Chapter 42
I’m roasting.
I squirm away from Beckett’s heavy arm, trying to put some distance between us, but I only have a full-sized bed in my new place, so there’s not a whole lot of room left. The sheets are soaked. Beck’s bronzed skin is shiny with sweat as he writhes and thrashes in his sleep. Obviously, he’s having one helluva nightmare, but I’m not sure what the proper protocol is in a situation like this.
“Beck, honey, wake up. You’re having a bad dream.”
He still doesn’t shake out of it, so I reach across the mattress and place my hand on his shoulder.
The moment I touch him, Beck’s eyes snap open, and a guttural sound emanates from his chest as his arms fly toward me. He maneuvers our bodies until my back is pinned to the mattress. I squirm beneath him as his hands wrap around my throat and immediately start squeezing.
“Beckett.” I gasp for air as his fingers tighten. “Please... can’t... breathe.”
His eyes are wide open, but they’re vacant. He stares down at me like he’s trying to eliminate a threat. Like I am that threat. My fingernails claw at his forearms as my vision goes blurry. His muscles are bunched as he squeezes even tighter, an angry vein popping out on the middle of his forehead. Ironically, I’m perfectly calm, but I know I need to somehow get through to him before losing the chance.
“Ple—” I sputter, trying to wake him before I lose consciousness.
The fight is draining from my body. My airway is constricted, and I’m not getting enough oxygen. As my lids begin to flutter, I can see the fog slowly lifting from his eyes. He’s finally coming back from whatever horrible place his mind was trapped in. The second he realizes what he’s doing, he releases me and jumps back, stumbling off the too-small mattress onto the floor.
“Fuck.” His eyes run the length of my body, likely checking for damage.
I sit up, resisting the urge to rub my aching neck. “Beck, it’s okay. I’m fine.”
His brown eyes widen. “Are you fucking kidding me, Presley?! That’s bullshit! I could’ve just killed you!” He stands up, pacing the length of the bed. He must’ve gotten up at some point in the night and put his boxers on because he wasn’t wearing them when we went to sleep. “Fuck!” He pulls on the ends of his thick hair.
“Really, Beck, I’m?—”
He points a finger at me. “Don’t you dare fucking say you’re okay. It’s not okay, Pres! Me putting my hands on you in violence would never fucking be okay!”
“Beck, you were sleeping.” I clear my throat, trying to smooth the grit out of it. “You were having a nightmare. You didn’t know it was me. I know you would never hurt me on purpose. I trust you.”
“That doesn’t matter, goddammit. What if I didn’t wake up in time, Pres? What would’ve happened then? You shouldn’t fucking trust me! I don’t fucking trust myself! Christ. You must be scared shitless right now.”
My throat is aching, and yeah, for a moment, I was shocked, but I’ve no doubt that what just happened was the result of a horrible nightmare, maybe even a flashback. Being afraid never crossed my mind because I know Beckett Armstrong wouldn’t hesitate to lay down his life for me.
I crawl out of bed and grab my robe off the hook on the back of my bedroom door. As I’m pulling it over my shoulders, I say, “I’m not afraid, Beckett. I know you didn’t mean to do it. And you woke up in time. You didn’t hurt me. I’m fine.”
I don’t think this is a good time to remind him I’ve been through much worse.
Beckett scrubs a hand down his face. “But I could have. I could have done so much worse than hurt you, Presley.”
Beck looks wary as I approach him, but he remains still. “I love you.” When only a few inches of space exist between us, I cup his jaw in my hands and lift up on my toes. “You love me. You would never hurt me. If something like that ever happens again, I know you would wake up in time. I’m not afraid of you, Beck.” I kiss the corner of his mouth. “You’re my safe haven. I could never be afraid of you.”
I hold his eyes as I lower myself to the ground. “I would never be afraid of you, Beckett.”
“Pres, what are you doing?” He tries to bat my hand away as I tug on the waistband of his boxers.
I give him a cheeky grin. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve done this, but I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.”
He shakes his head. “Pres, you don’t?—”
While Beck’s gone down on me dozens of times since I’ve been back, I’ve yet to return the favor. I used to love doing this to him, but like many things, Sebastian ruined the act for me. But right now, I can’t think of any better way to prove to Beckett how safe and secure he makes me feel. I want to do this for him, but I also want to prove to myself that my almost-ex-husband is no longer in control. I refuse to give Sebastian that kind of power anymore.
“Shh.” I trace my finger over the bulge in his underwear before slipping my fingers under the waistband and freeing his impressive length. “Let me take care of you, Beck.”
