Chapter 25
“Hey. Thanks for meetin’ me here.” I take a seat next to Beck on the tailgate. He backed his truck up against the edge of the pond, so we’re facing the water.
His eyes roam over my face, digging, searching for answers. I don’t know how, but he knows I’m leaving. There’s no doubt in my mind.
Beck grabs my hand, weaving our fingers together. Neither one of us looks away from our joined hands. “Just say it.”
I take a deep breath, trying to ignore the sharp pain in my chest. “I’m leavin’, Beckett. I emailed the admissions office at NYU, explainin’ my circumstances. I asked if they still had room for me in the fall semester, and... they said yes. My flight leaves in the mornin’.”
His grip on me tightens. When I look up, I see his eyes are closed, his head hanging low. When he opens them, they’re filled with tears, begging me to change my mind.
“Pres. Please don’t do this.”
His choked off plea is nearly my undoing. I almost tell him I’ll stay. That I’ll find a way to not be so sad, I want to die sometimes, just to make it go away. But I can’t. Being here isn’t healthy for me right now. I need to go someplace where I can keep busy. Where my mind won’t have time to focus on all the hurt. I need to make a drastic change, and New York City is pretty much the polar opposite of Southwest Georgia.
“I have to, Beck. I have to get away from this place.”
“Then, let’s go together.” He tilts my chin up with his finger. “I don’t care where we are, Pres, as long as we’re together.”
Tears roll down my face as I shake my head, pulling away. “I can’t do that.”
A sharp crease forms between his eyebrows. “Why not?”
And here it is—the moment of truth.
“Because...” I know it’s cowardly, but I look away. I can’t face this beautiful, broken boy as I say the words that have the power to ruin us forever. “I need to get away from you too, Beckett. I can’t... I can’t be around you right now. I can’t stop thinking about what we lost when I look at you. It hurts too much.”
I risk looking at him then. There’s a shadow casting over us from the giant Spanish moss to the side. But there’s a gap in the leaves, where a ray of sunshine hits his eyes, making their glassy surface sparkle even more. In a matter of seconds, I see so many expressions flicker through them—love, longing, sadness, hopelessness, and finally, acceptance. Beck says nothing as he stares at me because words are rarely necessary between us. He knows there’s nothing he can say to stop me. He knows we may never be the same again. He gently frames my face with his hands, leaning down before placing soft kisses over each one of my eyelids. The moment he pulls back, I fall apart. Beck gathers me to him, positioning my body until I’m straddling his lap. We hold on for dear life, clutching each other, bodies shaking with grief. I’m not sure how much time passes until our tears run dry, but once they do, a new kind of desperation takes over. We move in sync, lunging for each other until our lips are crashing together.
We kiss each other until we’re both panting for breath. I’m suddenly thankful I took the time to put on a dress today, trying to look pretty on the outside since my insides are so dark and gloomy. I fumble with Beckett’s belt buckle while he pulls on my panties with such force, they tear in two. Damn it, that stung, but it was also so, so hot.
“Holy crap, I thought that only happened in books.”
Beck flashes his signature smirk as he tosses them over his shoulder. In the next moment, he kicks off his boots and lowers his boxers and jeans in one go. I help him pull the denim down until one leg is free, but we’re both in such a frenzy, we don’t bother with the rest. He scoots back until his head is resting against the window, taking me with him. I lift up just enough to position myself over his hardness before sinking down slowly. We both groan as I take him in deeper and deeper until my backside is touching his legs.
This is crazy; we both know it. It’s the middle of the day. We’re far enough removed from the ranch’s main activity, but still, anyone could happen upon us. We’ve never been this careless, but neither one of us seems able to stop. My beautiful boy and I—the love of my life—make love under the hot summer sun, slowly, tenderly, until I’m crying out in bliss. He follows me only moments later, saying my name like a prayer, over and over again. I can feel him softening inside of me, but neither one of us are in any hurry to move.
When we do finally disconnect, Beck removes his T-shirt to help me clean up. My underwear is ruined, so there’s not much else I can do there. He hops off the truck bed to straighten the remainder of his clothes while I take the tie from my wrist and pull my hair into a pony. Once he’s fully dressed from the waist down, he extends his hand, helping me to the ground. He folds me into his chest, placing a kiss against my temple. We stand there just like that for a few minutes before I finally get the nerve to speak.
“I’m not leavin’ because I don’t love you with everything inside of me. That’s never gonna change, Beck. No matter how far apart we are.”
But I’ll be getting on that plane anyway, no matter how badly it breaks both of our hearts.
“I know, darlin’.” Beck squeezes me tighter. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to hate it any less.”