I get into the car and buckle my seat belt on autopilot. “What did Daddy say? Is he mad at me?”
She waves her hand dismissively. “Oh, don’t worry about your father right now. Just close your eyes and take some deep breaths. We’ll be there in no time.”
I dig through my purse to grab my phone. “I need to call Beck first.”
“Of course, honey.”
My call goes straight to his voicemail, so I try again but get the same result. I dial his dad’s number, thinking maybe his battery died, but there’s no answer there either.
“He’s not answering.”
My mom glances at me. “Presley, just breathe and do your best to relax. Your father will get him there.”
I lay my head back and do my best to follow her instructions. She’s right; my dad will come through. Beck will probably get to the hospital right after we do. After about twenty minutes, we’re pulling into the Tri-County Medical Center lot. My mom parks close to the emergency entrance and guides me inside.
“May I help you?” the woman at the counter asks.
I try speaking, but the words won’t come out, so my mother does it for me in a hushed tone.
“My daughter is four months pregnant. She started bleeding about thirty minutes ago, so we think we should see a doctor.”
“Of course,” the woman says, flashing me a sympathetic look. God, I’m getting really sick of those already.
I hear the lady asking my mom questions so she can check me in, but I’m not really paying attention to what they’re saying. Everything is hazy as I’m ushered into a room and asked to change into a gown and hop on an exam bed. I guess that’s one good thing about this—small-town hospitals don’t make you wait very long. While we’re waiting for the doctor to arrive, I snap out of my daze.
“Have you heard from Daddy?”
My mother looks down at her phone. “He just texted me. He’s at the school now, trying to find Beck. He said it’s a bit chaotic over there.”
“Maybe I should try calling him again.”
She shakes her head. “Your dad’s been trying, but he’s not having any luck either. Don’t worry, honey. He’ll find him any minute now.”
A middle-aged woman walks into the room, rolling a cart with a monitor and keyboard on it.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Morris. I hear you’re having some bleeding. I’m just going to do a quick ultrasound to take a look at the baby and see what’s going on.” She gestures to my mom. “Is it okay for her to be in the room? I need to lift your gown over your belly.”
“It’s fine,” I say. “She’s my mom.”
The woman nods and turns the monitor on. My mother gasps when the doctor lifts my gown and tucks it under my breasts. I know she’s looking at the evidence of my pregnancy, wondering how she missed such a telltale sign. My bump is small, but it’s pretty apparent there’s a baby inside of me. She’s probably connecting the dots in her head, just now realizing how many of Beck’s T-shirts I’ve been wearing lately.
Dr. Morris squirts some cold blue jelly over my stomach and spreads it around with a wand. The screen is black at first before it slowly transitions to something comprehensible. In the middle of a black oval is a distorted image of the baby. I know he or she is still really tiny, but all of the parts are formed into this tiny little human. My mom squeezes my hand as tears silently crawl down my face. The doctor’s face pinches with concern as she moves the wand around.
“Is something wrong?” I ask her.
“You said you were sixteen weeks?”
“Yes, exactly sixteen today,” I confirm. “My due date is November first.”
“The baby measures a little small.” She punches a few buttons on the keyboard, and the screen switches to another view. “Let’s check the heartbeat.”
The doctor frowns as two thick white lines shoot across the screen. She punches a few more buttons and turns a dial before removing the wand from my abdomen and wiping the gel off my skin. I already know what she’s going to say when I see the look in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. There’s no heartbeat.”
A high-pitched keening sound echoes throughout the small room. It takes me a moment to realize it’s coming from me.
My mom hovers over the exam bed and wraps me in her arms. “Shh, Presley, I’ve got you, baby. Shh…”
“I’ll give you two a few moments, and I’ll be back to answer any questions you might have.”
“Why, Mom?” I ask, as the doctor leaves the room. “Why did this happen?”
“I don’t know, honey. I don’t know. Sometimes, it just happens.”
I grab on to her like she’s my lifeline. She strokes my hair and whispers soothing words, just holding me as I mourn the loss of my child. Of the beautiful future Beck and I have planned out. God, how can this happen? I’m in my second trimester. Everything’s supposed to be okay after you make it to the second trimester.
“It’s not fair,” I sob.
“I know, sweetheart.” My mom’s sentence is choked off by her own sob.
After a while, the doctor comes back in telling me that I’ll need to have a minor procedure because I’m so far along. The whole time I listen to her talk about why miscarriages happen and what to expect in the next few days, I ask myself where Beck is. Why isn’t he here by now? I need him more than I ever have, and he’s nowhere to be found.
“The room is yours for as long as you’d like,” Dr. Morris says. “Take all the time you need. We’ll call you when we’ve scheduled the DC, but you call us if you have any questions beforehand. Okay, Presley?”
I sniff. “Okay.”
My mom hasn’t let go once—she’s rocking me from side to side like she used to do when I was a little girl.
“Has Daddy responded yet?”
She pulls away from me to dig her phone out of her purse. “Your dad found Beck, and they’re on their way. They should be here any minute, actually.”
She’s typing a message to my father as I lie curled on my side, staring at the wall. A few moments later, there’s a light knock on the door, so my mom jumps out of her chair to open it. I can make out my father’s voice in their hushed conversation, but I don’t bother moving from my position. After the door clicks shut, soft footsteps approach, and I breathe a sigh of relief that Beck has finally made it.
He crouches down beside me and pushes some hair away from my face. “Pres, darlin’, are you okay?”
I meet his glassy eyes. “What took you so long to get here?”
“My dad and I left our phones in the truck. I didn’t know anything was wrong until your dad pulled me out of the ceremony during the principal’s speech.” He clears his throat. “He told me what happened. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry like hell that this happened and that I wasn’t here for you.”
I sob when he rests his cheek against mine, and I feel our tears mixing together. “I am too, Beck. I am too.”
“I love you so much, Pres.” He places a soft kiss against my temple. “We’ll get through this. Everything will be okay.”
I wish I had his confidence. Right now, it feels like nothing will ever be okay again.