Beck curses as I lean forward, swirling my tongue over his tip before taking him into my mouth. He gathers my hair with one hand, holding it back so he can watch me. “You’re killin’ me, Pres.”
I moan, relishing the taste of his skin as I coax him deeper into my mouth, running my tongue along the underside of his cock. There’s too much of him to fully take, so I develop a rhythm using my hand and mouth, and before long, Beckett’s hips start rocking on their own accord. He thrusts into my mouth in slow, shallow movements, all the while telling me how much he loves me. How amazing my mouth feels wrapped around him. How he’s the luckiest son of a bitch alive.
Beck’s grip on my hair tightens as he groans. “Jesus, that’s so good. I’m gonna come, Pres.”
My fingernails dig into his ass, pulling him closer. I take him in as far as I can, increasing the suction as he surges into my mouth. When he’s done, I pull away and sit back on my knees, Beckett’s salty taste on my tongue. I smile, proud of myself for taking my power back and more than a little aroused. I choke out a surprised laugh when Beck scoops me up and tosses me on the mattress with a bounce.
“Beckett! What are you doing?”
His muscular body hovers over mine as he slowly unties the belt to my robe. He kisses down my neck, to my breasts, down the center of my abdomen. “I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, Pres.” He winks, clearly amused with himself for throwing my words back at me. I open my mouth to deliver a sassy retort, but the moment Beck’s tongue swipes through my hot flesh, all conscious thought flies out the window.
My phone rings as I’m climbing into my Jeep after my shift at the bar. Every muscle in my body tenses when I look down at the caller ID and see Sebastian’s name. I think about ignoring him, but it’s been almost two months since our divorce paperwork was filed, and this is the first attempt he’s made to contact me. My curiosity gets the best of me as I decide to accept the call. Since Bluetooth isn’t an option on this old thing, I’ll have to talk to him from Dive Bar’s parking lot.
I take a deep breath as I press the button to answer. “What do you want, Sebastian? You’re not supposed to be calling. I told you, if you had anything to say to me, you could do it through my attorney.”
“Oh, but Presley, there’s nothing legally stopping me from calling you, now is there?”
I frown. “That’s beside the point. What do you want?”
“I wanted to have a little chat. How was your shift tonight?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Your shift at your brother’s hick bar,” he explains. “You just got off work, did you not?”
I suppress a gasp. “How do you know that, Sebastian?”
His dark chuckle makes the fine hairs on my arms stand up. “Did you think I was bluffing when I said I had eyes on you?”
Honestly, I did. I figured since I hadn’t heard from him in so long, he was just trying to intimidate me. How could I be so stupid?
“What’s wrong, Presley? Cat got your tongue?”
“What. Do. You. Want. Sebastian?”
“I want you to stop being such a stubborn bitch and come home.”
“I am home,” I say through gritted teeth. “Our divorce should be final any day now, or have you forgotten that fact?”
“Ah, yes, another trivial attempt on your end to cut me out of your life. You didn’t think that was going to actually work, did you?”
I hold my phone out for a second and just stare at it in shock. “Why wouldn’t it work? The paperwork was filed with the courts. I signed your stupid agreement. Now, it’s just a matter of waiting for the judge to sign off on it.”
“Hmm... yes, that is typically how the process goes.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, from what I hear, the courts are incredibly backlogged right now.”
I shake my head. “That’s not what my attorney said.”
“Well, maybe you should check again because your petition won’t be getting in front of a judge anytime soon.”
I have to forcibly unclench my jaw. “I swear to God, Sebastian, if you di?—”
“Speaking of God...you must give my best to my dear mother-in-law. Tell her she looked beautiful in that floral dress she wore to church the other day. It complemented your father’s suit well.”
Okay, that’s too much of a coincidence. Sebastian definitely has someone watching me, and apparently, my parents, too. I nervously glance around the parking lot to see if I can spot anyone suspicious. Of course, no one is conveniently waving their arms around, saying, “Look at me!”
“Sebast—”
“Let’s cut the shit, shall we, my dear wife?” he barks. “I’m done waiting for you to come to your senses. Maybe spreading your legs for that backwoods boyfriend of yours has made you even dumber than you were before, but make no mistake, Presley. You are mine. You will always be mine. It’s time for you to come home and accept your punishment for being a two-timing slut. But don’t worry; I’ll fuck you so good afterward, you won’t even remember his name. We have a lot of time to make up for, don’t you think? And while we’re at it, we might as well kill two birds with one stone. I took the liberty of canceling your upcoming appointment for a new birth control shot. I’ve decided it’s time for us to start a family.”
