Chapter 23
“Presley, you need to tell him. You’re runnin’ out of time.”
I sigh. “I know, Mama. I asked him to meet me by the pond about an hour from now.”
My mother takes a seat beside me at the end of my bed. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind? I know it hurts, honey, but my gut is telling me this is the wrong move. Just take a little more time, and if you still want to go to New York by the time winter term rolls around, so be it.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, warding off the tears. “I can’t stay here anymore. Everything reminds me of what I lost.”
She gives me a pained smile. “And that includes Beckett?”
“Especially Beckett,” I admit. “I can’t... I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. There’s this giant void between us I don’t know how to overcome. He’s so sad—I know he is—but Beck tries hiding it because he thinks he has to be strong for me. Like, if he showed me his sorrow, it’d make mine even worse. We used to be able to tell each other anything. Now... now, it’s like every conversation is forced. It’s so awkward. We’re walking on eggshells around each other, and I hate it.”
“So, tell him that.”
“I did!” I throw my hands up. “But Beck’s a problem solver. He refuses to give up until he can find a way to fix me. Fix us. I wish it were that easy, but I don’t know if I’m capable of being whole again. You know, I’ve spent these last two months being angry at God, but when NYU got back to me, sayin’ they still had room for the fall semester, I felt like maybe it was a sign. Maybe this is God’s way of puttin’ me on the path to healing. I need a fresh start, and New York will give me that fresh start.”
“Presley, that boy loves you with his whole heart. There isn’t anything Beck wouldn’t do for you. Love like that doesn’t come around very often. Some people go their whole lives and never find it. If you walk away... if you leave him... it’s going to break his heart. And if you do that, you may never get another shot. Beck will eventually move on. He might fall in love. Not that once-in-a-lifetime kind of love you two share, but he could find enough happiness with another woman to make a life with her. They could get married and have babies... all things you two were meant to do together. Are you really willing to risk losing that?”
My tears are falling freely now. The thought of losing Beck forever is terrifying. Picturing him marrying another woman, having babies with her makes me want to curl into a ball and die. But I’m no good to him like this. I need to figure out how to fix myself before I can be the woman he deserves.
“If Beck and I are meant to be together, it’ll work itself out. My mind’s made up, Mama. I have to do this. I am doin’ this.”
Now, she sighs. “I hope you don’t regret this, Presley Anne.”
Me too, Mama. Me too.