My jaw drops. “Are you insane?! That’s it, isn’t it? You’ve lost your mind, or maybe you never really had it to begin with. First of all, you still seem to forget that you were the one having an affair. Not me. The thought of starting a family with you—of bringing an innocent child into your life—makes me sick. I would never have a baby with you, Sebastian. Our marriage is over, and quite frankly, it was over long before I ever filed for divorce. Anyone I choose to be with from this point on is none of your concern.”
I was always grateful that Sebastian’s obsession with vanity extended to the fact that he didn’t want me to get pregnant. As he so delicately put it, he didn’t want me to get a fat ass. I had already met his evil half at that point, so I took it for the blessing it was.
“I see you’ve become rather spirited during your time in Georgia. I’m going to enjoy breaking you of that ridiculous notion.”
I’m so angry and freaked out, I’m shaking. “You know what, Sebastian? Screw you. I don’t need to listen to this.”
I jab my finger against the screen, ending the call, right before I block his number. I can’t do this right now. I need to think. I need to come up with a plan. Sebastian’s obviously not going to just let this go like I was so foolish to believe. I need to speak with Beckett and see what he thinks I should do. I drive straight to the ranch, bypassing my parents’ house and parking right in front of Beck’s. We didn’t make plans to see each other tonight, but Beck was obviously still awake because, by the time I get out of my Jeep, he’s standing on the front porch waiting for me.
“Hey. This is a nice surprise.”
The moment I loop my hands behind his back, my panic morphs into desperation. I know Beck and I will need to discuss Sebastian, but right now, I need Beckett’s touch to remind me I’m safe in his arms. That no matter how many threats Sebastian makes, I’ll be okay. That I’ll never be a victim to his torment again.
He runs his hand down my back soothingly. “What happened, Pres?”
I jump up, crossing my ankles behind his back. “Kiss now. Talk later.”
He doesn’t need convincing. Beck seals his mouth over mine, walking blindly through the house until we reach his bedroom. We only manage to remove the bare minimum clothing before our bodies are joined together, seeking release at a frenzied pace. We strip the remainder of our clothes off piece by piece and take our time exploring each other’s bodies the second time around. We make love for hours, until we’re both sleepy and sated, curled in each other’s arms. Right before I drift off, I feel Beckett slip out of bed.
“Where are you going?” I mumble.
Beck inclines his head toward the hall. “I’m going to sleep in the other room.”
That jolts me awake. I sit up, clutching the comforter to my chest. “Why?”
His eyes dance across the room, looking at seemingly everything but me. “Pres, you know why.”
I sigh. “Beckett, I thought we resolved this earlier. I trust you. Come back to bed.”
He groans. “I can’t, Presley. If I ever hurt you—accidentally or not—I’d be no better than that piece of shit.”
“So, what?” I throw my hands up. “You’re never going to sleep in the same bed with me again?”
“If that is what it takes...” Beckett rubs the back of his neck. “My nightmares... they’ve been much more frequent lately for some reason. I can’t bear the thought of harming you. Why can’t you understand that? Let’s not fight about this, Pres. I’ll come back to bed, and I’ll make sure you’re really asleep before I get up next time.”
Okay, I know I’m being irrational. My emotions are likely still ragged from my conversation with Sebastian earlier, but I can’t understand it. I mean... I get why he wouldn’t want to hurt me, but I don’t know why he doesn’t feel the same conviction I do that he’d never actually do it, no matter how out of it he was. I just want Beckett to hold me. I want to feel safe, like only he can make me feel. But what I definitely don’t want is to be lulled into a false sense of security, only to wake up cold and alone. I’ve been there, done that, too many times.
I hold up my hand to stop him when he moves toward the bed. “Don’t bother, Beckett. I’m going home.”
He blinks a few times. “What? Why?”
I throw my shirt over my head, not bothering to locate my bra. “It’s been a long day, and I don’t want to fight with you. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, and I’ll be more agreeable after getting some sleep, but I really need to leave right now. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.”
Beck grabs my wrist as I’m pulling my jeans on. “Hold up.”
I shake out of his hold. “It’s fine. I’m planning to spend the day at the stables tomorrow, so I’ll see you then. I love you.”
Beckett’s body is carved and rigid like a statue as I kiss him on the cheek before walking out the door. On the short drive to my rental, I almost convince myself to turn back three times, but I remind myself that I need to stand my ground. I silently amend that thought the moment I step into my cottage and realize my mistake. I was so determined to be independent, I dismissed the warning signals that were triggered earlier this evening. And because of that, instead of sticking around and having a conversation with a man I know would never hurt me, I’m now standing in a room with the one who’d like to do the most harm.
Sebastian’s bright blue eyes shine with malice as he flips the light on. “Hello, wife.”